Author LifeWasted Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 Personally I see a lot of revenge talk still in your posts. Yeah. So? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Yeah. So? And once again my laptop has been baptised with green tea. You'ere going to be all right LW 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 LW, tell us about your work. Do you have any acquaintances outside this circle that could be forged into friendships disconnected from her? I am, for all intents and purposes, the shop foreman at a cabinet/millwork company. I set up the jobs, draw up the shop drawings, get those out to general contractors to review and then oversee the ordering of the materials, fabrication, assembly...basically making sure everyone is doing their job and making it all come together. Eventually I will move up into a managerial role when I buy into the company, which should happen soon. For that reason I am friendly but not friends with my workers, because I am the guy with the hiring/firing power. Its a fine line you have to walk. I am making friends with the owner/manager. He and I are starting to hang out alot, and we will eventually become partners as I buy up more and more of the company. He's ten years older than me, a widower, and we have alot in common...namely a love for golf. We have played the last two weekends together, so he and I are forging a solid friendship. I am also making friends outside that circle, slowly... I don't have alot of spare time. I'm usually at the shop close to twelve hours a day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 This is right on point. He can't really do a 180 because he is still obsessed with this woman. He has a lot of feelings for her that include anger and hurt and a strong desire to prove that she made a mistake. This reaction is so typical as to be expected. It's hard cutting the emotional ties with your SO and is much more a process then a single event. I, and others, strongly believe the best way is NO CONTACT. None. When you are ready to do this then you are ready to heal. I would say that's true. I still lust after her. I haven't gotten laid since we broke up and my man-meter is running. She's a beautiful woman...probably the prettiest lady her age within the group she hangs with. I miss her beauty, her body and her charm. I miss the companionship, crappy as it was during those final months. So yeah I'm stuck on some things. But I know I am strong enough to get past this and heal. I'm not rushing myself, and I'm not going to put myself in situations where I repetitively run into her. This barbecue I went to last weekend was the birthday party of a gall who I have become good friends with and who has been supportive of my healing. She is also friends with the xWGF, and has chastised her and refused to support her lying and bad behavior. What happened last week is not going to be a common thing. It was a one off. If and when I hang out with those guys again, it will be during situations where I know the xWGF will not be present. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 My heart goes out to you. Your strength though is an inspiration to me. If nothing else good came from it, at least know one guy respects you and has been inspired by your strength. Thank you. That means alot. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I am, for all intents and purposes, the shop foreman at a cabinet/millwork company. I set up the jobs, draw up the shop drawings, get those out to general contractors to review and then oversee the ordering of the materials, fabrication, assembly...basically making sure everyone is doing their job and making it all come together. Eventually I will move up into a managerial role when I buy into the company, which should happen soon. For that reason I am friendly but not friends with my workers, because I am the guy with the hiring/firing power. Its a fine line you have to walk. I am making friends with the owner/manager. He and I are starting to hang out alot, and we will eventually become partners as I buy up more and more of the company. He's ten years older than me, a widower, and we have alot in common...namely a love for golf. We have played the last two weekends together, so he and I are forging a solid friendship. I am also making friends outside that circle, slowly... I don't have alot of spare time. I'm usually at the shop close to twelve hours a day. It sounds like you are making your own life there separate from her there. That is a good thing. What's your handicap lol. This kind of crappy crap takes time, and it isn't linear. But it looks like you are moving forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 I don't want revenge on her. I want her to straighten the **** up. That is what I want. I want her to not continue pulling this crap on future boyfriends or anyone else. I want her to own her **** and deal with it. I want her to live her life and leave me alone. I want her to stop letting her floozy girlfriends talk her into doing destructive things. I want her to learn form this experience and understand the devastation she cause with her selfish choices. Okay...I have thought about keying her BMW, but I won't stoop that low. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 It sounds like you are making your own life there separate from her there. That is a good thing. What's your handicap lol. This kind of crappy crap takes time, and it isn't linear. But it looks like you are moving forward. About a 14 HC. Thank you for the encouragement. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I would say that's true. I still lust after her. I haven't gotten laid since we broke up and my man-meter is running. She's a beautiful woman...probably the prettiest lady her age within the group she hangs with. I miss her beauty, her body and her charm. I miss the companionship, crappy as it was during those final months. So yeah I'm stuck on some things. But I know I am strong enough to get past this and heal. I'm not rushing myself, and I'm not going to put myself in situations where I repetitively run into her. This barbecue I went to last weekend was the birthday party of a gall who I have become good friends with and who has been supportive of my healing. She is also friends with the xWGF, and has chastised her and refused to support her lying and bad behavior. What happened last week is not going to be a common thing. It was a one off. If and when I hang out with those guys again, it will be during situations where I know the xWGF will not be present. Yeah, I believe you. And your right - you are not comfortable with the "fake it 'till you make it" philosophy so you will heal at your own pace in your own way. I ask you to remember the "no contact" thing because it is the most merciful piece of advice I can give you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 Yeah, I believe you. And your right - you are not comfortable with the "fake it 'till you make it" philosophy so you will heal at your own pace in your own way. I ask you to remember the "no contact" thing because it is the most merciful piece of advice I can give you. It's good advice. Keep it coming. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) early days, if anything, while you are feeling like this, make sure the business deal is water-tight, if you two had a spat this bromance is in a sort of honeymoon-like high... seen three partnership rip-offs without even looking for them, idk... Edited April 2, 2015 by darkmoon 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I want her to straighten the **** up. That is what I want. I want her to not continue pulling this crap on future boyfriends or anyone else. I want her to own her **** and deal with it. I want her to live her life and leave me alone. I want her to stop letting her floozy girlfriends talk her into doing destructive things. I want her to learn form this experience and understand the devastation she cause with her selfish choices. Not going to happen. She's too underdeveloped emotionally and will just continue to go on this way through her life. You can't just "enlighten" people, they have to figure it out on their own but she won't because she loves everything the way it is. 'Comfort is the enemy of achievement' I also doubt that it was her friends talking her into cheating or being the person she is. Sure they support it when they meet up and talk about their APs, and how cool it all is, but ultimately it's her choice. But what do you expect from someone who puts sex with strangers over everything, even their own daughter? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 This is right on point. He can't really do a 180 because he is still obsessed with this woman. Actually, in my view he "can't" do the 180 because he's not interested in getting back with her. (the ancillary view I have is that the 180, and a lot of other "marriage recovery methods" are game-playing, anyway). He has a lot of feelings for her that include anger and hurt and a strong desire to prove that she made a mistake. This reaction is so typical as to be expected. It's hard cutting the emotional ties with your SO and is much more a process then a single event. I, and others, strongly believe the best way is NO CONTACT. None. When you are ready to do this then you are ready to heal. I agree for the most part. But playing the no contact "game" (there I go again labeling things that already have labels ! ) is supposed to be to protect his heart from further hurt. At some point, he'll probably run into her through their mutual friends, of course. So the wallpaper goal is especially important. So, when he does run into her, possibly even regularly through the friends, he's not phased by it or sucked back into her drama. One of the worst things that could happen from dwelling on the past is that future relationships might be postponed or otherwise impacted by it. On the whole, though, I think Life is handling himself admirably considering how short a time it's been. I think he'll be back in circulation before he realizes it. -10th Engineer Harrison. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I don't want revenge on her. I want her to straighten the **** up. That is what I want. I want her to not continue pulling this crap on future boyfriends or anyone else. I want her to own her **** and deal with it. I want her to live her life and leave me alone. I want her to stop letting her floozy girlfriends talk her into doing destructive things. I want her to learn form this experience and understand the devastation she cause with her selfish choices. Okay...I have thought about keying her BMW, but I won't stoop that low. This and her physical beauty that you described in a previous post tells me a lot about the kind of person she really is. Maybe next time, look for a gal with a jetta TDI wagon... ...with a manual transmission! What the hell, now I'm falling in love with my own imagination! -10th Engineer Harrison 4 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 This and her physical beauty that you described in a previous post tells me a lot about the kind of person she really is. Maybe next time, look for a gal with a jetta TDI wagon... ...with a manual transmission! What the hell, now I'm falling in love with my own imagination! -10th Engineer Harrison Lol! That's awesome! You have good taste in woman Harrison! You know what they say about a woman who can handle a stick...*cough* *wink* ...she's got a firm grip on her MANual transMISSION. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 3, 2015 Author Share Posted April 3, 2015 Lol! That's awesome! You have good taste in woman Harrison! You know what they say about a woman who can handle a stick...*cough* *wink* ...she's got a firm grip on her MANual transMISSION. I like a woman who can handle the stick. While I ride the clutch. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 I like a woman who can handle the stick. While I ride the clutch. LOL I'm not going there with this particular conversation, but I can tell you that those women do exist. I drive a Lexus 350ES as my primary car, but for a long time I have also collected Toyota Celica GT convertibles, absolutely have to be manual transmission. No other way. So fun to drive. I've had 7 so far; the current one is a 1993 red/black with 130K miles and in mint condition. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 LOL I'm not going there with this particular conversation, but I can tell you that those women do exist. I drive a Lexus 350ES as my primary car, but for a long time I have also collected Toyota Celica GT convertibles, absolutely have to be manual transmission. No other way. So fun to drive. I've had 7 so far; the current one is a 1993 red/black with 130K miles and in mint condition. Lol! I can't help myself...I have to go *there*. I've always had my hand on the stick. Driving manually is so much better than driving automatic... Now back to your regularly scheduled program... A Lexus 350ES is a nice car! Don't see a lot of convertibles in Minnesota due to the awful long winters. I mean, what would be the point? You know? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Lol! I can't help myself...I have to go *there*. I've always had my hand on the stick. Driving manually is so much better than driving automatic... Now back to your regularly scheduled program... A Lexus 350ES is a nice car! Don't see a lot of convertibles in Minnesota due to the awful long winters. I mean, what would be the point? You know? I know!!! I love love LOVE manual transmission cars but I do admit I have gotten into trouble because it's so easy to go fast. I always have to be moving; that is probably why I like to shift. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 I know!!! I love love LOVE manual transmission cars but I do admit I have gotten into trouble because it's so easy to go fast. I always have to be moving; that is probably why I like to shift. I'm the same way! I would love to someday own the Mazda3 2.5L manual hatchback. But since that day will never come (thank you student loans pfft), I'll have to settle for a used 2005 saab manual transmission (not my car but one I'd love to own since it's under $10K). Used cars are dependable the same way men with a lot of relationship experience (and heartbreak) are. New models (men with no experience) don't interest me. Give me mileage, or give me...Netflix. Ha! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 OMG... so sorry for the thread jack LifeWiser! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 OMG... so sorry for the thread jack LifeWiser! *hands thread back to Life Wiser*.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 3, 2015 Author Share Posted April 3, 2015 Not going to happen. She's too underdeveloped emotionally and will just continue to go on this way through her life. You can't just "enlighten" people, they have to figure it out on their own but she won't because she loves everything the way it is. 'Comfort is the enemy of achievement' I also doubt that it was her friends talking her into cheating or being the person she is. Sure they support it when they meet up and talk about their APs, and how cool it all is, but ultimately it's her choice. But what do you expect from someone who puts sex with strangers over everything, even their own daughter? Is it possible for a woman to behave herself all those many years, while enduring an abusive relationship, and then go bad all of a sudden? Was having a good man like me in her life the trigger to her suddenly going off the rails and becoming a cheater? How does this happen. Say she is telling the truth, that she never cheated on her ex-husband even while he was running around like a horny rooster? Could I have been a catalyst for her taking a wrong turn? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 3, 2015 Author Share Posted April 3, 2015 *hands thread back to Life Wiser*.... SAAB nerd. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 SAAB nerd. Hahaha! I've been a Toyota Gal my whole car-life. My first car was a Hyundai Precis hatchback. Then I drove a Ford Contour that turned out to be a total lemon and then it's been Toyotas ever since. SAAB nerd hopefully someday soon. Now to your recent post: Is it possible for a woman to behave herself all those many years, while enduring an abusive relationship, and then go bad all of a sudden? No. Once a cheater, always a cheater. She was that way before she met you more than likely. It's an inherent character flaw, cheating behavior. Was having a good man like me in her life the trigger to her suddenly going off the rails and becoming a cheater? She didn't become a cheater. She already was one. Your genuine, trusting nature just made it easy for her to carry on her established cheating behavior. Both you and her daughter were the victims here of her destructive, dishonest behavior. How does this happen. Like I said, cheating is not a mistake...it's a choice. It's always a choice. Say she is telling the truth, that she never cheated on her ex-husband even while he was running around like a horny rooster? If she is telling the truth, then pigs fly. How can you trust anything she tells you now? You can't. It's just that simple. She lied to you WHILE you were with her. She slept with other men while she slept with you. She employed her friends to cover for her cheating, and they lied to you knowing what she was doing the whole time behind your back. Do you really think the word "truth" exists in this woman's vocabulary? Someone needs to mail her a dictionary with that word highlighted. I think she needs to learn the definition. Could I have been a catalyst for her taking a wrong turn? Catalyst for a cheater? No. Victim of a girlfriend with no conscience and penchant for cheating? Yes. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts