She Ruined My Life, and I Let Her

[LifeWasted]

I'll just never understand it.

[writergal]

I'll just never understand it.

 

Victims of cheaters never do. And cheaters can never give an adequate explanation to their betrayed significant other, because deep down they are selfish narcissists whose only priority is themselves.

 

Betrayal of trust via cheating can never be explained. What usually follows from the cheater when confronted is poorly justified excuses, deflections, redirections, blame, projection, woe-is-me self-pity.

 

But a true admission of guilt? I'll believe it when I see it. I've been cheated on once and he never apologized to me for it. He never explained why except to say that our relationship was "bad timing." That wasn't good enough for me. That was an insult to me, because of the fact that I gave 100% of myself over to him and he cheated on me anyway.

 

I wasn't the catalyst for his cheating. He was already a cheater. He cheated on his wife before she divorced him for it. He cheated on the string of girlfriends (that included me) with the same woman he's now married to. Took me a couple of years to recover from such a betrayal, but I did.

 

My heart is open again for the right partner. I just haven't met "him" yet and not sure I ever will and my life isn't on hold for "him" either. I didn't seek revenge etc.,. I just went on with my life after I struggled to understand "why," and tried to get him back (but failed).

 

Don't torture yourself with "what if." Focus on "right now" instead.

[LifeWasted]

Victims of cheaters never do. And cheaters can never give an adequate explanation to their betrayed significant other, because deep down they are selfish narcissists whose only priority is themselves.

 

Betrayal of trust via cheating can never be explained. What usually follows from the cheater when confronted is poorly justified excuses, deflections, redirections, blame, projection, woe-is-me self-pity.

 

But a true admission of guilt? I'll believe it when I see it. I've been cheated on once and he never apologized to me for it. He never explained why except to say that our relationship was "bad timing." That wasn't good enough for me. That was an insult to me, because of the fact that I gave 100% of myself over to him and he cheated on me anyway.

 

I wasn't the catalyst for his cheating. He was already a cheater. He cheated on his wife before she divorced him for it. He cheated on the string of girlfriends (that included me) with the same woman he's now married to. Took me a couple of years to recover from such a betrayal, but I did.

 

My heart is open again for the right partner. I just haven't met "him" yet and not sure I ever will and my life isn't on hold for "him" either. I didn't seek revenge etc.,. I just went on with my life after I struggled to understand "why," and tried to get him back (but failed).

 

Don't torture yourself with "what if." Focus on "right now" instead.

 

I struggled with this question after I divorced my ex wife for her cheating. I guess I'm just wired different than most.

 

I do know that if I ever confirm that one of my buddies is cheating on his wife, I'll tell her. And vice versa. I won't knowing let a friend be victimized.

[I_Give_Up67]

LW- I commend you for having the guts to come here seeking help with tough situation.

 

Having the strength to put up with our sometimes very blunt assessments of how we view your situation.

 

But you can will make it through this with your self respect intact. For a man that had his whole life rearranged in an instant,

 

 

I think you doing remarkably well all things considered. Please hang in there, it will get easier!

[writergal]

I struggled with this question after I divorced my ex wife for her cheating. I guess I'm just wired different than most.

 

I do know that if I ever confirm that one of my buddies is cheating on his wife, I'll tell her. And vice versa. I won't knowing let a friend be victimized.

 

I understand that you struggled with that "why" question before with your ex-wife. But even if you had the answer, would that change the way you feel about being lied to, and betrayed?

 

As you know, there is never a good answer to explain why a cheater cheats. Even the relationship experts can hypothesize and formulate theories as to why. But only the cheaters know why they cheat, and most of the time they are in such denial, they can't even face themselves with the real reason why they cheat on a loved one.

 

Count yourself lucky that you're among the few who are wired differently in that you are not the cheating kind.

 

I know that if any of my friends' spouses ever cheated on them, I'd tell my friends so that they knew. I'd rather tell the truth then not. A clear conscience is the softest pillow. I'd rather be able to sleep at night, knowing I told the truth, then betrayed a friend out of fear. Fear is the betrayer. Fear is always the betrayer.

[No Limit]

Is it possible for a woman to behave herself all those many years, while enduring an abusive relationship, and then go bad all of a sudden?

 

Was having a good man like me in her life the trigger to her suddenly going off the rails and becoming a cheater? How does this happen. Say she is telling the truth, that she never cheated on her ex-husband even while he was running around like a horny rooster? Could I have been a catalyst for her taking a wrong turn?

 

I may be less than half of age than the average poster here but I don't think you need much life experience to know that people rarely change. I don't believe that her husband was abusive - of course a cheater isn't going to be fond of a husband that isn't naive and snoops through her stuff in a desperate search for closure on what's going on; just look at bamawsp's threads how his wife goes nuts because he dared to stand up for himself - and I doubt even more that a 'good guy' has any influence on that kind of people, much less long-term influence (well in your case you have probably left your 'prints' on the house, but let's just focus on her personality).

 

I've only heard of "bad people" influencing others. In a different forum a guy wrote how he cheated on his GF, she proceeded to cheat on her next three BFs. Or look at BlackHat's thread in this forum, he got cheated on and then proceeded to cheat for the rest of his entire life - so if your exes' story is true she probably is just nuts and doesn't know what a relationship really is like (which does NOT mean that you should go and sacrifice yourself for the little hope that she might change in a few decades).

 

Creation has only one way, destruction far more. And it certainly isn't always easy to be a good person. And some people don't believe in honesty at all like your ex - you cannot understand that type, no matter how hard you might try.

Edited April 3, 2015 by No Limit

[fellini]

I'll just never understand it.

 

Victims of cheaters never do.

 

I've been cheated on once and he never apologized to me for it. He never explained why except to say that our relationship was "bad timing." That wasn't good enough for me. That was an insult to me, because of the fact that I gave 100% of myself over to him and he cheated on me anyway.

 

I wasn't the catalyst for his cheating. He was already a cheater. He cheated on his wife before she divorced him for it. He cheated on the string of girlfriends (that included me) with the same woman he's now married to.

 

There a bit of a heuristic issue to respond to someone who says "ill never understand it" with "Victims never do", and then mention you too are a victim, and proceed to explain in enormous detail what you understand... but anyway.

 

Coming where you are from I can understand your thinking that cheaters are not made, they are born.

 

But i have to disagree with that 100%. I don't know what it is about LS that people believe their individual unique stories are universal truths for everyone, but there we have it.

 

There are many, many, many many stories of infidelity in which it is clear, clear as rain, that the BS stepped out of the marriage during the latter years of their life for the very first time. That the thought of cheating was abhorrent to them prior to doing so. Yes these people do exist. These stories are very real. In fact, if one were to read the confessions of the infamous BlackHat carefully you will see he clearly distinguishes between himself: a narcissitic (which he wont admit of course) serial cheater (which he fully gloats about) and those affairs he calls betrayal infidelities.

EVERYTHING he writes might very well be true for his area of expertise: the absolute remorseless serial cheat. But NOT for people who have lived many years without the slightest crossing of a boundary, and suddenly found themselves in a full blown EA/PA. And there is very good reason not to confuse them because they have zero to do with one another in terms of the point of remorse and reconciliation.

 

 

What some BF did to you and 10 other woman and the reasons for doing it might have zero to do with this man's XGF.

Saying that it is so is not only inaccurate, but might make him extremely reluctant to engage in a relationship with someone new, as you yourself have claimed is your current situation.

He might very well find a good woman who has never ever cheated. And she might cheat. That is the risk we all take. Everyone knows this.

 

That he is the catalyst for her infidelity I am never going to even entertain. She owns that. But the reason might never be that she is a serial cheater and cheated in the past. I dont doubt that all hardcore narcissists are or eventually become cheaters. But not all cheaters are hardcore narcissists.

 

To hold the view that cheaters are cheaters years before they even meet their spouses is clearly unsupported, and frankly a little harsh on those who have worked through reconciliation and found enormous peace and feel they have done the right thing.

 

For you I suppose it's just a matter of time. How much time? How many years does a cheater have to be clean before you admit that perhaps your theory is distorted, not the cheater?

The answer is irrelevant, because you do not believe or know. Each of us makes that decision based on the specific issues we face in the discovery of our unfaithful spouses/partners. There is no formula.

Never has, never will.

 

There seems to be some strange issues developing in this thread. The OP walked upon confirming the infidelity of his WS. This we call the deal breaker solution. For him, it was a deal breaker. So for a deal breaker, although it might be interesting to entertain they why's, seek improvement in the wayward, want her to improve herself etc. The fact is a dealbreaker is a dealbreaker.

 

Infidelity was a dealbreaker for me too. Until it happened with the woman I am presently married to. For her, I am giving a second chance. The why's the hows the internal issues, all these are relevant to me. Relevant because I must learn to accept or live with them every day we stay married.

 

Some observations. The letter sent to this OP. For some people this letter is the nail which proves the WGF is wrong. Of course she is wrong, she has no business blameshifting her affair onto him, her previous husband, her daughter or the price of tea in china. But that she has NOT DONE SO DOES NOT prove he was "right" to dump her. It only proves she has not done her work.

 

Probably any BS who has chosen the route to reconciliation will tell you that, in a nutshell, a WS is not going to tell you the true reasons for cheating the first time you ask. It's just the way it is. So why should she be any different? Before you blow up at me, I am NOT excusing her behaviour, nor am I condoning her lying, or her letter. I am merely saying I see her letter, as a reconciling BS is a cliche. It's totally predictable. It is what WS's do: even serial cheats will try it. And only if one chooses to stay on and work through this phase can one get to, if ever, a place of truth that actually feels right. Some, unfortunately never get there. Some get there rather quickly. Some don't bother or care to try. All fair.

 

Lifewasted was right to dump her for the one reason: her infidelity was a deal breaker.

 

IN the same way that the fallout of their relationship is in the beginning phase of recovery (of himself as a betrayed BF) SHE TOO is in the same situation. She is the victim of her own undoing and as such is playing out precisely how many WS's play out their hand: trying to find excuses for her behaviour and at the same time "win" him back. It seldom works, because, in fact, the letter is inauthentic, except perhaps the desire to repair. The rest is trash.

 

It's quite simple for LIFEWASTED: She is in no position to explain properly, not through a letter, sobbing or other means, this infidelity. SHE HAS NOT DONE THE WORK.

He is still hurting. So is she. Obviously, regardless of fault. They are both hurting. But the source of the pain is very different.

 

Had infidelity NOT been a deal breaker for him, as it was not for me in my present state, her letter is NO DIFFERENT than what my WW did to me: attempt to rugsweep, attempt to blameshift. First her excuse was the cliche "not getting my needs met". Took me about 6 weeks to unravel that one. Then some other external issue was blamed. Depression was blamed. Finally, after more work was done, we got to where we needed to be: owning choices and facing consequences. (There is really no point in doing this work with a serial cheater of course)

These are strategies of recovery from infidelity that any couple who chooses to seek reconciliation must live with. Just as any scorned BF must process the loss of a lover through no fault of his own.

 

In the end, the only possibility was for this woman to face her own demons. This is now up to her to do alone. Her ex BF, the OP is not going to be there with her to do it. That was his choice. If he felt that her infidelity was a deal breaker, great, I wish him well and acknowledge that he has some processing to do before he sees her as wallpaper.

 

But I did not want to look at my present wife as wallpaper. I loved her deeply, had a child with her who is more important to me than life itself, and cherish the way the 3 of us are when we are good and together. I did not see her infidelity as a deal breaker. And had I ended our marriage, as I would have done in previous relationships, I would have regretted it enormously. It would have been an inauthentic response. For that reason I gave US 3 months before making a decision. Then 3 more. I do have a deal breaker mentality still. Now because of her infidelity, the line is much worse for us. I will not stay with her if certain lines are crossed, and those lines do not involve an EA or PA, they are well before that. And those lines are our lines, based on what we have agreed were the issues which allowed her to make the choices she has. Not a list lines from a book about affair recovery.

 

I say this because as I read his posts I am constantly being struck with messages , yet, although it may be too soon to be certain, that this whole thing might have played out differently.

For this I have claimed elsewhere that marriage is a perverse example of Schrödinger's cat. As is life.

 

His previous bout with infidelity has clearly affected his vision. Just as writergal seems to believe her narcisstic self absorbed serial cheating ex lover is the baseline of all cheaters. We are conditioned, in part, by our experiences, and these become the scripts through which we later get to play out our roles and improvise. I hope that OP finds peace with his life, and I have no doubt he will.

 

Will he later regret how he played out this one? That's for him to think about. Will he be a happy man. Of this, anyone here can see without a doubt that he is a fighter, a survivor, and a realist. His happiness is almost assured.

Edited April 3, 2015 by fellini

[writergal]

Ah, fellini. Will you and I ever see eye to eye here on LoveShack? Maybe someday...

 

I never understood why my ex-BF cheated on me, why are you criticizing me for that exactly? That makes zero sense. What's heuristic about pointing out that we can't be satisfied with cheaters excuses because those excuses aren't genuine based on the fact that they cheated which is not genuine? Pot calleth thy kettle black? I mean, you write the exact same thing. Yet you call me a hypocrite? Uh-huh. Ok. I essentially said that we can't be satisfied with cheaters' explanations because those explanations are't genuine. You called them inauthentic. Inauthentic and not genuine (disingenuous) is the exact same thing.

 

And I never said that cheaters are made, not born. I think that's what you believe about your own wife cheating on you because you never saw it coming? Perhaps? Or did I misinterpret your post? Just because a cheater lies dormant for years, doesn't mean they're technically not a born cheater. I think people either are born to cheat, or aren't. There's no in-between.

 

Why don't you believe that all cheaters aren't hardcore narcissists? It takes someone extremely self-centered to cheat on their partner. You don't think someone isn't a narcissist, who only thinks about himself/herself when they cheat? Please explain why you don't think all cheaters aren't narcissists.

 

But, I do agree with you on one point from your post: that people's experience with cheaters are their baseline for future relationships where worry about being cheated on again is concerned. That is a reasonable statement, because it's true. Why wouldn't a previous experience with cheating, inform someone's future beliefs about cheating partners?

 

There a bit of a heuristic issue to respond to someone who says "ill never understand it" with "Victims never do", and then mention you too are a victim, and proceed to explain in enormous detail what you understand... but anyway.

 

Coming where you are from I can understand your thinking that cheaters are not made, they are born.

 

But i have to disagree with that 100%. I don't know what it is about LS that people believe their individual unique stories are universal truths for everyone, but there we have it.

 

There are many, many, many many stories of infidelity in which it is clear, clear as rain, that the BS stepped out of the marriage during the latter years of their life for the very first time. That the thought of cheating was abhorrent to them prior to doing so. Yes these people do exist. These stories are very real. In fact, if one were to read the confessions of the infamous BlackHat carefully you will see he clearly distinguishes between himself: a narcissitic (which he wont admit of course) serial cheater (which he fully gloats about) and those affairs he calls betrayal infidelities.

EVERYTHING he writes might very well be true for his area of expertise: the absolute remorseless serial cheat. But NOT for people who have lived many years without the slightest crossing of a boundary, and suddenly found themselves in a full blown EA/PA. And there is very good reason not to confuse them because they have zero to do with one another in terms of the point of remorse and reconciliation.

 

 

What some BF did to you and 10 other woman and the reasons for doing it might have zero to do with this man's XGF.

Saying that it is so is not only inaccurate, but might make him extremely reluctant to engage in a relationship with someone new, as you yourself have claimed is your current situation.

He might very well find a good woman who has never ever cheated. And she might cheat. That is the risk we all take. Everyone knows this.

 

That he is the catalyst for her infidelity I am never going to even entertain. She owns that. But the reason might never be that she is a serial cheater and cheated in the past. I dont doubt that all hardcore narcissists are or eventually become cheaters. But not all cheaters are hardcore narcissists.

 

To hold the view that cheaters are cheaters years before they even meet their spouses is clearly unsupported, and frankly a little harsh on those who have worked through reconciliation and found enormous peace and feel they have done the right thing.

 

For you I suppose it's just a matter of time. How much time? How many years does a cheater have to be clean before you admit that perhaps your theory is distorted, not the cheater?

The answer is irrelevant, because you do not believe or know. Each of us makes that decision based on the specific issues we face in the discovery of our unfaithful spouses/partners. There is no formula.

Never has, never will.

 

There seems to be some strange issues developing in this thread. The OP walked upon confirming the infidelity of his WS. This we call the deal breaker solution. For him, it was a deal breaker. So for a deal breaker, although it might be interesting to entertain they why's, seek improvement in the wayward, want her to improve herself etc. The fact is a dealbreaker is a dealbreaker.

 

Infidelity was a dealbreaker for me too. Until it happened with the woman I am presently married to. For her, I am giving a second chance. The why's the hows the internal issues, all these are relevant to me. Relevant because I must learn to accept or live with them every day we stay married.

 

Some observations. The letter sent to this OP. For some people this letter is the nail which proves the WGF is wrong. Of course she is wrong, she has no business blameshifting her affair onto him, her previous husband, her daughter or the price of tea in china. But that she has NOT DONE SO DOES NOT prove he was "right" to dump her. It only proves she has not done her work.

 

Probably any BS who has chosen the route to reconciliation will tell you that, in a nutshell, a WS is not going to tell you the true reasons for cheating the first time you ask. It's just the way it is. So why should she be any different? Before you blow up at me, I am NOT excusing her behaviour, nor am I condoning her lying, or her letter. I am merely saying I see her letter, as a reconciling BS is a cliche. It's totally predictable. It is what WS's do: even serial cheats will try it. And only if one chooses to stay on and work through this phase can one get to, if ever, a place of truth that actually feels right. Some, unfortunately never get there. Some get there rather quickly. Some don't bother or care to try. All fair.

 

Lifewasted was right to dump her for the one reason: her infidelity was a deal breaker.

 

IN the same way that the fallout of their relationship is in the beginning phase of recovery (of himself as a betrayed BF) SHE TOO is in the same situation. She is the victim of her own undoing and as such is playing out precisely how many WS's play out their hand: trying to find excuses for her behaviour and at the same time "win" him back. It seldom works, because, in fact, the letter is inauthentic, except perhaps the desire to repair. The rest is trash.

 

It's quite simple for LIFEWASTED: She is in no position to explain properly, not through a letter, sobbing or other means, this infidelity. SHE HAS NOT DONE THE WORK.

He is still hurting. So is she. Obviously, regardless of fault. They are both hurting. But the source of the pain is very different.

 

Had infidelity NOT been a deal breaker for him, as it was not for me in my present state, her letter is NO DIFFERENT than what my WW did to me: attempt to rugsweep, attempt to blameshift. First her excuse was the cliche "not getting my needs met". Took me about 6 weeks to unravel that one. Then some other external issue was blamed. Depression was blamed. Finally, after more work was done, we got to where we needed to be: owning choices and facing consequences. (There is really no point in doing this work with a serial cheater of course)

These are strategies of recovery from infidelity that any couple who chooses to seek reconciliation must live with. Just as any scorned BF must process the loss of a lover through no fault of his own.

 

In the end, the only possibility was for this woman to face her own demons. This is now up to her to do alone. Her ex BF, the OP is not going to be there with her to do it. That was his choice. If he felt that her infidelity was a deal breaker, great, I wish him well and acknowledge that he has some processing to do before he sees her as wallpaper.

 

But I did not want to look at my present wife as wallpaper. I loved her deeply, had a child with her who is more important to me than life itself, and cherish the way the 3 of us are when we are good and together. I did not see her infidelity as a deal breaker. And had I ended our marriage, as I would have done in previous relationships, I would have regretted it enormously. It would have been an inauthentic response. For that reason I gave US 3 months before making a decision. Then 3 more. I do have a deal breaker mentality still. Now because of her infidelity, the line is much worse for us. I will not stay with her if certain lines are crossed, and those lines do not involve an EA or PA, they are well before that. And those lines are our lines, based on what we have agreed were the issues which allowed her to make the choices she has. Not a list lines from a book about affair recovery.

 

I say this because as I read his posts I am constantly being struck with messages , yet, although it may be too soon to be certain, that this whole thing might have played out differently.

For this I have claimed elsewhere that marriage is a perverse example of Schrödinger's cat. As is life.

 

His previous bout with infidelity has clearly affected his vision. Just as writergal seems to believe her narcisstic self absorbed serial cheating ex lover is the baseline of all cheaters. We are conditioned, in part, by our experiences, and these become the scripts through which we later get to play out our roles and improvise. I hope that OP finds peace with his life, and I have no doubt he will.

 

Will he later regret how he played out this one? That's for him to think about. Will he be a happy man. Of this, anyone here can see without a doubt that he is a fighter, a survivor, and a realist. His happiness is almost assured.

[road]

I'll just never understand it.

 

 

I'm the same way too. Women, talkin' about cars, as if they knew what the were talkin' about.

 

 

The fall and decline of western civilization.

Edited April 3, 2015 by road

[fellini]

!8I cannot see eye to eye with someone who misquote me and invents.

 

I said, for example: coming from your example I can understand your thinking that cheaters are not made, they are born. We agree on that surely. That's how you see it.

 

Well I do not think this is true and in spite of my own experience with infidelity I would feel the same. I do not believe that either Mrs. J or Mr. J Adams are hardcore narcissists. I do not believe that the infamous Sophie is a hardcore narcissist.

 

We all have narcissitic tendencies to some degree. But most of us would score low on the NPD test if we were to take it, respond authentically, and if it were an accurate measure of Narcissism.

 

It's going to take a lot more than infidelity to separate predominantely lowlevel narcissists from typical narcissists from incurable ones. And certainly impossible for anyone here to measure the OP'S wxgf based entirely on his selective testimony.

 

That you think I called you ingenuous is incomprehensible. I think you need to read my posts with less animosity and a more open mind, because I have criticised you for nothing that I am aware of. I use the word authentic in many of my posts and never to transmit that people are lying to this thread. Always its authenticity in terms of the internal dialogue we have with ourselves, because if infidelity has taught me an important life lesson it is to do with self deception and how easy it is. Authenticity is for me the absence of self deception. This is how I use it and how I hope people read my posts.

 

But in the end, the cold truth is that I can never see eye to eye with someone whose discourse emerges from the basic principle that all cheaters are born cheaters.

 

I happen to believe that there are other equally valid positions, and one of those is that infidelity can happen in a moment of someone's life, catch them off guard and take them to a place they never imagined. Those who see this, and who have spouses who can handle this, have a chance to recover something, or build something new.

 

If all cheaters were hardcore narcissists then the only solution would be to run as far and fast as possible.

 

IS the OP's exgf a hardcore narcissist? Was her infidelity possibly a one off? it doesn't matter now because he has written her off the ticket. And as long as he is on the outside looking in and she is on the inside trying to get him back in nothing she has to say currently is going to work because she is being inauthentic. When she finally starts to fix herself, to do the work, be authentic and live by a single stable set of values, on that day, she might even ask him for a coffee and apologize and explain what she has learned. But not to reel him back in, but because she GETS IT.

 

I believe that people can change. I believe that people can rehabilitate, I believe that people can wake up.

 

Doing so makes me enjoy this life more than if I were to spend my life thinking our paths were carved by the stars the day we were born.

 

So I value the work done by the John Adams but I think there is absolutely no hope for people like BlackHat. Hope isn't even in his vocabulary. Maybe one day he will wake up. Thing is he thinks he is the only person here truly awake.

 

 

Ah, fellini. Will you and I ever see eye to eye here on LoveShack? Maybe someday...

 

I never understood why my ex-BF cheated on me, why are you criticizing me for that exactly? That makes zero sense. What's heuristic about pointing out that we can't be satisfied with cheaters excuses because those excuses aren't genuine based on the fact that they cheated which is not genuine? Pot calleth thy kettle black? I mean, you write the exact same thing. Yet you call me a hypocrite? Uh-huh. Ok. I essentially said that we can't be satisfied with cheaters' explanations because those explanations are't genuine. You called them inauthentic. Inauthentic and not genuine (disingenuous) is the exact same thing.

 

And I never said that cheaters are made, not born. I think that's what you believe about your own wife cheating on you because you never saw it coming? Perhaps? Or did I misinterpret your post? Just because a cheater lies dormant for years, doesn't mean they're technically not a born cheater. I think people either are born to cheat, or aren't. There's no in-between.

 

Why don't you believe that all cheaters aren't hardcore narcissists? It takes someone extremely self-centered to cheat on their partner. You don't think someone isn't a narcissist, who only thinks about himself/herself when they cheat? Please explain why you don't think all cheaters aren't narcissists.

 

But, I do agree with you on one point from your post: that people's experience with cheaters are their baseline for future relationships where worry about being cheated on again is concerned. That is a reasonable statement, because it's true. Why wouldn't a previous experience with cheating, inform someone's future beliefs about cheating partners?

Edited April 3, 2015 by fellini

[LifeWasted]

Fellini, I have not agreed with one single post you have made, but please keep posting. I need to hear from both sides.

[LifeWasted]

I don't see things in shades of grey. I'm a black and white thinker. Wrong vs Right, Up vs Down.

 

When left her I told my xWGF that there are two kinds of people in this world. Assets and Liabilities. A person either chooses to be an asset to his/her family, friends, employer and community or they don't. If they cannot be an asset, then they are a liability. I told her that when she and I were first dating she was an asset to my life...a very treasured asset, but that she later chose to no longer be one. She was a liability now and I was getting rid of her. Boy did that ever piss her off.

[LifeWasted]

I find writing here to be very cathartic and healing. It gives me a place to focus my thoughts during my breaks at work. But if you guys are tired of me and my whining please let me know, and I will bail out.

[GorillaTheater]

I find writing here to be very cathartic and healing. It gives me a place to focus my thoughts during my breaks at work. But if you guys are tired of me and my whining please let me know, and I will bail out.

 

Hell no, pal. I think they ought to pin your thread or make it a "stickie" or whatever the hell it's called.

 

A very instructive thread about a man who was handed lemons by somebody and took them, and squirted lemon juice into that person's eyes.

 

No, seriously, this thread is about how a person of strength and integrity deals with a crap situation. We need more of them.

[LifeWasted]

Hell no, pal. I think they ought to pin your thread or make it a "stickie" or whatever the hell it's called.

 

A very instructive thread about a man who was handed lemons by somebody and took them, and squirted lemon juice into that person's eyes.

 

No, seriously, this thread is about how a person of strength and integrity deals with a crap situation. We need more of them.

 

Well thank you. I don't feel strong. I'm a strong man physically and I'm a hard worker, but when it comes to women I get confused easily. I have never been able to read women or understand how they tick. I'm reading Married Man's Sex Life Primer and it is very interesting. I just started reading it, but so far it has woken me up to some foolish preconceptions. I can already see things I have done wrong and missed when it has come to dealing with the women in my life.

 

From that movie Jeremiah Johnson:

 

"Full time night woman? I never could find no tracks on a woman's heart. I packed me a squaw for ten year, Pilgrim. Cheyenne, she were, and the meanest bitch that ever balled for beads. I lodge-poled her at Deadwood Creek, and traded her for a Hawken gun. But don't get me wrong; I loves the womens, I surely do. But I swear, a woman's breast is the hardest rock that the Almighty ever made on this earth, and I can find no sign on it."

 

That ^^^^^ is me.

[lgspot]

I find writing here to be very cathartic and healing. It gives me a place to focus my thoughts during my breaks at work. But if you guys are tired of me and my whining please let me know, and I will bail out.

 

Hell no, pal.

 

No, seriously, this thread is about how a person of strength and integrity deals with a crap situation. We need more of them.

Happy belated Birthday LW!!!!

STAY... You are an asset!

[GorillaTheater]

Reminds me of another movie quote, this one from "knight's Tale"

 

Wat: I don't understand women.

 

Chaucer: Nor do I. But they understand us.

 

About as true, I guess. I've been married for 31 years, and am still trying to figure out what makes my wife tick. I'm thinking that some mysteries aren't meant to be solved. But it can be fun trying.

[LifeWasted]

Reminds me of another movie quote, this one from "knight's Tale"

 

Wat: I don't understand women.

 

Chaucer: Nor do I. But they understand us.

 

About as true, I guess. I've been married for 31 years, and am still trying to figure out what makes my wife tick. I'm thinking that some mysteries aren't meant to be solved. But it can be fun trying.

 

But it can be fun trying....

 

I can think of a lot of things that are more fun. Like golf.

[10thengineerharrison]

I know!!! I love love LOVE manual transmission cars but I do admit I have gotten into trouble because it's so easy to go fast.

 

I've seldom had this problem. But then, my newest manual transmission is in a 55 year old VW pickup! (and my oldest is in an 86 year old Model A. Ever learned to double clutch? Ever even heard of it?)

 

I always have to be moving; that is probably why I like to shift.

 

Me too.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

[GorillaTheater]

I've seldom had this problem. But then, my newest manual transmission is in a 55 year old VW pickup! (and my oldest is in an 86 year old Model A. Ever learned to double clutch? Ever even heard of it?)

 

 

 

Me too.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

 

A subject near and dear to my heart. I haven't owned anything but a manual since I was a kid, excluding my wife's cars. I've taught my kids to drive a stick, but it seems to be a dying art. They're getting harder and harder to find, at least in the States, except for high-end and low-end vehicles.

 

I don't feel like I'm really driving unless I'm running through the gears.

[LifeWasted]

I've seldom had this problem. But then, my newest manual transmission is in a 55 year old VW pickup! (and my oldest is in an 86 year old Model A. Ever learned to double clutch? Ever even heard of it?)

 

 

 

Me too.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

 

I had a '58 Chevy Apache step-side truck. It had the old 3 on the Tree shifter. remember those?

 

It also had no power steering. So as a 16 year old I developed massive biceps just steering that beast AND shifting off the column at the same time.

 

I put a little Chevy small block V-8 in it. But I left the original tranny in it so it was not particularly fast, but it sounded awesome with glass packs.

[autumnnight]

But it can be fun trying....

 

I can think of a lot of things that are more fun. Like golf.

 

Just avoid the sand traps

[10thengineerharrison]

I had a '58 Chevy Apache step-side truck. It had the old 3 on the Tree shifter. remember those?

 

I helped a friend repaint an old Borgward wagon that had 4 on the tree! That took some getting used to.

 

Automatics are "girl's cars"

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

[10thengineerharrison]

Movie quotes. Ever see "The Gods Must be Crazy"?

 

Steyn: How come suddenly you're an expert on women?

Mpudi: I got seven wives. How many you got?

Steyn: So why aren't you at home with your seven wives?

Mpudi: I know how to marry them. Nobody knows how to live with them.

Steyn: So, what did you marry them for?

Mpudi: Someday I have to tell you the facts of life...

 

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

[fellini]

Fair enough, but what are the two sides?

 

Fellini, I have not agreed with one single post you have made, but please keep posting. I need to hear from both sides.