Author LifeWasted Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 Thank you Hope. I was never offended. I'm just down in the dumps. I'll pull out of it.
Hope Shimmers Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Thank you Hope. I was never offended. I'm just down in the dumps. I'll pull out of it. No, you weren't offended. You were gracious. Which goes to your character. I'm sorry you are down. I won't pretend to understand, but I hope you will continue to remember all that you have going for you.
Author LifeWasted Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) She's stalking me. I was driving back from the supermarket and saw her following me about three cars back. I made sure not to drive back to my apartment. I drove to a warehouse part of town and sure enough she was behind me about a quarter mile all the way. I eventually lost her by driving fast and ducking off side streets and alleys. Man this is freaking me out. I can only guess she spotted me and was going to follow me to see where I am living. I don't get it. She has a young boy-toy to keep her satisfied. Why all the interest in boring old me? Edited March 21, 2015 by LifeWasted
cgiles Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I'm thinking about seeing some kind of therapist to figure out why I pick these ringers. Anybody have a suggestion? You should get "no more mr nice guy" by robert glover. It's often adviced for men being cheated by a different partner. Don't judge it by its cover or title, just read it. Personnaly I don't think you are a "typical" nice guy, but maybe you have some characteristic of them. https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf About the stalking part, well either she wants what she can't have, or the reality sinked in, and she found out toyboy will not play daddy, and she loses a lot by doing the upgrade... 2
Hope Shimmers Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Probably reality has sunk in. She never expected you to leave. If you are both living in the same (relatively small, I assume) town, she will likely found out where you live eventually. 1
Author LifeWasted Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 Yeah it's inevitable I guess. Just creepy. I'll order Nice Guy and read it. I hate reading. It's boring.
writergal Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Yeah it's inevitable I guess. Just creepy. I'll order Nice Guy and read it. I hate reading. It's boring. Do you have a smartphone? A computer with internet access? Then you can download podcasts that address what you're going through. Despite my book collection, my guilty pleasure is listening to podcasts of different sorts. If you don't like to read, then try listening to podcasts. 3
Mazerati Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 She's stalking me. I was driving back from the supermarket and saw her following me about three cars back. I made sure not to drive back to my apartment. I drove to a warehouse part of town and sure enough she was behind me about a quarter mile all the way. I eventually lost her by driving fast and ducking off side streets and alleys. Man this is freaking me out. I can only guess she spotted me and was going to follow me to see where I am living. I don't get it. She has a young boy-toy to keep her satisfied. Why all the interest in boring old me? First my apologies for the levity. I realize this is serious. But, the first thing that popped in my head was, "S**t, she still needs you to finish her house." Again my apologies. Maz 4
No Limit Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 She's stalking me. I was driving back from the supermarket and saw her following me about three cars back. I made sure not to drive back to my apartment. I drove to a warehouse part of town and sure enough she was behind me about a quarter mile all the way. I eventually lost her by driving fast and ducking off side streets and alleys. Man this is freaking me out. I can only guess she spotted me and was going to follow me to see where I am living. I don't get it. She has a young boy-toy to keep her satisfied. Why all the interest in boring old me? If your car is parked outside she'll find your apartment eventually. Well, sounds like your ex was the more-crazy-than-usual-type. Alternatively, you could also buy GTA and test a few escape maneuvers there. Or employ a doppelganger to distract her. But one thing's certain; if you ever buy that big house she's been looking at from afar, be sure to get a few good guard dogs. Two doberman dogs should keep her from climbing the fence. Restraining orders are also a good idea in case she goes from following you around to continuously visiting your place unannounced. 3
Author LifeWasted Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 I gave her an easy out. I let her have her freedom. This isn't funny. I just want the bitch to leave me alone.
writergal Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Come on guys. This isn't funny. I don't understand why she would do that. I would, never stalk an ex GF. She's got to be nuts. LifeWasted, I would just disregard people's pithy and off-the-cuff advice to you as to how to respond to your ex following you today. Do nothing. That is the best way to respond to her behavior. Unless it escalates to the point where her presence in your life interferes with your ability to work and to live peacefully, just leave her alone. The only scenario I can think of that is relevant to your situation is when my cousin separated from his wife of 2 years after she basically had a mental breakdown in their small 1 bedroom apartment. He married her knowing that she had a long history of mental illness problems, because he's empathetic and trusting. When they were first married, they were both thriving artists with steady incomes and a thriving social life. Fast forward two years, and my cousin had to take on odd jobs like delivering pizzas, doing janitorial work to make ends meet because his wife stopped working her full-time art job to create art. But the problem was, she wasn't creating art, she was cheating on my cousin, and taking drugs. Once he found this out, instead of immediately threatening her with divorce, he begged her to give up the man she was cheating on my cousin with and go to marriage counseling. She agreed to attend marriage counseling, but she continued to cheat on him, and not work to make income to help support my cousin. Eventually, they lost their apartment because they couldn't pay rent. My cousin walked in on his wife with her lover, the lover she had promised to give up. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for my cousin finally. His wife's behavior caused an eviction, ruined his credit, and after he moved back in with his parents, she stalked him there at their house, showed up at his odd jobs, and randomly showed up at people's houses where he was visiting. She would call his cell phone with a blocked phone number, and call his odd jobs, and call his parents phone number. She would send him threatening emails and texts; she threatened to commit suicide if my cousin didn't take her back. She went off her bipolar medication during their marriage, which we all think precipitated her unstable behavior. But, her constant harassment on social media, in person and on the phone took a toll on my cousin's mental health. He went on medication, saw a therapist, filed a restraining order, and filed for divorce which took his wife 3 years to sign because for 1.5 of those years, her family had her locked up in a mental hospital. By the time she was released, my cousin was working a full-time arts related job, doing his art again, and living in his own apartment with an unlisted address and phone number. His circle of friends and his family circled around him to protect him from her finding him. Eventually, my cousin's lawyer found her and forced her to sign the divorce papers via her family. It took a total of 5 years for her to be wiped out of my cousin's life; photos, documents, stalkings, social media threats. And five years ago my cousin remarried a businesswoman he met online and they have a beautiful 2 year old child now and live in a beautiful house and are very happy and healthy. The point of my story, LifeWasted, is that I watched my cousin go through Hell and come out the other side, emotionally scarred from the experience, but he healed and didn't let it destroy the quality of his life. He gave his life a 100% makeover, found the artist inside himself again so he could create, and feel grounded and safe again. If my cousin can survive that, then I am confident that you will survive your ordeal with your ex-girlfriend. 7
Hope Shimmers Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 No, there's nothing funny about being stalked. How are you doing tonight, LW? (sorry, but I refuse to call you LifeWasted) 3
No Limit Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I gave her an easy out. I let her have her freedom. This isn't funny. I just want the bitch to leave me alone. Well, she wants her freedom AND you. I know being stalked is worrying at best, but like writergal already wrote don't let this get to you. She probably just hasn't accepted it that it's over and believes if she keeps going she might "win you back". 3
Buckeye2 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 (edited) You’re a nice guy. Nice guys are attractive because they offer companionship, stability and security. Bad boys are attractive because they offer naughty excitement. In an affair you can have both (cake eating). Wayward spouses hope to maintain this ideal situation. If their “nice guy” catches them they think they can keep him by crying and saying all the right things. After all he’s a nice guy so it’s more likely to work. Your actions made her realize that she couldn’t have both you and the OM. They also made you very manly and attractive. She’s following you because you never gave her a chance to work her magic on you . Edited March 22, 2015 by Buckeye2 5
turnera Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 You can probably download NMMNG as a books on tape and listen to it. 1
Author LifeWasted Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 LifeWasted, I would just disregard people's pithy and off-the-cuff advice to you as to how to respond to your ex following you today. Do nothing. That is the best way to respond to her behavior. Unless it escalates to the point where her presence in your life interferes with your ability to work and to live peacefully, just leave her alone. The only scenario I can think of that is relevant to your situation is when my cousin separated from his wife of 2 years after she basically had a mental breakdown in their small 1 bedroom apartment. He married her knowing that she had a long history of mental illness problems, because he's empathetic and trusting. When they were first married, they were both thriving artists with steady incomes and a thriving social life. Fast forward two years, and my cousin had to take on odd jobs like delivering pizzas, doing janitorial work to make ends meet because his wife stopped working her full-time art job to create art. But the problem was, she wasn't creating art, she was cheating on my cousin, and taking drugs. Once he found this out, instead of immediately threatening her with divorce, he begged her to give up the man she was cheating on my cousin with and go to marriage counseling. She agreed to attend marriage counseling, but she continued to cheat on him, and not work to make income to help support my cousin. Eventually, they lost their apartment because they couldn't pay rent. My cousin walked in on his wife with her lover, the lover she had promised to give up. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for my cousin finally. His wife's behavior caused an eviction, ruined his credit, and after he moved back in with his parents, she stalked him there at their house, showed up at his odd jobs, and randomly showed up at people's houses where he was visiting. She would call his cell phone with a blocked phone number, and call his odd jobs, and call his parents phone number. She would send him threatening emails and texts; she threatened to commit suicide if my cousin didn't take her back. She went off her bipolar medication during their marriage, which we all think precipitated her unstable behavior. But, her constant harassment on social media, in person and on the phone took a toll on my cousin's mental health. He went on medication, saw a therapist, filed a restraining order, and filed for divorce which took his wife 3 years to sign because for 1.5 of those years, her family had her locked up in a mental hospital. By the time she was released, my cousin was working a full-time arts related job, doing his art again, and living in his own apartment with an unlisted address and phone number. His circle of friends and his family circled around him to protect him from her finding him. Eventually, my cousin's lawyer found her and forced her to sign the divorce papers via her family. It took a total of 5 years for her to be wiped out of my cousin's life; photos, documents, stalkings, social media threats. And five years ago my cousin remarried a businesswoman he met online and they have a beautiful 2 year old child now and live in a beautiful house and are very happy and healthy. The point of my story, LifeWasted, is that I watched my cousin go through Hell and come out the other side, emotionally scarred from the experience, but he healed and didn't let it destroy the quality of his life. He gave his life a 100% makeover, found the artist inside himself again so he could create, and feel grounded and safe again. If my cousin can survive that, then I am confident that you will survive your ordeal with your ex-girlfriend. What a tremendous story. And scary. I have a friend who's wife is bipolar and she did the same stuff to him. His life was a nightmare and he eventually left her. She too had a complete breakdown and spent about three months in an asylum. She stabilized and they slowly rebuilt their marriage. But in order to stay married he has had to completely control their money and he also demanded she give him power of attorney over her. He can have her committed easily if he sees her starting to go off the rails. It has to be hard on him, but he really loves her. She is devoted to him now because she knows there is no other man on earth who would have her. Her one saving grace is that she is very beautiful and actually great to be around when she is on her meds and stable. 1
Author LifeWasted Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 You’re a nice guy. Nice guys are attractive because they offer companionship, stability and security. Bad boys are attractive because they offer naughty excitement. In an affair you can have both (cake eating). Wayward spouses hope to maintain this ideal situation. If their “nice guy” catches them they think they can keep him by crying and saying all the right things. After all he’s a nice guy so it’s more likely to work. Your actions made her realize that she couldn’t have both you and the OM. They also made you very manly and attractive. She’s following you because you never gave her a chance to work her magic on you . Thanks Buckeye. You are very wise.
Author LifeWasted Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 You can probably download NMMNG as a books on tape and listen to it. I will do that!
Author LifeWasted Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 She has not been calling my work thank goodness. And I dont have a FB page. I should get a FB page up because I want to market some of the custom furniture I build. First I need to rent a small shop so I can move my tools in there and work on my off hours. Lots of stuff to do! I have dawdled too long being a handyman to a thankless woman. Never again. 6
writergal Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 What a tremendous story. And scary. I have a friend who's wife is bipolar and she did the same stuff to him. His life was a nightmare and he eventually left her. She too had a complete breakdown and spent about three months in an asylum. She stabilized and they slowly rebuilt their marriage. But in order to stay married he has had to completely control their money and he also demanded she give him power of attorney over her. He can have her committed easily if he sees her starting to go off the rails. It has to be hard on him, but he really loves her. She is devoted to him now because she knows there is no other man on earth who would have her. Her one saving grace is that she is very beautiful and actually great to be around when she is on her meds and stable. Your friend and my cousin are good men with big hearts. Like you appear to be. I am relieved that it worked out for my cousin, because he even questioned marrying his first wife on their wedding day. His intuition was not to marry her, but he went through with it because he didn't want to let down a church full of people. His second wedding only included close family and just a few friends. His intuition was 100% sure that his second wife is his soul mate. And she is. I'm very happy for him. I feel bad for your friend, LW. He must really love his wife, to give her a second chance and yet has to be in the position of having conservatorship over her finances etc., and the ability to commit her if she goes off the rails again. Like poet T.S. Eliot did for his wife Vivienne; he had her committed because she had become a stalker and the poor woman was really mentally ill. Hopefully, your ex-WGF (wayward girlfriend) will have the common sense to leave you alone at this point and not contact you, or follow you around. 1
No Limit Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 She has not been calling my work thank goodness. And I dont have a FB page. I should get a FB page up because I want to market some of the custom furniture I build. First I need to rent a small shop so I can move my tools in there and work on my off hours. Be aware that Facebook has lots of options for security, and these options are updated annually. To protect your site from being spammed by anonymous hatemail you should check the option which says that only comments you approve of are shown on your page. 1
happyman64 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 LifeWasted Remember LifeWasted ; I told you the difference between a good man and a great man. A good man ignores her. It may look he is hiding when in fact he really is healing and getting himself together. A great man (healed and confident once again) gets out of his truck, waves her over and tells her to grow up. To stop wasting time on following him and instead use that extra time to talk to a therapist about her issues and spend time with her daughter like a mom should. When you are ready you might even in time thank her. Because if she hadn't screwed you over you would not be in a better market poised to take it by storm. You also learned to love again. Thank her for that. Only then will she realize just what a great guy she lost..... That is how some people grow up. Keep moving forward LifeWasted. You are going to be great! HM 2
afoolto no end Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 just ignore her, she is just trying to figure out where you are living. she never thought she would get caught and looks like and A-hole now… I think you are one strong man and have a strong self respect…..I wish I was more like that myself……..so many of us got walked all over……….until we stood up too……you just didn't waste the time we did. you seem to have a great plan moving forward and a new beginning….that world you left wasn't worth a man like you……….find a better world with a better woman……… 1
irishguy Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I would think she just happened to see you and misses you ,and might have been trying to engineer a chat in passing hoping you were missing her to .I wouldnt worry about it , just ignore her if you run into her . 2
Author LifeWasted Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 I would think she just happened to see you and misses you ,and might have been trying to engineer a chat in passing hoping you were missing her to .I wouldnt worry about it , just ignore her if you run into her . Well I have to either do that or come up with some kind of game plan in how to greet her or talk to her if she comes up to me. We are inevitably going to run into one another, given as small a city as this is. We have some friends in common (the decent ones who were clueless about what she was doing or did not support her affair), and I like going to the good restaurants we went to, so I am going to run into her at some point. I just have to watch my temper and keep my cool more than anything, because whenever I see her I want to hit something. Childish I know. 1
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