CarrieT Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 What did her letter say? The OP answered: I'll load it up tomorrow. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 The OP answered: But thats one whole sleep away! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hippiefreak Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 (edited) LifeWasted, I was directed to this thread today by a men’s website and I have read all of your comments across 26 pages in one sitting. Couldn’t help but register on this site and weigh in. If this is old news to you by now, what I say, then just ignore me. No harm meant. I almost got married because of a long-distance relationship, where I knew her over the phone more than in person and we did fly to see each other. I later broke off the engagement after seeing that the telephone hides much. All one hears on the phone is the nice stuff and you don’t even realize what you are compensating for when communicating that way. So much remained unknown. I don’t believe it was a lack of vigilance in you, as you had said. You fell under the spell of the telephone and made a huge life-change. That was the boo-boo. The telephone as substitute. Everything else followed that. For me, I’ll next insist on a long engagement, fully in person, for at least a year, so I can cycle her through all of the holidays and see how she relates around family, around children, around drinking, holiday stress, etc. And see how her mother treats her father, a key indicator of what I might expect from her. Then, you moved entirely into her established world. Only with gentle hindsight do I ask, how could you not be just her accessory? She was used to her partying and her kiss-teasing, and all of her habits and her haunts and, as you saw, she continued with them after you arrived. Here’s my point in rehashing that: You ask if you are boring. Yes, you were boring, to HER, and you likely had no concept of the lifestyle that she was comparing you to. Can't get that through a telephone. Surely, she was fast-moving in a crew of women who well-knew who is cheating on whom. I read here that you now know as much. You asked if she had more responsibility in the issues of her prior relationship than she let on. I am convinced yes. I believe that when women tell these types of bad stories to the next guy, she’ll habitually edit out certain details largely to force the new listener to arrive at the conclusion she desired for him to have. Don’t get me wrong. Your ex-GF could have been abused just as she had stated. But women won’t risk including their faults in the story because they don’t trust you to have enough sense to see the correct conclusion for yourself. Or they worry you will. It’s a control thing. Like you have no life experience to think on your own. (And they do not want you to think. If you dare probe, she may accuse you of trying to blame the victim, etc.) So, whenever a women tells me a bad story and it is so heavily weighted onto the back of the other guy, a complete monster of a guy, I know the story is being edited for my consumption. What actually happened is usually a bit of both people, a bit messy, even if he was still clearly in the wrong. Bottom line, yeah, she was not a saint in her first relationship. But you saw that in her drinking ways, I hope. You have a boatload of well-wishers in this thread, myself included. I’m hoping you navigate here on out without the ghost of one of her hands on the helm. Edited March 29, 2015 by hippiefreak 9 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 LifeWasted, I was directed to this thread today by a men’s website and I have read all of your comments across 26 pages in one sitting. Couldn’t help but register on this site and weigh in. If this is old news to you by now, what I say, then just ignore me. No harm meant. I almost got married because of a long-distance relationship, where I knew her over the phone more than in person and we did fly to see each other. I later broke off the engagement after seeing that the telephone hides much. All one hears on the phone is the nice stuff and you don’t even realize what you are compensating for when communicating that way. So much remained unknown. I don’t believe it was a lack of vigilance in you, as you had said. You fell under the spell of the telephone and made a huge life-change. That was the boo-boo. The telephone as substitute. Everything else followed that. For me, I’ll next insist on a long engagement, fully in person, for at least a year, so I can cycle her through all of the holidays and see how she relates around family, around children, around drinking, holiday stress, etc. And see how her mother treats her father, a key indicator of what I might expect from her. Then, you moved entirely into her established world. Only with gentle hindsight do I ask, how could you not be just her accessory? She was used to her partying and her kiss-teasing, and all of her habits and her haunts and, as you saw, she continued with them after you arrived. Here’s my point in rehashing that: You ask if you are boring. Yes, you were boring, to HER, and you likely had no concept of the lifestyle that she was comparing you to. Can't get that through a telephone. Surely, she was fast-moving in a crew of women who well-knew who is cheating on whom. I read here that you now know as much. You asked if she had more responsibility in the issues of her prior relationship than she let on. I am convinced yes. I believe that when women tell these types of bad stories to the next guy, she’ll habitually edit out certain details largely to force the new listener to arrive at the conclusion she desired for him to have. Don’t get me wrong. Your ex-GF could have been abused just as she had stated. But women won’t risk including their faults in the story because they don’t trust you to have enough sense to see the correct conclusion for yourself. Or they worry you will. It’s a control thing. Like you have no life experience to think on your own. (And they do not want you to think. If you dare probe, she may accuse you of trying to blame the victim, etc.) So, whenever a women tells me a bad story and it is so heavily weighted onto the back of the other guy, a complete monster of a guy, I know the story is being edited for my consumption. What actually happened is usually a bit of both people, a bit messy, even if he was still clearly in the wrong. Bottom line, yeah, she was not a saint in her first relationship. But you saw that in her drinking ways, I hope. You have a boatload of well-wishers in this thread, myself included. I’m hoping you navigate here on out without the ghost of one of her hands on the helm. ^^^^WOW Very Well Said!^^^^ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Thank you I_Give_Up. I really have no one to blame but myself. Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 (edited) Thank you I_Give_Up. I really have no one to blame but myself. LW- hippiefreak deserves credit for that post not me lol, I was just saying he hit the nail on the head P.S. You're not the blame for her acting like a skank, that is all on her! Edited March 29, 2015 by I_Give_Up67 4 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 /waiting for that letter! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 So how was the meeting? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 It's tonight. I'm getting ready. Just took a shower and laying nude by a fan evaporating. I'm going to dress nice and be nice and happy, even though her letter infuriated me. I actually hope she shows. Im psyching myself up. I'm going to treat her like a piece of furniture. 180. Why? What did she say? Let me guess, she made it seem that some how and some way, this was all your fault. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 It's tonight. I'm getting ready. Just took a shower and laying nude by a fan evaporating. I'm going to dress nice and be nice and happy, even though her letter infuriated me. I actually hope she shows. Im psyching myself up. I'm going to treat her like a piece of furniture. 180. Why are you still so obsessed with this woman? You go on and on about what an evil bi*ch she is and how she ruined you life and then you can't wait to see her. You plan out what you are going to wear and have to psyche yourself up in order to be cold and treat her like "a piece of furniture". What is really going on in your mind right now? Do you wait, breathlessly, for her next letter or text or phone call? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Maybe it is one thing to look strong be be done with someone on LS, and another to live it hour after hour, knowing you didn't bring on the infidelity but did bring on the atomic bomb on the relationship (understandable of course). Sometimes people end things when in fact they are not really ready to end them, even if it is the right thing to do at the time. We are all human. Why are you still so obsessed with this woman? You go on and on about what an evil bi*ch she is and how she ruined you life and then you can't wait to see her. You plan out what you are going to wear and have to psyche yourself up in order to be cold and treat her like "a piece of furniture". What is really going on in your mind right now? Do you wait, breathlessly, for her next letter or text or phone call? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I can kind of understand. I can think of one time in particular where I wanted the person who hurt me to see exactly what kind of awesome he was missing. It may not be healthy, but it s understandable. I personally hope LifeWasted showed up looking like one cool rusty nail, drank just enough to be fun, winked at a couple of people, then left early with a wave and a smile......while not even acknowledging what's her name. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 /waiting for that letter! Every time I sat down to transcribe the letter it was just too much. I'm sorry guys but I couldn't do it. In the letter she apologizes for hurting me, and disappointing me after all I gave up just to move out to be with her. She called herself trash and crazy. She said that the young guy started flirting with her at one of the parties, then texting, then sexting and then hooking up. She described the affair as a "wave that overtook me and washed me out to sea..." . Whatever the f--- that means. No mention of the old college boyfriend she snuck off to screw one weekend while I was laboring away ion the house... then the blameshifting. She said one reason she thinks she fell for the younger guy was because I had not proposed to her yet. Really.... Should I go on or do you guys get the drift? Anyways, she asked me for one more chance to prove that she can be true to me. She claims she wants us to go to couples counseling and that she wants to be a better person, yada, yada yada... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Why are you still so obsessed with this woman? You go on and on about what an evil bi*ch she is and how she ruined you life and then you can't wait to see her. You plan out what you are going to wear and have to psyche yourself up in order to be cold and treat her like "a piece of furniture". What is really going on in your mind right now? Do you wait, breathlessly, for her next letter or text or phone call? You tell me. Seriously, tell me. Cause if you have any insight I'd like to hear it. Just don't call me an idiot of say I'm a nice guy please. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Only people who have just totally blown their last chance, ever ask for one last chance. (I think that might have been one of Newton's laws, but if it wasn't it should have been.) 9 Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Maybe now she will leave you alone ,did you see her at the party . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 I can kind of understand. I can think of one time in particular where I wanted the person who hurt me to see exactly what kind of awesome he was missing. It may not be healthy, but it s understandable. I personally hope LifeWasted showed up looking like one cool rusty nail, drank just enough to be fun, winked at a couple of people, then left early with a wave and a smile......while not even acknowledging what's her name. I got there about 45 minutes late on purpose. She was there. She wasn't with anyone. She stayed in the kitchen. I went straight to the hostess and gave her her a hug and then went to hang out with the guys watching sports in the den. I ignored the other women milling around the kitchen and parlor, but I could feel their eyes on my back as I walked past. I only spoke to her in passing one time. She said "hey"...I said "hey". She didn't look at me. That was it. No drama, no arguments, no asking me if I got her letter. I ate and then left with a couple of guys to head over to a sports bar to get drunk. Flirted with a couple of gals there. It was a good night. I felt pretty good, but Sunday I was depressed and sad. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Well done on going to it ,sounds like you did well and stayed strong. I think the letter was her hail mary pass and she should leave you alone now since you are not biting . 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Feeling depressed and sad some of the time is to be expected, but your basic nature is asserting itself. You are being you, and that's what lights your path. All the best, Satu. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You tell me. Seriously, tell me. Cause if you have any insight I'd like to hear it. Just don't call me an idiot of say I'm a nice guy please. Well, you are a nice guy. But, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. As a matter of fact, a lot of women that are maturing are looking for the "nice guys" because they're getting sick and tired of putting up with "bad boys" and the bullsh*t they bring to the table. I mean, look at your Ex! Every since she got caught, she was driving around all night trying to locate you. She saw you on the road and swung around to follow you to figure out where you live. She ambushed you at work and was a blubbering bag of goo. She wrote you this long letter and mailed it to your work. The endless texts and voicemail messages. See the lengths that she going? Why? Because she knows that you are one of the good ones and she screwed up and she let you get away. But, what she failed to realize is that being a "nice guy" doesn't always translate into being a "doormat". Nice guys have their deal breakers and she found yours. This wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. It wasn't about you being a nice guy that made her cheat. She didn't respect the nice guy that she had and chose to cheat. She probably thought that being the "nice guy" that you are, if you ever caught her cheating, you would automatically forgive her and move on with the relationship. Because, in her mind, that's what "nice guys" are supposed to do. She cheated, that was her choice, you had nothing to do with that. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Thank you Chi townD. That made me feel better. I prefer the term "good guy". I think I'm a good guy, even though I'm not always nice. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You rock, lifewasted. Cool as a cucumber. All I'll say about her is..."bless her heart" 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You tell me. Seriously, tell me. Cause if you have any insight I'd like to hear it. Just don't call me an idiot of say I'm a *nice guy please. I think I'd say genuine, decent, and honest. 'Nice' doesn't do you justice 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Thanks guys, although I don't really deserve all the praise. Look here's the deal, I have already made friends with all these guys. They are a cool bunch of dudes, except the piece of shyt who was ****ing my xWGF. He has been put on notice and has been told he will get pig-piled if he ever shows up around this group again. None of the other men here trust him around their wives, so the little weasel no longer has a hen house to raid. I want to continue hanging out with these guys because they are a neat group, and because they are mostly businessmen like myself. I like hanging out with like-minded men my age. I'm not going to stop hanging out with them, and because of that I will run into her. These guys are married to her GFs, so I cannot help but run into her every now and then. As painful as it is, and it IS painful to see her, I have to get used to seeing her out and about...and most likely, very soon, with other guys. Might as well start now and get acclimated to it. I'm not going to be mean to her, I'm not going to be rude. I am 180'ing her and doing the program. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
hippiefreak Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 LifeWasted, Looks like it's time to say goodbye and let you live your life. Don't forget the poem you taped to your bathroom mirror. I've had that same poem taped in my bathroom for over twenty-five years. Good luck and bye. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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