Mazerati Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 As many others have said, you sir are not a life wasted. I admire your courage and conviction. Stay the course, and you will do fine. I am glad you didn't fall for the blameshifting, etc. You did nothing wrong. And as I mentioned before do NOT let these two prevent you from finding your life-mate. For a man of your character, she is out there. Best of Luck!!!! Maz PS Ask the moderators to change your handle, because it ain't true. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Okay dude. I get it. But, I think you need to be a little informed and selective about what you go to with these guys to avoid her (just for now) while you're healing. You have to look at yourself as an alcoholic that just got out of rehab and are very serious about staying sober. You find out that your friends are going to throw you a welcome home party in a bar. You might want to skip it because you're not strong enough in your sobriety to be in that environment. Now, that's not to say an alcoholic can NEVER go into a bar or pub in their lifetime, they just need to wait until they're strong enough to go in there and have a cranberry juice rather than a beer. That's kind of how you need to look at this situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I am so glad that you are one of the 1/10 that listened on here! You deserve a great life, and I think you'll get what you think is missing. Glad you didn't fall for the blameshifting etc. So glad. Best of luck, update the thread every now and then. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AprilTears Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Thanks guys, although I don't really deserve all the praise. Look here's the deal, I have already made friends with all these guys. They are a cool bunch of dudes, except the piece of shyt who was ****ing my xWGF. He has been put on notice and has been told he will get pig-piled if he ever shows up around this group again. None of the other men here trust him around their wives, so the little weasel no longer has a hen house to raid. I want to continue hanging out with these guys because they are a neat group, and because they are mostly businessmen like myself. I like hanging out with like-minded men my age. I'm not going to stop hanging out with them, and because of that I will run into her. These guys are married to her GFs, so I cannot help but run into her every now and then. As painful as it is, and it IS painful to see her, I have to get used to seeing her out and about...and most likely, very soon, with other guys. Might as well start now and get acclimated to it. I'm not going to be mean to her, I'm not going to be rude. I am 180'ing her and doing the program. I'm assuming you already know that what you say to these men will be repeated to their wives and will get back to her. Just be careful as far as what you are sharing with them about her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I am so glad that you are one of the 1/10 that listened on here! You deserve a great life, and I think you'll get what you think is missing. Glad you didn't fall for the blameshifting etc. So glad. Best of luck, update the thread every now and then. I think having gone through this once before has helped me. I can't explain it, but even though I am sad and still angry, I seem to be moving through it alot quicker than someone who has never had this happen. At first I thought I would die, but I've been amazed at my resilience. Even though I was down in the dumps on Sunday after seeing hwr Saturday night, missing her and thinking about what could have beeen, I sort of bounced back yesterday. Its up and down. I have been going to a weightlifting gym (not a health club) for about an hour every night and that has helped with the anxiety. I'm trying to eat well,, but that is hard because I love rich foods. Oh well...I don't know why I'm posting when there is nothing to post. Maybe I'll wait until further developements to update, but I don't see much happening. Later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I'm assuming you already know that what you say to these men will be repeated to their wives and will get back to her. Just be careful as far as what you are sharing with them about her. These guys have my back I think. Well... a couple of them do. I would say that I've separated them into two groups -- party friends and then there is a small circllee of guys with whom I'm becoming good buddies with. One guy n particular has helped me out alot. His wife and my xWGF are BFFs but his wife did not sanction her cheating, even though she found out about it before I did and didn't say anything. I have had some eye-to-eyes with most of these guys and to a man they were pretty much clueless that my xWGF was cheating. It pissed alot of them off when they found out and alot of them ended up getting into scraps with their wives over it. I think my experience opened their eyes and the women in the group are finding themselves under alot of scrutiny by their hubbies right now---which I think is a good thing. The barbecue was a much more quiet and sober affair than the parties they have thrown in the past. I don't know if they toned it down for my sake, but it was a markedly subdued party compared to the ones thrown in the past. Maybe I was the catalyst for a positive trend. Oh, and that gal who told me about my xWGF cheating and also kissing her husband? I found out at the party that she and him are divorcing. Big surprise huh? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mazerati Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 These guys have my back I think. Well... a couple of them do. I would say that I've separated them into two groups -- party friends and then there is a small circllee of guys with whom I'm becoming good buddies with. One guy n particular has helped me out alot. His wife and my xWGF are BFFs but his wife did not sanction her cheating, even though she found out about it before I did and didn't say anything. I have had some eye-to-eyes with most of these guys and to a man they were pretty much clueless that my xWGF was cheating. It pissed alot of them off when they found out and alot of them ended up getting into scraps with their wives over it. I think my experience opened their eyes and the women in the group are finding themselves under alot of scrutiny by their hubbies right now---which I think is a good thing. The barbecue was a much more quiet and sober affair than the parties they have thrown in the past. I don't know if they toned it down for my sake, but it was a markedly subdued party compared to the ones thrown in the past. Maybe I was the catalyst for a positive trend. Oh, and that gal who told me about my xWGF cheating and also kissing her husband? I found out at the party that she and him are divorcing. Big surprise huh? It appears because of your XWGF's cheating a possible hornets nest was stirred up for her friends. The wives by their complicity may be caught in the fallout, as you mentioned. Your true friends will be very vigilant I'm sure, and I wonder how many of her friends will continue to rally around her? Not many, because of her, they are learning its not fun to be in the bulls eye. Oh well, misery loves company. The woman who told you is now divorcing. I wonder if she discovered it was more than just a kiss... A catalyst? LOL, yeah your new handle, LifesCatalyst. Maz 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 (edited) It appears because of your XWGF's cheating a possible hornets nest was stirred up for her friends. The wives by their complicity may be caught in the fallout, as you mentioned. Your true friends will be very vigilant I'm sure, and I wonder how many of her friends will continue to rally around her? Not many, because of her, they are learning its not fun to be in the bulls eye. Oh well, misery loves company. The woman who told you is now divorcing. I wonder if she discovered it was more than just a kiss... A catalyst? LOL, yeah your new handle, LifesCatalyst. Maz You know I'm thinking the same thing. I wouldn't put it past her. If my xWGF was banging this gal's husband, then she has lower standards than I thought. He makes good money, but otherwise he's a clueless pig. He's not well liked. I was so taken in by this woman. She acted the part and painted such a good picture of herself. I'm wondering more and more if she is just a local bicycle. Edited March 31, 2015 by LifeWasted 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 You know I'm thinking the same thing. I wouldn't put it past her. If my xWGF was banging this gal's husband, then she has lower standards than I thought. He makes good money, but otherwise he's a clueless pig. He's not well liked. I was so taken in by this woman. She acted the part and painted such a good picture of herself. I'm wondering more and more if she is just a local bicycle. I have wondered several time while reading your thread if this woman's GF's have sort of a little "cheating club" going on. It is, sadly, not that uncommon among groups of bored rich wives. If so, that would explain why all the women were watching you like a hawk at times. You might upset their secret little applecart. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mazerati Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I have wondered several time while reading your thread if this woman's GF's have sort of a little "cheating club" going on. It is, sadly, not that uncommon among groups of bored rich wives. If so, that would explain why all the women were watching you like a hawk at times. You might upset their secret little applecart. Excellent insight Autumnnight, that did not cross my mind. And if Life did upset the apple cart it was full of rottenness and they deserve their fate. He probably deflated many bicycle tires too. Maz 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Excellent insight Autumnnight, that did not cross my mind. And if Life did upset the apple cart it was full of rottenness and they deserve their fate. He probably deflated many bicycle tires too. Maz When he said something about the south, it made me wonder too because there are parts of the south where there are still small towns with 25-30 miles of nothing in between. These tiny town with no real industry and 5 restaurants to their name have, typically, a pocket of rich families who get bored, and you'd be amazed how many of them have rampant adultery and even wife-swapping groups and such. NO, I never was involved in that kind of stuff, but the gossip mills are also in full force in towns like that too. Why anyone in a small southern town would cheat is beyond me. The whole street would know before you pulled your pants back up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 And given the fact that he caught one of the wives out at a sports bar which is completely out of her element or environment that she would normally frequent. You might be on to something there. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I think having gone through this once before has helped me. I can't explain it, but even though I am sad and still angry, I seem to be moving through it alot quicker than someone who has never had this happen. At first I thought I would die, but I've been amazed at my resilience. Even though I was down in the dumps on Sunday after seeing hwr Saturday night, missing her and thinking about what could have beeen, I sort of bounced back yesterday. Its up and down. I have been going to a weightlifting gym (not a health club) for about an hour every night and that has helped with the anxiety. I'm trying to eat well,, but that is hard because I love rich foods. Oh well...I don't know why I'm posting when there is nothing to post. Maybe I'll wait until further developements to update, but I don't see much happening. Later. I've read a lot of this thread although I've not had much to contribute and everyone else has said things far better than I could have, but I want to chime in to say that if this ever happens to me, that I hope to be half as resilient as you, OP. You are a fine example of how to handle this situation. Very admirable. Good luck to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I have wondered several time while reading your thread if this woman's GF's have sort of a little "cheating club" going on. It is, sadly, not that uncommon among groups of bored rich wives. If so, that would explain why all the women were watching you like a hawk at times. You might upset their secret little applecart. They may not all be cheating, but they are wing-women to each other...I think. Some of them are very decent gals. Its just a core group who seem to be the naughty ones. My xWGF was one of the peripherals and then she sort of got sucked into this core group about six months after I moved in with her. I think they were a bad influence. Not that it excuses her, but I think she is a follower. She is definitely a people pleaser. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mazerati Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 When he said something about the south, it made me wonder too because there are parts of the south where there are still small towns with 25-30 miles of nothing in between. These tiny town with no real industry and 5 restaurants to their name have, typically, a pocket of rich families who get bored, and you'd be amazed how many of them have rampant adultery and even wife-swapping groups and such. NO, I never was involved in that kind of stuff, but the gossip mills are also in full force in towns like that too. Why anyone in a small southern town would cheat is beyond me. The whole street would know before you pulled your pants back up. Amen autumn, amen. I do believe LW's new handle should "The Dot Connector" He may have as i said opened a large can of whup ass on some wayward wives... Maz 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 When he said something about the south, it made me wonder too because there are parts of the south where there are still small towns with 25-30 miles of nothing in between. These tiny town with no real industry and 5 restaurants to their name have, typically, a pocket of rich families who get bored, and you'd be amazed how many of them have rampant adultery and even wife-swapping groups and such. NO, I never was involved in that kind of stuff, but the gossip mills are also in full force in towns like that too. Why anyone in a small southern town would cheat is beyond me. The whole street would know before you pulled your pants back up. It is a small city of about 50,000 maybe 75,000 on the Gulf Coast. Excuse me for not being specific but I want to maintain some anonymity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I've read a lot of this thread although I've not had much to contribute and everyone else has said things far better than I could have, but I want to chime in to say that if this ever happens to me, that I hope to be half as resilient as you, OP. You are a fine example of how to handle this situation. Very admirable. Good luck to you. I'm not resilient. I'm not. I type happy, but these hands are attached to a wreck of a human. I feel numb, defeated, and have not had one single truly happy moment since all this went down. It is not easy or clean or pretty. I cry alot in the dark lonely hours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I have wondered several time while reading your thread if this woman's GF's have sort of a little "cheating club" going on. It is, sadly, not that uncommon among groups of bored rich wives. If so, that would explain why all the women were watching you like a hawk at times. You might upset their secret little applecart. It infuriates me to think this may be true, and I plan to talk to some of my buddies about their wives, about this little culture of theirs, maybe sometime soon. I don't think any of them have ever cheated on their wives and GFs, but you never know. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 It infuriates me to think this may be true, and I plan to talk to some of my buddies about their wives, about this little culture of theirs, maybe sometime soon. I don't think any of them have ever cheated on their wives and GFs, but you never know. I could be totally off base. I spent part of my growing up in a small town, and then lived in one for a year as an adult. I didn't enjoy it. I need a Target within driving distance haha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I could be totally off base. I spent part of my growing up in a small town, and then lived in one for a year as an adult. I didn't enjoy it. I need a Target within driving distance haha This town is bigger than that. It has a mall, and several big shopping centers. It's not podunk, Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 It is a small city of about 50,000 maybe 75,000 on the Gulf Coast. Excuse me for not being specific but I want to maintain some anonymity. So not tiny but not NYC We might live near the same area lol. And yes, I fully understand not wanting to specify. I'm glad you are moving on. Living well is the best revenge. I mean, since arsenic is illegal and all hahahaha 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 You still haven't revealed what her letter said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 You still haven't revealed what her letter said. He summarized it in post #388. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 You still haven't revealed what her letter said. He hit the high points, but he didn't want to transcribe because it was a pain in the arse. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 OP: I'm going to stop riding you about your wavering on this whole thing because I do understand how you feel and I don't think what I'm saying is helping. So, let me say it another way. She is like a drug for you and your craving for that drug is going to drive you back into that same sick relationship. Or, worse, pining away for that relationship while she gets with someone else. You have to quit this drug cold-turkey. Stop all contact with her. No text, no phone, no messaging, no talking, no accidently running in to her. Harden your heart and stay away from her. Your resolve will be tested the first few days but after one full week you will be surprised at the difference in your outlook. At the end of a month you are free and clear from craving her and you are ready to move on. Of course, you could ruin it all by breaking down and resuming contact but, if you can hold out for a few weeks, I don't think you will want to start the hell up all over again. A hard heart and no contact will end this misery. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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