No Limit Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Start acting like an adult. You are going to have to talk to her at some point. Blocking numbers is childish. If you want this to work out in your favor you are going to have to start being smart. Talk to her. He is acting like an adult. He doesn't have to talk to her at all as long as he hasn't made up his mind about sueing her. Only then he might try 1 attempt to talk to her (not at her home; either on the phone or a neutral place), the rest can be done via lawyer. Actually, it could be done with a lawyer from the start but maybe talking one time will make him look better in court. And OP, don't let mutual friends brainwash you with how sorry she is. Her last boytoy is gone? Guess what, there are others. And should you ever meet her face-to-face at some point, again; don't let her tears manipulate you, nor should you sleep with her anymore, ever! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Start acting like an adult. You are going to have to talk to her at some point. Blocking numbers is childish. If you want this to work out in your favor you are going to have to start being smart. Talk to her. I disagree with you 100% on this. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Changed my mind about talking before sueing. Don't give her a headstart to grab a lawyer! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Ummm..yeah, talk to a lawyer. But, it may not work in your favor. You could petition to be compensated for the money you spent on fixing up her house. But, her lawyer may tell her to counter-sue for back rent while you were living there rent free. So, you were there almost a year and you spent 10,000 fixing up her house, that's about a grand a month, your part of the rent or mortgage. The work cancels out the debt and the only thing you've got now is legal fee's. So, talk to a lawyer and see if that scenario is a possibility. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 He is acting like an adult. He doesn't have to talk to her at all as long as he hasn't made up his mind about sueing her. Only then he might try 1 attempt to talk to her (not at her home; either on the phone or a neutral place), the rest can be done via lawyer. Actually, it could be done with a lawyer from the start but maybe talking one time will make him look better in court. And OP, don't let mutual friends brainwash you with how sorry she is. Her last boytoy is gone? Guess what, there are others. And should you ever meet her face-to-face at some point, again; don't let her tears manipulate you, nor should you sleep with her anymore, ever! NO! No... no .. no ... no... no. He built a foundation with this woman. He needs to speak with her, more than once. Speaking through lawyers is an unmitigated disaster. Yeah, he got wronged. That doesn't mean you can't meet and discuss things. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Do you understand the laughter that goes on when two attorneys are talking in this situation? "These two people can't sit down and talk rationally to each other, so they are hiring us to talk for them. Next drink is on me." Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 (edited) He built a foundation with this woman. HE built *something* with this woman but I'm not sure I would define it as a foundation considering the lies and infidelity. Speaking through lawyers is an unmitigated disaster. Some of us are not suggesting the two of them speak through lawyers. We are suggesting he NEVER speak to her at all and simply have a lawyer deal with the aspect of the amount of work and labor done on a house. The two can be separated. Yeah, he got wronged. That doesn't mean you can't meet and discuss things. But it might mean that very thing. Depending on the level of vitriol, there may be no way the two can ever "meet and discuss" on a rational level. The "unmitigated disaster" could very well come about *IF* they meet and person. Or, the OP may simply have to wait until such a time has passed that he can be calm and rational about the situation. We don't know and won't know if that time ever occurs. In the meantime, talking to a lawyer about recouping some of the loss regarding the construction is not ill-advised. Edited March 11, 2015 by CarrieT 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I'm leaning towards going to her daughter's school and saying goodbye to her daughter and not talking to the xGF at all...ever. I've been mulling over this all day, and you know what? Even if I ask her why, shes just going to lie. Nothing to be gained. She cheated on me because she could. She had the desire, the lust, the willing partners and the opportunity. She wanted to. End of story. F*#k her sideways. I will talk to my lawyer tomorrow and get some feedback on the money I lost. I think he's going to tell me to let it go, unless she gets nasty and tries to hit me up for rent. Those receipts will be my insurance. I just talked to my boss. He and I are going to be negotiating starting up a new LLC together, as partners, once I get my contractor's license. He is wanting to retire in about five years, and when that comes I will buy him out...shop and all. That is the plan anyway. Then I will be poised to be a major competitor in the custom home millwork market in this area. I'm also looking for a nice house to move into. I'm in contact with a Tesla dealer for a new car. I'm going to get into a fitness club and lose some pounds and get fit. The old clothes are being tossed out to be replaced by new duds. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I'm leaning towards going to her daughter's school and saying goodbye to her daughter and not talking to the xGF at all...ever. I've been mulling over this all day, and you know what? Even if I ask her why, shes just going to lie. Nothing to be gained. She cheated on me because she could. She had the desire, the lust, the willing partners and the opportunity. She wanted to. End of story. F*#k her sideways. I will talk to my lawyer tomorrow and get some feedback on the money I lost. I think he's going to tell me to let it go, unless she gets nasty and tries to hit me up for rent. Those receipts will be my insurance. I just talked to my boss. He and I are going to be negotiating starting up a new LLC together, as partners, once I get my contractor's license. He is wanting to retire in about five years, and when that comes I will buy him out...shop and all. That is the plan anyway. Then I will be poised to be a major competitor in the custom home millwork market in this area. I'm also looking for a nice house to move into. I'm in contact with a Tesla dealer for a new car. I'm going to get into a fitness club and lose some pounds and get fit. The old clothes are being tossed out to be replaced by new duds. +1 LifeWasted! Everything you've written about sounds like a great plan to me. I think you should definitely visit the daughter at school to reassure her that the breakup wasn't her fault (kids tend to blame themselves when their parents split up with their spouse or romantic partner), and say goodbye. I suppose you could keep in touch with her. I know that people here suggest that you don't, but that's really your call based on how you feel. So, do what you feel is right for yourself! You sound like you are handling this situation really well, too which is a good sign that you are a strong person with a grip on reality. You know that your life isn't over (it's not) because of this breakup. Congrats on going into business with your boss too, once you get your contractor's license! Very excited for you! And hopefully your lawyer will have good news for you. If not, consult another lawyer. Might as well get a second opinion, right? See how much you have going for you, despite this hiccup (breakup)? And I agree with you that even if you do talk to her, it may be a waste of your time. If that feeling changes, just keep your guard up if you do talk to her. Don't expect her to express genuine remorse either. Cheaters aren't capable of genuine remorse. Not in my experience. They wanted to cheat, so they did. Why would they be sorry? They're only sorry they get caught and called out for cheating. Cheaters are narcissists to the core...they lack empathy for other people. They just don't care about how their actions hurt others. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Cheaters aren't capable of genuine remorse. Not in my experience. They wanted to cheat, so they did. Why would they be sorry? They're only sorry they get caught and called out for cheating. Cheaters are narcissists to the core...they lack empathy for other people. They just don't care about how their actions hurt others. Golden. My ex-wife never apologized to me for cheating and blowing up our marriage. Never once did she express remorse for what she did. Oh, she said "I'm sorry" when i confronted her...the same way you would say you are sorry if you backended someone and dented their bumper. I don't expect my WGF to show remorse. I expect her to wail and cry and put on a big show for her daughter and friends, until she gets them off her back. Then she'll be right back in the lunch line. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I'm leaning towards going to her daughter's school and saying goodbye to her daughter and not talking to the xGF at all...ever. I've been mulling over this all day, and you know what? Even if I ask her why, shes just going to lie. Nothing to be gained. She cheated on me because she could. She had the desire, the lust, the willing partners and the opportunity. She wanted to. End of story. F*#k her sideways. I will talk to my lawyer tomorrow and get some feedback on the money I lost. I think he's going to tell me to let it go, unless she gets nasty and tries to hit me up for rent. Those receipts will be my insurance. I just talked to my boss. He and I are going to be negotiating starting up a new LLC together, as partners, once I get my contractor's license. He is wanting to retire in about five years, and when that comes I will buy him out...shop and all. That is the plan anyway. Then I will be poised to be a major competitor in the custom home millwork market in this area. I'm also looking for a nice house to move into. I'm in contact with a Tesla dealer for a new car. I'm going to get into a fitness club and lose some pounds and get fit. The old clothes are being tossed out to be replaced by new duds. I'm pretty sure I said shortly after your first post that you struck me as the kind of guy that won't be down for long. Thank you for proving me right Hugs to you as you say goodbye to her daughter...won't be easy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I'm pretty sure I said shortly after your first post that you struck me as the kind of guy that won't be down for long. Thank you for proving me right Hugs to you as you say goodbye to her daughter...won't be easy. It comes in waves. One moment I'm fine. Next moment I'm a pansy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 It comes in waves. One moment I'm fine. Next moment I'm a pansy. Welcome to the human race, LifeWasted! It's a rollercoaster of a ride! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
summerdowling87 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Just got off the phone with my WGF's daughter. Poor kid. She feels bad. I told her I love her and I will always be there for her no matter what happens. Now I'm furious! It's sad that her mother had to not only ruin you guys relationship but the relationship you have with her daughter. So people are to selfish to think that their actions my hurt others. I think you should say goodbye to the daughter she'll appreciate more than you think. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 It comes in waves. One moment I'm fine. Next moment I'm a pansy. Join the pansy brigade. It can bring the toughest of us to our knees. It is even harder with the kids whether they're our's or not. Hang in there. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 "These two people can't sit down and talk rationally to each other, so they are hiring us to talk for them." isn't that why attorneys are hired in the 1st place? because people can't communicate & be rational so they need a 3rd party to do it for them? like, that's their job. lol. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I guess I have my xWW to thank for my present state of mind. I'm hurt and in pain, and I know I will be for a long time. But my xWW's affair and lack of empathy made me develop a certain emotional aloofness and defiant attitude. I feel defiant, like I am not willing to let my WGF have the upper hand in this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 My lawyer back in my home state is one of my best friends and my golfing partner. I have him on retainer but I doubt he would even charge me just to sit down and talk with him about this. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Eye to eye. She's going to look me in the eye and tell me everything. I'm going to ask her what the hell she was thinking. Why she felt it was a good idea to blow up a great relationship. But if she moves her lover boy into her house with her, or continue seeing him, then I won't. I will shake the dust off my feet and walk away. This DOES sound like you plan, maybe in the back of your mind, to give her a chance. Because if you really have no intention of recovering this "relationship" there's no logical reason to ever talk to her again. Remember, you only *thought* you had a great relationship that she blew up by cheating on you. In a few years, you'll be able to look back with some gratitude that you found out sooner rather than later how great the relationship really was. -10th Engineer Harrison 1 Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Do you understand the laughter that goes on when two attorneys are talking in this situation? "These two people can't sit down and talk rationally to each other, so they are hiring us to talk for them. Next drink is on me." Absolutely, which is why I would recommend he not sue her either. Chalk it up to the quest for wisdom. I've been sued for something stupid. It cost me 17K and 3 years to fight it. Pick your battles wisely. If she sues you, you have to respond. But cutting your losses makes a lot more sense than trying to recover money you willingly spent. The courts don't care that she cheated. Heck, they might be wondering why you don't just move back and finish the work. She's getting older, where's she gonna go? (My IC actually said that to me when I was still reeling from discovering my wife's affair a couple months prior). -10th Engineer Harrison Link to post Share on other sites
AprilTears Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I'm leaning towards going to her daughter's school and saying goodbye to her daughter and not talking to the xGF at all...ever. I've been mulling over this all day, and you know what? Even if I ask her why, shes just going to lie. Nothing to be gained. She cheated on me because she could. She had the desire, the lust, the willing partners and the opportunity. She wanted to. End of story. F*#k her sideways. I will talk to my lawyer tomorrow and get some feedback on the money I lost. I think he's going to tell me to let it go, unless she gets nasty and tries to hit me up for rent. Those receipts will be my insurance. I just talked to my boss. He and I are going to be negotiating starting up a new LLC together, as partners, once I get my contractor's license. He is wanting to retire in about five years, and when that comes I will buy him out...shop and all. That is the plan anyway. Then I will be poised to be a major competitor in the custom home millwork market in this area. I'm also looking for a nice house to move into. I'm in contact with a Tesla dealer for a new car. I'm going to get into a fitness club and lose some pounds and get fit. The old clothes are being tossed out to be replaced by new duds. Good things happen to good people even though they must pass through some shi* storms to get there. You are a good person. It's quite evident in your writings here. You will be just fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I guess I have my xWW to thank for my present state of mind. I'm hurt and in pain, and I know I will be for a long time. But my xWW's affair and lack of empathy made me develop a certain emotional aloofness and defiant attitude. I feel defiant, like I am not willing to let my WGF have the upper hand in this. Stay the high road and you already have the upper hand.... Did you see the daughter? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 This DOES sound like you plan, maybe in the back of your mind, to give her a chance. Because if you really have no intention of recovering this "relationship" there's no logical reason to ever talk to her again. Remember, you only *thought* you had a great relationship that she blew up by cheating on you. In a few years, you'll be able to look back with some gratitude that you found out sooner rather than later how great the relationship really was. -10th Engineer Harrison I've decided not to confront her or see her again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Stay the high road and you already have the upper hand.... Did you see the daughter? No not yet but I want to. I have to be careful how I go about it. I'm thinking of catching her during lunchtime at her school. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 It's funny. Two days ago all these "friends" of ours were calling me asking me how I was doing. For the last two days not a peep from any of them. I guess once the drama train leaves town they lose interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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