Mapper71 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 H is building some shelves out in the garage. Oh I knew I was going to do a multitude of things wrong when he asked for help. I only had to hold a board level a few times while he drilled some screws in. Well as you can imagine, I certainly couldn't do that without him telling me I was either holding it to tight or not tight enough! Then came the big thing which he explicitly explained to me like I was 10 years old. I was going to have to hold the other end of the board as it came through the electric saw. I was going to have to hold it level with his end or it wouldn't go through. No sh*t! We pick up the board and he tells me we need to slip it around so we need to walk around so I am where he is and he is where I am. Well he's like pushing the board so I keep walking backwards not knowing where he wants me to go. He goes "You can turn around anytime!" I can't read your damn mind! Why can't you tell me what to do rather than just going ballistic because I don't know what you want! I turn around and start moving backwards and he's getting upset that I'm not moving backwards quickly enough and keeps saying 'Further, further, further, come on you can do it" like I'm 10 years old and is pushing the board on me. Meanwhile I'm trying not to to trip on power cords and boards that he can't see and assumes I'm just moving slow for no reason. Once we are in position he tells me "There's a button on the left". I look and see no button. He repeats "on the left" I keep looking and there's no button. Once again with emphasis he goes "ON THE LEFT!" I scream at him "This is the left and there's NO button!" He goes "That's because I'm referring to MY left! That's how you are supposed to interpret that" Well why the f**k didn't you say that or "the other left" the first time rather than repeating "on the left" louder 3 times assuming I would get it! The he tells me to hit the button. I see something that looks like a button but it can't be pushed. He rolls his eyes at me as I'm trying to push the button and give me the "oh my god why can't you get this simple thing right" laugh. I then try lifting it up and then it goes. Well it's not a button, it's a lever! A button is something you PUSH! Then he comes inside and uses his sweetest voice saying "Honey can you please come out and help me?" He needs me again to help him hold the board. As he's pushing it through he's shaking his head in disgust. This time he goes off on me saying I need to hold the board up higher and not twist it because now the cut is all wonky. I'm not twisting the damn board! My god I pull the board and I should be pushing it, I move slow when I should be moving fast. It doesn't matter...it's going to be wrong!! Why in the hell does he even ask me to help him when both he and I know I'm not going to do it "right"? I think he assumes that it's such an easy task there's no way I can screw it up. Of course I end up feeling like a total idiot every time. I am so tired of being yelled at for the most minor of things! I know damn well if anyone else was helping him he would have said "I mean my left, sorry" in a nice tone. If the neighbor had been out in his yard, he would have been oh-so-nice to me about it. Why does he bully ME like that and nobody else?! Why does he make me feel like an idiot about everything and anything I don't understand or do in 5 seconds? And he wonders why his co workers and most people in general don't like him! I'd be in tears in 5 minutes if I had to work with him on daily basis! Then after the incident he always gets all lovey and nice but he never says he's sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Next time, be unavailable. Be doing something you can't interrupt, like making pastry, or handwash some woollens. Ask him to get a neighbour in, or invite a friend round to help. After he finishes, tell him you find it very revealing that he doesn't yell at them the way he does at you, and as it seems he just can't help himself, or think it is a big deal, tell him to not bother ever asking you to help, again, because if he can't be civil, the job is not worth your effort. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Why does he treat you like an idiot? I don't know, sorry. Only he knows that. What can you do about it? Well, lots. You can drop what you're doing and walk away, if he flips or asks why then tell him that he's disrespecting you and you'll only come back if he promises to speak to you like an adult. You can refuse to help him in the future. You can sit him down and explain how you feel. There's many options really. He is treating you badly and allowing him to get away with it will just show him that his behaviour is acceptable, that you don't mind being treated badly, that he can totally get away with it. So he'll carry on doing it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Because he is an a-hole. Next time he asks you to help politely decline and explain why. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) Yes I know. But really, who sits there and continually says louder 3 times "On the left", The left", "THE LEFT" without just saying "I mean MY left" or "the other left". I was sitting there underneath the saw on the left side looking for this button and he just kept saying "On the LEFT" and looking at me while I hunted for it on the wrong side. Like I was instantly supposed to know it was HIS left. He says sarcastically to me "That's what it means when someone opposite you says that". Oh and what if your buddy was helping you and he took "on your left" to mean his left? Would you have berated him for it? No way! Edited March 9, 2015 by Mapper71 Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 This is why I don't ask my wife to help me in the workshop. Conversely, I don't like helping my wife in the kitchen. In the workshop she's an idiot; in the kitchen I'm an idiot. We each have our domain. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) This is why I don't ask my wife to help me in the workshop. Conversely, I don't like helping my wife in the kitchen. In the workshop she's an idiot; in the kitchen I'm an idiot. We each have our domain. Looking on my left side when he said "the left side" isn't me being an idiot, it's him not explaining to me it's HIS left. And he's the idiot for telling me three times "the left side" when I was already looking there. Tell me, would any guy here tell his wife "left side" and expect her to look on YOUR left side and not hers??? Would any guy here repeatedly say "left side" as she is looking on hers and not correct himself and tell her it's the other side or would you just stand there hoping the louder and more sarcastically you said it that maybe she would understand it was the other side? Edited March 9, 2015 by Mapper71 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) Yes I know. But really, who sits there and continually says louder 3 times "On the left", The left", "THE LEFT" without just saying "I mean MY left" or "the other left". I was sitting there underneath the saw on the left side looking for this button and he just kept saying "On the LEFT" and looking at me while I hunted for it on the wrong side. Like I was instantly supposed to know it was HIS left. He says sarcastically to me "That's what it means when someone opposite you says that". Oh and what if your buddy was helping you and he took "on your left" to mean his left? Would you have berated him for it? No way! Mapper, if you were able to communicate to your husband what you write in here, a lot of your troubles would go away. You are letting him disrespect you and treat you like an idiot because you don't explain to him how bad it makes you feel, and you continue to help him even though he treats you like an idiot. Ask him directly if that is how he would treat his buddy and let him know that you're not going to help him until he learns to treat you like an adult and show some respect towards you. Tell me, would any guy here tell his wife "left side" and expect her to look on YOUR left side and not hers??? Would any guy here repeatedly say "left side" as she is looking on hers and not correct himself and tell her it's the other side or would you just stand there hoping the louder and more sarcastically you said it that maybe she would understand it was the other side? I wouldn't personally, no. I would have said, "on your right", to make it clear. He wasn't being very clear, and he was being rude about it. Edited March 9, 2015 by rester Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 Mapper, if you were able to communicate to your husband what you write in here, a lot of your troubles would go away. You are letting him disrespect you and treat you like an idiot because you don't explain to him how bad it makes you feel, and you continue to help him even though he treats you like an idiot. Ask him directly if that is how he would treat his buddy and let him know that you're not going to help him until he learns to treat you like an adult and show some respect towards you. I wouldn't personally, no. I would have said, "on your right", to make it clear. He wasn't being very clear, and he was being rude about it. And I said to him yesterday as he was treating poorly "This is always fun. I know before I even start helping that you are going to get mad at me". Of course he attacks, as usual, with "It's not that hard. I don't understand WHY you can't get it right!" Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 short answer. Because you allow it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 He treats you like crap because you allow him to. This has been going on for so long Mapper. You don't stand up to him, you put up with his ****t.y behaviour and how he disrespects you. Until you have it out with him and set boundaries, this is the way things are. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Because he can. Don't let him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Your husband is an utter tosser. I'd have told him, to go and buy some ready made shelves if he was too pansy to make them himself without his wife's help! It's because you don't stand up to him that he treats you like a doormat. Link to post Share on other sites
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