Powerballs Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 We (men) don't like marriage cause it benefits the women not the men. I don't know the exact stats but isn't there a 50% chance of a divorce? So that means we have a 50% chance to lose 50% of all our stuff. Those aren't good odds for a guy to consider marriage. So why can't we live together without marriage? Why do we have to get married? Just live together till you don't want to anymore then leave. We should outlaw marriage! Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 "So why can't we live together without marriage?" We can. I know this post is going to be treated as a troll post, so I want to reply with some thoughts that take this seriously. Like it or not, women have fewer advantages once they bear children.... they'd like you around. In other words, fish do, sometimes, need bicycles. Marriage is a way to ensure that men don't sire as many kids as they like without taking responsibility. Fast forward a couple thousand years and here we are. We'd seasoned it with romance and poetry, but a contract's still a contract (otherwise, marriage would be an entirely religious affiar, without a civil element to it). I asked this once rhetorically, just conversationally. My sister replied "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" I shot back, "Ever hear of a cow that stopped giving milk after you bought it?" She got what I was saying... so did brother in law. He gave a wistful grin, and she got angry, because they both knew I was _right_. Well, I'll now be joining you in the asbestos room, because we're gonna get flamed, man... Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Marriage is a choice just like anything else. Its what we as human beings want to do when inlove and want to share our life with another. No marriage isn't for everyone, so basically if its something you feel you don't want to do or can't do, then don't. If you're already in a marriage and want out, then get out of it. Also if all you're worried about is losing your "stuff", then you're not marriage materail no way. "Why do we have to get married?" You don't, no one is holding a gun to your head telling you that you have too. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 So why can't we live together without marriage? Why do we have to get married? you can do that successfully, provided the other person has the same expectations of y'alls relationship that you do, and doesn't plan to allow those expectations to change. but in my way of thinking (and I'll be food for flame), living together without the benefit of marriage is saying to someone, "yeah, I love you and I want to be with you, but I don't respect you enough to marry you." Marriage is serious sheeet, but it's also saying to someone, "I don't know what the future holds, but that's okay because I trust in it and I trust in you." It's definitely a gamble, but only you can determine what the payoff is gonna be ... Link to post Share on other sites
izzybelle Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 depending on the partners, whether they're married or not doesn't much matter in the long run. i know a couple that has lived together for almost 20years. they had kids, bought a house, the whole 9 yards, except the marriage cert. they are now in the process of splitting up and in spite of the fact that they don't need an actual divorce decree, because their lives have been so intertwined the rest of the process is the same as if they were married. for some that piece of paper may be the thing that holds them together, but i think as we've seen here, it doesn't always make a diff when push comes to shove and they hit a rough patch. this couple has tried all the "standard" things that a married couple tries to stay together and have now called it quits. in my eyes, and my heart, it's not the piece of paper that matters it's the committment to each other. and i have to say to the original about a man fearing that he'd lose 50% if the marriage didn't work out? some of us women walk away with far less than 50% .... both parties lose, not just the man. and at this stage in my life, i tend to agree, i see no point in getting married again. been there, done that, lost the battle. Link to post Share on other sites
Squirrelly Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 A slight tangent from the topic at hand. "yeah, I love you and I want to be with you, but I don't respect you enough to marry you." A friend once pulled this one out when I poormouthed marriage a while ago. Almost word for word, I think. I explained that it has nothing to do with one person respecting the other, it has to do with *preserving* the relationship. She totally failed to grasp my meaning. I explained that love is love, the individuals can bring commitment to it, but marriage is a significant change and WILL alter the relationship, sometimes irrevocably. Hadn't she heard of people who could live together but had problems once they were married? No, she hadn't. She later became my girlfriend and then my wife. Suffice to say, she is a different person now. (I still love her, we are seeing a professional). True love already HAS respect, it's part and parcel. Marriage is a license requiring you to stay when the spouse becomes a different person and that love dies. Shallow? Dunno. I'd argue that whether it is or isn't totally irrelevant, because chances are, the changes would not have taken place if we were still unmarried. In other words, "would I leave if we were living together and she changed" is the wrong question, because it's marriage that can change the person a LOT. A cohabitation arrangement keeps you both a little bit more on your toes. If you're living together, you get comfortable, but is it more or less likely that all of a sudden, you're going to ignore your wife, park on the couch in front of football, and pound beer until you look like the Michelin man? It can happen, sure. But it's a lot more likely a scenario if you're married and your spouse can't just leave without some legal implications. As has been pointed out, Marriage is the religious and civil authority's recognition of your love, and once the rings are exchanged (did the rings make you love each other more or less?) and that paper is filed (did the filing make you love each other more or less?), it's time to watch out, because you've turned your private commitment to a public one, and the other spouse knows you can't go anywhere (without significant effort) if they decide to become someone else and treat you in an entirely different manner. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 I would prefer to be somebody's wife than girlfriend or sex-included-room mate. The paper didn't stop my ex-husband from leaving me with two little babies. We didn't have any marital assets. Besides, the thread starter assumes that a woman will get half of what her husband earned during the marriage in case of divorce and thus make a permanent financial damage to him. If a woman can deliver children, cook, clean, etc., I don't see why the man should only enjoy the love without any obligations. The paper doesn't mean anything indeed. But the law is after the fathers who enjoyed the sex while it lasted and then left the sinking boat! I am glad that not all men think like this guy. I haven't seen too many men who are truly happy as eternal bachelors. I also don't know any successful people that are not married. The thread started seems to be either poor or cheap. If you don't want to share your money with anyone then live and die alone! Who's stopping you? Link to post Share on other sites
deesgirl Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Nobody is forcing men to marry. If you want to stay single, that is your choice. Men aren't the only one that loses 50%, women do too. The thing is, it's isn't 100% yours, so why would you get to keep it all? In these modern times, most women work outside the home and contribute to marital assets just like men. If a woman stays at home, she is still contributing because you don't have the child care expenses and the expenses that go along with working (clothes, gas, eating out, etc.). The only guys that I see getting totally screwed are the ones that are filthy rich. Most men I know aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Originally posted by Powerballs We (men) don't like marriage cause it benefits the women not the men. I don't know the exact stats but isn't there a 50% chance of a divorce? So that means we have a 50% chance to lose 50% of all our stuff. Those aren't good odds for a guy to consider marriage. So why can't we live together without marriage? Why do we have to get married? Just live together till you don't want to anymore then leave. We should outlaw marriage! BUWHAHAHAHA!!! :lmao: Hun, have a T-shirt made and wear it the time. Have a bunch of them made -- wear them on all of your dates. FRONT:[color=darkblue] Just live together till you don't want to anymore then leave.[/color] BACK: [color=darkblue]We should outlaw marriage![/color] Then you won't have to worry about waking up someday and finding out that you are married. You don't have to get married you know. You never have to ask anyone, and if anyone ever asks you "JUST SAY NO" Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Hookey, you're a riot! Deesgirl, you're very wrong that you're thinking about women's motherhood in terms of financial costs! That's not the point. Women give lives on earth. Men give sperm, but they are not the ones who deliver and in most cases they are not the ones who take care of the kids. How much does a life cost? Even if the woman doesn't give children to the man, he can be very happy if she gives him love. How much does love cost? For some men, nothing has value except money so let them be alone. Comparing mother's care to a day care and calculate the expense of it is outrageous. This planet needs women and mothers and thank god, many men understand that! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Personally, I've currently been unsuccessful in having one good relationship. I don't see what would turn all that around and help me have one great marriage. I'll just suck at that also. I hold nothing against marriage and I know it has its benefits. ME? I'm just waiting to meet the right man. Married or not, all I know is that I'll try to be happy! Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 My husband loves being married. It's all snuggly and cozy in this house and we're so nice and settled. No worries. No wondering what tomorrow will bring. Just us, the cats, the stuffed animals and time to grow old together. Link to post Share on other sites
AliceW Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Um, BOTH partners stand to lose 50% of their stuff in the event of a divorce...so I'm not following how marriage somehow benefits women more? It's not always the case that the man has more money/stuff than the woman (in fact, I made almost 3x the money that my ex-husband did, for example.) It is true that in certain situations marriage does protect women...for example, if a woman doesn't work for years because she is raising kids and/or keeping house, she'd have less of her own money, and being married might give her some claim to her husband's money in the event of a divorce...but the labor she put in to the marriage/family should be worth something finacially. To put it in perspective: How would you feel if, hypothetically, you spent 20 years raising your wife's kids, doing her laundry, cleaning the house, cooking her meals, etc, only to be dumped for a younger, more attractive man and left with no savings of your own, no work history, no legal claim whatsoever to the money you thought was supposed to be shared between you and your wife? Link to post Share on other sites
guitarplayer Posted April 14, 2005 Share Posted April 14, 2005 buy a dog........they listen,they never talk back,they always love you,they stay when needed,they go away when needed,they clean up there spilled food,they never complain,you can call them "stupid" without an arguement,they just shut up in the car and they stay in the car when ya go to the store,and when they do mouth off(barking)you dont understand what there saying and best of all they sleep on the floor...just kidding ya'll have fun Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted April 14, 2005 Share Posted April 14, 2005 I agree with all the posters who say that if marriage is not for you, don't get married. The fact is though, that in general, as a man, you will probably earn more money than your wife, with or without kids, and yes, you probably do stand to lose more financial resources (keep in mind that in divorces, though, women usually get hit with the greater economic depravation). I know there are exceptions (my current g/f makes the same and a little more than me, and we're in the top 95% percentile -- if I get hitched to her, I get to be the kept man). Lastly, this is a conversation that gets no where with women generally. Marriage is a noble institution, but it does deprive a man of one of the best things about being a man AND the thing that probably attracted her in the first place: independence, self-determination and the ability to walk away, no drama, no emotions, no discussions, if you see too much sh-t. You get married, you're saying that you'll, as a man, continue to be a man (strong, independent, capable of everything in the universe) AND take on whatever happens to come your way. It's a big gift that a lot of women don't value: they're looking for an instituional status that proves that they matter. Ideally, she will respect you and your contribution (but not kiss a--) (as you better respect and defend hers), be physically attractive and affectionate, and love you (bearing in mind that miscellaneous "loving feelings" are not what men are after. It's not how you feel that matters, it's what you do). So pick your wife (or your husband) REALLY well. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Nice speach Cecelius! I like your post. There is no better thing than a good marriage and no worse thing than a bad marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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