Johnson1 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 When someone says, trust until you have a reason not to trust. What exactly does that mean? Unless you catch someone in the act what reasons could there possibly be without proof? The only way to have proof is by spying, but no one wants to have to sink that low. So what would the reasons be not to trust? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Why do you think you need proof to distrust? Surely proof is the opposite of trust; if you have proof then you do not require trust. But anyway, there are many, many reasons or situations where your trust would (and should) be shaken. Some examples: After years of letting you see their phone, they suddenly password protect it and always tilt the screen away.After letting you access their email/facebook they suddenly change the password and don't give the new one to you.Refusal to discuss a certain person, event or subject.Sudden need for secrecy, privacy or "space".Change in personal grooming, clothing, style, appearance.Unexpected and unexplained money disappearing from accounts or credit cards.Change in behaviour, for example a sudden interest in going out without you. These are just examples and I'm sure there are many more things I haven't listed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnson1 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) After dropping off my girlfriend at her house at 3:30am after being up most of the night at my place, she told me she was tired and going back to sleep, but instead she went on FB when she got home, but didn't message me when I got to work, so I messaged her I had a special project to do, at which point she said she is spending a girls day out with her musician friend and that they were going to a music store, but said she didn't know what one when one when I inquired about it. Four hour has passed and she's been online twice, but didn't bother to message me. Should I message her? If I don't hear from her till later on in the day (or at all), should I message her? Would this be considered secretive if she goes online but doesn't message me knowing I'm online? BTW....she's extremely sexual (a nymph) who never seems to get enough sex. When I'm with her we have sex constantly. 6 times per day, sometimes more. She's says she's a very faithful person who only wants me and her best friend who is my brothers girlfriend and a good friend of mine says she a good woman. Still, wondering how much I should trust someone with such a high sex drive. The main thing is, should I be upset with her if she doesn't give me the courtesy of saying hi when she's online and out and about? If it were me I'd keep them abreast of of my day because I know she'd be in thought wondering what I was doing. Edited March 9, 2015 by Vocals5 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Get over yourself. She should be allowed to have a life outside your relationhsip and that includes not having to be obligated to message you when you both are on FB. AND she doesn't have to give you a detailed play by play of her whereabouts 24-7. She doesn't have sketchy behavior, your brain does. Now if you are in constant fear of her cheating because she is a nymph, then don't date her, find somebody else to be your GF. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnson1 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) Get over yourself. She should be allowed to have a life outside your relationhsip and that includes not having to be obligated to message you when you both are on FB. AND she doesn't have to give you a detailed play by play of her whereabouts 24-7. She doesn't have sketchy behavior, your brain does. Now if you are in constant fear of her cheating because she is a nymph, then don't date her, find somebody else to be your GF. Yea, I'll be the first to admist I have some trust issues, but it's only because of what I've experienced in the past and how some women will lie right to a guy face and say 'I care about you babe' and all this other crap then turn around and let their libido get the better of them. All you have to do is watch that show Cheaters to see just how often it happens. I want to be able to trust, but I also don't want to be taken for a ride either by someone who really doesn't give a crap and wants to have their cake and eat it too. Edited March 9, 2015 by Vocals5 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Yea, I'll be the first to admist I have some trust issues, but it's only because of what I've experienced in the past and how some women will lie right to a guy face and say 'I care about you babe' and all this other crap then turn around and let their libido get the better of them. All you have to do is watch that show Cheaters to see just how often it happens. I want to be able to trust, but I also don't want to be taken for a ride either by someone who really doesn't give a crap and wants to have their cake and eat it too. Why should she be punished because of your past experience?? Is that really fair to her?? IMO she should breakup with you because you are nowhere near where you need to be emotionally or mentally in a committed relationship. Sorry to be harsh but you are too damaged with an attitude like that. You are becoming controlling..... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 For me it means I don't start out suspicious but I pay attention. If things aren't adding up then I start looking around & asking Qs. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 The fact that you are upset that she doesn't message you every time she is on line is the more disturbing part of this post. I don't think I have messaged my husband this year on social media. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 You can see in 1,000 ways. For example, If she said hi when she was online, it's only because she has something to hide so she 'drugs" your senses by saying Hi so you wouldn't be suspicious. A red flag is when you catch her with a lie, even a tiny one. and yet you didn't, right? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 OP your have a very misogynistic point of view about women in general. Here you have this beautiful, independent, passionate GF that loves sex, loves you, which any guy out there would be envious. BUT since she's a woman that is into having that much sex you view her as a slut that will probably have no control over her desires......you can never trust her. Your friend told you she's a nice girl to warn you that if you keep this up, you are going to ruin a good thing. Just think how she would feel if she knew this was rattling around in your brain....she would be very hurt and disgusted in you as a person....she would never forgive you.....it would definitely be game over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnson1 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 OP your have a very misogynistic point of view about women in general. Here you have this beautiful, independent, passionate GF that loves sex, loves you, which any guy out there would be envious. BUT since she's a woman that is into having that much sex you view her as a slut that will probably have no control over her desires......you can never trust her. Your friend told you she's a nice girl to warn you that if you keep this up, you are going to ruin a good thing. Just think how she would feel if she knew this was rattling around in your brain....she would be very hurt and disgusted in you as a person....she would never forgive you.....it would definitely be game over. Well, let me put it this way. How much right does someone have to know who they're sleeping with? Before my brothers girlfriend fixed me up with her she tried to dissuade me telling me she's been with a lot of guys. She's also an ex meth addict that's been clean since Sep. She has two young children that she hasn't seen in over a year because her mother took her kids and ran off across the country and won't give them back to her. She also doesn't work and doesn't drive because she has a DUI. She's kind of a train wreck. I've been going with her for a week, but come to find out this morning she has a best friend with benefits that she's been in contact with as recent as a week ago, the first day I met her. We went out that Sunday night, but apparently he was over her house the same day before she met me. She only tells me she 'likes' me at this point which is fine since we haven't been going together that long, but this other 'friend' she says 'I love you too' to, and they had conversations about sex toys and making videos. Since she's apparently such good 'friends' with this guy it's only inevitable that they meet up at some point. How should I take that meeting (if she ever tells me about it that is)? The thing is she doesn't clue me in on who all her friends are and I think that's important if you're in a relationship with someone to know who you're associated with and who she's in contact with. She considers us to be in a relationship, but hasn't put that she's in a relationship on FB as of yet, which is no big deal I suppose because she has put up pics of us together. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Well, let me put it this way. How much right does someone have to know who they're sleeping with? Before my brothers girlfriend fixed me up with her she tried to dissuade me telling me she's been with a lot of guys. She's also an ex meth addict that's been clean since Sep. She has two young children that she hasn't seen in over a year because her mother took her kids and ran off across the country and won't give them back to her. She also doesn't work and doesn't drive because she has a DUI. She's kind of a train wreck. I've been going with her for a week, but come to find out this morning she has a best friend with benefits that she's been in contact with as recent as a week ago, the first day I met her. We went out that Sunday night, but apparently he was over her house the same day before she met me. She only tells me she 'likes' me at this point which is fine since we haven't been going together that long, but this other 'friend' she says 'I love you too' to, and they had conversations about sex toys and making videos. Since she's apparently such good 'friends' with this guy it's only inevitable that they meet up at some point. How should I take that meeting (if she ever tells me about it that is)? The thing is she doesn't clue me in on who all her friends are and I think that's important if you're in a relationship with someone to know who you're associated with and who she's in contact with. She considers us to be in a relationship, but hasn't put that she's in a relationship on FB as of yet, which is no big deal I suppose because she has put up pics of us together. Why on earth do you want a relationship with someone who clearly hasn't got their life together? A week and already all this drama? Really, really not worth it. Why are you allowing yourself to become involved in this hot mess? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnson1 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 I want and deserve to know who/or if she's associated with from a safety standpoint because our sex is unprotected. We've been spending our nights together, but during the day she's at home living with her grandmother, so she's free to come and go as she pleases since she doesn't have a job. Her friends treat her to everything. Lunches, drinks when they go out. She has everything bought for her by her friends. She enjoys being with me and I with her. Despite all her problems/depression over her kids and issues, she is a fantastic woman who is very attentive, but kind of in a wild kind of way. The last relationship she was in was with my brothers girlfriends dad and she lived with him for a month and from what she said and my brothers girlfriend told me, she was very good to him taking care of the house, his kids, etc, but he dumped her because he felt he couldn't trust her because she practically lives at a local karaoke bar which has become her life and she's very close friends with the owner. Half the time I'm at a loss what to think. My only concern is about her relationships with these guys friends she's not telling me about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnson1 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Why are you allowing yourself to become involved in this hot mess? Funny, you called it the same thing I did, a 'hot mess'. She is, but she's also sweet and very attentive. I'm pretty sure she's been honest with me, but she's just not telling me about her guy friends, which concerns me. She's trying to get her life back together because she wants her kids back. She's been trying to look for work (or so she tells me), but she knows darn well she isn't getting those kids back if she's out of work with no car. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Yea, I'll be the first to admist I have some trust issues, but it's only because of what I've experienced in the past and how some women will lie right to a guy face and say 'I care about you babe' and all this other crap then turn around and let their libido get the better of them. All you have to do is watch that show Cheaters to see just how often it happens. I want to be able to trust, but I also don't want to be taken for a ride either by someone who really doesn't give a crap and wants to have their cake and eat it too. then I would suggest you not date since your chick picker is broken. The real question here is: why don't you trust your own judgment to let this one go if her behavior isn't adding up? If you truly in your gut feel that she is cheating, then end things. You don't need proof--all you need is your gut feeling. And if your excuse is "because I might be wrong", then you still need to let her go and go work on your judgment skills because they are not up to snuff if you can't stand behind a decision you make based upon your gut feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 (edited) Well, let me put it this way. How much right does someone have to know who they're sleeping with? Before my brothers girlfriend fixed me up with her she tried to dissuade me telling me she's been with a lot of guys. She's also an ex meth addict that's been clean since Sep. She has two young children that she hasn't seen in over a year because her mother took her kids and ran off across the country and won't give them back to her. She also doesn't work and doesn't drive because she has a DUI. She's kind of a train wreck. I've been going with her for a week, but come to find out this morning she has a best friend with benefits that she's been in contact with as recent as a week ago, the first day I met her. We went out that Sunday night, but apparently he was over her house the same day before she met me. She only tells me she 'likes' me at this point which is fine since we haven't been going together that long, but this other 'friend' she says 'I love you too' to, and they had conversations about sex toys and making videos. Since she's apparently such good 'friends' with this guy it's only inevitable that they meet up at some point. How should I take that meeting (if she ever tells me about it that is)? The thing is she doesn't clue me in on who all her friends are and I think that's important if you're in a relationship with someone to know who you're associated with and who she's in contact with. She considers us to be in a relationship, but hasn't put that she's in a relationship on FB as of yet, which is no big deal I suppose because she has put up pics of us together. Stop being Captain Save A Ho. FWIW, I'm in a new relationship and I haven't put it on blast on FB either. That doesn't mean anything. How I conduct myself is what matters. Edited March 10, 2015 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnson1 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Can I do this? Can I ask her if she really cares about me how forthcoming she would be with me by letting me know who her guy friends on her phone are and letting me see messages between them or do a phone swap? I have absolutely NOTHING to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 You can do whatever you like. Whether it will yield positive results or not, is another question entirely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnson1 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 (edited) You can do whatever you like. Whether it will yield positive results or not, is another question entirely. My concern is whether or not she's a boy toy once in a while to her guy friends. One of whom I know for a fact is a definite friends with benefits. Whether or not she would do anything with him again while with me I can't be sure of. I was thinking of telling her that I think her and I are great together and we can have an awesome relationship if she's willing to come clean about her guy friends and what she had/has with them and that there is currently nothing between them. Edited March 10, 2015 by Vocals5 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 My concern is whether or not she's a boy toy once in a while to her guy friends. One of whom I know for a fact is a definite friends with benefits. Whether or not she would do anything with him again while with me I can't be sure of. I was thinking of telling her that I think her and I are great together and we can have an awesome relationship if she's willing to come clean about her guy friends and what she had/has with them and that there is currently nothing between them. but you already have determined she's a lying skank, so what's the point of her coming clean when you're already predisposed to not believe what she says? IMO, you just need to cut her loose and find someone else who doesn't have such a colorful past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Well, let me put it this way. How much right does someone have to know who they're sleeping with? Before my brothers girlfriend fixed me up with her she tried to dissuade me telling me she's been with a lot of guys. She's also an ex meth addict that's been clean since Sep. She has two young children that she hasn't seen in over a year because her mother took her kids and ran off across the country and won't give them back to her. She also doesn't work and doesn't drive because she has a DUI. She's kind of a train wreck. I've been going with her for a week, but come to find out this morning she has a best friend with benefits that she's been in contact with as recent as a week ago, the first day I met her. We went out that Sunday night, but apparently he was over her house the same day before she met me. She only tells me she 'likes' me at this point which is fine since we haven't been going together that long, but this other 'friend' she says 'I love you too' to, and they had conversations about sex toys and making videos. Since she's apparently such good 'friends' with this guy it's only inevitable that they meet up at some point. How should I take that meeting (if she ever tells me about it that is)? The thing is she doesn't clue me in on who all her friends are and I think that's important if you're in a relationship with someone to know who you're associated with and who she's in contact with. She considers us to be in a relationship, but hasn't put that she's in a relationship on FB as of yet, which is no big deal I suppose because she has put up pics of us together. Then what the hell are you doing dating someone like this???? You are just creating your own hell. Find a more suitable girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Oh and to add, how do you expect us to advise you properly when you purposely withhold crucial information about her past? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts