Dadofthree Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I am currently going through a divorce. Initially we agreed to do an uncontested divorce splitting everything 50/50. She then decided to file for full custody after influences in her family convinced her to go for full. We have three kids all five years old and younger. My wife committed adultery and stated she wanted a divorce. We both have our own lawyers now and she filed and I countered for full as well. My work schedule allows me to take the boys to and from school 80% of the month. Both of us have good paying jobs. I'm wanting to know what my chances as a dad are of getting 50/50 with the boys if we don't agree in mediation. Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 if im not mistaken, at least in texas, to do a 50/50 split both parents have to be in mutual agreement. Depending on exact circumstances though the lawyer would best answer this for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dadofthree Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 I know I will not get full custody but I do feel it is important for us to have equal time with our kids. She isn't a bad mom by any means I just don't think she is there mentally with the boys right now her mind is on the other guy. I also grew up in a divorced house and my dad rarely ever saw us so I know the impact it can have not having both parents in a kids life. Link to post Share on other sites
slizl Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Everyone is advised from their lawyer to go for full custody in the beginning so then you can negotiate down from there. If she said 50/50 out of the gate, she would have less power. Unfortunately, the kids will be used as a bargaining chip down the line. I was able to do 50/50 with my ex and it has worked out great. You get the best of both worlds...being with your kids 50% of the time and having time to yourself 50% of the time. It is really amazing how relaxed you can be when you don't have kids 100% of the time. Anyway, good luck with the proceedings! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dadofthree Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 Thank you for the advice. I am not doing this because of money. I'm actually one of the good dads out there who actually enjoys being with his kids and has a great bond with them. Any advice on how to prepare for getting my kids as much as possible is greatly appreciated. My lawyer has given me tips but wondered if there were other things out there. I work every other weekend so the weekends I work she has been sending them off to her family members while the weekend I have them I spend every second with them. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Custody is decided based on what is in the child's best interests. A really good judge I know starts every hearing with the same message: Go outside & talk to your co-parent because I'm telling you now, if I have to decide what is in the best interests of your kids, neither one of you are doing what's best for them. Your children are not bargaining chips. Unless one parent is a real disaster, judges in the US prefer joint custody. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dadofthree Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 Thanks that's great advice and info. I do not care about anything else but the kids. The material things can be replenished. The sad part is this should be about our kids and a decision we both make together regarding the boys yet that is not the case. I have tried talking to her and explain that they need both of us in their lives but I'm afraid she sees $ signs and that is what motivates her. It's a shame others are influencing her decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Im a dadnof 3 also and inwouldve preffered 50/50 but she wont agree to it so thats how i know at least for texas. It sucks man and it will take time to adjust. From what i understand the judge prefers for kids to have 1 primary residence tbats y the mom has to agree Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I'm afraid she sees $ signs and that is what motivates her. It's a shame others are influencing her decisions. Then get your lawyer to make her lawyer remind her that child support belongs to the children, not the custodial parent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 It depends on the judge,honestly. Your attorney, and certainly not us, can tell you what to expect. Some things I was told would happen,the exact opposite happened. And I was told these things by a mediator( who isn't your friend btw) who had vast amounts of experiences with the judge. Your best bet would be to go sit in on some divorce cases your judge is hearing. That way you can get a feel for how he/she works. Are you still in the marital home? Where are the children? Do you have proof of the affair? Did you have sexual relations with your stbx after knowledge of the affair? You say she's a great mom otherwise. Does a great mom allow her vagina to be intruded by another man other than the father of her children? Where were the children while she was knockin boots? Although adultery isn't a crime,if it impacted the children negatively,and you can prove it did, it "might" give you an advantage in court. I think you're starting to see the "real" person you married. She's after $'s now. And,make no mistake,her attorney is too,so he/she is going to push her to try and get every penny she can. As for child support,she can use that money any way she sees fit. You have no say in it if you're paying. Don't make the mistake of throwing lots of money at the 1st divorce hearing. Save money for an appeal in case the judge doesn't follow case law,statutes, or local law. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dadofthree Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Your right she isn't in that aspect. We did have sexual relations after she admitted to cheating. We tried to work things out for the kids but she ended up saying she didn't want to work things out six months later. We haven't since and she is seeing the guy again. I don't have proof of sexual activities now but I do know they are seeing each other again and sexual activity is more than likely ongoing. I do have proof she is seeing him again. Also she doesn't keep the kids the weekends I work she is pawning them off on her family. I have kept track of everything going on daily for the past three months. Great advice on sitting in on a divorce hearing. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 What has your lawyer advised you about the judge whose docket your case is assigned to? Since this is a contested action and is nearly certainly going to be heard, and argued, in court in front of a judge, that person's judicial history and personal life are paramount to understand and capitalize on. I personally know two dads who were awarded either joint (50/50) or full (100) custody because they aggressively pursued it, and this was long before it was commonplace. Those children are now long grown and parents themselves. In the case of the 100% guy, he proved his ex-wife's drug abuse, with her infidelity being incidental to the process. It was really about fitness as a parent and what was in the best interest of the children. In the end, the children remained in their historical domicile, the H paid off the W and she was ordered to pay a token amount of child support (ridiculously low) which she never paid but he'd occasionally beat her up about just because he could. The key? Caring less, just like for an enemy on the battlefield. It works. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dadofthree Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Thanks I really appreciate the advice and the cold hard truth. We are not far into the process so I don't believe a docket has been setup yet. I do know the next step is mediation. I don't mind pulling out all the stops I can because my kids are my number one priority and I'm fighting like hell to have them as much as I can. As far as she goes I don't care about her anymore. She has lost all my respect as a human being I just want what is right for the kids. I have tried to do everything in the best interest of the kids but they are very confident that she will get full custody and all I will get is every other weekend. My work schedule is unique but I only work half the year and am able to take them to and from school 80-85% of the month. Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Can a judge in your state grant joint custody even if the parties don't stipulate to it? In my state, the judge can't grant joint custody unless both parties stipulate to joint. In a neighboring state, that's not true. My lawyer (at least) has won custody battles before simply because his client was willing to agree to joint custody, while the other party was insisting on sole custody. But that is because our state has a statute judges have to look at, where they consider which parent would be the most willing to facilitate a relationship between the other parent and the child. It is very easy for a judge to see that a parent offering joint custody is far more likely to be facilitating a relationship between the other parent and the child. I think if both parents are decent parents, joint custody is best. (Unless there's a big disagreement over a custodial issue.) And in my state at least, it's also smart as a strategy to offer joint custody and to make sure you're willing to communicate constructively wiht the other parent. but ask your lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Women gain full custody in 90% of divorce cases simply because men don't pursue full custody. But in the 10% of cases where men DO pursue full custody? They're awarded it 90% of the time. Don't let the Femin - Nazi propaganda tell you differently. With that said? While men CAN be more Paternal than some women, they cannot be as a general rule be as Maternal as your atypical woman? It varies from any given circumstances to the other? Being maternal and paternal aren't the same things, although they can and do interlope with one another. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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