Going to meet up with ex in a week

[banana1522]

Thank you very much for that Banana. Thats how i was feeling i should do things, but after what everyone was saying i felt that it was wrong. I'm going back to no contact, but i won't block her. I will see if she messages or calls me, but for now I'm going to do me. I understand the mistakes I have made before and I don't want them to resurface. Last night when i was with her i was more distant and acted like I didn't want to cuddle or kiss much which led her to come up on me and went straight to sex. If anything serious comes up in time I will let you know. Thank you!

 

Very good. Don't wait for her to contact you - just do you, like you said. And carry on dating other girls.. (You don't have to sleep with them) But you aren't exclusive.. She's dating other guys so why wouldn't you..?! You need to seem like a guy with options. Not someone who is waiting like a little lapdog for one girl to turn up to his house to play with him!

 

Look at what happens when you don't chase and you act like you don't give a f***. She. comes. to. you.. Let HER bring up emotional stuff if she is going to. Don't ever bring it up. And keep no contact until she reaches out and then make a date. Really important you keep acting this way if you actually want to keep this going. You will hit some bumps along the way no doubt and life has no guarantees, but just keep having a good time together and you at least up your chances. When she is ready and sees you as her best option she will let you know about exclusivity.. Good luck!

Edited March 29, 2015 by banana1522

[banana1522]

One more thing by the way. This came up as a red flag when I re-read your post!

 

"I told her when she wants to talk or see me again she can contact me"

 

I hope you mean pillow talk right? If you meant on the phone about her problems with work, friends, the beautician or the other guys trying to date her etc, then repeat to yourself 1000 times "I am not the gay male girlfriend!" Capisce!?

 

You can let her talk about that stuff to you after you've taken her back to your place for a night cap if she wants to! If she does talk about any of it, just let her do 80% of the talking, and ask good questions (not needy ones!).

 

NB: At the end of your dates, make sure you always try to get her back to your place for some indoor Olympics! Better yet, get her to come make dinner at your place together next time and don't even bother going out..

 

Want you to succeed brother and knowledge is power!

[Ruby65]

B******t..! You don't have sex with someone you're not into. Unless you're someone with very few options.. Pi**es me off how many negative nannies like to hang around here.

 

Of course you do. Are you kidding?!

 

She enjoys the attention, the slavish devotion, the affection and of course the sex. It makes her feel good about herself and less lonely. It's flattering and strokes her ego.

 

That doesn't mean she has any respect or desire for him as a boyfriend. She certainly has never treated him like boyfriend material.

 

She dated him for just a few weeks -- continued to contact other guys while they were together -- then dumped him with a lame excuse. Now she's between boyfriends -- some other guy is still texting her for booty calls in OP's presence -- so she's using him as a blatant Plan B while waiting for someone better to come along.

 

Sorry to be so harsh -- but OP, you really need to grow a pair and walk away from this.

 

Even if she WAS attracted to you..... your willingness to gratefully sop up whatever breadcrumbs she tosses your way will erode whatever attraction remains if you continue to come running every time she snaps her fingers.

[Simon Phoenix]

B******t..! You don't have sex with someone you're not into. Unless you're someone with very few options.. Pi**es me off how many negative nannies like to hang around here.

 

Sure you do. People do it every day. Don't be weird.

[banana1522]

 

She enjoys the attention, the slavish devotion, the affection and of course the sex. It makes her feel good about herself and less lonely. It's flattering and strokes her ego.

 

Lol. Slavish devotion?! [/i]She[/] reached out to him in the end because he acted like he didn't care anymore! And if he keeps acting like he doesn't care and she keeps reaching out (I never guaranteed she would) but if she does and he keeps making her feel good then why wouldn't she WANT to spend more time with him?

 

"That doesn't mean she has any respect or desire for him as a boyfriend. She certainly has never treated him like boyfriend material."

I don't know about you, but if I don't desire someone, I don't call them to go out on a date and I certainly don't have sex with them or/and call them pet names all night... I just ignore them and never bother with them again, especially if there are other, possibly more interesting options out there. She is probably dating other guys, so..? She doesn't want exclusivity yet because clearly they are all douchebags.. It's OP's job to blow his competition out of the water. Let's see if he can be different to those other idiots who will doubtless be chasing her out of their lives..

 

"She dated him for just a few weeks -- continued to contact other guys while they were together -- then dumped him with a lame excuse."

 

So what? They are not exclusive yet and he should be getting out there too, if he knows what's good for him. Until she mentions exclusivity, PLAY BALL! Anyway, the signs are there. He just needs to keep acting attractively and things SHOULD fall into place. Why would she be thinking of him as a boyfriend at this stage? You don't talk exclusivity after a handful of dates and sex once or twice do you!? Give the guy a chance to get there.. Jeez..

 

She told him to take walk because he was being smothering, overbearing and it made him look totally unattractive.. (sorry OP it's true) But she still had enough attraction that when he starts to act the right way, she's open to being with him again. huh. what a koinkidink.

 

"Now she's between boyfriends -- some other guy is still texting her for booty calls in OP's presence -- so she's using him as a blatant Plan B while waiting for someone better to come along."

 

They are ALL plan B until she's exclusive. She obviously doesn't like Mr Bootycall that much otherwise she wouldn't be in the sack with OP... She even blanked him in favour of the OP that night. (Nice one dude! )

 

"Sorry to be so harsh -- but OP, you really need to grow a pair and walk away from this.

 

Even if she WAS attracted to you..... your willingness to gratefully sop up whatever breadcrumbs she tosses your way will erode whatever attraction remains if you continue to come running every time she snaps her fingers. :("

 

These 'Breadcrumbs' are totally misunderstood in my opinion. Especially in your case where you have not even entered a relationship with this girl yet. Of course she is going to test the waters by lightly texting you to see where you stand. And why..? Because she has SOME attraction for you. If she didn't give a s**t guess what, she would disappear completely.. It is YOUR job to make that attraction grow by acting attractively! Act unattractive like you have been up to now and she will run to the other dudes. Reacting to 'breadcrumbs' is not unattractive. It's HOW you react to them at the time, and after the event that changes the attraction levels. So be very aware of how you show up in your interactions with her.

 

Ruby's right though, grow a pair and act like you don't give a flying f*** whether you are together or not and at this stage stay in NC and let her chase you 100%, then when she reaches out, make a date. If she goes out with another dude and you find out about it because she told you or something like that, DON'T act butthurt and angry. It's a s**t test to see if you are still weak at the knees for her. Pass her tests and you will look even more attractive.. You are not allowed to be upset if she hasn't told you you are exclusive yet. If she blatantly says "Can we be f*** buddies? or FWB?" Tell her you aren't down with that if you aren't. That's when you walk and don't look back. Until then, keep dating her, keep taking her to bed, and keep dating other women, and if she picks you for a full time relationship great. If not, you got great sex..

 

[Ruby65]

Until then, keep dating her, keep taking her to bed, and keep dating other women, and if she picks you for a full time relationship great. If not, you got great sex..

 

Wow.

 

Okay, first of all OP is obviously very young and impressionable and I think it's frankly cruel to fill his head with hopes that this girl is actually into him.

 

Also, from all his posts it's pretty clear he's looking for *love* and *relationship*.... so to keep having casual sex with this girl -- and other girls who might also get hurt if they genuinely like him -- is just counter-productive.

 

Just my take.

 

But I wish you well, OP -- however you proceed. Good luck to you!

[banana1522]

Sure you do. People do it every day. Don't be weird.

 

Are you saying people sleep with people they have no attraction towards every day? Sorry I don't buy it. And if she was just looking to get her jollies from him I wouldn't expect any pet names to come out either. If she didn't feel attraction towards him she wouldn't bother reaching out... She has other 'randoms' on speed dial by the sounds of it so why bother with this one.. OP's getting somewhere, but it's down to him to keep building that attraction until she wants him more and more. Personally, I don't get the pessimism.. Just don't f it up again dude.

 

Anyway, what exactly are his options here? Block her completely, move on and never bother with her ever again on the basis that "breadcrumbs" are no good? Which I guess leaves him with waiting for "I want a relationship right now!" from her before doing anything. That's never going to happen though is it. Because they were never in a relationship in the first place.

[Ruby65]

Given that he's posted pages and pages of posts about a woman he only dated for a few weeks....

 

.... I'd say, yeah: best option is move on.

 

NOT use her for FWB sex.

 

NOT use other women for casual sex.

 

But move on, heal, and since a relationship is what you really want: hold out for someone who really cares about you.

 

You deserve it.

[banana1522]

Wow.

 

Okay, first of all OP is obviously very young and impressionable and I think it's frankly cruel to fill his head with hopes that this girl is actually into him.

 

Also, from all his posts it's pretty clear he's looking for *love* and *relationship*.... so to keep having casual sex with this girl -- and other girls who might also get hurt if they genuinely like him -- is just counter-productive.

 

Just my take.

 

But I wish you well, OP -- however you proceed. Good luck to you!

 

You are entitled to your take Ruby. Here's mine.

 

I don't know how young he is, he hasn't told or anyone else so I don't know why you assume that. And I actually think it's cruel and a disservice to be so utterly pessimistic for no reason. This section of the forum is called 'second chances', and he appears to be getting one, so why not help him navigate his second chance instead of being overly protective and telling him stuff which is likely to ruin those chances?

 

I never said to sleep with the other girls but even if he does, are we now saying he has to be monogamous before even being in a relationship!? He's single and so is she. I'm telling him to do this for two reasons, firstly he might meet someone better. Secondly women like guys with options. They are *dating*. You don't meet someone and become a couple from day one. It takes time for the desire to be in a relationship to actually manifest. So if that's what OP wants all he has to do is keep hanging out, having fun and hooking up, like I've been encouraging him to do all along.. If he were to puke up all his feelings on her again and tell her he only wants a relationship, or do the other thing people are telling him to do, which is ignore anything she does or says, he will be left with nothing, AGAIN..

[Ruby65]

It's not pessimism. He's been expressing himself quite well that he wants a relationship with this woman who's obviously not interested in that.

 

If you don't know how young he is, ask. If he says he's over 30, I'll eat my favorite hat.

 

I always enjoy how you guys who've read those "how to get your ex back" programs think you know women so well.

 

IF she was into him, she wouldn't have broken up with him. She wouldn't have minded that he *vomited* his feelings all up in her face, she would've thought it was endearing. If she was into him, she wouldn't be texting guys off a dating site while they were going out. Sorry, that's just not how we roll.

[banana1522]

.... I'd say, yeah: best option is move on.

 

Move on to what exactly? Someone who will treat him exactly the same way because all he can do is what he's done probably his whole life with women he really likes? i.e. act all needy and weak.

 

OR, he could try to figure out where he's been messing up this whole time and hopefully recover it with this girl and other future girlfriends... Either way, if he's young this'll be a great learning experience on what to do and not do when you're dating.

 

PS and for the record I never told him to 'use' anyone.

[Ruby65]

To say anyone else would treat him the same way as this girl who clearly doesn't want a relationship........... THAT is pessimism, my friend.

 

I believe he can do better -- and WILL do better -- if he can stop obsessing over the one girl on the planet that obviously doesn't want to be his girlfriend!

 

All women aren't the same. Just because this girl is turned off doesn't mean another girl won't be so blown away by his good qualities that she thinks it's cute that he wants to be her steady boyfriend after just a week or two of dating. Lots of girls are like that.

 

Going out and *casually dating* when you're not over someone is using people to get over someone else -- it's how people fall into rebound relationships! Happens all the time and it's not cool.

[banana1522]

She is not currently interested in a relationship with him because he's been acting like a sissy! Look what happens when he man's up...he got laid. Since when is that a bad thing?

 

After a handful of needy dates you would be happy to have a guy be all gushy on you? Well, you're one special lady.. I'd like it if more women were like you, however I've probably dated more women than you have and I can tell you from experience. They ain't into it..

 

I don't even think women know themselves so no I'm not pretending I know women inside and out. I do know reasonably well what they respond to though.

 

Never bought one of those programs. Just looked at them and saw they were scams. I did however look at Corey Wayne's videos about a bazillion times and guess what.. He's right and what he says works. It even makes sense if you bother listening.. I don't need someone else's validation on the matter. I've experienced first hand how since altering my own approach to meeting women my whole dynamic (and theirs) is different to before.

 

Don't knock it til you tried it

[Ruby65]

Yeah: Corey Wayne, not surprised.

 

"Women don't even know themselves!" :laugh:

 

Beautiful.

 

Sounds like a money-making scam developed by a guy.... to sell to other clueless guys.... who are desperate to get back their ex-girlfriends.

[banana1522]

"I believe he can do better -- and WILL do better -- if he can stop obsessing over the one girl on the planet that obviously doesn't want to be his girlfriend!"

 

This may be the one thing we can agree on. Yes - he needs to not obsess over a girl.

 

"All women aren't the same. Just because this girl is turned off doesn't mean another girl won't be so blown away by his good qualities that she thinks it's cute that he wants to be her steady boyfriend after just a week or two of dating. Lots of girls are like that."

 

Possibly, but why wait to meet that percentile of girls who don't give a damn how the other guy behaves? Women that are of high interest to men are usually bombarded by calls from them and will quickly sort through the ones that they don't have the time of day for because they act like lapdogs. Improve your 'game' (I know you probably love that expression) and you can have a better chance with MORE women... Stay a needy gumby and you can always wait for a 'nice' girl to come along who really wants to be with you after 2 dates. (RARE!) Is that what you suggest?

 

"Going out and *casually dating* when you're not over someone is using people to get over someone else -- it's how people fall into rebound relationships! Happens all the time and it's not cool"

 

You are right. Rebounds are no fun for anyone and you should always heal first in order to avoid hurting yourself and others.. Except for the fact that he was not in a relationship in the first place, so like I said.. Get out there until she asks you to be exclusive.

[banana1522]

Yeah: Corey Wayne, not surprised.

 

"Women don't even know themselves!" :laugh:

 

Beautiful.

 

Sounds like a money-making scam developed by a guy.... to sell to other clueless guys.... who are desperate to get back their ex-girlfriends.

 

"Sounds like" you still haven't taken me up on actually listening to what he says. I wouldn't bother actually.. You might end up liking his free advice so much you end up paying out a small fortune on his private tuition.

 

Nope. They don't. You've proved it to me throughout this thread IMHO...

[Ruby65]

Oh, brother.

 

According to the OP, they WERE in a relationship. He DID have feelings for her. He "wants her back".

 

Obviously -- no, he shouldn't have sex with her. He shouldn't have contact with her. He shouldn't be dating other women until he's over her.

 

Maybe it wasn't a relationship according to those how-to-get-your-ex-back-program standards, but according to the OP and his feelings, he's very invested emotionally in this awful girl and needs help breaking free.

 

[Ruby65]

"Sounds like" you still haven't taken me up on actually listening to what he says. I wouldn't bother actually.. You might end up liking his free advice so much you end up paying out a small fortune on his private tuition.

 

I wouldn't waste one penny of my income on those stupid sexist programs.

 

I hope you're getting your money's worth, though!

[banana1522]

So, because the OP decided he was in a relationship ahead of the girl's feelings that means they actually were in a relationship..? No, it doesn't. So all he needs to do is back off and start taking it slow, which is what he should have done to begin with. If down the line he thinks she is being unfaithful, manipulative or whatever he can call it then. You don't even have 1% of the information necessary to judge this woman yet here you are badmouthing her!? Based on what?! Some second hand anecdotal evidence from the lovesick OP. Please...

 

Seeing as you are still woefully misinformed Corey Wayne is a life coach. (I'm certain you have plenty of strong views on those too but let's stay on topic eh)

 

He makes no money off of me or anyone else who chooses to watch his videos for FREE on YouTube so why not go take a look. You might even learn a thing or two.. If you want his ebook it's pretty cheap but then of course if he's trying to sell you something the rest of it will just be pointless sexist garbage to get you hooked right..?

Edited March 30, 2015 by banana1522

[banana1522]

"I wouldn't waste one penny of my income on those stupid sexist programs. "

Talk about only having one brush size..

 

Final point before I skeedaddle. CW has plenty of female clients whose emails he regularly reads out and who come to him for advice on their situations. Not bad for a sexist bigot.. He must be actually saying stuff that resonates with some women I guess.

 

Anyway, OP - you've got a lot of reading material here. Hope you make use of it! Peace.

[Diezel]

CW has plenty of female clients whose emails he regularly reads out and who come to him for advice on their situations. Not bad for a sexist bigot.. He must be actually saying stuff that resonates with some women I guess.

 

So did Tom Leykis.

[Simon Phoenix]

Are you saying people sleep with people they have no attraction towards every day? Sorry I don't buy it. And if she was just looking to get her jollies from him I wouldn't expect any pet names to come out either. If she didn't feel attraction towards him she wouldn't bother reaching out... She has other 'randoms' on speed dial by the sounds of it so why bother with this one.. OP's getting somewhere, but it's down to him to keep building that attraction until she wants him more and more. Personally, I don't get the pessimism.. Just don't f it up again dude.

 

Anyway, what exactly are his options here? Block her completely, move on and never bother with her ever again on the basis that "breadcrumbs" are no good? Which I guess leaves him with waiting for "I want a relationship right now!" from her before doing anything. That's never going to happen though is it. Because they were never in a relationship in the first place.

 

You misunderstood my words. People sleep with other people they have no ROMANTIC attraction toward all the time. It's called college (and high school, and post-college, etc.). Just because she slept with him does not mean she wants any sort of romantic relationship with him, which is where the problem lies, because he wants a romantic relationship with her. If he was just looking to get his d*ck wet, then I'd agree with your line of posting 100 percent. But he's been clear that he values a romantic relationship with this woman, and she's been clear that she doesn't feel the same. Her having sex with him doesn't change that -- if anything, it makes the situation even more muddled.

[banana1522]

So did Tom Leykis.

 

So what's your point? They're nothing alike.

 

I'd ask both of you not to make comparisons until you actually know something about the person you are comparing the other to. Tom Leykis spends his time bitching about women and why they won't wash his pants and feed him pie all day long cos he's earning $$. He's basically a misogynist male-feminazi who offers no actual solutions to the problems he raises (some which I actually think are valid issues - just to open another can of worms).

 

However, Corey Wayne actually points out how to keep things going well in a relationship long term, how to find a suitable partner and how to treat that partner in a way that makes them want to stay with you! He reads Tim Robbins, Eckhart Tolle and Thich Nhat Hanh to name some people who I respect massively (in particular the last two). But hey if you can't be bothered to actually check out what the guy says then and would rather just stick a label on all those people who have something to say on the matter then whatever.. Flame away! Anyway how about we stay on topic or move this to another thread if you feel it is so important to discuss it in depth?

[Simon Phoenix]

Can we stop the insulting and whiteknighting of Corey Wayne and get back to the topic at hand, please?

[DatingDirection]

You know, im sorry that I skimed over your post, so if im not making sense, sorry about that. I just have a question...Why break up in the first place, if only to get back together? I mean, what's the point? What's the point anymore, of break up, make up..? When it's done, it's done. It's really just a waste of time, to break up with someone you love. I never understood these things. perhaps I have limited experience in RL, but still, im human, with feelings.

 

 

 

 

Hello everyone. I'm here to post that I will be meeting up with my ex in a week to talk over everything. I contacted her last night about going out to get something to eat so we can talk once she is home form spring break. She replied that she doesn't promise changing her mind, but would like to talk. We chatted a bit after so I know when she will come back and when I'm free and everything seemed alright! She has been sharing photos on facebook about missing a person and not letting go of those who mean a lot to you so i felt that was a sign that she still cared even after we broke up. We just need to fix up on what happened and talk. She did send me a few snapchats out of nowhere that she was out at a hookah bar but i didnt reply. When I see her in a week I'm going to do this and hope it all goes well.

 

What im planning to do when i meet her is be as nice as i can possibly be. I will bring a rose, let her know how beautiful she looks before i take her out and have a good time. Might take her to her favorite place to eat. Have some good chit chat and then tell her how much i do like her and want things to work even though i know there will be changes. i will ask her if there is anything she would like us to do once we begin talking again and ask her does she see us being together again even if it takes time? Thats when i will know my answer and either continue taking her out and spending time or moving on. If any advice or anything it woul help. Thank you