banana1522 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Heyy! So today went wonderful. I met her and we went out to eat and the whole time we were together we laughed and joked around and since it was cold I put arm around her. At times I noticed she would inch closer to me or lean on my shoulder. Everything was wonderful. When I went to drop her off that's when I brought up my feelings and talking about things working out. I did kiss her and she kissed me back. She said she still likes me and I was one of the very few guys that treated her nicely the she wanted to be, but she still has to think about us if we were to date again because of what happened. My question is should I continue talking to her and hanging out until she feels the time is right or give her space to think? Glad it went well mate but whatever you do, do not chase and do not start asking for answers on a relationship status (it's a total romance killer)! She needs to chase you this time! Not the other way around. NC until you hear from her, and when she contacts you, set a date! No BS chit chat. You're not her therapist or gay male girlfriend. Make a definite date the second she reaches out again! "Great to hear from you, I'd love to see you. When you free to get together?" Simple. If she doesn't agree or acts wishy washy tell her you don't want to leave it hanging and you would rather not make plans if she is unsure. She will either agree to make definite plans, or say something like "I'm not sure yet, I'll let you know." If she doesn't make plans there and then stay positive and upbeat and say something like "Great, give me a call when you know your schedule!" and go back to NC until she reaches out again! Oh and make sure YOU end the convo. No coffee or lunch dates, either. Something in the evening.... God speed! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostanConfused Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Well thank you very much for your response To be honest I asked her once the day was over if she is free a week from now and to let me know what day she would like to hang out again. I'm going to go no contact until I hear from her. I really do hope for the best and that I get her back Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Well that is certainly not something I would have recommended... but now you've done it just leave her to get back to you. Do not follow up! Asking a girl out straight away at the end of the first date shows you are not a man with options and looks somewhat desperate (obviously not the most attractive of qualities) Women need to have time to wonder about you. There was an interesting study done a while back that shows that women are more attracted to men whose feeling are unclear! 'He loves me, he loves me not...': Women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear -- ScienceDaily Do not make yourself too available! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostanConfused Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 So we are friends now for the time being. We will hang out and get to know each other a lot more while both dealing with school without the relationship killing us. I won't contact her much, but she has been initiating a lot which is good! I told her if she was to see anyone else and begin dating to let me know and she said she not to be worried and i asked worry about what? She replied and said about being with anyone else she won't see or be with anyone. i said thats a long time without sex and she said she can do without the sex. so that sounds good for me. Now I will get to know her more and hope for the best! I told her to be honest and she said honestly she would like to get to know me a lot more before anything happens since i did break her trust badly. She said she can't guarantee things since we can't tell whats in the long run, but I'm going to hope for the best and also mentally prepare myself if she so happens to meet someone else or move on. any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Her contacting you would be good if she wasn't trying to turn you into her friend.. If you are interested in ever having anything romantic with this girl again you will remove your 'friends' status asap. You have just been friends-zoned dude. Don't let her use you as an emotional crutch. She is basically saying no to dating, while keeping you on the back burner if nothing else comes along in the meanwhile. (Sorry, but the school thing is a bs excuse. If someone that blows her mind comes along the books will start to gather dust!) She knows you like her and probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings which is most likely the reason she said those things to you. Plus she has no responsibility towards you to tell you when she meets someone as you two are now only friends! Women want a guy who stands up for what he wants, in spite of the possibility of rejection. Your best bet would be to tell her that 'on reflection, I can't do the friends thing. I like you, I want to be with you but if you don't then I'm going to move on. Let me know if you change your mind.' Then walk and go full NC! If you are definitely cool with you two just being friends and her eventually meeting someone else then you're golden! But don't expect this friendship will help you get together with her later on down the line. Don't be an option! Be a priority! ps don't talk about "lack of sex" to someone who isn't giving you any... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Her contacting you would be good if she wasn't trying to turn you into her friend.. If you are interested in ever having anything romantic with this girl again you will remove your 'friends' status asap. You have just been friends-zoned dude. Don't let her use you as an emotional crutch. She is basically saying no to dating, while keeping you on the back burner if nothing else comes along in the meanwhile. (Sorry, but the school thing is a bs excuse. If someone that blows her mind comes along the books will start to gather dust!) She knows you like her and probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings which is most likely the reason she said those things to you. Plus she has no responsibility towards you to tell you when she meets someone as you two are now only friends! Women want a guy who stands up for what he wants, in spite of the possibility of rejection. Your best bet would be to tell her that 'on reflection, I can't do the friends thing. I like you, I want to be with you but if you don't then I'm going to move on. Let me know if you change your mind.' Then walk and go full NC! If you are definitely cool with you two just being friends and her eventually meeting someone else then you're golden! But don't expect this friendship will help you get together with her later on down the line. Don't be an option! Be a priority! ps don't talk about "lack of sex" to someone who isn't giving you any... Well said. Man up and save your dignity 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 So we are friends now for the time being. We will hang out and get to know each other a lot more while both dealing with school without the relationship killing us. I won't contact her much, but she has been initiating a lot which is good! I told her if she was to see anyone else and begin dating to let me know and she said she not to be worried and i asked worry about what? She replied and said about being with anyone else she won't see or be with anyone. i said thats a long time without sex and she said she can do without the sex. so that sounds good for me. Now I will get to know her more and hope for the best! I told her to be honest and she said honestly she would like to get to know me a lot more before anything happens since i did break her trust badly. She said she can't guarantee things since we can't tell whats in the long run, but I'm going to hope for the best and also mentally prepare myself if she so happens to meet someone else or move on. any thoughts? My thoughts are that you don't have much of a chance at all. This is the highway to the friend zone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostanConfused Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 Yes thank you everyone for your feedback, but I'm not sure if you know what actually happened that led to our break up. I'm happy she said she still likes me even after what I did to her. I broke her trust by going through her phone when I got suspicious and cause of insecurities from previous relationships. I also used a fake number to text her as a random guy to see how she would reply and that backfired badly She is having trouble getting back because she wants the trust to be there and I hurt her. She brought up that she needs a friend and I thought it would be a good idea so I can still take her out, flirt, treat her the way she needs to be treated and hope we work out. If I can win her trust back then I can win the relationship back, but for now I need confidence and hope. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Yes thank you everyone for your feedback, but I'm not sure if you know what actually happened that led to our break up. I'm happy she said she still likes me even after what I did to her. I broke her trust by going through her phone when I got suspicious and cause of insecurities from previous relationships. I also used a fake number to text her as a random guy to see how she would reply and that backfired badly She is having trouble getting back because she wants the trust to be there and I hurt her. She brought up that she needs a friend and I thought it would be a good idea so I can still take her out, flirt, treat her the way she needs to be treated and hope we work out. If I can win her trust back then I can win the relationship back, but for now I need confidence and hope. I think you really need to look at why you would do something like send a text from a fake number. I would feel so betrayed by that. I understand having trust issues and insecurities from previous relationships, but, if you are still that crippled by those issues, you aren't ready to date. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Yes thank you everyone for your feedback, but I'm not sure if you know what actually happened that led to our break up. I'm happy she said she still likes me even after what I did to her. I broke her trust by going through her phone when I got suspicious and cause of insecurities from previous relationships. I also used a fake number to text her as a random guy to see how she would reply and that backfired badly She is having trouble getting back because she wants the trust to be there and I hurt her. She brought up that she needs a friend and I thought it would be a good idea so I can still take her out, flirt, treat her the way she needs to be treated and hope we work out. If I can win her trust back then I can win the relationship back, but for now I need confidence and hope. It doesn't matter what you did -- what you are doing right now is a first-class ticket to nowhere. Staying as her "friend" so you can try to manipulate her back into feeling something for you shows that you haven't grown much from checking her phone and texting from other numbers. Before interacting with her, get your paranoia and hyper-controlling tendencies under wraps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostanConfused Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 Thank you so much to take your time to comment and tell your opinions. I understand everything you guys are saying to me. I will go no contact with her and work on myself so I won't make the same mistake twice and overcome my insecurities. Its going to be tough to let her go, but its better for her and so I can heal. Thank you this will be tough for me Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Thank you so much to take your time to comment and tell your opinions. I understand everything you guys are saying to me. I will go no contact with her and work on myself so I won't make the same mistake twice and overcome my insecurities. Its going to be tough to let her go, but its better for her and so I can heal. Thank you this will be tough for me We're still talking about the same girl with whom this was a ONE MONTH "relationship", right? How many times did you actually see her in that month? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostanConfused Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 Yes we dated for 2 weeks and were together for a month. During that time we seen each other about 3-4 times a week with me driving to her college to go see her. We have such similar personalities and we connect so well. Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) No one is doubting the sincerity of your feelings. What I will say is that whatever she said to you has to be taken with a big pinch of salt. Very few women will come out and stomp all over your feelings. But they do want a confident, masculine guy who has his s**t together. I'm afraid from what you said about checking her phone etc, so far you have shown her you are not that. So to dig yourself out of the hole you're in, when she next calls/text/emails, just say what I said earlier (if you ever want to be with her again that is) You can add an apology to that if you haven't apologised already for what you did, but don't grovel! If you have already apologised then just tell her you want to be more than friends and it wouldn't be fair on either of you if you were to pretend you wanted less. IMPORTANT: Tell her to please NOT contact you anymore unless she changes her mind about seeing you as more than friends! (don't mention 'relationships' or 'girlfriend/boyfriend') Then, DO NOT contact her after that! If you crack after a week or two because you miss her it will send the message that you are not strong enough to wait for her to come to you and that you are not congruent with your word - after all, you don't want to be friends and you asked her to call if she wants more, so why should you call her!? If she cares enough, she will get in touch, if she doesn't then she ain't worth waiting for... You walk and never look back.. If she calls, great, if she doesn't, great. I also recommend you start dating new women and stop pining over someone you only saw for a month (no matter how intense it was). Edited March 19, 2015 by banana1522 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostanConfused Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Today we went out to see a movie. It was a wonderful date. We cuddled, kissed and had a great time. Laughed the whole way until i dropped her off. With how things went i asked her how i make her feel when i kiss her and everything. she said she likes it but she doesnt know. I told her i understand and she said it will take time but she doesnt know. I told her i will continue to make her happy and be there, but i cant wait forever and if she is unsure or cannot see us working out, to let me know and she said she understood and yea. hope i get to see her next week haha Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostanConfused Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Sorry about everything I have said on here. I should of listened to everyone from the beginning and now im hurting more. After the wonderful date i posted previously she never texted back to thank me or anything. I logged on facebook and to see that she added a new photo and was online. I feel used and ignored by her and it hurts a lot. I'm going to begin No contact and even if she does try to contact me I will not answer it. Thank you. I will keep coming here for support. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Yes thank you everyone for your feedback, but I'm not sure if you know what actually happened that led to our break up. I'm happy she said she still likes me even after what I did to her. I broke her trust by going through her phone when I got suspicious and cause of insecurities from previous relationships. I also used a fake number to text her as a random guy to see how she would reply and that backfired badly She is having trouble getting back because she wants the trust to be there and I hurt her. She brought up that she needs a friend and I thought it would be a good idea so I can still take her out, flirt, treat her the way she needs to be treated and hope we work out. If I can win her trust back then I can win the relationship back, but for now I need confidence and hope. You did not hurt her. She should be able to understand that you were cheated on so it has left you gun shy. Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing. The woman was hiding her phone. Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 With how things went i asked her how i make her feel when i kiss her and everything. she said she likes it but she doesnt know... I told her i will continue to make her happy and be there, but i cant wait forever and if she is unsure or cannot see us working out, to let me know and she said she understood and yea. Dude, I'm sorry but that is the most wussy thing I have heard yet. You NEVER say s**t like that to a girl! Can you picture James Bond saying something like that?! Anyway, you are overreacting and over complicating things by worrying about her lack of a response after your date.. F*** it, it doesn't matter if she hasn't said anything... She seems to be interested again as you are getting the dates but you need HER to be chasing you or she will eventually blow you off, and you are totally killing the attraction with those kind of comments - so cut them out. Yes, go back to NC and let. her. call. you. If she reaches out make a date.. You don't need to ignore her at this stage, she seems interested..! But just act cool and laid back when she does reach out and when you are on a date with her, and let her do 100% of chasing. When she contacts you, make a date straight away! (No BS chitchat) Peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostanConfused Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Thank you very much for your response banana. The thing that got me now is the dude that used to flirt with her and tried to get with her removed himself off her Facebook once he seen that me and her were together. Today scrolling down I seen that those two added each other back on it so I have no clue if they are talking again? I won't message or call her until she calls or messages me. How long is a good period of time to wait before moving up or reaching back out to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 You only reach out to her once you are indifference to the response you get from her or indifference to whether you get a response at all Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostanConfused Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 She messaged me saying the test she studied for went pretty good and she feels confident about it. I told her that I'm glad to hear that and I threw in if she wanted to go ice skating with me. She immediately replied yes. I told her to contact me when she is free and wants to go. Was that good? Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Sounds promising, next time I would say something like "I'm free either Thurs or Sat, if you're not doing anything let's go ice skating". Have a little confidence in yourself and take the lead, women like a confident man 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostanConfused Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 I know this is something that isn't good to ask, but I do try my best and I do take her out a lot to have fun. Would it be alright to ask not now but in time if she is talking to someone else besides me? Or is that too personal. I take my time to do so much and I would like to know so my feelings aren't played with Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Well i don't wanna ruin the parade over here but you are already in the friendzone, dinners and movies it doesn't matter. You see you keep chasing her and chasing her and she's busy, she's thinking about her feeling or confused, look at you're going to get hurt really bad it's time to call it a quit and stop giving her attention being needy turn women off and you my friend are kinda if not too much of needy.. Be a man because you deserve better, it's about time. Good luck and sorry for being this blunt to you. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Yes we dated for 2 weeks and were together for a month. During that time we seen each other about 3-4 times a week with me driving to her college to go see her. We have such similar personalities and we connect so well. I still can't fathom how you are so attached, wrapped up and all the drama after just one month that contained two weeks of actual dating. You would think after reading this thread this was a 2 year relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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