Going to meet up with ex in a week

[NopeNah]

I still can't fathom how you are so attached, wrapped up and all the drama after just one month that contained two weeks of actual dating. You would think after reading this thread this was a 2 year relationship.

I agree..this is unhealthy as hell! I'm not even emotionally invested in a relationship until a few months have passed. I know every one's different,ect..but..Damn! Honestly speaking..I think she sensed his neediness and bounced.

[goldway90]

I still can't fathom how you are so attached, wrapped up and all the drama after just one month that contained two weeks of actual dating. You would think after reading this thread this was a 2 year relationship.

He's just a friend being super needy, what if he was the boyfriend xD?

[LostanConfused]

Thanks for the opinions. I will keep myself busy with school and the gym. I'm going to let 2 weeks go by if I hear nothing then I believe she doesn't feel the same. I will post if something new comes up. Also sorry if I am or do sound needy and desperate I just wanted to try and make things work cause I felt a strong connection when I'm with her. Thank you

[NopeNah]

Thanks for the opinions. I will keep myself busy with school and the gym. I'm going to let 2 weeks go by if I hear nothing then I believe she doesn't feel the same. I will post if something new comes up. Also sorry if I am or do sound needy and desperate I just wanted to try and make things work cause I felt a strong connection when I'm with her. Thank you

 

No reason to apologize to us. We're just trying to help you out, that's what this site's for. Stay busy and continue to do you! Also...don't give her two weeks..don't give her two more minutes!

[banana1522]

I know this is something that isn't good to ask, but I do try my best and I do take her out a lot to have fun. Would it be alright to ask not now but in time if she is talking to someone else besides me? Or is that too personal. I take my time to do so much and I would like to know so my feelings aren't played with

 

Think from the end dude... Don't assume she's going to blow you off or that is exactly what you will make her want to do! You attract what you fear and your lack confidence and worrying about how she feels about you is the main problem here. If you don't believe you are good enough for her soon enough she will agree with you! You do not ask a girl if she is interested in anyone else! Do you want to look like a weak b**ch?!! Sorry but that's totally what she will see if you ever ask that question! Brim with confidence, like you know it's in the bag! But don't be arrogant. Don't put too much effort into your dates either. Make sure she has fun but don't look like you're trying to bribe her into liking you. And again, SHE must do 100% of chasing and calling. DO NOT contact her first man. The second she reaches out though be direct, be decisive and setup a date immediately. Like Mi7522 said, you should suggest a day or two! If she acts wishy washy withdraw the offer by saying this "If you're not sure I'd rather you just get back to me when you know your schedule.." and then don't say anything. The art of negotiation - he who speaks first loses...

 

Have you read what everyone is saying to you!? You are being waaay too needy. Chill out, or she will disappear.

 

PS Did I say to NEVER ask a girl if there is someone else... If she ever mentions it, it's a s**t test, just shrug it off.. "I don't care about him. He can keep you busy when you're not with me" or something like that will do and you should pass it!

Edited March 25, 2015 by banana1522

[LostanConfused]

Sooo an update on us and I'm not sure. I posted a snapchat story after i got done working out and I looked great. A little later after i posted it i got a snap from my ex saying that i looked good. So i waited 2 hours and was like eff it and sent her a facebook message. I asked how she was and she said she was okay, but she didn't ask how i was. oh well haha. While talking i was flirting with her and being myself. She told me she hasn't been feeling it lately because she is moody, i tried talking to her more to brighten her mood, but she said nothing would help. I brought up the idea of us being together tomorrow and she said she doesn't know yet and she will ponder the thought.

 

Then the convo about us ice skating came up and i told her i could Monday or Tuesday she just has to let me know when she is free. The past couple days I have been in the sewers just thinking what if she is talking to someone else or how does she feel for me? I've shaken out of that mood by going out with friends and to the gym more. If i don't get to see her tomorrow or on the dates i proposed to go ice skating. I might cut all contact and finally remove her off facebook.

 

I'm hurting and taking awhile to heal even though it was a short relationship is cause i still have her on facebook and see when she likes others photos and such. I want to remove her, but i feel like if i do i would ruin my chances of us being back together. I don't know how long i have to wait until I'm forgiven or she makes up her mind? I try my best, and put effort and i dont see effort from her side. She does reply to messages quick, but they're short. Maybe I'm trying too hard and thinking about it too much?

 

Sorry for all this I just had to rant and get everything off my mind. Its better to talk about it then let it bottle up. Judge me and give me your opinions it would help me understand my situation in your eyes much more. Thank you

Edited March 27, 2015 by LostanConfused

[Simon Phoenix]

You're chasing someone that dumped you. That's not attractive. Let her make the next move. If she doesn't, then you know that she doesn't have interest. But you're trying way too hard and she's not feeling it.

 

Honestly, I don't think she has much of an interest in dating you. I think she finds you cool to hang out with every so often and she likes flirting with you a bit, but I don't think she sees you as boyfriend material. And you continuing to pursue and pressure her isn't going to do it.

 

You're hurting because you didn't recover -- you just decided to clumsily try to date her again without fixing any of the things that went wrong from your end the first time and not even considering whether she has thought of the things that she did wrong.

 

Either way, stop trying so hard. It's completely unattractive.

[LostanConfused]

Thank you very much Simon. I have read through my thread and seen how stupid my actions have been over her. I dislike looking at myself because of the neediness i had been showing and doing. I will give myself time to heal and work on myself. 2 weeks is what im going to wait to see some effort.

 

An "i miss you" text won't cut it. Either a "i want you" or "i wanna make things work" text will cause me to turn my head towards her. If nothing in those 2 weeks I will block her off facebook, knowing she doesn't care and try dating again just to keep myself out there and have fun. Thank you! I will keep you updated

[Simon Phoenix]

Thank you very much Simon. I have read through my thread and seen how stupid my actions have been over her. I dislike looking at myself because of the neediness i had been showing and doing. I will give myself time to heal and work on myself. 2 weeks is what im going to wait to see some effort.

 

An "i miss you" text won't cut it. Either a "i want you" or "i wanna make things work" text will cause me to turn my head towards her. If nothing in those 2 weeks I will block her off facebook, knowing she doesn't care and try dating again just to keep myself out there and have fun. Thank you! I will keep you updated

 

You jumped the gun on this. You weren't ready for the ups and downs of dating. You're too anxious about everything in regards to this woman, and that's not going to work. Even if she did throw herself at you, I'm not sure if that'd be a good thing.

[banana1522]

Man, honestly.. What is the point in all of us giving you advice if you aren't going to listen to it?? I suggest you re-read what you've been told by everyone and actually act on it this time. AND STOP CHASING FFS!

[Diezel]

What are you doing?!

 

She's telling you that she's being moody and then you just all out decide to bring up going out and chasing her and pushing her again?

 

Do yourself a favor and repeat this: I HAVE NO CHANCE WITH HER.

 

And then realize, you can't ruin something that is already done. Remove her from Facebook. Get back your sense of self-worth. All she did was post a comment about a picture and you took those 2 inches and ran with it for 2 miles, and what did it get you? Nothing.

 

Stop this madness. You should be listening to everyone who has given you advice in here instead of going trigger happy with this girl.

[goldway90]

Do you know what are you doing? are aware? You are FRIENDZONING YOURSELF BIG TIME. She dumped you then you try to listen to her venting? basically you are saying" Well it's okay we are not dating but i'm fine being an emotional tampon" Cmon do you think you are going to win her back like that? Plus being needy isn't about waiting 2 hrs to sent her a message, You are like " Oh she replied, her feelings must've changed" Bam she's goes cold again. You are there turning her off when she said i'm MOODY, just leave and give her space and wait for her to reach out.

I can see this going to this, you'll message her later maybe you talk, then you mention the relationship, she drops the bomb " I just want to be friends". Stop chasing her.

[banana1522]

She told me she hasn't been feeling it lately because she is moody, i tried talking to her more to brighten her mood, but she said nothing would help. ... She does reply to messages quick, but they're short. Maybe I'm trying too hard and thinking about it too much?　

 

Goldway just hit the nail on the head! You cannot expect to get anywhere with this girl if you are going to put yourself in the friendzone. Get off the frigging phone and stop acting like a gay male girlfriend and trying to get her to warm to you! Get her to go on a date with you as soon as SHE reaches out. If she isn't interested or goes cold, tell her to contact you if she changes her mind, go back to the bat-cave and wait!

 

Such a shame too, you were actually getting her to come out with you on dates and then boom, you started to fumble the football all over again.

Edited March 27, 2015 by banana1522

[Ruby65]

Such a shame too, you were actually getting her to come out with you on dates and then boom, you started to fumble the football all over again.

 

Totally disagree -- there was NO progress.

 

She's not into him. She wasn't into him during the few weeks they dated and she was contacting other guys.... she wasn't into him when she broke up with him.... and she's not into him now.

 

Dude: time to move on!!!

[Simon Phoenix]

Goldway just hit the nail on the head! You cannot expect to get anywhere with this girl if you are going to put yourself in the friendzone. Get off the frigging phone and stop acting like a gay male girlfriend and trying to get her to warm to you! Get her to go on a date with you as soon as SHE reaches out. If she isn't interested or goes cold, tell her to contact you if she changes her mind, go back to the bat-cave and wait!

 

Such a shame too, you were actually getting her to come out with you on dates and then boom, you started to fumble the football all over again.

 

Meh, I think you are overestimating his progress. That being said, he needs to just back off because he's not capable of casually seeing this woman or casually dating and letting the attraction build, which is why he shouldn't have ventured away from No Contact in the first place. He wasn't preparing for battle, and this is the result.

[LostanConfused]

So an update has happened. I have been no contact ever since I last talked to her, but last night she contacted me. I was at work and she called. I asked what's up and she said about how she never took me out to eat since I was always the one to take her out. Also cause she was hungry and I said if you're hungry why not go get food with your meal plan and she said that she wanted to be see and be with me.

 

I picked her up and we head out to a diner to eat and we had a wonderful time. She said she doesn't want to go back to her place so I said let's go to mine and she agreed. We cuddled, seen a movie and had lots of sex. During the night I was confused because instead of calling me by my name she called me like she used to call me "babe or baby". I didn't let that get to me.

 

At one point someone tried to call her and I said aren't you going to pick that up and she said no the guy is drunk that's why he is calling. The rest of the night she cuddled all over me and we slept into late afternoon. And she had to go back to study. I had such a wonderful time, but now my heart is confused. Any thoughts or opinions on this or what I should do from now on? I told her when she wants to talk or see me again she can contact me.

[dvx]

So an update has happened. I have been no contact ever since I last talked to her, but last night she contacted me. I was at work and she called. I asked what's up and she said about how she never took me out to eat since I was always the one to take her out. Also cause she was hungry and I said if you're hungry why not go get food with your meal plan and she said that she wanted to be see and be with me.

 

I picked her up and we head out to a diner to eat and we had a wonderful time. She said she doesn't want to go back to her place so I said let's go to mine and she agreed. We cuddled, seen a movie and had lots of sex. During the night I was confused because instead of calling me by my name she called me like she used to call me "babe or baby". I didn't let that get to me.

 

At one point someone tried to call her and I said aren't you going to pick that up and she said no the guy is drunk that's why he is calling. The rest of the night she cuddled all over me and we slept into late afternoon. And she had to go back to study. I had such a wonderful time, but now my heart is confused. Any thoughts or opinions on this or what I should do from now on? I told her when she wants to talk or see me again she can contact me.

You took the bait too easily. She used you for sex. Plus to see if she still has you on the hook, which she has. You gave away the ball to her easily. Plus you told her "I will be waiting here like a doormat, feel free to contact me whenever you want, i will be waiting like a dog"

 

Sad to say, she won by manipulating you easily into her trap.

[Ruby65]

This just gets worse and worse.

 

You're now back in her rotation.... welcome to the monkey house.

[LostanConfused]

I know its horrible. I want to just tell her don't contact me unless you're serious about getting back into a relationship, but I don't know. I'm heading straight back into no contact so I'm not sure. I know things are all messy which is why I ask what's the best road to take now..

[Ruby65]

Well, if you don't want to be FWB, then you're going to have to tell her this isn't what you want and walk away.

 

But given that you only dated a few weeks, I don't think you're really in a position to offer any ultimatums without looking kind of crazy, I'm afraid.

 

Your best bet would be to go No Contact to HEAL.... not to try and make her miss you. Will you do this? I like to believe anything is possible.....

[LostanConfused]

Its a tough decision and I apologize to everyone for being here and helping me deal with this even though i know my answers to most of the problems do frustrate you. I think I'm going to send, "I had a wonderful time with you last night, but in the end i was left with more questions than answers. Please only contact me when you actually want to be in a relationship with me." Then i will block her from everything. Does that sound right? Let me know please and thank you

[banana1522]

I know its horrible. I want to just tell her don't contact me unless you're serious about getting back into a relationship, but I don't know. I'm heading straight back into no contact so I'm not sure. I know things are all messy which is why I ask what's the best road to take now..

 

Dude, look what happened.. You went no contact, played it chill and she reached out because you acted like a man.. Your doing fine! You had lots of sex and had a good time. WTF is the problem?! DON'T try to lock her down by talking about relationships..! Love in such a way that the other person feels free to come and go! You aren't in a relationship so don't try to force it. Make HER bring it up over time and don't rush! You need to let her keep chasing until she is chasing you to the point where she is not talking to anyone else. NO CONTACT from you still, and when she reaches out, make a date! Simples. Rinse, recycle, repeat. Don't listen to people who are trying to help you by making you think you should be pressuring her into doing something she isn't ready for yet. You haven't even been dating for a month!?! Talking about relationships now is STUPID! Repeat after me - Have fun, hang out and hook up (no emotional, needy BS. Period!) Stop complicating things and do not go needy again because you are starting to get back with her! Do you want to ruin things again!?! I see this as positive but you have to come to your own rescue and don't blow it this time. Peace.

Edited March 29, 2015 by banana1522

[banana1522]

Its a tough decision and I apologize to everyone for being here and helping me deal with this even though i know my answers to most of the problems do frustrate you. I think I'm going to send, "I had a wonderful time with you last night, but in the end i was left with more questions than answers. Please only contact me when you actually want to be in a relationship with me." Then i will block her from everything. Does that sound right? Let me know please and thank you

 

Don't contact her! But don't block her either. Why would you need to do that when she is coming to you..!? Read my last post.

[banana1522]

Totally disagree -- there was NO progress.

 

She's not into him. She wasn't into him during the few weeks they dated and she was contacting other guys.... she wasn't into him when she broke up with him.... and she's not into him now.

 

B******t..! You don't have sex with someone you're not into. Unless you're someone with very few options.. Pi**es me off how many negative nannies like to hang around here.

[LostanConfused]

Thank you very much for that Banana. Thats how i was feeling i should do things, but after what everyone was saying i felt that it was wrong. I'm going back to no contact, but i won't block her. I will see if she messages or calls me, but for now I'm going to do me. I understand the mistakes I have made before and I don't want them to resurface. Last night when i was with her i was more distant and acted like I didn't want to cuddle or kiss much which led her to come up on me and went straight to sex. If anything serious comes up in time I will let you know. Thank you!