Southern Sun Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 In doing all my research regarding ending affairs, I've read that it can be helpful to set a new goal, something with a timeline, to just help in moving on with your life. Have any of you set new goals? Reached them? I would love to hear about the productive ways you moved on...how dismantling your old life has led to something new and better. I of course have immediate and long term goals regarding my marriage. I am also thinking about a total re-set and going back to school. You? Link to post Share on other sites
SleekArchitecture Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I suppose doing well for yourself would be a great start. This is what I plan on doing. I do not need his acceptance and love to make it in life. I do not need his acceptance and love to do poorly. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 After it all ended, I was so broken - just a shell of a person. I knew I needed to get busy doing something to help keep my mind from obsessing and to give myself something new to look forward to. I don't know why, but I started buying used/beat up Chimineas on Craigslists and refurbished them. There was something very therapeutic about the process of stripping down the old and making it new again. I sanded the clay, repaired cracks, primed and painted them. Then I would surprise friends and drop them off at their house to enjoy during the summer/fall nights. I also started horseback riding, which was always something I was interested in doing. I think the key is to stay busy and to find things that you are passionate about to help you cope with the pain and also help bring you back to who you are. I definitely couldn't focus on school. My mind could barely handle doing my job. Find what works for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I got a job doing what I love. I go to school but now my goals are to get my bachelors and masters to teach. I'm in my 40s w 3 kids so it's going to be hard work and all consuming. I'm planning on doing things to my house this spring, and dieting, lost 8 pounds so far and working out! Everyday I just try to focus on new and better things.... Oh and also making a lot of plans with friends that I had pushed to the side for mm!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Southern Sun Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 This is awesome! Rainbow, I love the chimenas. That is just so cool. Jos, good for you on your job and school. I am working towards schooling myself, going back to do something I've always wanted to do. My H is very supportive of it. I just turned 40 this year, and I've worried about the age thing. But I figure, I'll be the same age in the 2-3 years it will take to accomplish my goal as I will be in 2-3 years if I change nothing. Day 5 NC for me. Going strong. Literally no temptation to reach out whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Day 5 NC for me. Going strong. Literally no temptation to reach out whatsoever. Correction...5 days of re-commitment to marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 One goal is the determination to beat it. To do this, you must make them the villain. Clothesline them off the pedestal and look deeply at them. More than likely they are more imperfect than your spouse. Once you focus on that and the reasons why you broke up, just be determined not to call, text, answer or cyber stalk. Real low profile on social media. If you feel the need to tweet or announce something on facebook to get their attention, don't do it. Disappear. After a month you will have temptation but not much. After two months, you won't even think of them every hour. Treat it like you would an addiction. Don't allow yourself to think about it. Push forward. Another goal to set is have the best life ever. I said yesterday, my shenanigans definitely took more years off my life than any bottle of scotch I've drank. I'm almost at 3 months NC and it's easy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 This is awesome! Rainbow, I love the chimenas. That is just so cool. Jos, good for you on your job and school. I am working towards schooling myself, going back to do something I've always wanted to do. My H is very supportive of it. I just turned 40 this year, and I've worried about the age thing. But I figure, I'll be the same age in the 2-3 years it will take to accomplish my goal as I will be in 2-3 years if I change nothing. Day 5 NC for me. Going strong. Literally no temptation to reach out whatsoever. I started back to school when I turned 40. It was scary but I felt the same as you, in 3 years I'll be 43 anyway. Im 45 now and I only have 5 more classes and I'm done w this degree. I never thought I could do it. I lost my goals when I was w mm, forgot what I wanted and what was truly important to me...but I'm gaining it back now.... Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 YOu have done something really positive as an outcome of your A. Maybe it was the catalyst you needed to achieve a better life for yourself. Cheers, Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Southern Sun Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Correction...5 days of re-commitment to marriage. You got it. Touche' Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Correction...5 days of re-commitment to marriage. Haha, I was going to get her.. Southen, I'm going to play word police, its the first step in changing your mindset. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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