Lindamayes Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I have no idea how to deal with this and hence am posting this here. We have been married for nearly twenty years now.(We celebrate our 20th anniversary next month) and have two children--17, and 14. We are quite well-off as both of us have worked hard to get where we are today. We have had our ups and downs in marriage and managed to sort them out. Now here is the thing--My husband was caught stealing the battery of a mobile phone. Last week had taken my daughter's phone for servicing to the service centre. He came back home and told me that there was an extra battery lying around there and he brought it home. I didn't pay much attention to it though it bothered me. Two days back the service centre tracked him down. Apparently they had captured the entire footage of him pocketing the battery on CC-TV. My husband was terrified that they would go to the cops. He was literally shaking with fear. I comforted him saying they wouldn't. My son and I returned the battery to the service centre and that was the end of that. My husband has expressed regret over this incident many many times and he has sworn that he will never do such a thing again. He said he felt terrible about setting such a lousy example for the kids. (I spoke to the kids separately and said they should never ever do such a thing. My kids have always been raised with strong values like honesty and kindness) In the early days of our marriage he used to steal things like towels, spoons etc from hotels. I was very very angry with him for that and to me stealing is unimaginable. I ticked him off and subsequently managed to wean him off that habit. After that, in the 20 years that we have been together, I don't think he has stolen things. (Unless he has done so without my knowledge) Now this battery incident bothers me big time. He lost his job recently but has got a really big severance package and it is only a matter of time before he finds a new job. We do not have any financial difficulties at all. Why did he do this? What should I do? I am not able to put it behind me and move on. I do not have the heart to discuss this with any of my friends as I think that will mean letting my husband down. And hence I am posting this here, hoping for some advice and understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I'll ask the obvious - has he talked to a counselor or therapist? The theft is symptomatic of some greater issue. You should both be motivated to find out what that is... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I agree with Mr Lucky. To me this is a symptom of an underlying problem that needs to be investigated. Please persuade him to talk to a mental health professional/counsellor about this. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Some people just like being able to get away with not paying for stuff. My H takes things like coffee and sugar sachets from hotel rooms on trips . But he wouldn't ever steal from a shop. Maybe the shame of them tracking him down will knock some sense into him. Having your son know, must have been a wake up call. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I agree with Sandy, the shame of getting busted is likely to have sorted it out. A friend of mine got caught stealing a hair dye from the super market about 10 years ago, she had to go to court and got banned from the shop for 2 years. She was so ashamed she's never done anything like that since and vows she never will again. I beleive her. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 One petty theft in 20 years is no big deal. Stop making a mountain out of a molehill. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 One petty theft in 20 years is no big deal. Stop making a mountain out of a molehill. Actually, theft is against the law, and it is in the same 10 Commandments as #7. Would 1 A in 20 years be okay? I would guess not. I an understand why this bothers the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 One petty theft in 20 years is no big deal. Stop making a mountain out of a molehill. You think ordinary, well-functioning adults steal $20 cell batteries in the normal course of their lives? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Shocking, but yep, and why nearly every business that has stuff to steal has security cameras. If it isn't customers stealing, it's employees stealing. Why did he do this? You gave one potential answer, even though it makes no sense to you: He lost his job recently Very different reality for a man and one men understand. Do men resort to criminal behavior when losing their jobs? Yep, some do, even with a 'generous severance package'. Right? Nope! What should I do? I am not able to put it behind me and move on Accept the real and move forward. He's paying his consequences. Since he had the proclivities as a young man and was 'weaned' off of them, they probably go back to childhood and are a part of his emotional tapes of life. Still, he has choices. He can follow the tape or make different choices. Work with him on that. His issue is a marital issue, since you're having difficulty here, and partners work as a team. Easy? Nope! Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 yes, I was also thinking losing his job did a number on his brain. Maybe he is just pissed at the world, and took it out on this one cell phone shop. Was he let go of in a horrible way, or in a nice way? I suggest a multiprong approach. get him to the gym, and have him work out...a lot. it will help his body AND his brain Suggest he have a little counseling about losing his job. that is traumatic, even if he is not letting on that it is. And if he is so stressed about losing his job, it will negatively effect his job search. Maybe go on a cheap vacation somewhere to give his mind something new to think about? If he does not routinely steal stuff, I would not worry too much about this one event. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lindamayes Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 Thank you folks. Yes, i have put it behind me now. It is strange how much time helps! It is 10 days since I posted it here, and now it just seems like distant past. All your replies asking me to just forget about it helped. Thank you folks!! Really appreciate the support. Link to post Share on other sites
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