Atmosphere77 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I posted this here for all the people who want their ex back. Most of the advice on this site is No contact and move on. If you were cheated on that's the advice I'd give though. You can read my semi-pathetic story here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/501716-praying-breadcrumbs-updated I'd also ask that this doesn't get moved so people will read it. Long story short(er) we were sick of each other and had lots of little fights. Things came to head, we talked, and broke up. Around a week later I had second thoughts and attempted to work things out. She absolutely did not want to talk about us. I did some chasing, sent flowers (never do that lol) etc. Then I stopped contacting her and went to work on myself. That's when I found this site and started reading threads daily. I read about how so many people were left for someone else. I read how most of the time when a dumper (technically she became the dumper) reaches out it's to alleviate guilt or to massage their ego. It made me angry and you can see how I handled the breadcrumbs in my thread above. At the beginning she would sent out a "How are you" text 1-2 a week. I kept it positive and she would end the conversation quickly. Sometimes I ignored them. Eventually that stopped and she only contacted me during holidays. When she text me on my birthday she was very flirty so I decided on her birthday 2 weeks later I'd reach out to her. She was very happy I reached out and again flirty. I suggested we meet up the following week for birthday drinks and she agreed. I didn't know what to expect from this meet up. Her flirting made me think it would go well but I was prepared for anything and if it was friend zoning or a "Hey this is my new boyfriend Sven" I was prepared to keep my game face on. She met me at the bar of a nice restaurant. I got the corner of the mouth kiss. After not seeing her for about 5 months it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. She asked if I was dating anyone and I said I'd rather not talk about that. She pushed, so I just said I've been keeping busy. We talked, got something to eat and went to a bar down the street. At that place she started to kiss me. She missed me so much and loved me etc. I had to calm her down a few times. It was getting late (work night). I walked her to her car and she tried to sexually attack me. I told her I'd meet her at her place before we get arrested and that's what we did. We went out again 2 nights later. She said that over the whole break up she felt like I did. I DID NOT tell her how bad I was except that I always missed her. I asked why she didn't reach out and tell me. She told me she thought she had and that I wasn't interested anymore. Breadcrumbs? You will never get a "I love you, I made a mistake and want you back" I don't think anyone will lay it out like that. It seems like she wants to just start off as if we never broke up 5 months ago. I told her the break was very good for us and as of now we're dating. It does seem like we're back together though and it's great being happy with her again, but I want to take it slow and not screw anything up. She even saved the flowers I sent 2 weeks or so after the break up. So there is hope. I'm actually surprised it went as well as it did for me. I'm also at a place were if it doesn't work out I will be ok. What a rollercoaster it's been. I don't believe in NC unless you were cheated on or really do want to move on. If chasing them doesn't work (it won't) I suggest communicating only when they initiate. Be positive and not needy. Don't talk about the old relationship. Keep in mind, them contacting you doesn't mean they do want you back though. And stay out of the friend zone at all costs unless that is all you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 We went out again 2 nights later. She said that over the whole break up she felt like I did. I DID NOT tell her how bad I was except that I always missed her. I asked why she didn't reach out and tell me. She told me she thought she had and that I wasn't interested anymore. Breadcrumbs? You will never get a "I love you, I made a mistake and want you back" I don't think anyone will lay it out like that. It seems like she wants to just start off as if we never broke up 5 months ago. I told her the break was very good for us and as of now we're dating.. Best of luck with your reconciliation! Of course I have to disagree with the section highlighted -- because as a dumper I said those very words myself to reconcile with my ex. I've also had them said to me by three exes who were attempting to reconcile, so..... yeah. Not only DOES that happen, but in my experience it always happened. Again, good luck to you. I hope you're both working on the issues that lead to the breakup, otherwise those very issues can cause you problems down the line. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Also have to back up Ruby65. I know of several reconciliations that have resulted from dumpers coming correct and making their intentions crystal clear. In fact, all the successful ones that I know of had that happen. I wish you the best of luck either way though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Ewww -- I assume all the women you've been dating for benefits only are now history. Beware: what goes around, comes around my friend. IN SPADES. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Atmosphere77 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Also have to back up Ruby65. I know of several reconciliations that have resulted from dumpers coming correct and making their intentions crystal clear. In fact, all the successful ones that I know of had that happen. I wish you the best of luck either way though. Actually at this point we've both said this in other words. I guess what I meant to say was where I come from, everyone is going to dance around actually coming out and saying it. My ex wants to get back in that way. I do too, but I want to do it slowly and hopefully not screw it up. Thanks for wishing us luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Atmosphere77 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Ewww -- I assume all the women you've been dating for benefits only are now history. Beware: what goes around, comes around my friend. IN SPADES. LOL. Not sure what you want from me here. I was seeing two girls. One was a girl I've know for 20 years and hooked up with for the past 10 here and there. She knew 100% what was going on in my life. In the 5 months I was broken up she had a boyfriend for one of them. During that time she told me to run to my ex and declare my love for her lol. She's now dating one of my old friends she recently met because I told her, even though I'm technically single, we need to be platonic. I want to give my ex and I a chance. My friend asked if I was cool with it and I told him to go for it. And the other one I was honest with, I slapped around until she tried to commit suicide like 3 times. Don't worry, i'll get over it soon enough. And if my ex and I don't work out, I promise only to date straight men so if I lie and deceive them they will have at least made the mistakes to deserved it Link to post Share on other sites
neildc Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Also have to back up Ruby65. I know of several reconciliations that have resulted from dumpers coming correct and making their intentions crystal clear. In fact, all the successful ones that I know of had that happen. I wish you the best of luck either way though. I too have to support what the two of you have said. I was a dumper, realized my mistake and admitted fault and was as direct as possible that I messed up, still loved her, and wanted her back. Granted in my case, things didn't work out for me unfortunately. I can't imagine a dumper asking for reconciliation without being able to openly recongize their mistake and be as clear as possible to the person they hurt. It's the only right thing to do in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Atmosphere you said you guys broke up 5 months ago. Out of that time how long were you guys on NC? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Atmosphere77 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Atmosphere you said you guys broke up 5 months ago. Out of that time how long were you guys on NC? I chased every few days for about 2-3 weeks. I never went full NC. I stopped contacting her. She sent breadcrumbs that went from twice a week, to once a month, to only on special occasions, etc. Sometimes I responded, sometimes I ignored, but I always tried to be positive and not needy/lame. There is no formula. The 30 days no contact scams are just that. I'm pretty sure at this point, I could have had her back around the 2 month mark but I'm glad it went as long as it did. I needed time to be ok without her and she needed time to not be ok without me. We've been having great times like we did at the beginning of our original relationship. It's been good times for both of us. I will say if you got dumped, the less contact from you the better. If you disappear she'll start to forget the negatives and remember the positives. The negatives could be you were smothering her or maybe you were a dick that didn't understand women. If there's a chance, they will reach out. Don't expect it to happen and maybe it will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Twigyy Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Good luck Atmosphere! Do cherish her when she's with you. I wish it would happen to me. Haha Link to post Share on other sites
dvx Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Your story is very very similar to mine. We broke up due to the similar things, i did the same misstakes as you, begged for first 2 weeks, sent flowers to her work etc. What do you mean with go NC if she cheated on you, mine never cheated on my, but still I'm on NC for about a week now. ( she broke up 3 weeks ago ) the first 2 weeks i was needy , begging and desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 This. I hope everything works out for you. You are one of the rare ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Atmosphere77 Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 Your story is very very similar to mine. We broke up due to the similar things, i did the same misstakes as you, begged for first 2 weeks, sent flowers to her work etc. What do you mean with go NC if she cheated on you, mine never cheated on my, but still I'm on NC for about a week now. ( she broke up 3 weeks ago ) the first 2 weeks i was needy , begging and desperate. I just meant if she cheated on me that I'd be done with her most likely Link to post Share on other sites
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