1994O Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 My girlfriend of 23 months broke up with me yesterday.. She said she is still in love with me but needs time to herself and see what she is like on her own..there has been a strain on us lately so I understand where she is coming from.. We are going no contact.. I really hope this will bring her back..what do you think? This happened 9 months into the relationship and no contact brought her back with 5 days of no contact.. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 My girlfriend of 23 months broke up with me yesterday.. She said she is still in love with me but needs time to herself and see what she is like on her own..there has been a strain on us lately so I understand where she is coming from.. *We are going no contact.. I really hope this will bring her back..what do you think? This happened 9 months into the relationship and no contact brought her back with 5 days of no contact.. *NC is not a tool, trick, or strategy to get someone back. To attempt to use it as such is manipulation and game-playing. It is a tool for healing from a broken relationship. As she has left the relationship, you can use NC to help yourself heal. NC means: No direct contact in either direction, and no replies. No indirect contact via third parties. No monitoring of social media. No 'little birds' feeding you news. There is no rule or law which says you have to go NC, but if you choose to do it, do it properly. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Not saying this is true in your case, but in my experience anytime someone has said "I just need to be alone for a while".... it means there's someone else on the horizon they want to be free to pursue. They leave it open-ended so that, if it doesn't work out with the other person, you're still there to go back to. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Hi Ruby65, I'm not being blind but this really isn't the case.. She does have respect for me and wouldn't do that too me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 It's not about respect at all! It's about someone else appearing on the horizon.... and her not wanting to jeopardize her relationship with you if it doesn't work out. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I don't see her suddenly going out to look for someone new though. Not when she's gone to the trouble of establishing that (1) she's *still in love* with OP and (2) this might just be temporary. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 The problem I have it that this is nearly a carbon copy of what happened 9 months into our relationship and we got back together, so this time Ifeel we will again! Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Then I'd assume whoever she was leaving you for nine months ago fell through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 There was knowone the last time and I know that for a fact. She said she feels like she always relies on me. I'm just going to stay nc and see how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Hi everyone, I'm now on day 4 of no contact finding it very hard. I find in the morning especially hard. I just can't help but think she will contact me. If she's is the girl I really knew she will. Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Hi everyone, I'm now on day 4 of no contact finding it very hard. I find in the morning especially hard. I just can't help but think she will contact me. If she's is the girl I really knew she will. The first days are the hardest days (as the Grateful Dead so wisely told us). Just stick to it, you will find that it will be your salvation and eventually it won't even matter to you whether she contacts you or not. Stick to it, focus on yourself and not on her, and you will heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 Hi everyone thanks for advice.. On day 5 of no contact finding it very hard. I really want to talk to her.. This is the first time ie spent time by myself and found it very hard. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 I'm just going to elaborate a bit on our relatiobship. Lately for the past few months I haven't put her first in my life.. I haven't given her enough attention. She was chasing me a bit but she wasn't my main focus and when I realise it it was too late. Having a few doubts now about no contact. Is it the right approach? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 No Contact is to help you heal from the breakup.... with the goal in mind of being able to eventually move on. I understand you're hoping she'll miss you and change her mind, but I find it highly doubtful she's really left you to be alone. If you've been distant or not giving her much attention, this only makes it more likely that either someone specific -- or just the idea of finding someone new -- has inspired this breakup. There's really nothing you can do at this point other than to work towards accepting the breakup and trying to get through it as best you can. The alternative -- to continue to contact her -- is only going to push her farther away and bring you more pain. IF she changes her mind, she'll initiate contact and do the work to make a reconciliation happen. Have you read the No Contact Guide that's posted on this site? That really goes into what it is and how it will help you. Here's another guide that many have found to be helpful as well: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 Thanks for advice Ruby65. I can't help but feel me not contacting her will make her feel that I really don't care about her though since that's kind of how it ended? In day 6 of nc now. When she broke it off I didn't beg. I just kind of went with it. I tried to get her back of course but did not beg. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 She knows you don't want the breakup. Go ahead and contact her if you feel there's too much left unsaid between you -- but I think you're more likely to just confirm for her that she's made the right decision. People don't break up without reason, not from a relationship that long. She thought about this for a long time.... sounds like she had a practice run nine months ago.... then finally after much deliberation and emotional disconnect she decided this was the way to go. It's more likely she's going toward someone else than simply leaving you, but in any case -- she has her reasons. If you tried to get her back at the time of the breakup, and she held firm in her decision, try and leave it at that. Right now, your breakup is like quitting smoking. Your nicotine-deprived brain is coming up with all kinds of reasons and justifications to contact your ex.... to "fight" for her.... just like it would tell you "one cigarette won't hurt." The reality is: she knows what she's doing, she knows you don't want to break up, she's decided to do it anyway. Have you checked out the guides? They're both very good and filled with lots of information -- you'll see your circumstance is far from unique, and that No Contact is really your best course of action right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 The first time we broke up, I was clingy and jealous that was the reason. I know that. And now it's the opposite! I feel like maybe I didn't fight hard enough for us. I do want her back, I'll take any approach that has the best of getting her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 The sad truth is, there's nothing you can say or do to *get someone back.* If she ever changes her mind, that's something she's going to decide on her own and it has little to do with what you think it does. Sometimes people just need to push and push until it finally sinks in. That might be the case for you. But continuing to contact someone who's ended a relationship with you isn't respecting her decision and it isn't likely to go over well with her. Your best course of action is to focus on what you can control: on YOU -- on your life, on your healing. I'm sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear. Try to understand that right now you're in denial. Google the Five Stages of Grief model. These are five stages that most people go through when processing a loss. This might help give you some perspective -- you're in Denial and working on Bargaining your way back into the relationship. This is a normal stage and almost everyone goes through it at first. But sadly most breakups are permanent. You believe she broke up with you because you were doing A, B, and C. That's not true. She broke up with you because she *lost feelings* for you. Simply changing A, B, and C isn't going to magically bring back the feelings that have been lost. Keep posting, and please read through the guides! They'll help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 Thanks for your advice. I appreciate it! I just feel she will come back. We have unfinished business! If she came back the last time I don't know why she wouldn't this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 Maybe I haver given enough information. The last time we broke up she kissed another guy and felt so bad about it that she took too many paracetamol and was sent to hospital with it. She nearly died rather than come back and reconcile with me cause she felt so bad over it. After that she came back too me. She's the type of girl that would suffer for her decision to that extent. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 A suicide attempt is not a reflection of the depth of her love for you.... but rather an indication of serious emotional problems. I'm assuming she's been getting help for that. Really nothing else I can say other than to urge you to stick with No Contact, keep posting and reading the threads here, and read the guides I mentioned earlier. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 So I bumped into her last night and we got talking. I laid my cards on the table but didn't beg and left her be. She said she doesn't know what she wants and needs to be by herself to think. Said she missed me a lot during the week. Standard enough. I'm going to go back to no contact now! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 She also said I'm perfect for her and that it's more the situation. She is going away for 10 weeks in the summer so I understand that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 Advice anyone? Really struggling Link to post Share on other sites
Twigyy Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 If she told you that she needs space just let her have it and if it sounds like there is a chance for reconciliation then good for you. Meanwhile just focus on yourself and not in the relationship. make yourself better looking, work out more, get a new haircut, anything really. When she wants you back she will tell you, and you have no control of it. So be more productive I guess, instead of wasting time wondering if she will come back. Good luck my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
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