kendahke Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Advice anyone? Really struggling Ruby65 has given you the best advice on your issue. You would be very wise to follow their advice; read the link they gave you and understand No Contact is not a manipulation tool to make someone do what you want them to do. It would appear that your tack isn't working this time if she's still determined to be on her own, so you would be wise to stop putting energy in that direction and start the process of understanding exactly what NC is really about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 20, 2015 Author Share Posted March 20, 2015 thanks for advice everyone. i was out drinking during the week and got pretty drunk, my ex was out too and she called me and i ended up going home with her. we had sex etc, the next morning we had a talk about us, discussed alot. we were kissing cuddling all that like old times. she said she is afraid of having a bf while she is away as she doesnt want to be the girl who is missing him every night calling him etc. i understand this as she is going with her friends and wouldnt want too annoy them. she said time will tell what happens with us. also said she felt she kind of lost herself in the relationship and was too dependent on me. im going nc again. she apologised for calling me. she said she misses me and when she see's me her feelings always come back and because of that she doesnt want to see me. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 thanks for advice everyone. i was out drinking during the week and got pretty drunk, my ex was out too and she called me and i ended up going home with her. we had sex etc, the next morning we had a talk about us, discussed alot. we were kissing cuddling all that like old times. she said she is afraid of having a bf while she is away as she doesnt want to be the girl who is missing him every night calling him etc. i understand this as she is going with her friends and wouldnt want too annoy them. she said time will tell what happens with us. also said she felt she kind of lost herself in the relationship and was too dependent on me. im going nc again. she apologised for calling me. she said she misses me and when she see's me her feelings always come back and because of that she doesnt want to see me. What lesson do you think you could learn from this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 20, 2015 Author Share Posted March 20, 2015 Satu, im not sure? go nc? Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Move on. Be done. If your paths ever cross again address it then. Right now, you need to become a total and complete ghost. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Just one question, she says everytime she see's me her mind changes and her feelings ignite.. Would nc not make her feelings go away then? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Anyone have an opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 If her feelings had ignited as much as she claims, then she'd be telling you she wants you back. Sounds like bull**** to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Don't think it is but could be. Just stay nc so? Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Don't think it is but could be. Just stay nc so? Oh, you don't do you? She breaks up with you to "find herself". This means she either has someone else she's interested in or just wants to be single and play the field. If her feelings for you keep coming back and she "loves" you then why isn't she with you? Can one not "find" themselves while being in a relationship? It's not one or the other, you can be with someone and still discover what you like and dislike. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 It's sad that you keep posting here over and over, asking for opinions, hoping that SOMEONE will tell you what you want to hear. She's not into you. That's the truth. If she WANTED to be with you.... she'd be with you! It really is that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted April 3, 2015 Author Share Posted April 3, 2015 hi everyone. sorry if i seem like an ignorant person ignoring your advice didnt mean to come across that way. my ex messaged me today saying she found some of my stuff wants to give it back etc, thing is i know none of the stuff is important and doesnt need to be given back. should i reply to her? she text saying "hope your doing well and have some of your stuff i can meet you and give it to you". i dont know what the stuff is but i know its not important. should i just ignore it? Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 I'd ignore it because just seeing her can/will open up a world of hurt and really set you back in your healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted April 17, 2015 Author Share Posted April 17, 2015 On day 30 of no contact, I bumped into her in a nightclub. We got talking and had a nice chat, were civil etc, she came back to my house and we had sex etc.. She said she is still in love with me and wants to get back together but she is going away in 6 weeks for 2 and a half months to another country so we agreed it wouldn't be ideal to get back together and then she is going away. She said she hopes we can give it a proper go when she hopes but also said she doesn't expect me to wait. Time is the only thing in the way now. She said if I meet someone that she understands.. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted April 17, 2015 Author Share Posted April 17, 2015 She said she wants to get back together but at the same time is a little scared of me letting her down (that's what broke the relationship) Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Sounds like she plans to sleep with other guys while she's away. Also sounds like she's giving you permission to sleep with other women while she's away. A love story for the ages. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted April 17, 2015 Author Share Posted April 17, 2015 Yeah could be right. Would you say go no contact again? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 I really don't have any other ways to express to you that this person just doesn't care about you the way you care about her. So, yeah -- No Contact is a good idea. And be sure she's blocked on your phone (or change your number) so when she contacts you on her return she won't be able to get through. Block her online as well, on every site and app you use. Avoid places she's likely to be. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted April 18, 2015 Author Share Posted April 18, 2015 Wouldn't really agree with you on that but fair enough ? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 You wouldn't agree..... based on what? Someone who loves you and wants to be with you doesn't treat you the way this girl treats you. But I take it you won't be blocking her anywhere or sticking to NC, so.... best of luck to you, my friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted April 18, 2015 Author Share Posted April 18, 2015 She's told me she wants to be with me, but we both agreed it would be better to wait until she gets back. I will be sticking to no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
DJOkawari Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 (edited) Ah this is like reading a memory for me. 23 months, "needs time to herself", broke up because I wasn't giving her attention, I go NC, we meet up again and have sex, "She said she is still in love with me and wants to get back together but...", she says "I understand if you move on" after the 2nd time etc. It was precisely the same, so far. She's hurting but notice she's hurting a bit less each time. She's healing. I really thought not going NC would save us given that my lack of attention is what caused this. It didn't. Go NC, stay NC. Specifically, I was on and off NC until about month 3. We had met up and had ridiculously good conversations and unbelievable sex (much better than in the relationship) occasionally in between. About 3 months post breakup she tries to reconcile for the 2nd time, I had completed around 3.5 weeks of solid NC since then and she messaged me to tell me I was the "one" and no other guy would do it for her and that she wanted to go to coffee. I went to coffee and told her based on what had happened so far (3 months of being apart) I didn't really believe her. Given her mixed signals before, etc. She told me we should take it slow. I agreed. Taking it slow involved not really trying at all on her end and me eventually seeing her on a date with someone "new". Of course she said it was "just a friend" who had suddenly kissed her. I believe her in a way, it did appear that way...but on the other hand she didn't really fight it. So I was done with her at that point. She came to talk to me in person that day and I was clear that I knew what was up and I was done. I blocked her on everything and just felt sad. She managed to email me that night using a new email and just apologized a lot and talked about our love like it was a great thing and also got a bit mad with me. I waited a bit and wrote her back. What ensued was about two weeks of a rather good time. I could see she wanted me like she used to and I saw a future for us. I could look past all of the stuff that happened. Then one day after sleeping over at my place she told me "I don't have feelings for you" and walked off. She messaged me a few times on facebook since then...every 3 or 4 days after she "walked off" but that stopped after about 3 weeks...like an idiot I had been replying, mostly not to be rude. I was pretty terse for almost all of the conversations and when I finally opened up a little I didn't even get a response. Haven't heard from her since. I've run into her in public and I didn't made a point of saying "Hi" and she didn't either. Essentially, I weaned her off me. Probably for the best. I'm just a day short of 4 weeks NC and I'm destroyed still. I recommend you stay NC and see what ends up happening. I chased and she stopped seeing value in me. Relating to your tale, she was also travelling and we're both "free-spirit" type people so we do see traveling and "experiencing people" as something to do. She was also graduating from college and probably wanted to end her time here with a bang. I think those things contributed to the break up staying broken up. The initial spark for the breakup was probably me not giving her enough attention (though her needing so much attention was an aspect of it as well). Finally, I think if I had stayed NC and not been so weak about letting her back into my life each time I came across her, then, when she was done travelling, we probably would have reunited. On top of that, I would have focused on myself, healed, and dealt with my problems. I'm still dealing with things now, she's basically completely healed - I think. I still have some vague hope now that she'll miss me eventually and contact me when she gets back in 4 months (or earlier, heh) or so. I'm trying my best to squash that hope because realistically there is no chance in my situation. For you, I think there is a little bit of hope given that you haven't pushed her to the point of saying "I don't feel anything for you", but on the other hand that's really not much. You've gotta heal and move on. If you have something at all with her in the future then it should be something new and you should be in your best condition to give it your best shot. Edited April 18, 2015 by DJOkawari Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 She's told me she wants to be with me, but we both agreed it would be better to wait until she gets back. I will be sticking to no contact. No Contact means.... she's blocked everywhere, so has no way to reach you when she's back in town. What you're planning to do, I'm guessing, is to just wait without contacting her for the next six weeks, while she's off having fun with other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 She has some of my clothes that I want back so I will have to meet her this week, but after that I'll go no contact again, yes she's free to do what she wants with other guys, but I'm also free to do what I want with other girls! She cried when she heard I slept with another girl.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1994O Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 Also, it suprised me how bad she took the break up. She has been out clubbing 3 night a week to avoid thinking about it as she can't bare to sit in. To be honest I'm not all suprised. Where as I have been working out, improving myself and doing reasonably well. She said I've gotten better looking aswell haha. My honest opinion is that she will be back. But for me to take her back will take alot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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