How in the hell does he keep getting away with not showing up at work?!

[Mapper71]

Well I know it's because of the damn FMLA he abuses the hell out of. Husband is on day 6 of not going to work for no reason other than he just isn't feeling it. He has 4 days of FMLA to use every month and he makes sure to use it. He always tells me he's out of days but somehow manages to take up to 2 weeks off without reprimand. I get home yesterday and find him in the computer room. I'm fuming. I walk in there and say very sarcastically "What a surprise to find you home" His response? "Look, I have a cat on my lap". Well frickin' yippee yi yo! Way to change the subject! Then it hits him what I just said and he goes"Are you really surprised to see me home?" I say "Of course not". He goes "Oh really" all sad like how could I not have faith in him to go to work. Then he goes "Oh doesn't that smell good?" because he's smoking salmon out back. Most likely the reason he stayed home from work. He goes "Do you want to take a look at it?" I say very sarcastically "Do I!" He takes me out back and I am less than impressed. Awesome. You stayed home ot smoke salmon. You said you were going to start it before you left for work and then have me change out the chips when I got home. However, since I appear to be an idiot in anything you ask me to do I'm sure you thought you should stay home and take care of it. Then I don't say much and walk around the house cleaning the cat box, getting the coffee maker set up for the morning, feeding the cats you know because he couldn't do any of it all day. He goes back into the computer room and goes "Why are you walking around all mad?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? I go "Oh I don't know. Maybe because you are on another one of your not working for days/weeks jags?". He then starts his cutesy talk with me trying to cheer me up. Calling me honey and sweetie and being oh-so-nice to me. I don't fall for it. I talk to him, but don't say much and certainly don't seem happy. That goes on all night until I go to bed. I go to bed at 9 and he says "I'm pretty tired. I'll probably be in shortly." I say "Yup" because I know he won't be. Every time he says that it pretty much means he'll be up for hours. Sure enough he doesn't come to bed until 12:30...3 1/2 hours later! He stayed up playing his video game at a very loud level never even considering I was trying to sleep. He turns on the furnace around 11:30 and it blows for an hour before he turns it off. I'm so hot I can barely stand it. He comes to bed and rubs my back and tries to be all lovey. He turns out the light and I am tossing and turning and he goes "What's the problem?" I say that I'm hot and I can't sleep.

 

This is where it starts turning the corner. See, I didn't fall for all his lovey-doveiness and I'm still upset. Usually I just brush it under the rug and put on my happy face and he wins. Well now this is where he starts turning it all around on me and now he feels he has every right to be mad at me for being mad at him because his charm isn't working on me. He goes "Oh and you not sleeping is all my fault, isn't it?" I don't say anything. He goes "No I see how it is." and turns over and goes to sleep. This is where I always give in and be all nice to him, but I didn't. He will start telling me "The reason I'm not going in is because I don't feel well. You can't expect me to work when I don't get enough sleep and have a sore back and neck all the time." Oh of course not! Why would anyone go into work when they are tired or have a sore muscle! He won't have said any of this to me before because it isn't true and now is making me feel bad about being mad at him for not going in when there's a good explanation. This is where I'm supposed ot apologize to him! How f'd up is that??!! I am sure he will not go into work today. 1) he has a dermatology appt at 10AM so he's not going there, then coming home for 1 1/2 hours and going back out to go to work and 2) I saw his text to his manager yesterday. It said "Just to let you know where things are at with me. I've been diagnosed with hemochromotosis and that is affecting my joints. I will keep you up to date with what is going on". He actually has been diagnosed with that, but he's had that for 2 years and never once used that as an excuse. Now all of a sudden his joints hurt too much to work. Funny, because last week it was all about how he had a sore neck and he had a doctor's appt one day, then a phys. ther. appt the next day, then a doctor's AND phys. ther. appt the following day and could never manage to make it in for work. Now it's ALL his joints. And by saying he'll keep his manager up to date, I'm pretty sure he has plans of being out most of the week. What boss is going to believe that a doctor has to see him like twice a week everytime he calls in sick for a sore back or sore neck?? And that he has to return to see the doctor the day after he just saw him for a sore neck?? They would give you a prescription and tell you to take it for a week and see if it helps and to come back if not. They don't tell you to come back the next day!

Edited March 10, 2015 by Mapper71

[whichwayisup]

Not sure what to say here. Instead of being sarcastic to him (yesterday you were upset by the way you were speaking to him, and now you're speaking to him rudely, you two have a disrespectful dynamic on how you speak to one another) be kinder and ask if he is okay or needs anything.

 

IF he has back problems and his Dr assigns him time off of work there's not much you can do.

[Mapper71]

Not sure what to say here. Instead of being sarcastic to him (yesterday you were upset by the way you were speaking to him, and now you're speaking to him rudely, you two have a disrespectful dynamic on how you speak to one another) be kinder and ask if he is okay or needs anything.

 

IF he has back problems and his Dr assigns him time off of work there's not much you can do.

 

He has had back problems for 20 years! They never stopped him from workgin before. Plus he says his back and neck dont' really hurt, he just felt like staying home...for a week! He sees the doctor once every 6 months so the doctor can sign the new FMLA form. My husband even says that the doctor knows what's up and is just making him happy..that he really can go into work every day. He can spend the weekend building shelves and doing yardwork no problem, but just can't seem to get into work!