Was the OM or OW a predator in your case?

[Confused48]

The world is filled with guys that would love to jump into bed with you. That will be true even when you are 90. If a guy can just stalk you the right way... say or do the right things... or wait for the right time... then you have no control over whether this happens again or not.

 

So, the good news is that this guy wasn't really a predator,

 

Wait, what? An AP can not be a predator AND an opportunist? I think it is extremely naive to think all APs are equally bad. That there are no dark souls out there hunting for opportunities, totally lacking in empathy for the pain they cause.

 

It is just as blind to not see that there are WSs that are horrified at their behavior after one A. WS that would never do it again. WS that did not look for it then and certainly would never look for it again.

 

To say these two types of cheaters are equally dangerous to society and equally to blame for the A, that just isn't taking the facts into full consideration.

 

I like honest people. Autumn was a cheater too. That's known on Wall Street as "talking your own book."

 

I like fWS that are willing to post to this side of LS. I value them highly. I suggest you respect how tough skinned they have to be to do that. You should not denigrate them and expect them to stay around. Maybe you don't value their POV? If not then I hope the fWS realise the small minded type of person that does not value opposing points of view are worthy of being ignored when they throw out insults as well.

[badkarma2013]

In the final analysis we are each solely responsible for our own actions and perspectives. One can be vulnerable, sure, but is still responsible for actions taken while vulnerable. Vulnerability can be a reason but does not dismiss responsibility. Neither does overt acts of another dismiss responsibility, even if analyzed as 'reasons'. That can be a difficult mirror to look into.

 

 

We all can run this Predator theory ...till we exhaust ourselves ....

 

The face it Regardless if a Married women is being pursued by a Player,Predator or Preacher...It matters not...if she doesnt stop it or say NO...it continues until the OPPORTUNITY arises and the Affair is consumated...The WW KNOWS DAM^N WELL she is married and makes a CHOICE TO ENGAGE in sex with the Om....NOTHING MORE NOTHING LESS....They wanted the OM and they did it....Because they Like it..

 

Again...if she had said NO..STOP..it would have never happened..

 

Here is a quote on personal responsibility....."“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the CHOICES we make are ULTIMATELY OUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY.”

 

 

― Eleanor Roosevelt

 

P.S. ALL OF US!

Edited March 12, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[Seachan]

Again, I still see most of the men replying on this thread looking at infidelity from a man's point of view. In so many ways women are so much more different than we men. A quick example, attraction. Men for the most part are attracted by a women's looks, her sexuality. And no doubt women also are attracted by a man's looks, but from there it goes much deeper. She is attracted by his confidence, his way with words, his humor, his out look on life, etc. are far bigger factors in a woman being attracted to a man.

A man as he ages and gets a few gray hairs, can be even more attractive, he is distinguished. I am retired, my beard is all white and I still have younger women in their 40's hitting on me. Last summer I had a 35 year old, very actively pursuing me.

With women it is a different story. they are in their prime from 17 - 22, and in the looks department, it is all down hill. How many men look at a gray haired woman and think she looks distinguished?

This is an astute observation. What VBM is describing as predatory OM with a naive ("blameless"?) WW is just the standard mating dance that's normally perfectly acceptable for how men and women get together except in this case there's an inconvenient BS on the sidelines.

 

I'm an average attractive woman who has been aware of sexual energy directed towards me from the time I hit puberty. All attractive women know when they are being pursued - and we all learn how to fend off unwanted advances. VBM's wife is extremely beautiful, he says, so she must have had years of practice turning down men. She's probably very skillful at it and knows how to reject without being hurtful - so that she's still likeable and not b-$/tchy. Unless your WW lived in isolation in a plastic bubble, there is no way she was ignorant of what the OM was after.

 

Sometimes, in fact, we woman have learned that we are more successful in capturing sexual interest from our targeted men when we play the role of sweet, innocent ingenue (as another poster said). We learn as woman if we are too aggressive in pursuit, it scares men off and gives the odor of desperation. So, it could be that the texts you are reading between them reflect that dynamic of beckon and chase.

 

The last part of 2.50 gallon's post maybe best captures what your WW wanted with the OM. She wanted to know that even though she is past her prime of 17-22 that she still has sex appeal. That is the other side of the coin of being an attractive woman. Starting age 40 or so, we notice we are becoming invisible. We don't effortlessly draw attention that we had just a few years earlier. That loss of power is hard to get used to because for so many years we just took it for granted and assumed we would always have it. OM helped her feel still desirable. Kind of sad and pathetic. But maybe that is the essence what you have to reconcile with, VBM.

[William]

Due to a number of reports, I'm going to close the thread for review. Back later today!

 

Upon further review, and a review of the thread starter's other threads, this one has seen enough play so we'll leave it as is.

Edited March 12, 2015 by William