SleekArchitecture Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I am curious with those who initiated NC as I did: What was your breaking point that led to enough is enough? IT was done. Your feelings shut down and turned off. Mine was the inconsistency, the boring same old same old, the same old meeting, leaving. I felt no connection in emotional and physical intimacy. I have some doubts that he has this in him at all. I need more than porn sex. I enjoy making love and he used me as some sort of fantasy porn sex toy. I felt at times I was not even a factor, it could have been anyone acting this out with him. I enjoy laying in someone's arms overnight well into the morning. We did seem close when speaking of families and life, but it was not enough. I see no point in a relationship if there is no possibility of a future. After several years, him speaking that we were FWBs really turned me off. I feel done. I do not think closure is necessary after being directed into a FWB corner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I'm at the end of my affair now, I have been trying to break away for months because I knew it had to end. I would say the breaking point was when he told me two weeks ago that he was going to be getting engaged soon. At that moment I finally woke up and realized there was no hope for a future and this was all it would ever be and that wasn't enough for me. I know he loves me but that love isn't enough anymore for either of us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I'm at the end of my affair now, I have been trying to break away for months because I knew it had to end. I would say the breaking point was when he told me two weeks ago that he was going to be getting engaged soon. At that moment I finally woke up and realized there was no hope for a future and this was all it would ever be and that wasn't enough for me. I know he loves me but that love isn't enough anymore for either of us. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I have been trying to break away for years now. I have broken up too many times for it not to equal insanity. I am clearly through. Hope is pleasing and the picture is rosy but it is also deceptive. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I am sorry you are dealing with this. I have been trying to break away for years now. I have broken up too many times for it not to equal insanity. I am clearly through. Hope is pleasing and the picture is rosy but it is also deceptive. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That is totally how I feel about an affair. Nothing changes but yet we stay on this insane course. It's emotional hell. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That is totally how I feel about an affair. Nothing changes but yet we stay on this insane course. It's emotional hell. How you quoted that is brilliant. That sums up the picture quite effectively. Cue to Director. Cut! Brilliant summary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 NC and blocking is tough but necessary. I think if someone cares deeply enough, that they will move mountains to get to you, no NC, roadblock or any sort of blocking will stop them, and no breadcrumbs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 (edited) It hadn't been that great for about 6 months. Cut her off for a week, got sucked back in. We weren't getting along that well. Arguing over stupid stuff. Email subject lines for example. It had turned into a completely unsatisfying experience. I was using up way too much of my mind on it. Think 65% of mind effort for a less than 10% return. Just a hopeless situation. Frustrated, finally there was a breach that couldn't be forgiven plus about 5 other things that had annoyed me over the past month. And I had had enough. Sent an email saying I was angry. Got one back that killed me with kindness but had the passive aggressive statement of, "I'll put the ball in your court when you want to talk." I translated this as, "I don't need you, but you can come back whenever." I took that as a challenge and it's been well over 3 months. Enough was enough, time to grow up and be the person I was. Miss her, sure, sometimes curious, but don't want to go back. She hasn't called me either, and I haven't look at the email to see if she's reached out. I haven't cyberstalked her once. Won't do it. I've come so far and I'm stress free today. Don't look back, something might be gaining on you Edited March 11, 2015 by Cali408 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 It hadn't been that great for about 6 months. Cut her off for a week, got sucked back in. We weren't getting along that well. Arguing over stupid stuff. Email subject lines for example. It had turned into a completely unsatisfying experience. I was using up way too much of my mind on it. Think 65% of mind effort for a less than 10% return. Just a hopeless situation. Frustrated, finally there was a breach that couldn't be forgiven plus about 5 other things that had annoyed me over the past month. And I had had enough. Sent an email saying I was angry. Got one back that killed me with kindness but had the passive aggressive statement of, "I'll put the ball in your court when you want to talk." I translated this as, "I don't need you, but you can come back whenever." I took that as a challenge and it's been well over 3 months. Enough was enough, time to grow up and be the person I was. Miss her, sure, sometimes curious, but don't want to go back. She hasn't called me either, and I haven't look at the email to see if she's reached out. I haven't cyberstalked her once. Won't do it. I've come so far and I'm stress free today. Don't look back, something might be gaining on you Mine is ending on a similiar note, it's been bad for months but our last texting convo ended with us annoyed and now neither has gotten in touch. I'm just hoping I can stay strong like this. It's hard when you want the last word or closure but I'm starting to realize closure can only come from me accepting it's over and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Forget closure. See it as opening up to life as it should be. Get him off a pedestal. Focus on what he does that annoys you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toots Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 It wasn't No Contact in our case as we worked together. I just outgrew the relationship and wanted to move on, and told him. Nothing bad happened. It was just time for a change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 It wasn't No Contact in our case as we worked together. I just outgrew the relationship and wanted to move on, and told him. Nothing bad happened. It was just time for a change. This is very similar to how mine went down. I do think it is easier once you realize it and drop it, with regards to getting over the affair. I had heart pangs and reservations, the difference from other times, is they are very subtle. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbow00 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Mine ended or relationship because I wanted too much from him. He wanted to stay friends but I said it needed to be NC. It's silly because I didn't really feel that strong a physical attraction at all and I hardly liked the emotional connection. But now that it's over im glorifying it and think it fulfilled me emotionally. I remember during it I would oftrn be bored during our chats but I still looked forward to them for some reason. The excitement perhaps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Mine ended or relationship because I wanted too much from him. He wanted to stay friends but I said it needed to be NC. It's silly because I didn't really feel that strong a physical attraction at all and I hardly liked the emotional connection. But now that it's over im glorifying it and think it fulfilled me emotionally. I remember during it I would oftrn be bored during our chats but I still looked forward to them for some reason. The excitement perhaps. That is how I felt, plus nothing more can be brought to the table, no growth. I am enjoying this moment and time, looking at it as irreconcilable differences and we divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 20, 2015 Author Share Posted March 20, 2015 Mine ended or relationship because I wanted too much from him. He wanted to stay friends but I said it needed to be NC. It's silly because I didn't really feel that strong a physical attraction at all and I hardly liked the emotional connection. But now that it's over im glorifying it and think it fulfilled me emotionally. I remember during it I would oftrn be bored during our chats but I still looked forward to them for some reason. The excitement perhaps. Do you think the physical and emotional attraction was lessened because he was a half pint, unable to meet your standards and expectations in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 20, 2015 Author Share Posted March 20, 2015 I am disappointed in myself because enough has been enough and has been enough, enough, enough, although here rolls the weekend, and I feel anxious and restless, because we spent most weekends together the last year or so. Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Perhaps you like being "wanted" more than the connection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 20, 2015 Author Share Posted March 20, 2015 Perhaps you like being "wanted" more than the connection. No, as much as I argue with myself and make everything insignificant, there was a mutual strong connection, 4 years of it. I am going to do yoga all weekend and really connect with myself, because I am reminiscing and this is dangerous. We have broken up many times, but this is the first time I blocked him and told him under no circumstances should he contact me or there will be consequences. We have had larger break ups, with Ddays, and too too much drama. We survived those and always reconciled the affair. This is different, I made sure all the entrances were sealed shut. I will make it through the weekend. I will do this by picturing he has moved on and has found another affair partner, because of course, I meant nothing to him. We are done. Link to post Share on other sites
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