jeng2278 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 A few nights ago my woman I've been with for 15 plus years gave me a confession while we were drinking. Out of nowhere she asks if I would consider cheating being with one of her female friends. She was very hot looking when she was 20. At first I was turned on. As the hours and days went by I became confused and now am very distrustful. If she could hold that secret for 15 years, what else has she done, I figure. After asking about the details for a couple days she tells me she made it up. The second time I asker her details she changed some of them. She only new this girl for a couple years and I had even met her. My wife also claims she doesn't remember her last name so I could try to find the girl. I asked why she did oral and she claims she was experimenting. Keep in mind her story is a lie supposedly. Just wanted to get some feedback on the trust issue being broken. Did she do more cheating like I assume? I also caught her with a unknown male in her grandmas car when she didn't think I could see her. This is new to me so I hope I made this sound right. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 A few nights ago my woman I've been with for 15 plus years gave me a confession while we were drinking. Out of nowhere she asks if I would consider cheating being with one of her female friends. She was very hot looking when she was 20. At first I was turned on. As the hours and days went by I became confused and now am very distrustful. If she could hold that secret for 15 years, what else has she done, I figure. After asking about the details for a couple days she tells me she made it up. The second time I asker her details she changed some of them. She only new this girl for a couple years and I had even met her. My wife also claims she doesn't remember her last name so I could try to find the girl. I asked why she did oral and she claims she was experimenting. Keep in mind her story is a lie supposedly. Just wanted to get some feedback on the trust issue being broken. Did she do more cheating like I assume? I also caught her with a unknown male in her grandmas car when she didn't think I could see her. This is new to me so I hope I made this sound right. Polygraph test. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 A few nights ago my woman I've been with for 15 plus years gave me a confession while we were drinking. Out of nowhere she asks if I would consider cheating being with one of her female friends. She was very hot looking when she was 20. At first I was turned on. As the hours and days went by I became confused and now am very distrustful. If she could hold that secret for 15 years, what else has she done, I figure. After asking about the details for a couple days she tells me she made it up. The second time I asker her details she changed some of them. She only new this girl for a couple years and I had even met her. My wife also claims she doesn't remember her last name so I could try to find the girl. I asked why she did oral and she claims she was experimenting. Keep in mind her story is a lie supposedly. Just wanted to get some feedback on the trust issue being broken. Did she do more cheating like I assume? I also caught her with a unknown male in her grandmas car when she didn't think I could see her. This is new to me so I hope I made this sound right. What the ****..... Guaranteed she's cheated on you multiple times. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jeng2278 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Yes I believe it. When I asked about that situation she claims it was just a ride. She then said every girl I've hung out with I've had sex with. Which is not true. Anyway to guarantee she's cheated without a polygraph? It gets worse. I was a author and wrote a book out of state for a month and left her home with a male roommate,again claiming nothing happened. Am I really that big of a fool? Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Yes I believe it. When I asked about that situation she claims it was just a ride. She then said every girl I've hung out with I've had sex with. Which is not true. Anyway to guarantee she's cheated without a polygraph? Well, did you cheat on her as well with any of these women you hung out with? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jeng2278 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 (edited) No. They were real estate girls and I was their tech. They were super hot so I expected to take some heat from my woman. I just remembered when my son was a baby we got into a argument. She disappears all day and I get a call from the casino manager telling me she is in a hotel room for the night. I didn't think it was that big of a fight. I remember her telling me a guy once came to her register and asked if she wanted a tip. She replied yes and he said it won't fit. I was like whoa. I thought she was just being truth ful back then, but now I'm distrustful and think different. Edited March 11, 2015 by jeng2278 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I assume she actually did confess to sleeping with another woman while in a relationship with you and wasn't just asking you hypothetically. My guess is she hoped you would not consider it cheating and be a little turned on, maybe she was even putting the feelers out for a FFM 3some if she still is bi curious. I guess it didn't go the way she hoped and she sensed your distrust and so decided to back peddle on it. Like all cheaters when busted you will only get half truths as to what really went down. Your wife/gf sleeping with another woman is cheating - full stop. I know though because girl on girl action turns on a lot of guys they tend to view such infidelity less harshly and are more likely to forgive. I am sure she was hoping it was going to be like this for you. I don't know why you would want to contact this other women years later after the incident. Chances are this other woman will resent being asked about it and deny it to avoid any drama for her or your wife if she knows you're in PI mode. There is no way for you to know now if she did more cheating. Given it was a bi curious thing I would assume it was an opportunistic one off, but really if she can cross that line its barely more of a moral dilemma to doing a man also. If you wanted the truth you would have been better off playing along that it really turned you on hearing this and 'tell me more tell me more', though I think she would be smart enough to keep her mouth shut about any guys she might have cheated with Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I assume she actually did confess to sleeping with another woman while in a relationship with you and wasn't just asking you hypothetically. My guess is she hoped you would not consider it cheating and be a little turned on, maybe she was even putting the feelers out for a FFM 3some if she still is bi curious. I guess it didn't go the way she hoped and she sensed your distrust and so decided to back peddle on it. Like all cheaters when busted you will only get half truths as to what really went down. Your wife/gf sleeping with another woman is cheating - full stop. I know though because girl on girl action turns on a lot of guys they tend to view such infidelity less harshly and are more likely to forgive. I am sure she was hoping it was going to be like this for you. I don't know why you would want to contact this other women years later after the incident. Chances are this other woman will resent being asked about it and deny it to avoid any drama for her or your wife if she knows you're in PI mode. There is no way for you to know now if she did more cheating. Given it was a bi curious thing I would assume it was an opportunistic one off, but really if she can cross that line its barely more of a moral dilemma to doing a man also. If you wanted the truth you would have been better off playing along that it really turned you on hearing this and 'tell me more tell me more', though I think she would be smart enough to keep her mouth shut about any guys she might have cheated with I think the problem is if she cheated on him with a woman, it's highly possible she cheated on him with some guys too. I mean she's hanging out with some guy that the OP doesn't even know. And she claims it was just a ride. Yeah, sure... Especially knowing she cheated on him now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jeng2278 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Thx for the feedback. Yes I played it like I liked it and asking sexual details. A few days later she claims she made it up so I'm like wtf. Your right about the other girl I believe there's no point. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 It gets worse. I was a author and wrote a book out of state for a month and left her home with a male roommate,again claiming nothing happened. Am I really that big of a fool? If you want to contact anyone, you would be better off tracking this dude down and chatting with him, though you don't know how much you can rely on this guy to be truthful or he might be a smartarse and lie and say he did sleep with your wife just to cause a **** stir for you. Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Personally I think demanding a polygraph is more about gauging their reaction. Not to mention their response on the way to the testing site moreso than the actual results of the test. I've heard more than a few stories of "parking lot confessions" when spouses reach the facility on testing day. Honestly it sounds like she might have cheated on you more than once and not just with women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jeng2278 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I like that idea. I will ask her one last time if she has done anything else and tell her I have a polygraph setup. What if she flat out refuses? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jeng2278 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 If you want to contact anyone, you would be better off tracking this dude down and chatting with him, though you don't know how much you can rely on this guy to be truthful or he might be a smartarse and lie and say he did sleep with your wife just to cause a **** stir for you. I worked with that guy too 9-5. He seemed pretty honest and was my friend but who knows now. My woman's sister tried to date him. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I like that idea. I will ask her one last time if she has done anything else and tell her I have a polygraph setup. What if she flat out refuses? Than she's guilty but will turn things around on you like it's all your fault & are insecure. There's no reason for her to flat out refuse it if she has nothing to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I like that idea. I will ask her one last time if she has done anything else and tell her I have a polygraph setup. What if she flat out refuses? If she refuses as far as I'm concerned you have your answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jeng2278 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I'm really starting to trip because I had about 25 male friends always coming and going back then. Half of the were black and got females real easy. It's actually giving me anxiety the more history I start recalling. Is this normal reactions or am I just trippin? Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I'm really starting to trip because I had about 25 male friends always coming and going back then. Half of the were black and got females real easy. It's actually giving me anxiety the more history I start recalling. Is this normal reactions or am I just trippin? It's a normal reaction since you know she's cheated on you already. Unfortunately, it's highly likely she's cheated on you multiple times. Let her take polygraph. If she refuses than as we said, than you have your answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jeng2278 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Ok. At least after that I can move forward. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author jeng2278 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I just talked to her about this lie again. She said I can have sex with another girl if I have to. Is she guilty? Why would she say that so calmly? Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I just talked to her about this lie again. She said I can have sex with another girl if I have to. Is she guilty? Why would she say that so calmly? Because she cheated on you, she'll give you a pass to sleep with someone else. But from everything you said, I'm pretty sure she's cheated on you more than once. Way too many red flags for it to only be the one time with the woman. Did you bring up the polygraph? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jeng2278 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Not yet. She's the type that calls bluffs, and will follow through until she's caught. And when she gets caught she will still deny it I'm afraid. I was thinking of just driving her there to surprise her. What red flags did you see? I must be missing them. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Not yet. She's the type that calls bluffs, and will follow through until she's caught. And when she gets caught she will still deny it I'm afraid. I was thinking of just driving her there to surprise her. What red flags did you see? I must be missing them. Unknown guy in grandmas car, admitting she slept with another woman, her staying at some hotel room, you mentioning 25 guys coming & going. Now saying you could sleep with another woman. And she said it in a calm manner like she did more than just sleep with the woman & done more than that & feels guilty inside. She needs the polygraph. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jeng2278 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 She admitted at first then a few days later she says she made it up. This is where I'm really confused. I agree with polygraph, but want to try to save the 200$. See if I can get the truth before we go that far. Not sure if this matters but we did swap partners one time when we were teenagers. She walked out a few minutes into it because she didn't like the guys physique supposedly. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I just talked to her about this lie again. She said I can have sex with another girl if I have to. Is she guilty? Why would she say that so calmly? hmmm interesting. My instinct would be to think that she did do as she confessed the other night and this is her way to appease you so the whole issue will become a non issue for you. Even stevens. I'm also inclined to think because she offered this so easy that she could well be up more on you then this one event with that woman years ago, and that you getting this offer will make you all excited and wont go digging for anything more (not that you'll have an easy time uncovering anything from years ago, but naturally your wife wont want you worrying about things from the past and tainting your relationship in the present which until the last few days for you seemed to be chugging along okay. So will you take up the offer? For me in this situation, I might. I probably wouldn't go out and search for someone just to score revenge sex, but I would keep the offer in my back pocket and if a worthwhile opportunity came up then I would exploit it guilt free. I know many here don't believe in revenge cheating, but I do to an extent. If something happened 15 yrs ago though its becomes less relevant to the present, especially if the marriage has been a good one. Maybe you could ask her if she was she testing you out for a FFM 3some when she confessed the other night, if something like that would appeal to you. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 If you accept her offer then you will lose all moral high ground. That is probably what she's hoping for. So that when you finally get the truth, she can say "well you had sex with XXX last week, so what if I cheated with YYY?" I would tell her that you want a polygraph. If she refuses then you have your answer. If she says OK, they book it. Maybe you'll get your parking lot confession, maybe you'll have to go through with it. Either way it's worth $200 to get the truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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