Response from woman having an affair ...

[Geena]

with her boss.

 

Gee.I really thank you guys for various types of advice.I must admit some of it was brutal,some sweet and some very machiavellian.I appreciate them all though.

 

Alittle more info: I am a thoroughly grown and cosmopolian woman in her mid 30s.He's in early 40s.He doesn't live with his wife.He works on one coast of the country and she lives on the other.He goes " home" to see his children.He has his own home there,the wife has hers

 

Socially prominet,he presents me to all of his friends by my own name.To business associates ,as his secretary.

 

The chemistry is amazing, i fit in his social circle like a glove.The problems?He's a known womanizer,but take care of the woman who's currently in his life,very well.I can't help but wonder if his friends are saying behind my back ' so that's the new one,huh?" They have been extremely friendly towards.Advice please! i want my job and him too

[Tony T]

So you know he's a womanizer, you know he's married, you know he always loves the one he's with, he introduces you as his secretary...and you think you're going to get him.

 

I don't blame you for going along for the ride but you're a fool if you get your expectations up. Guys like that with money are able to have most any lady they want. You're just a notch on his belt and you've been given due and proper notice of that.

 

There really isn't any particular advice on taming a guy like that down. There are some pretty stupid women who would get pregnant, but he would just pay child support and keep on going. All you can do is be yourself and show him clearly that you are willing to be one of the notches and he'll take advantage of that until he gets tired.

 

This man is smart and while he will use women for what he can get, he'll have no respect for the ones who'll allow themselves to be used, jerked around and cast into the pile of past conquests.

 

This is not a forever thing. Enjoy while you can. This guy is a first class jerk and he knows you love it.

[Miss Mojo]

hi geena,

 

hmmm, this comment stuck out like a sore thumb to me:

 

He's a known womanizer,but take care of the woman who's currently in his life,very well.

 

womaniser....currently.....i can't decide if the two are mutually exclusive. but one things for certain, womanisers know how to charm the pants off a woman (pardon the pun). generally a womaniser is very charismatic and will take care of a woman who is *currently* in his life. it's how he can hold onto her *for the moment*. womanisers ooze those chemicals that create chemistry.

 

I can't help but wonder if his friends are saying behind my back ' so that's the new one,huh?"

 

they are probably so used to his womanising ways that they expect a new woman every so often and to them it's nothing to comment on. it's a part of who he is and more than likely, his friends accept this behaviour as part of his make-up and don't blink when he meets another lady.

 

They have been extremely friendly...

 

they'd have no reason to not be. you haven't done anything wrong by falling for him. he's the charisma king and it's easy to fall for someone like that. womanisers are very good at making you feel great, but unfortunatley, it very rarely lasts.

 

my advice, and this is my personal opion only, is that i think you can find a great guy somewhere else. this situation is obviously bothering you for you to come to this site and post a message. some women can handle being one in a line of many, but when it comes down to it, he will probably say "ciao, baby" when he meets someone else and you will only be left heartbroken, beating yourself up because you knew it was bound to happen, and having a really hard time facing him at work.

 

either find another job and continue this relationship, or find another man and keep this job. which is more important and logical in your eyes?

[Laurynn]

So the guy is a Don Juan with a reputation of same, that proceeds him. He's married but obviously is nothing even close to being a husband or decent father to his children (how could he be the latter? he obviously can't see them very often).....you are nothing but one woman in a long list of women that he's wined, dined and used to boost his ego. To you, no doubt, you are likely nothing more than the "ditzy secretary"....not because of the actual position you hold, but because the guy is obviously smart enough to know the difference between a woman who has self respect, pride, class and scruples.....and a woman who allows herself to be used by her wealthy, married boss.

 

Of all the wonderful, SINGLE, honorable men out there, why would you stoop so low as to allow yourself to this dog's 'flavor of the month'? Do you seriously see this ending up as something long-term or lasting? If you think for one moment that he's going to ever leave his wife for you and marry you, think again. If for no reason other than financial, this guy would likely never divorce his wife (for fear of losing a good portion of his fortune). This is nothing but a dead end affair you're having.

 

Don't you respect yourself as a woman?

 

How can you possibly respect this man? I can't blame him totally, for using you like he is, because you're obviously a big girl and you must know what the scoop is.

 

I'm afraid to say it, but you really put yourself in a tough spot. If you were to break it off with him, it could jeopardize your employment with him. I guess you didn't think about that before getting involved with the "boss" (nevermind, the "married" boss)

 

I'm not really sure what kind of advice you're looking for. Surely you know that people here are going to tell you that you've been/are being rather foolish.

 

I guess like that saying goes, "you made your bed, now you have to lie in it."

 

I guess if I could scrounge up some advice, I'd ask you to consider talking to a therapist.....to maybe get to the root of why you'd get involved with such a dog, why you'd allow yourself to be the laughing stock (you can rest assure, regardless of the fact that his friends are "nice" to you, they probably laugh at your naivete), why you'd invest any time or emotion with someone who's clearly "not available", why you'd enter into an affair that could jeopardize your career/reputation, etc.

 

Laurynn