Should I be Upset? (Updated)

[the_artist_1970]

You have the right to feel upset. Those are your emotions and you are allowed to feel them. But I see your questions as asking if you have any right or place to confront him about it and that's where I think no you do not. If you decide you are upset/he is lying, what are you going to do about it? You haven't told us if it is a deal breaker or not for your affair?

 

I think a part of you knows he is lying and whats to know if you have any right to confront him or if he owes you anything. I say go ahead and call him out on his lies...if you want to see your FWB head for the hills like there is no tmw...

 

You really think a MW who is cheating on her H has a right to confront a fwb single OM about who he is dating IRL? That is a sense of entitlement that normal ppl can't understand. That takes selfishness to a whole new level.

 

OP get your head out of the clouds and come back to earth. A man who will cheat with a MW will cheat with someone else.

[HowdidIGetHere15]

I don't want him to chase me. I want out. I need help with how when I care about him and feel hurt. My husband is only in legal form and not what anyone here assumes. He really isn't the issue.

[Sassy Girl]

Well that's simple. You tell him you're done, delete his contCt details and walk away.

 

It's not rocket science.

[Cinnimon]

It is not rocket science but it is hard. No one on these boards has mastered the art of getting out painlessly. All I can suggest is that you fight as hard as you can with yourself to start to really see it, him and yourself. When it comes down to it, we all can only talk to you as YOU help yourself.

[whichwayisup]

I'm very confused, in March you said you both were married and knew the ramifications if you both were caught, now you say he's not married anymore, less than a month later and your own marriage is for legal purposes only.

 

Either way, your MM (OM) is NOT obligated to you, he is a serial cheater and wants various women to fulfill his needs.

 

Just end it. Be honest as to why you want to end your affair and be done with it. If you are unhappy, make changes in your life. Be strong.

[MJJean]

So whether it was wrong or right I found the information he wouldn't tell me. And by the pics, I now know he has been dating this girl seriously since around late 2013. Yes. That long. She even says something in her post about 'when she gets married'

I honestly felt like I couldn't breathe. I had a full blown anxiety attack tonight, sick, nauseous, heart racing. It feels unreal. All the times he's told me he loves me so much. All the times he's messaged me just to say he's thinking about me.

Confronting him will make him angry but disappearing will make him chase me. What do I do? I can't live like this. I am so scared.

 

Wait...so he was married and having an affair with you. But he was also seeing this other OW since 2013....wouldn't that mean he's been involved with her since he was still married to his now ex-wife? So he has tow women on the side...you and the other OW, who is now his GF.

 

I'm sorry you are hurt and scared, but put the emotions on the back burner and use your head. None of this is exactly shocking. He was cheating on his wife with you. He was cheating on both you and his wife with his other OW and he was cheating on his other OW with you and his wife. He's a cheater doing what cheaters do. Cheat and lie. No surprise there.

 

How did it get here? Simple. You allowed yourself to get involved with a man who was married and willing to cheat on his wife. Of course if he would lie to her he'd lie to you.

 

Logic dictates that such a man cannot be trusted and any involvement with such a man should be avoided or at least kept very, very, casual and emotional involvement free.

 

I don't want him to chase me. I want out. I need help with how when I care about him and feel hurt. My husband is only in legal form and not what anyone here assumes. He really isn't the issue.

 

You have three options.

 

1) You confront him and he gets angry. You tell him that it's over and not to contact you again. Then you delete and block as if he never existed and go on with healing and your life.

 

2) You delete, block, and ignore without a word. If he comes to your house you do NOT open the door and you tell him to leave or you'll call the police. Then you walk away from the door until he leaves or you call the police.

 

3) You continue on as if nothing is wrong until you can't take anymore.

 

All of these options also include a sub-option of contacting the GF on FB or whatever social media she uses and tell her the truth. You present her with proof of his affair with you and tell her your story so that she at least knows what kind of man she is dating.