what's the protocol for bumping into ex married affair partner?

[aliveagain]

It wasn't ignoring the AP that made me feel like a coward it was the looking down at my feet and not speaking or looking at anyone for fear of seeing the AP and making my H angry if i didnt react the way my H wanted me to. the affair has been over since August? We talked on FB a little after that and since the new year I haven't messaged him just looked at his FB once or twice to see that he's happy and alive lol. I don't hate him I never have and I don't think I ever will my H knows that and understands. Honestly we both feel sorry for him now mostly. As far as counseling MC a little less than a year and IC for over a year. She and I agreed that unless something changes our sessions had been a little redundant and to plan on stopping the IC as long as I continued the MC and to contact my IC if necessary.

 

You should be very thankful you still have a husband to stand next to. I am sorry that you have to look at your feet when you run into your former affair partner, just imagine what your husband has to do when he sees the man that was banging his wife. If it is true that the three of you work together my heart really goes out to your husband because I can't imagine the pain he is enduring for you. Time to stop worrying about having to look at your feet and worry about making your husband feel safe. You sound like your still all about you, checking his facebook is disrespectful to your husband. I think the change needs to come from you, finding a new job would be a good start.

[Betrayed&Stayed]

As a BH, in that situation the ex-AP would be too preoccupied by not dropping dead from my death stare. Looking down is a natural reaction to awkward situations. What is more ackward then the 3 of you being at the same place/event?

 

In other words, why would the ex-AP be concerned with your gaze when the BH wants to rip his head off? Does it really matter?

[sinatraverdi]

I agree your husband is being a bit controlling forcing you to keep your head down. Maybe the next time you run into OM you could flash him a little of the boobies just for old time sake, no harm in that is there?

[jnel921]

It wasn't ignoring the AP that made me feel like a coward it was the looking down at my feet and not speaking or looking at anyone for fear of seeing the AP and making my H angry if i didnt react the way my H wanted me to. the affair has been over since August? We talked on FB a little after that and since the new year I haven't messaged him just looked at his FB once or twice to see that he's happy and alive lol. I don't hate him I never have and I don't think I ever will my H knows that and understands. Honestly we both feel sorry for him now mostly. As far as counseling MC a little less than a year and IC for over a year. She and I agreed that unless something changes our sessions had been a little redundant and to plan on stopping the IC as long as I continued the MC and to contact my IC if necessary.

 

I don't understand...what reason could there possibly for both you and your H to feel sorry for the AP about? This person should be irrelevant. Regardless if you have to see each other in the workplace.

 

I don't get how you were allowed to wean off your AP. Text and check out his FB??? Your H understands? Understands what? That is such bul****.

 

As a BS my H didnt get to decide when to cut off the strange tail. That was a done deal.

 

You obviously still feel some kind of way about your AP an that is questionable.

[Noirek]

Don't look at your feet. Just work at pretending he isn't there. It doesn't take hate to do this just control of your emotions for a moment.

[anika99]

"My H understands how I feel about that and understands why I would want to know how the AP is doing in life."

 

 

I don't understand wanting to know how the AP is doing in life and I'm not even a betrayed spouse. Why do you need to know how he is doing in his life? It's not your business anymore than your marriage is the AP's business. I have several exes and while none of them are bad men and I have no ill will towards them I don't really give a damn how they are doing. That you check this guys fb and still want to know how he is doing indicates that you still have a emotional attachment to him and that you are not 100% into reconciling your marriage. Personally I think your husband is being a bit of a doormat about this and I hope he finds his inner strength soon.

[road]

"My H understands how I feel about that and understands why I would want to know how the AP is doing in life."

 

 

I don't understand wanting to know how the AP is doing in life and I'm not even a betrayed spouse. Why do you need to know how he is doing in his life? It's not your business anymore than your marriage is the AP's business. I have several exes and while none of them are bad men and I have no ill will towards them I don't really give a damn how they are doing. That you check this guys fb and still want to know how he is doing indicates that you still have a emotional attachment to him and that you are not 100% into reconciling your marriage. Personally I think your husband is being a bit of a doormat about this and I hope he finds his inner strength soon.

 

 

 

Problem is that OP does not realize that there is direct as well as indirect NC has to be in place.

 

 

Checking OM's FB is breaking indirect NC. Reading OM's texts', emails, love letter, listening to his voice mails is breaking contact. As long as NC is broken the feelings for OM will not diminish and will keep feelings for the BH from coming back.

[DKT3]

"My H understands how I feel about that and understands why I would want to know how the AP is doing in life."

 

 

I don't understand wanting to know how the AP is doing in life and I'm not even a betrayed spouse. Why do you need to know how he is doing in his life? It's not your business anymore than your marriage is the AP's business. I have several exes and while none of them are bad men and I have no ill will towards them I don't really give a damn how they are doing. That you check this guys fb and still want to know how he is doing indicates that you still have a emotional attachment to him and that you are not 100% into reconciling your marriage. Personally I think your husband is being a bit of a doormat about this and I hope he finds his inner strength soon.

 

Honestly I don't think OP understands that her marriage is no where near stable, and its only been a short time that her husband found out, after which she continued the affair.

 

Her thread since aren't good and doesn't really lead one to think she will be able to hold on to her husband.

[whichwayisup]

I panicked and just pretended I didn't notice the ex was there and didn't look over in that direction even tho it bothered me to behave like an abused spouse who isn't allowed to look around and made me sad to pretend I didn't know who the ex was at all...like wed never met. My H and I have talked about this b4 and he doesn't want me to smile or nod or wave or acknowledge the AP at all even if H isn't around, and while I did try what was asked I don't know what to make of these feelings of dicord. I understand its normal to be sad to ignore someone you were once in love with, but its more the reaction I had that's bothering me. Not looking around keeping my head down .. I understand its normal to feel guilt shame and embarrassment but I don't want to feel controlled. Has anyone else run I to am awkward meeting with an exAP?

 

You are still in love with exMM, that's for sure. You're no where near the indifferent stage where you couldn't care less if you ran into him or not, let alone having such a strong reaction to have to ignore him, not look at him, not speak to him, not make eye contact. you seem hurt and actually upset/mad at your husband.

 

You should think about bringing this up in marriage counseling and understand that recovery is a long process and if aren't willing to do as expected or requested (and I think what he asked you to do is quite fair and understandable) then maybe you need to re think if you want to work things out with your husband.

 

You are damn lucky he's given you a second chance.

[whichwayisup]

It wasn't ignoring the AP that made me feel like a coward it was the looking down at my feet and not speaking or looking at anyone for fear of seeing the AP and making my H angry if i didnt react the way my H wanted me to. the affair has been over since August? We talked on FB a little after that and since the new year I haven't messaged him just looked at his FB once or twice to see that he's happy and alive lol. I don't hate him I never have and I don't think I ever will my H knows that and understands. Honestly we both feel sorry for him now mostly. As far as counseling MC a little less than a year and IC for over a year. She and I agreed that unless something changes our sessions had been a little redundant and to plan on stopping the IC as long as I continued the MC and to contact my IC if necessary.

 

You need to delete and block him on facebook. There's absolutely NO reason for you to be snooping on his page or be tempted to reach out to him. You are NOT a part of his life, even if something happened to him, it's not like you'd go rushing to the hospital to go visit him. Or call him and ask how he is.

 

Your H comes first now and that means cutting exMM out of your life completely. If you can't do this then your recovery will take much longer because you still hold exMM close to your heart. the way you write about him just shows that you haven't totally let go and he's still very much on your mind.

Just like I understand my H wants me to forget all about the guy..

 

As long as you still work with exMM, your marriage truly doesn't have a real chance. Your H is kind and considerate but just know that it is KILLING him inside that you see and are around exMM daily. It's a big test of your husband's faith in you and it is not easy on him at all.

[sammy7111]

Does your husband have a spin. I can't believe a man would let you treat him this way.

[torn87]

I've stayed in contact with all my exes through FB we don't talk anymore everyone has moved on. Its been 7 years since I broke up with my last BF and hell send a how are you this is what I've been up to message once a year...that's just the norm for me I guess to stay in touch with people I've cared deeply about. This list consists of my ex BF my husband and unfortunately the exMM.

 

I had to break off contact with the affair slowly and in pieces at my choosing and my own pace because if I didn't I would have just relapsed and continued to see him which would have made the healing process even longer. If I ended the affair because I was told to or because that's what Im supposed to do or for any reason other than my own choosing I honestly believe it wouldn't have ended. Both my therapists and my husband agreed with that logic and with 100% honesty from me my husband agreed to it. Granted not at first like many of you he couldnt understand why I couldn't just drop the affair and make everything about my H with no second thought about the exMM. To be honest I'm still trying to figure out why that is myself. All I know is I have improved and the affair fog isn't as intense so I'm trying to focus on the improvements pitifully small as they might seem to all of you. They are big changes to me and my H and it feels like this process has already lasted years instead of the few short months it's been.

 

My H says he loves me and wants me in his life and we will try to make that happen any way possible as long as it is what he and I want. If it works, great, if it doesn't well try something new or just file for divorce. Hes always known his options and I've been brutally honest with him so he could make his own honest informed decisions. Its been weird strange painful stressful and all kinds of crappy adjectives...but its been working for me and for him it doesn't need to make sense to any of you. I'm not going to apologize for sounding selfish or cruel or whatever other names you want to and have been calling me. This is the only place I can talk candidly about what I did how I feel or don't feel about it all without hurting or offending people I care about. I'm coming here for help not judgemenets I get enough of that in real life and in my own head. What I need here and thought I could get here was understanding experience advice. My IC and this forum is the only place I can candidly express the thoughts and feelings that would otherwise drag my H already raw emotions over a cheesegrater. And yes the only time I comment or post here is when I can't talk to my H. He and I have gone through what he is Ok with listening to and help me through and what he's not OK with.

 

Those that have followed me I am super surprised and grateful for you time comments and thoughts. To anyone without something helpful productive or experienced to comment about please save us all unnecessary reading and scrolling and just don't comment. I really thought this was a semi judgment free forum and I'm starting to get dissapointed with the little advice I've been recieving. I really wish there was a board just for people who have cheated and not just for people who've been cheated on. Might sound crazy but there's a reason why people cheat its because they are broken and are missing something in their lives or relationship. It's hard enough to work on yourself as an individual without hearing everyone else's baggage too.

[aliveagain]

Perhaps your husband could use some advice, he may want to consider joining LS just to hear from other betrayed men and women.

[AlwaysGrowing]

I've stayed in contact with all my exes through FB we don't talk anymore everyone has moved on. Its been 7 years since I broke up with my last BF and hell send a how are you this is what I've been up to message once a year...that's just the norm for me I guess to stay in touch with people I've cared deeply about. This list consists of my ex BF my husband and unfortunately the exMM.

 

I had to break off contact with the affair slowly and in pieces at my choosing and my own pace because if I didn't I would have just relapsed and continued to see him which would have made the healing process even longer. If I ended the affair because I was told to or because that's what Im supposed to do or for any reason other than my own choosing I honestly believe it wouldn't have ended. Both my therapists and my husband agreed with that logic and with 100% honesty from me my husband agreed to it. Granted not at first like many of you he couldnt understand why I couldn't just drop the affair and make everything about my H with no second thought about the exMM. To be honest I'm still trying to figure out why that is myself. All I know is I have improved and the affair fog isn't as intense so I'm trying to focus on the improvements pitifully small as they might seem to all of you. They are big changes to me and my H and it feels like this process has already lasted years instead of the few short months it's been.

 

My H says he loves me and wants me in his life and we will try to make that happen any way possible as long as it is what he and I want. If it works, great, if it doesn't well try something new or just file for divorce. Hes always known his options and I've been brutally honest with him so he could make his own honest informed decisions. Its been weird strange painful stressful and all kinds of crappy adjectives...but its been working for me and for him it doesn't need to make sense to any of you. I'm not going to apologize for sounding selfish or cruel or whatever other names you want to and have been calling me. This is the only place I can talk candidly about what I did how I feel or don't feel about it all without hurting or offending people I care about. I'm coming here for help not judgemenets I get enough of that in real life and in my own head. What I need here and thought I could get here was understanding experience advice. My IC and this forum is the only place I can candidly express the thoughts and feelings that would otherwise drag my H already raw emotions over a cheesegrater. And yes the only time I comment or post here is when I can't talk to my H. He and I have gone through what he is Ok with listening to and help me through and what he's not OK with.

 

Those that have followed me I am super surprised and grateful for you time comments and thoughts. To anyone without something helpful productive or experienced to comment about please save us all unnecessary reading and scrolling and just don't comment. I really thought this was a semi judgment free forum and I'm starting to get dissapointed with the little advice I've been recieving. I really wish there was a board just for people who have cheated and not just for people who've been cheated on. Might sound crazy but there's a reason why people cheat its because they are broken and are missing something in their lives or relationship. It's hard enough to work on yourself as an individual without hearing everyone else's baggage too.

 

 

I fail to see how continuing to be selfish in your marriage relationship ie: it's what I want, it is my process, its what works for me, my husband will just have to understand...etc, will help you to learn/grow/heal from this.

 

It is just a continuation of a life-long way of thinking.

 

Have you ever been able to put yourself in someone else's shoes? Are you able to look through others lens? Have you ever been able to adjust/control your own actions/words to accommodate another?

 

Until one is able to view the world/situations from more than just their vantage point they are really nothing more than a child emotionally.

[torn87]

Thank you alwaysgrowing for not absorbing my last post. This is the only place I talk about me this is the only place I am selfish. My IC actually said one of my biggest problems is I never think about myself and therefore have a hard time expressing myself my feelings dealing with said feelings knowing who I truly am and knowing what I want and need sometimes not even knowing what makes me uncomfortable and being easily manipulated taken advantage of and abused. All of this has lead to basically a huge blockage of letting people really in ...in my life in my head in my heart in my trust therefore doomed relationships. I'm here to break that cycle and talk about me...for once. my husband talks about himself and what he needs/ going through with me and his support system. I'm the bad guy I have a significantly smaller support group being a cheater and all doesn't get you a lot of fans so it looks like unfortunately you are my support group. Thank you for your understanding and help.

[AlwaysGrowing]

How exactly does not acknowledging your xAP make you feel "abused" by your husband?

 

Abused is a very strong word to use.

 

And why the use of the word "controlled" by your husband?

 

Are you not just as aware of your options as you state your husband is?

[Artie Lang]

i think it's been repeatedly said- "take what you need and leave the rest," in regards to comments/responses made on this forum.

 

 

newsflash: YOU CHEATED. people don't look too kindly upon that. you're gonna get bashed at times on here. is it fair? no, but life isn't fair, is it.

 

 

you can't let it impede your reconciliation efforts.

 

 

 

 

i just don't understand why you and and your husband wouldn't want a change in environment given the circumstances. you guys need to take the OM out of the equation and focus on your relationship. you know what they say, "outta sight, outta mind." take that advice to heart and make a change... at least for your peace of mind- without OM lurking.

[Try]

just imagine what your husband has to do when he sees the man that was banging his wife.

The thought of "imagine what your husband has to do when he sees the man that was banging his wife" has never been a main concern of the OP, even though it should be. In fact you could say versions of this statement for much of what the OP has posted. The OP is an un-remorseful cheater that demanded to end the affair on her terms and not the husband's. The affair ended in August, yet she continued staying in contact with her affair partner until the end of the year. As much as most of us could feel how cruel and horrible that was for the OP's husband, the OP did not feel enough for her husband's feelings to stop for month's. Couples are suppose to be united together as they face the world, but in this case the husband stands alone in hating the enemy of his marriage, as the wife does not consider her affair partner to be a bad person for banging another man's wife.

[Try]

Not looking around keeping my head down .. I understand its normal to feel guilt shame and embarrassment but I don't want to feel controlled.

It is "normal to feel guilt shame and embarrassment" after you have betrayed your spouse, and if you actually felt this way, "not looking around" and keeping your "head down" would be what you actually wanted to do without any prompting by your husband. Hopeful as you grow as a person you will look back and understand this.

[Try]

I DO NOT see the AP in the worshipping all consuming light I did before but I don't think he's horrible either. Hes cheater yes...but so am I. So to call him horrible names and treat him callously is the exact same thing as doing it to myself in my opinion.

And what is wrong with doing that to the cheating part of who you were? The cheater in you is the horrible part of you that needs to be driven out of who you are, and should no longer define your actions.

[Try]

Honestly we both feel sorry for him now mostly.

Honestly, your husband will never feel sorry for the man that banged his wife. If you take nothing else away from my posts, take this to be a fact and stop forcing this bull on your husband as he continues to be made to feel like a doormat by how you are dealing with addressing the affair. If you doubt this, sit your husband down and ask him to tell you truthfully if he feels sorry for your affair partner now that he no longer gets to bang his wife. Do you ever listen to yourself?

 

BTW, as for you feeling picked on, we are actually trying to give you tough love as you continue to need it. Right now you sound just like an alcoholic justifying the benefits of drinking in calming their nerves after a rough day.

[Oberfeldwebel]

Torn,

 

The purpose of the forum is to help those who struggle with infidelity. However, most of the people here are BS, not WS and therefore have a different perspective. When someone comes here and seems to show a sense of entitlement then BS can be a bit tough on folks. Still you can expect them to be consoling of bad behavior that they have suffered from in their relationships.

 

WS are welcome here and have been vital contributors to this forum and in fact have given some sound advice to you as well. I appreciate you coming here as it gives me an insight to the wayward spouse thinking, during and after the affair. There are a couple of items in your last post I find intriguing.

 

The first is the need to keep up with old BF's and describe them as those you hold dear. I would quantify my parents, siblings, a few close friends as those I hold dear and not someone that I had a physical relationship with years ago. When I married I intentionally divested myself of women with which I had a physical relationship. All friends now are those that are friends of the marriage. My wife has met them, they ask about her when we speak and she can freely read their postings.

 

Secondly, is the latent feelings you still seem to harbor for the AP. Obviously it is not healthy for you to hang your head, but their is also no need for you to acknowledge him. That may run against your nature, but that is the price you have to pay for your indiscretion. If this continues to be a problem, you may want to start looking for other employment to make it easier for you to withdraw.

 

I do give you kudo's for not wanting to continually bring issues up to your husband. While issues need to discussed, there has to be breaks in the action. I think this is certainly true in my case. You cheese grater analogy is very fitting. I do recommend that you consider a couple of things.

 

1. All media and devices should be open and available to both spouses. You don't need secrets in your marriage. This is not control it is about accountability to each other. His media should be available to you as well. Passwords should be written down and kept in a safe place.

 

2. No contact with OM, this includes facebook. He will survive without you and you without him. This could be a big trigger for your husband and is not helpful to you.

[road]

i think it's been repeatedly said- "take what you need and leave the rest," in regards to comments/responses made on this forum.

 

 

newsflash: YOU CHEATED. people don't look too kindly upon that. you're gonna get bashed at times on here. is it fair? no, but life isn't fair, is it.

 

 

you can't let it impede your reconciliation efforts.

 

 

 

 

i just don't understand why you and and your husband wouldn't want a change in environment given the circumstances. you guys need to take the OM out of the equation and focus on your relationship. you know what they say, "outta sight, outta mind." take that advice to heart and make a change... at least for your peace of mind- without OM lurking.

 

 

I think your BH will feel better when you shut FB down. It keeps the ex's away. FB is known to help too many affairs start.

 

 

Also I said this before. It is time for you and your BH to move far away. Your BH deserves NC for life for himself and to see you never run into him again.

[torn87]

Torn,

 

The purpose of the forum is to help those who struggle with infidelity. However, most of the people here are BS, not WS and therefore have a different perspective. When someone comes here and seems to show a sense of entitlement then BS can be a bit tough on folks. Still you can expect them to be consoling of bad behavior that they have suffered from in their relationships.

 

WS are welcome here and have been vital contributors to this forum and in fact have given some sound advice to you as well. I appreciate you coming here as it gives me an insight to the wayward spouse thinking, during and after the affair. There are a couple of items in your last post I find intriguing.

 

The first is the need to keep up with old BF's and describe them as those you hold dear. I would quantify my parents, siblings, a few close friends as those I hold dear and not someone that I had a physical relationship with years ago. When I married I intentionally divested myself of women with which I had a physical relationship. All friends now are those that are friends of the marriage. My wife has met them, they ask about her when we speak and she can freely read their postings.

 

Secondly, is the latent feelings you still seem to harbor for the AP. Obviously it is not healthy for you to hang your head, but their is also no need for you to acknowledge him. That may run against your nature, but that is the price you have to pay for your indiscretion. If this continues to be a problem, you may want to start looking for other employment to make it easier for you to withdraw.

 

I do give you kudo's for not wanting to continually bring issues up to your husband. While issues need to discussed, there has to be breaks in the action. I think this is certainly true in my case. You cheese grater analogy is very fitting. I do recommend that you consider a couple of things.

 

1. All media and devices should be open and available to both spouses. You don't need secrets in your marriage. This is not control it is about accountability to each other. His media should be available to you as well. Passwords should be written down and kept in a safe place.

 

2. No contact with OM, this includes facebook. He will survive without you and you without him. This could be a big trigger for your husband and is not helpful to you.

 

 

 

Thank you for you comment. We are trying to move the lease is up soon and we've found a nice town to move to and having a lot of fun apartment searching. Also I am trying to get a new job I've been considered for a position for the same company in a different location I am waiting for an interview. Also my H and my therapists all thought it a bad idea to quit this current job without anything to take its place. My H is choosing to work at the same branch as the exMM and they run in to each other often where as I have been removed from the area and have never run into him other than this one time. Its not a typical office job its a manufacturing company extemly male dominated very hard for me to have gotten into in the first place and pays obscenely well I'm not about to leave. There are over 3000 people working in this one branch so its not as intimate as many of you picture. As for the pain my H feels at seeing the exMM I still feel very badly for causing it all but my H doesn't want to quit and I can't make him.

 

As I've said we've had honest conversations and he says he is past bitterness anger hatred. He still has triggers that flare those emotions but for the most part my H and I feel bad because we are giving our marriage a real shot and we are both trying to grow and evolve as individuals that has been the silver lining we both agree about that came from all this mess. However this exMM is trying to hide the affair from his life and M and my H sees how damaging this is. It seems the exMM won't ever heal from this and it may leave lasting damaging effects in his M and family, my H and I both feel sorry for him in that perspective. Its is a brief fleeting moment that occurs in both of us once in a while it's not obsessive.

 

As far as open communication and social media I have none of my H information he has all of mine except for here because I often discuss things that hurt him. While he has read some of my posts he decided it wasn't something he wanted to know about often because of the subject at hand and sometimes because the comments hurt offend or anger me or him. He has expressed that I didn't read so much advice from here because most of the comments are harsh and few are productive and helpful. He is worried I might be worsening my depression and obsessively beating myself up. That's why I try to refrain from reading lots of posts and comments from others sometimes it makes it feel like all you will ever be is this horrible monster cheater without a soul who will never amount to anything more in life. I often feel this one moment in my life will define the rest of my existence especially because after DDay my H told everyone what I did his family and friends my family and friends. The few that have stuck by my side are very judemental and opinionated so I try not to discuss anything personnel with them. Both of my therapists think this along with other aspects could be the reason why i feel a slight controlled manipulated or abused aspect with my H. It has gotten better he no longer times how long it takes me to get from work to home and I can go to the grocery store by myself now. It takes time I know but I can't help but miss being able to go to the mall or see a movie. I have no friends where we live currently and if my H doesn't want to see a movie but I do we don't go and im not trusted to attend by myself yet. Same with the mall he hates shopping so I haven't been since November when we went Xmas shopping. Granted none of this is important and yes freedom is one of the many things I must pay for along with trust and my H heart. But knowing all this doesn't make things any easier. I'm not looking for sympathy just stating what life is like right now how it's changed from after Dday and and what happens in the future.

 

We are all hoping this move will cleanse our relationship a little more and I can't wait to make some friends in our soon to be permanent city. I am even more lonely now than I was before the affair my world has shrunk to a father mother sister husband and one friend who is my H cousin. Of that group I really only talk to my H candidly. So again my IC and this forum is the only place I have to exercise my evil cheating demon side. Please understand I am remorseful and will never do what I did again. I hate that the exMM is still on my mind occasionally I wish I could have him lobotomized from my brain. The main obstacle my H and I are dealing with now I think is my constant guilt. Everything seems to trigger it and my H says seeing me beat myself up about it causes him to relive his pain and suffering , my guilt keeps him a perpetual victim. We are both trying to move on and though we both know it will take time with many setbacks and triggers and even a lifetime won't ever make it unforgettable he seems to have forgiven me but I worry I won't forgive myself and it will ruin our M further. This is also a big concern for my H we both knew I would have a harder time moving on from this than he would. It has gotten better but this week has beent difficult. Since seeing the exMM memories and thoughts that are both stupid and unimportant make me feel guilty.

 

As far as my exes of FB like I said we are all friend but the only one that still communicates with was the one right beforey H and that relationship lasted 6yrs we learned many things from each other and he was a very dear friend at one point it seems odd to me to never think of him again. My H is also friends with his exes and again there is no communication. Maybe I'm still immature in that aspect I suppose I am fairly young and I definitely have not done much to experience life and therefore almost all lessons I've learned have been from word of mouth. My H knows about these friends and has seen the communication and was privy to that information when we first started to date it didn't seem to bother him then or now. If he wishes for me to delete FB I will I have even offered but he said no. I even gave him access to the fake account I had created with the exMM which is no longer active and hasn't been since the beginning of the year. I am so close to complete NC once that is fully achieve and maintained I really don't know what else I can do than continue to pit on the time and effort of rebuilding my husbands love and trust in me.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Torn...I have gone back and read the threads you started here at Loveshack beginning with the first one in October 2014 when you were still in your affair.

 

I want to tell you that it is amazing to me that you have made so much progress in such a short time.

 

Most experts say it takes 2-5 years to accomplish what you seem to have accomplished in 3 or 4 months.

 

I am 32 years out from DDay...and i look back and remember what we were like at 3 months and 2 years and 5 years and 7 years and even 20 years and 25 years.

 

I don't know how you have done it...but you should bottle and sell it.

 

Kudos to you and your spouse. I hope you continue with your success.