alexam Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I currently have a very complicated thing going on and it is causing me a LOT of grief. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for about 6 months during our last year of school, and decided to break up for uni because we go to universities quite far apart and both of us just felt that a LDR wouldn't work. We were never in love during this time, our relationship was pretty casual. We did however decide to stay FWB while at uni: we visit each other probably every 3 weeks to a month and have a lovely weekend together. The problem is that neither of us have had anything serious, or even close to it, with anyone else. Sure we get off with people in clubs, but that is only ever like in-the-moment fun. I've been on a couple of dates (he hasn't) and felt weird each time. I only really want to be with him. We haven't slept with anyone else either. I don't get jealous thinking of him with other girls, but I know he does. We text every day and when we see each other we are quite sweet and romantic, not like how FWB are supposed to be at all really: sometimes I feel like we are a couple in everything but name. I think he really likes the casualness though, and to be honest I would miss being able to flirt with guys on nights out and stuff. We have talked about how horrible the situation is, and how inevitably one of us is going to meet someone else which we both find awful. And to make everything worse the last time he visited I realised I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him. I have no idea if he feels the same, but I would guess he doesn't. I have no idea whether to tell him, or if this will ruin everything. I'd rather have a messed up, horrible situation than not see him at all. Any advice is much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 He may or may not feel the same way, but the complications of a LDR may be such that he does not want to say or commit to more. If - despite your feelings for him - there are compatibility issues (from either's perspective) that would make a LTR a poor idea, then enjoy what you have knowing that more would probably fail anyway. Who knows what the future will hold? You can enjoy now and not think too far ahead - it will be what it will be. The only drawback, really, is that this relationship may be preventing you from finding another that may be even better. You are young, and perhaps having other relationships is a good idea, before focusing on the long haul. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I currently have a very complicated thing going on and it is causing me a LOT of grief. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for about 6 months during our last year of school, and decided to break up for uni because we go to universities quite far apart and both of us just felt that a LDR wouldn't work. We were never in love during this time, our relationship was pretty casual. We did however decide to stay FWB while at uni: we visit each other probably every 3 weeks to a month and have a lovely weekend together. The problem is that neither of us have had anything serious, or even close to it, with anyone else. Sure we get off with people in clubs, but that is only ever like in-the-moment fun. I've been on a couple of dates (he hasn't) and felt weird each time. I only really want to be with him. We haven't slept with anyone else either. I don't get jealous thinking of him with other girls, but I know he does. We text every day and when we see each other we are quite sweet and romantic, not like how FWB are supposed to be at all really: sometimes I feel like we are a couple in everything but name. I think he really likes the casualness though, and to be honest I would miss being able to flirt with guys on nights out and stuff. We have talked about how horrible the situation is, and how inevitably one of us is going to meet someone else which we both find awful. And to make everything worse the last time he visited I realised I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him. I have no idea if he feels the same, but I would guess he doesn't. I have no idea whether to tell him, or if this will ruin everything. I'd rather have a messed up, horrible situation than not see him at all. Any advice is much appreciated Making an ex-bf a FWB was a bad idea, especially when you broke up due to distance and nothing else. Unless you feel you can persuade him NOW, to go back to being gf/bf, then you will have to split up for your sake. Loving a FWB is only going to lead to heart ache for you. If he sees you just as casual sex material, then you may find he never see you again as gf material, no matter how long you hang in there. - 7 Ways to Move on from Friends with Benefits to Girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexam Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Thanks both of you. I think I will continue to play it by ear long as possible. I know ending things is probably the most sensible solution but I don't think I can bring myself to do it. I would rather have something than nothing at all. I'd miss him too much Link to post Share on other sites
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