I'm pretty sure that I've just caught my boyfriend cheating, any suggestions?

[Maxie Max]

My boyfriend and I have been together for years. He was supposed to have recently started a job working nights. Late last night I sent him a cute message that said "lets bump uglies" so that he would have that waiting for him.

 

Instead of the message I expected from him, I had a message that said "This is his fiance do not text him anymore." I considered that it may have been a joke so I tried calling. I didn't get an answer. I got a text that said "What do you want?" and "Why are you texting my fiance?" I texted back "Can you just call me? Trust me I am not the disrespecting type. I am as confused as you probably are."

 

When she called, I said "I guess good morning." I told her that I had no idea he was engaged and he could have very easily told me that I was being disrespectful. I asked her a lot of questions. She said that they've been dating for about 5 months and were engaged last month. That they have known each other since school. She lives in another city and they were at her house and he was in bed sleep.

 

I asked her if she knew his family. She told me that she did. She said that she goes around his family all the time and speaks to his mom on the phone often. I asked that because his mom knows that he is with me, she loves me. She wanted to know what was going on with me and him and I wouldn't say. She wanted to know if we were having sex and I wouldn't say. She told me that a lot of women text him. I just told her that if I gave her details it would have a big mess going and I didn't want to be in the middle of it.

 

I asked her if she could wake him up while I was on the phone and we handle him that way. She said she had to go but would call me back.

 

I went by his house, so he certainly isn't home. As of now, I consider us over. Do you think I should just leave things be? I've considered talking to his mom or best friend because I really don't need any mess.

[CarrieT]

Of course you leave him. You were the Other Woman and by the sounds of it, are not the first...

[Maxie Max]

Yes, I consider us done. It's a lot I could have told her, but chose not to because I don't want my personal business out and to end up in the middle of something.

[soyou]

Oh my god, this is really horrible. I'm really sorry that I have to go through this. Similar thing happened to me 5 years ago. After 3 years in our relationship, one day I found out that he got married to somebody else.

 

It was such a sad and devastating experience but I picked up my ****s together and kicked the ****er's ass.

 

5 years later looking back, I'm actually very grateful that this happened. It has taught me so many life lessons and it has showed me how strong I really am inside.

 

 

I'm sorry that you had to find this out the hard way. It doesnt matter how you want to handle this. I hope that you are strong enough to just walk away and dont look back.

[Satu]

Delete, block, ignore.

 

He's worthless.

[PegNosePete]

Yes of course, cut him off and never speak to him again.

[elaine567]

You have to speak to him first before you make any big decisions.

Speak to his mum too, does he even know this girl or has she just got hold of his phone and is nuts?

 

Of course if this is all true

- Dump Block Forget.

[ExpatInItaly]

Cut contact with him in every possible way. You are one of many, I think.

[Maxie Max]

You have to speak to him first before you make any big decisions.

Speak to his mum too, does he even know this girl or has she just got hold of his phone and is nuts?

 

Of course if this is all true

- Dump Block Forget.

I told the woman to put me on speaker so that we could talk to him together. She wouldn't.

[Eighty_nine]

Of course you leave him. You were the Other Woman and by the sounds of it, are not the first...

 

it sounds like OP was his first woman, and he not only cheated but became "engaged" to someone else behind her back.

 

yes, he's done. sorry this happened, OP... what a POS this guy is.

[Maxie Max]

it sounds like OP was his first woman, and he not only cheated but became "engaged" to someone else behind her back.

 

yes, he's done. sorry this happened, OP... what a POS this guy is.

This is correct. I've been with him for years. This woman I spoke to said that they've been dating for a few months and were engaged last month.

 

I could have very easily told her that he and I are engaged. Like I said, I'm not giving her much information to go with because I don't want to be in the mist of the drama that is sure to come.

 

She just knows that I messaged him for intimacy and that if I shared more details it would have a big thing going.

[PegNosePete]

I don't want to be in the mist of the drama that is sure to come.

Well there is one way to avoid that drama. Tell him that he is dumped and that you never want to hear from him again.

 

Then go full NC, against him and the other woman.

[kendahke]

If you don't want to be in the midst of drama, then block him from all manner of contact with you and leave him alone. Forever. Don't make yourself available to him in any way, shape or form.

[Maxie Max]

You have to speak to him first before you make any big decisions.

Speak to his mum too, does he even know this girl or has she just got hold of his phone and is nuts?

 

Of course if this is all true

- Dump Block Forget.

I'm going to talk to him. I called his mother but really couldn't see myself asking her about something like this. It would have been awkward for us both. She does like me a lot. I just asked her if he were there and available - she said he wasn't and asked if she could take a message. I told her if she could let him know that I had called. She asked if I had his cell number. I claimed to not have it with me. She provided it and I thanked her.

 

He has a friend that I am going to research it with.

[stillafool]

Good thing you didn't ask his mother about this because you know her first loyalty will be to her son. She doesn't want to get involved and neither would I if I were her.

[Chi townD]

You're PRETTY sure he's cheating?!?!?! Seriously!

 

 

Girl, walk away from this douche rocket. When you were on the phone with his fiancé, you should have let it all out there and let HIM deal with the consequences of his actions. You should have blew his world apart and told her things about him that only she should know. Like, a birthmark on his hip or something. Because it sounded like she didn't want to believe that he could do this; therefore, when this guy woke up, he probably spun a believable and viable story that she's going to believe him because she wants her magical day that she's probably been planning for a long time. If you would have given her damning information, you could have saved her a lot of heartache in the future.

 

 

This wasn't your fault. So, walk away with your head held high. Because, chances are this guys isn't going to call you. He seem to be too much of a coward. You deserve better (and so does his fiancé).

[Elias33]

What a nightmare. What else is there to talk about? Cut the cord! That's a whirlwind of trouble coming your way, time to evacuate. This guy doesn't deserve any of your effort. Sorry you have to go through this.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Okay, your opening line on this post is concerning;

 

"I'm pretty sure that I've just caught my boyfriend cheating, any suggestions?"

 

Really? Are you still just pretty sure he's cheating?!

 

Come on sweetie!! Wake up and smell the java!!

 

Normally I would jump on my soapbox and scream at the top of my lungs "DUMP HIS CHEATING A**". No need to hash anything out particularly with someone who has been sooo blatantly disrespectful...BUT...given that you've been together for "years", I can understand the need for some answers if not the final word on the end of your relationship.

 

By the way, how many years is "years"?

 

The fact that his fiance knows that "a lot of women text him" and doesn't seem horrified by this the way MOST women would tells me she's not only tolerant of his wayward behavior but fully and completely aware of them!

 

Does that not seem concerning to you at all?

 

Oi vey. If his mom is in on this in anyway, that whole family is sick and twisted. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of him and them.

 

Any sane woman with an ounce of self respect and dignity would be able to see that this guy is an idiot of epic proportions.

 

Run. And never look back.

[NJ123]

I wonder how does this happen to so many people? Where would he get the time to live 2 completely seperate lives with 2 or even more women? How doesn't anyone find out quick instead of way later on? It's really weird. I mean where do they find the time & hide it for so long? So many questions since it's just crazy.

[Maxie Max]

My first reaction was to block him and cut ties. Anyone that has been lying to me and putting me at risk doesn’t deserve anymore of my time and energy. At the same time, I was going off of emotions and wanted feedback from you level headed people before I did anything.

In the end, I’ve been with him for 4 years and I wanted – needed to know the complete truth.

I ended up having lunch with one of his best friends. Even though they are close, she used to be real close – like family to my older sister.

Once I gave her the name of the person that had spoken to me she knew exactly who I was speaking about and where the lady lived. She said the lady is not engaged to him, that she is someone he messes with on and off. But she is sprung on him and trying to place claims. She told me that the woman is just a number, a number of the many women he is messing with. She said that he has always been a player and that he will never change. She said that he has a baby on the way from an ex and 2 other women as well. She asked me to please not let him know where I received the information from because he would be mad at her. She told me to text him and tell him to have his bitches to stop calling me. She said if the person calls me again, I am welcome to 3 way her and she will hurt the woman’s feelings.

 

I don’t plan on contacting him at all. I’ve set an appointment for STD testing

[Maxie Max]

I wonder how does this happen to so many people? Where would he get the time to live 2 completely seperate lives with 2 or even more women? How doesn't anyone find out quick instead of way later on? It's really weird. I mean where do they find the time & hide it for so long? So many questions since it's just crazy.

 

It happens because we trust and believe in the person we are with. It's as simple as being told that they are at work but they are really somewhere else.

[rester]

I can understand not wanting to get in the middle of any unnecessary drama, but you're already right in the middle of it. I think his fiance of only a few months needs to know that he's been together with you for the last few years. He's probably telling her that you're just some woman he just met.

 

He deserves some consequences for this deceit, in my opinion. He's disrespected you immensely...I don't know how you would wipe that under the rug and just be done with him.

 

I'm not advocating revenge or anything, just that the truth be out in the open.

[Maxie Max]

I can understand not wanting to get in the middle of any unnecessary drama, but you're already right in the middle of it. I think his fiance of only a few months needs to know that he's been together with you for the last few years. He's probably telling her that you're just some woman he just met.

 

He deserves some consequences for this deceit, in my opinion. He's disrespected you immensely...I don't know how you would wipe that under the rug and just be done with him.

 

I'm not advocating revenge or anything, just that the truth be out in the open.

There really is no point in telling her any more than I have. She has his phone and saw a lot of females texting him. She is doing better than me. What else is it to tell her? It seems like she is the one that can give me information. I told her that I've known him for years and from the looks of it, he's a crafty lier so whatever I say doesn't matter anyway.

 

I don't see any benefits of proclaiming to the world how he wronged me. I would only humiliate myself. I think the consequences is losing me. Even though he appears to not have valued that much. It was something about me that he was holding onto and now that is gone. To me, that is a consequence.

 

I would love to speak to him once last time, but why give his ego the satisfaction?

[rester]

There really is no point in telling her any more than I have. She has his phone and saw a lot of females texting him. She is doing better than me. What else is it to tell her? It seems like she is the one that can give me information. I told her that I've known him for years and from the looks of it, he's a crafty lier so whatever I say doesn't matter anyway.

 

I don't see any benefits of proclaiming to the world how he wronged me. I would only humiliate myself. I think the consequences is losing me. Even though he appears to not have valued that much. It was something about me that he was holding onto and now that is gone. To me, that is a consequence.

 

I would love to speak to him once last time, but why give his ego the satisfaction?

 

 

That's pretty damn admirable, I must say.

 

I should also clarify that I didn't mean to proclaim anything to the world...just that I would have told that woman exactly where you and your boyfriend/ex stood with each other so she could make a more informed opinion of him.

 

Sorry this happened to you. Good luck.

[elaine567]

My first reaction was to block him and cut ties. Anyone that has been lying to me and putting me at risk doesn’t deserve anymore of my time and energy. At the same time, I was going off of emotions and wanted feedback from you level headed people before I did anything.

In the end, I’ve been with him for 4 years and I wanted – needed to know the complete truth.

I ended up having lunch with one of his best friends. Even though they are close, she used to be real close – like family to my older sister.

Once I gave her the name of the person that had spoken to me she knew exactly who I was speaking about and where the lady lived. She said the lady is not engaged to him, that she is someone he messes with on and off. But she is sprung on him and trying to place claims. She told me that the woman is just a number, a number of the many women he is messing with. She said that he has always been a player and that he will never change. She said that he has a baby on the way from an ex and 2 other women as well. She asked me to please not let him know where I received the information from because he would be mad at her. She told me to text him and tell him to have his bitches to stop calling me. She said if the person calls me again, I am welcome to 3 way her and she will hurt the woman’s feelings.

 

I don’t plan on contacting him at all. I’ve set an appointment for STD testing

 

I am very sorry to hear this. Look after yourself.