Pauduro Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Read what lolablue17 wrote again. Right now this texting is your only source of info. Don't kill this! One's wife giving away her personal number and texting another guy, is not normal in my book. Red flag. But, find out who this guy is first before even thinking of confronting her. He could very well be a flamboyant gay! You see, you haven't found out enough. You need to get to work now, and not let this linger. Don't be affraid of what you might find, truth is good. Remember it doesn't just happen to others! If it was me, I'd buy a couple affordable ebay spy cameras, hide one in her car and one at home. Step out of the house in the evening, see if they talk not just text. This might just be enough to get your answer. Take time off if needed and watch her leaving work. Establish her routine, who she walks out with. One day pick her up from work, see if she changes this. Obviously be smart and don't get caught. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I appreciate all the shared advice. We did talk and it actually went very well. I brought up that I've noticed this guy texting her a lot and that I thought he may be acting like someone interested in her. She responded by saying that she does not believe that to be the situation and that nothing is going on, but also said that if it makes me uncomfortable she has no problem telling him to stop. I didn't feel unheard or poorly received, though it was a difficult discussion, and in the end I felt reassured that my wife understood that I wouldn't say something if there wasn't real concern. At the moment, I'm doing my best to put my trust in her and continue showing her love and that she's desired. I am planning on a follow up conversation to see where she's at with time to think about it and if she is better able to see what I was talking about, but right now things are good. She hasn't earned your trust yet. Her actions need to prove she isn't in contact with him further. Keep checking - and has she promised not to do it anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Pauduro Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Loveandloving, never mind what I wrote above, just noticed you confronted your wife with the whole thing. There are ways they can communicate without you knowing, heck she can switch his name with one of her friends and it's done. Oh it's just Susan texting her no problem! Man you need to find out 100%. The guys that this happens to, also thought their wives were trustworthy, and you are not any different. Get to work don't play the fool. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Don't let her down play what is going on here. He's makin her giddy and digging it. She's defending this guy instead of respecting your feelings. These texts have become inappropriate. You need to be a jealous husband to let her know there are consequenses to her attitude towards what is going on here. If she knows she can easily sway you, she will conitnue to push her boundaries with communication with this guy. Start taking a good look at your relationship with your wife. Something is lacking because she is turning to this guy to fulfill it. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) So for the last 2 weeks or so I have been really wrestling with thoughts and feelings about this guy that has been texting my wife outside of work. She just started a new job this year so she's been making new friends there and so she has known this gent. for maybe 2 months now. Let me first say, that I consider myself the jealous type, but a reserved jealous type. I don't jump up at the first sign of another guy talking to her, but most often play it cool to see how it plays out. On the inside I may be jumping around and thinking all kinds of crazy thoughts but, on the outside I try to keep calm demeanor. That approach has worked well for me many times in avoiding bad situations and she has always proven to me that she is committed and loves me. She has reassured me many times of her love, without me having to whisper a word of jealousy or frustration. That being said, this guy who texts her has set something off in me. It's very much a gut feeling and it first started when I noticed, while she was sitting next to me, she had a text from this guy asking if she made it home alright. I assumed that it was a co-worker as she just got home from work and it was snowing. Perhaps they were talking about the roads and he wanted to ensure she was safe. No big deal. Then I see it again. Another snowy day, another text asking if she made it home fine. This time I'm thinking, "Ok, well she's my wife so I'll make sure she's safe ok?" Now I start to wonder who this guy is. I'm trying very had, at this point, to resist the urge to check her text messages as I don't want to be that man. I let it go and time passes and I see him text her again. Now I'm really wondering who this guy is that keeps texting my wife at home. I finally give in to the nagging voice and grab her phone to take a look. The texts are not outrageous by any means. Pretty normal banter, but my issue is that some of them are flirtatious. In one he calls her a joker, and she responds sarcastically to it by saying that's her nickname and then he responds by saying she's too pretty to be a joker and adds a little smiley face. My immediate reaction was that this guy is trying to hit on my wife. I read on and the tone I'm getting from him is over complimentary of her for someone who is not her husband. He also texts her with the one word "hey" message that is clearly meant to initiate a conversation. I don't know if this seems normal to everyone else, but I don't try to strike up conversations with someone's spouse via text at 7:30pm. If I'm sending a text in that scenario, I have a purpose and am not just looking to chat it up. So I'm on edge right now and I got almost no sleep because I saw some more texts he sent her where they were talking and he responds to one of her messages with "and that's why I like you :)" Earlier in their texts he says something about not wanting to text her when she's at home so he doesn't upset "the hubby" and she told him that I wouldn't care. This is true, I usually don't think much of it because I trust my wife in all her love and devotion. I don't think she realizes that she's flirting with this guy, but I believe he's aware of what he's doing. There are no other incidents or hangouts or late nights. Just this weird communication between them and her not telling me about it. I don't know what to do and I feel I must do something if only to ease my troubled heart and mind. Our marriage is new, but pretty solid. I can't say we have many big issues and expressing love is something we do regularly. Honestly I feel like I should just believe in what we have and let it go, but something about this guy is really bugging me. I don't trust his intentions, but obviously I can't just confront my wife with me snooping through her texts. I'm looking for some insight into my long, maybe verbose, story. Do other men and women agree with me that I should be concerned or should I take a deep breath and put it out of mind? You can open a casual, non-confrontational conversation with the intent of gauging the "temperature" of your relationship. You can simply make a statement like "you know honey, I am enjoying married life with you and feel like we are on a sound and rewarding footing, but if there are any aspects that you feel are lacking or not as good as they were, I want to hear about them and make a plan for getting those things on the right track again". That sets the tone for an open exchange and it's non-threatening. If she says she's content and her behavior in general isn't or hasn't changed, I'd let it end there and thank her for being a wonderful wife. If she's sketchy, evasive or defensive, don't push it. You've planted the seed for her to re-evaluate for herself if she's doing anything untoward and, if she is, her conscience will likely cause her to back away from that situation out of respect for you. Continue to observe the situation but don't dwell on it. If it escalates or continues on a regular basis and her behavior changes, then you should visit the situation again. Then you say, "I'm sensing that something is bothering you or you seem distracted, can we talk about it?." You can say you've noticed more texting with someone without saying you snooped. The phone beeps when texts come in so you're not tipping your hand. But wait a little while before you go there. Edited March 19, 2015 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 she told him that I wouldn't care. When a guy hears this, he's thinking you don't care about your relationship, enough to protect it. If she had said "He doesn't mind we have a solid relationship and trust each other". She is establishing boundaries. But instead says "he doesn't care." she is pretty much inviting him to continue his advances. The guy said not wanting to text her when she's at home so he doesn't upset "the hubby". He already knows what he is doing is inappropriate and if in your shoes would be upset about it. It's pretty obvious this guy is putting it out there that he is interested in your wife and has no respect for your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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