MessedupinMiami Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I was with MM for over a year. We had a very real and intense emotional affair. It ended because I pushed him towards his wife to the point where I think he saw he needed to end things with me and do the right thing. I am honestly happy for him. This was a week ago and we have had no contact at all. I am going through the period of deep depression right now and am starting to come to terms with everything. I know its for the best but I am just wondering if that means he never really cared for me at all if he isn't even asking how i am doing or has a need to reach out to me. We went for speaking 24/7 to nothing at all so I am truly wondering if I was just there to fill a void in his otherwise sad life. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 You were there to fill a void but he also cared about you. He's not reaching out because he probably knows it is best for you to move on and he is trying to work on his marriage. He is trying to do the right thing. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MessedupinMiami Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 thank you for that. I guess I needed to hear he did care about me even if it was just to fill a void. I don't think he could of faked our whole relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Riri90 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I was with MM for over a year. We had a very real and intense emotional affair. It ended because I pushed him towards his wife to the point where I think he saw he needed to end things with me and do the right thing. I am honestly happy for him. This was a week ago and we have had no contact at all. I am going through the period of deep depression right now and am starting to come to terms with everything. I know its for the best but I am just wondering if that means he never really cared for me at all if he isn't even asking how i am doing or has a need to reach out to me. We went for speaking 24/7 to nothing at all so I am truly wondering if I was just there to fill a void in his otherwise sad life. Thanks May I ask what you mean by "pushed him back to his wife"? Depending on how you presented that to him he could feel that this is what you wanted as well and is trying to respect your wishes. Also when we are trying to detach and distance ourselves we can't keep up the "hellos and how are yous" everyday...it just keeps the emotional connection going and true friends don't need to speak everyday. If he is truly trying to move on and focus on his marriage...this is the way to do it. Feel better soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MessedupinMiami Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I asked him a question about if his wife would attend a family event with him. He was honest and said yes but it hurt me so much (because he was promising a life with me) that I shut him out and pushed him away. I became really distance and didn't talk to him for days. It's who I am as a person and he always hated it when I was distance. After that he said he couldn't take it anymore because of how much his actions and lifestyle was hurting me. Not a part of me thinks he is doing this because he thinks it's what I wanted. I just think I helped him realize its the right thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Riri90 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I asked him a question about if his wife would attend a family event with him. He was honest and said yes but it hurt me so much (because he was promising a life with me) that I shut him out and pushed him away. I became really distance and didn't talk to him for days. It's who I am as a person and he always hated it when I was distance. After that he said he couldn't take it anymore because of how much his actions and lifestyle was hurting me. Not a part of me thinks he is doing this because he thinks it's what I wanted. I just think I helped him realize its the right thing to do. I am the exact same way, I disappear when I am upset. In a way your emotional response/reaction to him going to an event with his wife put a "demand" on him. I know that sounds weird because you weren't asking for anything. But it's not the words, it's the implication. He now knows how you are going to react to him doing things with his wife, he knows the only way to NOT upset you would be to stop going places with his wife but he can't/isn't willing to meet that demand. So he had to make a choice. You will see it/read it here all the time...MM bolts after OW puts too much pressure or starts making demands. Some demands are not verbal, MM pick up on OW actions/behaivors that can seem demanding or are being used to force his choice. I don't like that he was promising a life with you and when you get upset (which is kind of to be expected) he bolts after all the promises. I'm sorry and I hope you feel better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MessedupinMiami Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 wow that makes perfect sense. I always said I would never put demands on him and somehow I ended up doing it subconsciously. Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Men and women are so very different in how we react to things. We do the distant or silent thing to elicit some sort of action from the MM to come closer. But they take it as we are so mad and hurt that we want them to go away so they do. The same thing happens with my MM. I get quiet or distant thinking he will realize what certain things do to me and this will make him reach out and try and make things better. He doesn't and it dosent get better. He leaves me be for awhile and then gently/slowly comes back around. It's games. We all play them whether it's our intention or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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