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Is She Flirting and Interested, or Just Nice?


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So, I work with an organization where they put us in underserved schools for the year. They team us up with a teach that we work with for the entire year. I'm 24, teacher I work with is 23.

 

She was in a LTR, so I just stayed friends, and she would tell people we were "just friends." Fine. Whatever.

 

Beginning of this year, she ends her 4 year relationship. She never really talks about it much, but she did mention to me how she was over for him for about a year (and I believe her fully considering a run-in I had with them).

 

She gets friendlier. The kids all think we're dating. Even teachers think we're dating. She brings up in a team meeting people think we're dating. She asked me if I still talk to the girl I was previously dating, I said no, she said, "good. She's crazy. Don't talk to her."

 

We go back and forth in class sometimes. She gives me looks, I give her looks, and we can read each other's faces (mostly about our frustration with students).

 

Then she starts preening a little bit. She'll put a soft hand on me to tell me something, she brushes up against me quite a lot, and I'm touching her a little more (nothing overtly sexual). One of our exchanges include me calling her a dork yesterday, she laughing about it, a student cutely protecting her calling me "mustard smelling," saying she likes mustard, and me saying "yeah. I enjoy smelling mustard."

 

I asked her for help on my lesson plan for my teaching application, she gave me an ear to ear smile. We sort of joke around about the kids thinking we're gonna get married, and I haven't heard her call me "friend" lately at all (she did call me "bruh" once recently, but I let it go).

 

BAD signs:

-I think she's texting a guy, and there's a pic on HIS Facebook with them VERY close to each other. However, she seems to not want me to know about it.

-Today in class, I was texting a friend of mine quite a lot, and I saw her looking over at me about it

-She's VERY short on her text messages. Sometimes doesn't respond at all

-We NEVER say 'hi' to each other in the morning, BUT I catch her looking at me sometimes when we have morning circles with staff (she stands across from me)

-She doesn't seem to make an effort to be around me unless absolutely necessary

-She got Tinder (but doesn't seem like a Tinder type of girl to me)

-We might work at the same school next year, may be holding her back

-Doesn't laugh at all my jokes

-Her friends in the school are nice, but not extra nice to me (used to be, not so much anymore--it's more professional feeling now)

-Tension is sometimes there, sometimes not

-Doesn't seem nervous in my presence

--She's an introvert, sometimes won't respond to me when I ask her questions (think she's locked up in her own head)

 

GOOD signs:

-Touching. Could be due to just being in close proximity to each other, but we brush up on each other a lot, she preens me sometimes, recently when I preened her (took a piece of hair off her shirt), she smiled largely and said, "awww"

-Definitely looks my way whenever she passes me

-Playful in classroom, at times

-Sometimes, she'll see me and walk right past me, sometimes she'll make playful conversation

-Haven't heard her call me a "friend" in a LONG while

-Weird sign: sometimes, I offer her ways to, essentially, dump me into the friendzone, and she seems to back away. For example, overextending myself (telling her I'd help her move out, help her grade papers during my break, bring her lunch because she sometimes forgets to and I cook A LOT every single night), but she avoids it all

-Once asked her if she could pick me up to go to a school bball game. I forgot about a prior engagement I had with another girl, she asked if she was picking me up, I said, "sry, I forgot I had something with *girl's name*" and she just responded with an "oh. ok."

-She notices things about my appearance. For example, says I look completely different w/o uniform on, or without my glasses on. Also, once told a student I had very broad shoulders

-Seems to not want me to know about guys she's (possibly) texting

-Definitely remembers things I say/do. For example, I posted a convo I had where a guy asked me if I was "Halfrican," I told him I was Halfrican-Caribbean, he responded with "ah, so you're cuter than us you're saying?" She asked me a couple of days later, "it's because you're cuter than me, isn't it?"

 

 

Probably can think of more, but all I got now.

 

Thoughts? I think I obviously can't do anything until my term at the school is done, but how should I act moving forward?

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PegNosePete
Thoughts?

My thought is that this kind of thing belongs amongst the students, not the teachers!

 

You are meant to be a mature adult. Try talking to her. If you want to date her then ask her out. No need to look for all the small signs or whatever. Leave that for the kids!

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Ask her if she want to go for a coffee or some lunch.

 

Funny you mention this.

 

She brought her coffee machine to school, but broke the pitcher on the first day. So, she ordered a new one. Today it came in. She texted me to let me know that it came in. Then, she had to ask me if I got any. It was kind of unlike her. It was SO important to her that I got coffee from HER pitcher rather than the coffee from the faculty room (even though they are the same kind of coffee). She is extremely practical and has a weird obsession to coffee. I'm buying her a coffee grinder and beans for her birthday.

 

As for lunch -- lately, she keeps asking me to not bring lunch because she wants to buy me lunch (probably because I help her out a lot, it's her way of saying 'thank you.') I responded with, "for doing my job? C'mon girl....I always bring my own lunch." I'm a fantastic cook, and always have that moment of "I should probably bring her lunch" but never do. Some days, she won't eat, and she tends to order from outside A LOT.

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She's an attention whore........ better to date outside of your work, or you will be having some issues when things go sour. You are caught up with your feelings and neglect that this whole thing is a bad idea......I'm on the outside not emotinally invested....it's a bad idea.

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Lately, I feel as if she has backed up quite a lot with showing interest. She always responds to my text messages with one word texts, and just seems sort of coy.

 

I decided to feel more and think less about it. I stayed nice and kind, laughed at her jokes, smile at her, even poke fun at her, but I sort of dropped all the "forced" flirting. I'm just acting myself around her completely and decided that if she doesn't want me in a relationship, fine, at least I can have a REALLY cute friend with REALLY cute girl friends.

 

I've deleted my Facebook and my Snapchat. I've stopped texting her.

 

Then today happened. We were doing this activity with out students where they completed worksheets, and as they completed them, they got 2 shots in the garbage (get to play basketball with the garbage can). We kept score, and gave prizes to top scorers.

 

She and I were shooting when the kids were working. Things I noticed include: she put music on and was dancing to it. She was repeating things I'd say (like advising students to "shoot softer and higher").

 

But the biggest one was she used my given name completely out of the blue (a name ONLY my parents call me), and smiled when I acted confused about it. Then, she had to leave the classroom for something, and brushed up her boob against me (VERY close -- part of me thinks she wanted to take a whiff of the cologne I started wearing).

 

Later on in the day, as she was passing, I put my arm around her. She seemed surprised, but didn't pull away, didn't come closer. I told her "who do you think you are using my Christian name?" She responded with a laugh/smile and, "if you don't like it, I'll ONLY call you by that name. I don't know why I called you that."

 

Another huge one came after school. I was looking for a teacher and couldn't find him, so I asked her to use her school phone. There was a guy in the classroom with her. I thought, "ummm.......maybe a new boy?"

 

She left the classroom, then he left the classroom. She came back, and told me, "oh he used to teach here, he's also a former fling."

 

I responded with: "ow owww. I gotta go back to practice. Later." Her response: "Have fun."

 

I told a lady friend about it, and she said, "she's testing you. She wanted to see how you respond. I think acknowledging it, not delving into it any further, and just leaving so she knows that you aren't interested in her past sex life was the right move." I don't REALLY trust this girl's judgment, so I don't know. The BAD part about the encounter was I felt as if I walked into a LITTLE tension (maybe sexual). But that could have been because my mind went to "ugh. Outside guy visiting her inside school. Something is happening. Who the hell is that guy?" She seemed to be acting friendly, but a little nervous.

 

What are your thoughts? I'm just going to continue to completely act natural, and keep the smiling, laughing game up.

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