Struggling with being replaced

[smellysocksuni]

Hi everyone,

 

I can't find my thread, but basically I was dumped over NYE and my ex jumped into a relationship straight away with someone else. To be honest, the whole thing has shaken me and I still think about it often (although I try not to) - I just can't deal with it, it does upset me quite a bit.

 

Has anyone else been through something like this? How did you deal with it?

[Satu]

Feel the feeling.

 

Be with yourself feeling the feeling.

 

Love yourself for being with yourself.

 

Love yourself for being.

 

 

 

You are your own best medicine.

[na49]

Yes I got dumped, and was replaced with a fella who told my ex he had a crush on her when we were together. How do I deal with it? Well I just confirmed this to be true today, so I'll have to get back to you on that. I guess just try to tell yourself that if they were able to replace you, then you can replace them. They weren't THAT much better than you.

[smellysocksuni]

Yes I got dumped, and was replaced with a fella who told my ex he had a crush on her when we were together. How do I deal with it? Well I just confirmed this to be true today, so I'll have to get back to you on that. I guess just try to tell yourself that if they were able to replace you, then you can replace them. They weren't THAT much better than you.

 

True. No-one is irreplaceable, are they?

[Stercrazy]

One person does not determine if they are or whoever is irreplaceable. A couple determines irreplaceability. If one is replaced the equation nullifys itself.

[smellysocksuni]

One person does not determine if they are or whoever is irreplaceable. A couple determines irreplaceability. If one is replaced the equation nullifys itself.

 

I have never understood people that jump into new relationships, one after the other. It smacks of desperation. And low standards.

[Brentune]

My last relationship ended with my ex cheating on me and replacing me with a new guy. Don't think too much about it, move on. Relationships like that usually don't last. They are extremely toxic.

 

My ex recently got cheated on by her new guy, and is trying to crawl back to me.

[smellysocksuni]

My last relationship ended with my ex cheating on me and replacing me with a new guy. Don't think too much about it, move on. Relationships like that usually don't last. They are extremely toxic.

 

My ex recently got cheated on by her new guy, and is trying to crawl back to me.

 

You're right. Relationships like that DON'T usually last. What makes me laugh is that the ex and the new partner met on some sleazy 'dating' app.

 

What I'm just coming to terms with is that I don't think I meant anything to my ex - that's the stage I'm in, now. But hey, it beats crying all day.

[binrob]

Hi everyone,

 

I can't find my thread, but basically I was dumped over NYE and my ex jumped into a relationship straight away with someone else. To be honest, the whole thing has shaken me and I still think about it often (although I try not to) - I just can't deal with it, it does upset me quite a bit.

 

Has anyone else been through something like this? How did you deal with it?

 

My girlfriend of 4 years left me and found a new boyfriend in less than 2 weeks. I know how terrible it feels. I even live in the building next to her so I see them together sometimes. It makes you feel like crap, like you were nothing and the entire relationship was all based on lies and while she is with her new boyfriend enjoying life, you are stuck picking up the pieces.

 

For me, nothing has helped me deal with it except time and friends. It's been 3 months since I saw her with her new boyfriend for the first time and I still feel sad everyday and miss her. But I know there is nothing to do so I keep my distance and hope for the best. From what I've learned it is unhealthy to jump from relationship to relationship, that you need time alone to reflect and heal. I find some comfort knowing that even though she has it easier now, I will become the stronger than ever after I come out on the other side of this. Because I will have dealt with the pain and heartache alone and survived.

 

This has been the worst time of my life but I do believe it will get better. So all I can tell you is to hang in there and know that it will one day get better.

[smellysocksuni]

My girlfriend of 4 years left me and found a new boyfriend in less than 2 weeks. I know how terrible it feels. I even live in the building next to her so I see them together sometimes. It makes you feel like crap, like you were nothing and the entire relationship was all based on lies and while she is with her new boyfriend enjoying life, you are stuck picking up the pieces.

 

For me, nothing has helped me deal with it except time and friends. It's been 3 months since I saw her with her new boyfriend for the first time and I still feel sad everyday and miss her. But I know there is nothing to do so I keep my distance and hope for the best. From what I've learned it is unhealthy to jump from relationship to relationship, that you need time alone to reflect and heal. I find some comfort knowing that even though she has it easier now, I will become the stronger than ever after I come out on the other side of this. Because I will have dealt with the pain and heartache alone and survived.

 

This has been the worst time of my life but I do believe it will get better. So all I can tell you is to hang in there and know that it will one day get better.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your experience, but glad you have made some progress

 

Yes time seems to be the healer of all. It does seem unfair that they're happy while you pick up the pieces but hey. We will come out stronger.

[binrob]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience, but glad you have made some progress

 

Yes time seems to be the healer of all. It does seem unfair that they're happy while you pick up the pieces but hey. We will come out stronger.

 

I know it's such a boring answer. Time. But there is really not much else you can do. Believe me, I tried. Yes, you can find new hobbies, go out, have fun. But at the end of the day the feelings are still there. You are still hurt, you are still missing them. But each day that passes helps you accept the situation you are in, helps you accept that life goes on and that in itself helps you move on. So just hang in there. Fight and think about how you WILL survive this, how you won't let this defeat you.

[Price2Play]

I have never understood people that jump into new relationships, one after the other. It smacks of desperation. And low standards.

 

It sounds like you already know the answer mate! Some people just can't be alone, so they "monkey branch". Typically they have low self-esteem, desperation seeks desperation, an emotional intelligent person knows they need time for themself to heal. Rebound relationships suck, move forward with your life and be catious and aware when you are ready to date again.

 

What's the old cliche?

 

Easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone new.....

 

Your ex is doing just this, she is essentially using some else to mask the pain of your failed relationship. The sad part is most guys become oblivious to this, especially if they are desperate.

[smellysocksuni]

It sounds like you already know the answer mate! Some people just can't be alone, so they "monkey branch". Typically they have low self-esteem, desperation seeks desperation, an emotional intelligent person knows they need time for themself to heal. Rebound relationships suck, move forward with your life and be catious and aware when you are ready to date again.

 

What's the old cliche?

 

Easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone new.....

 

Your ex is doing just this, she is essentially using some else to mask the pain of your failed relationship. The sad part is most guys become oblivious to this, especially if they are desperate.

 

Yeah, this is all something I've learnt during this break up. Last time I spoke to her, she was talking about how happy she is, happy happy happy - I was just thinking ugh, you don't even know this person. I just keep visualising them being together for years and years and being happy, and it's annoying the hell out of me.

[Dallix]

Going through that myself dude. You're not alone. Keep thinking how happy they are being married and he could do what I couldn't with her drinking. I should know better though. Finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and you will too.

[mightycpa]

I have never understood people that jump into new relationships, one after the other. It smacks of desperation. And low standards.

It isn't that. They're just wired that way. They never last, and they fall in love more often than most people, but they fall out of love more often than most people. It's like there are two types of people, those who love short-term and those who love long-term.

 

It's not desperation or neediness or any of the things you can imagine feeling. It's the way they experience love... short bursts, followed by more short bursts. Some even try to marry, and they hang in there for 5 - 10 years, but in the end, their nature calls them to leave.

 

I've known a few of those in my life, and I had the misfortune of falling in love with one of them. It was real for her, for a while. And then all of a sudden, it wasn't, but she started up with someone else. Again, and again and again.

[erklat]

Being replaced implies to me you're experiencing this as a

competition? It would help if you realize it's not. It just means

her needs at the moment were not met, and yours weren't also

in turn.

 

It tells absolutely nothing about you and a lot about your ex.

[unforgotten]

7 years in a relationship and at least emotionally cheated on. A few days after she left she was already hanging out with him, holding hands and stuff. To me this is incomprehensible. I just saw them yesterday walking around holding hands together with his child which he has from a previous relationship. They looked like a family and she always looks so happy. Yes it always shakes me a little when I see her but at the same time I also find it extremely funny. I mean she's so delusional. You don't leave someone after that long period of time, jump straight into a new relationship with someone new and act like you've won the lotto. And the guy isn't really a proper catch either. Has messed up his previous relationship and is actually pretty dumb (couldn't even finish the primary school properly) while she's intelligent. But apparently not as intelligent as I thought she was. She lives in a world full of unicorns farting rainbows at the moment. It's been 5 months.

 

Me? Well I'm struggling, falling and getting back up. The first two months were a living hell. I know if she could feel just for a couple of seconds what I felt for 2 months she'd never leave. Those feelings were the worst thing I've ever felt and I doubt you can feel worse. I cannot even describe it. I've had some good days or even weeks but these mood swings are killing me. I'm fighting morning depression, feeling sad, numb and that life is pointless but I keep fighting hard. It's not really a pleasure living at the moment but I realize I have to get out of this mess on my own. While I want someone to love really bad, I know a girlfriend would be just a temporary solution. It's more than this.

[sabd]

Yip, I got replaced. Actually, I got overlapped.

 

After he asked me "where to from here", I went to his town to see if we could talk to try and work things out but when I got there, he was with another woman - very cosy. I wasn't able to leave the situation immediately so I had the revolting experience of having to watch them for 3 hours together. I was shattered. 2 Weeks later, they moved in together.

 

What has got me through this is knowing that he's not the person I thought he was - he showed me just how poor his character is and how cold and disrespectful he is. I don't want to be with someone like that, I definitely deserve better. Remembering that has been a huge help for me.

[FancyFace]

I have a very strong suspicion that I was left for another woman. We had been having a rough month brought on by the fact that I found out he was still in communication with his ex and he kept lying about it and trying to cover his tracks. I was understandably livid but like a codependent dummy, I tried to work it out.

 

That week we had been getting better, laughing, going out, etc. until he just switched on me, pulled the silent treatment and then dumped me. I was blamed for not believing him, for asking for too much and for standing up for myself. Nonsense! I suspect whoever he had been keeping in the oven was now ripe for the picking and it was out with the old and in with the new.

 

I never bothered to find out the real skinny. In the beginning, all it would have done is hurt me to my very core but now, all it would do is keep me tied to the past and that would not serve me well.

 

At the end of the day, whether he left me for someone else, or left me to be a Buddist monk, its neither here nor there. I am happy now, content and enjoying a life without walking on eggshells and dealing with a narcissitic idiot. With every sip of vodka I indulge in, I shoot up a big thanks to whoever took him off my hands and God bless her coz she's gonna need it.

[sabd]

until he just switched on me, pulled the silent treatment and then dumped me

 

Same thing happened to me - everything was great then he went silent for a week and dumped me. Silly man.

[FancyFace]

Same thing happened to me - everything was great then he went silent for a week and dumped me. Silly man.

 

I never understood the silent treatment. At best it is the height of immaturity and at worst it borders on emotional abuse. Why someone would employ that "tactic" in close intimate relationships confuses me to no end.

 

But I also look at it this way, the silent treatment is great once they are permanently out of your life and the silence lets you really see what type of nonsense and noise you were dealing with before. At that point, silence aka NC is bliss!

[BC1980]

I wasn't all that surprised when my ex jumped right into a new relationship. He strung me along until he found his new woman. It's a bizarre feeling. How could he be planning a wedding with me one minute and getting married to her the next. I honestly think those types of people don't attach deeply or they only do for short periods of time. I do think not was real at one point but not when it ended. Of course, he had a list of women a mile long, and I recently remembered that he texted one of his exes while we were together. So it's not surprising is it?

 

But it does make you feel devalued. You want to be special to the person you love, so finding out you aren't is a special kind of pain.

[pilsner86]

What is about our former partners that make us feel so bad, that we are "replaced".

 

I was looking for jobs in France and finishing my grad degree, after 3 years together (and working together in the US), 2 of them living together, he decides what my thoughts were on the future. That I would never come there or stay there, that we wanted different things. And that he met someone else (who he also works with) and got close to her, and all it took to forget about our relationship was kissing her. This happened a month after I was there for two weeks at Christmas. That now he's happy with her, family, friends, job. But what the hell? That he just flipped a switch, so long... but youre still a part of my life and we can still talk?? Talk about what? How you made me feel so inadequate? Worthless? Undesirable? How after saying you loved me you kissed someone else and ended us?

 

So many frustrating questions and thoughts. I finally blocked everything about him. I deserve to be treated better.

[J007]

Exactly the same happened with me . We go from having the best Christmas ever to her kissing another guy and before you know it ... her feelings have just changed .

I honestly dont think there is anything worse than a loss of a person close to you . How someone can go from one to another that they hardly know !! in such a short space of time and blow everything is the million pound question !!!

 

It really does screen 'Borderline Personality Disorder' at me . Maybe I ignored the red flags or whatever .

 

Take one day at a time everyone . Things will get better and this will make you stronger and be able to read the signs sooner for the next relationship .

 

You have to go through heartbreak and pain in life to GROW .

[smellysocksuni]

7 years in a relationship and at least emotionally cheated on. A few days after she left she was already hanging out with him, holding hands and stuff. To me this is incomprehensible. I just saw them yesterday walking around holding hands together with his child which he has from a previous relationship. They looked like a family and she always looks so happy. Yes it always shakes me a little when I see her but at the same time I also find it extremely funny. I mean she's so delusional. You don't leave someone after that long period of time, jump straight into a new relationship with someone new and act like you've won the lotto. And the guy isn't really a proper catch either. Has messed up his previous relationship and is actually pretty dumb (couldn't even finish the primary school properly) while she's intelligent. But apparently not as intelligent as I thought she was. She lives in a world full of unicorns farting rainbows at the moment. It's been 5 months.

 

 

 

Me? Well I'm struggling, falling and getting back up. The first two months were a living hell. I know if she could feel just for a couple of seconds what I felt for 2 months she'd never leave. Those feelings were the worst thing I've ever felt and I doubt you can feel worse. I cannot even describe it. I've had some good days or even weeks but these mood swings are killing me. I'm fighting morning depression, feeling sad, numb and that life is pointless but I keep fighting hard. It's not really a pleasure living at the moment but I realize I have to get out of this mess on my own. While I want someone to love really bad, I know a girlfriend would be just a temporary solution. It's more than this.

 

This is my point. My ex is running around, uploading photos of the two of them, etc. They don't even know each other. It's pathetic, in my eyes. The relationship may not break down this year, or the next or whatever - but it will. Good luck to the pair of them.

 

I do really feel for you as I am going through the same thing - I hardly get out of bed, most days. I feel the worst I've felt in a long time, and I don't know when it will end. I also want someone to love but I don't think I'm in a fit state to entertain something new; it wouldn't be fair on the other person.