getting back on track

[heidi]

I need some advice.

 

I just found out through my detective skills that my boyfriend of 2 years has been cheating on me. just a few days ago he asked me to marry him because he doesn't want to be with someone else. I have not talked to him because he is on trip in the bush.i am 21 he is 25. i am an attractive girl who is in college to be a dental hygenist. i'm loyal and trustworthy. my downfalls are that i am naive.

 

this has devasted me because i really loved this guy and i cannot believe he did this to me. i don't want this experience to screw me up. i feel i will not be able to find a guy i will love and be so close to again. this guy was me first real boyfriend. this guy i wanted to marry. do you think i will be able to find love again? how do i meet someone else? does him cheating on me have anything to do with me?

[Tony T]

My answers are based on the fact that you have verified and are absolutely sure beyond any doubt that he cheated on you.

 

1. "this guy i wanted to marry."

 

WRONG. This is the guy you THOUGHT you wanted to marry. You do not want to marry someone who is disloyal, deceitful and dishonest.

 

2. "do you think i will be able to find love again?"

 

I don't just think it, I absolutely know it. It will take you a little time to get over this guy...but in a short time you'll be very angry about what he did and you'll be free to meet lots of eligible men. I unconditionally guarantee that if you want you'll find not only one but a number of guys that you will be very interested in and with whom you can fall madly in love.

 

3. "how do i meet someone else?"

 

The same way you met this guy...and many other ways as well. Wherever there are men, there are opportunities for meeting people.

 

The best way to meet guys is to have your friends introduce you. But you can also meet them in parks, at concerts, plays, taking walks, at the gym, at church, at shopping malls, at the beach, in restaurants, through dating services on and off the Internet, etc. etc. Men are all over the place. There's just no excuse for not meeting hundreds of them if you want.

 

4. "does him cheating on me have anything to do with me?"

 

Not unless you recommended he do it. You don't control other people's behavior. They are totally responsible for it. You are only responsible for what you do. A guy who cheats on one lady is likely to cheat on others...on and on until he dies. It's in his make-up, it just something he has a capacity for doing and that tendency became part of him long before he met you.

 

No, it has NOTHING to do with you at all...except you happened to be his girlfriend at the time. Next time he cheats, there will be another victim...thankfully not you.

[Miss Mojo]

hi heidi,

 

firstly i want to address your question -

 

does him cheating on me have anything to do with me?

 

not at all. you could be the world's greatest supermodel, the inventor of a cure for cancer, a millionaire, the most wonderful girlfriend in the world and he still would have cheated. if it wasn't you that was with him for the last two years, it would have been somebody else, and he still would have cheated, regardless. it's just who he is.

 

i'm loyal and trustworthy. my downfalls are that i am naive.

 

there's *nothing* wrong with being loyal and trustworthy. you should regard that as a strength of yours. sometimes we just unfortunately find out who those people are that don't deserve our loyalty or our trust, and from this, we can learn to not be too trusting with others until it has been earned. people who abuse other people's trust make me sick and he does not deserve someone like you in his life.

 

i think we've all been guilty of being naive before, but that is just a huge part of growing up. don't be too hard on yourself about it. this is another thing you can learn from.

 

this has devasted me because i really loved this guy and i cannot believe he did this to me. i don't want this experience to screw me up.

 

being cheated on is a devestating experience unless you really didn't give a damn about the person who cheated on you in the first place. and you are right, it is always so hard to believe that this person you trusted did this to you. this experience won't screw you up, because you have the power to not let it affect your future relationships. your trust has probably hit an all time low, and you just need time on your own to pull through this. don't go rebounding into the arms of someone else who makes you feel good because you won't be ready yet. but you will in time, i can promise you that.

 

i feel i will not be able to find a guy i will love and be so close to again. this guy was me first real boyfriend.

 

you will, *without a doubt* be able to find a guy you had this kind of emotional attachment to oneday. you will be thanking this guy oneday for cheating on you (as crazy as it sounds) because you will end up with someone who will treat you like a queen and have all the same values as you. but this will happen when you are ready and there honestly is no rush. you have to get over this experience first and deal with the feelings you have now.

 

this guy i wanted to marry. do you think i will be able to find love again?

 

try and be thankful that you didn't marry this guy. you *thought* you wanted to marry him, but now his true colours have shown through, he's shown himself to be someone you don't want to marry at all. when you get to the stage where you are angry with him, you certainly won't feel this way.

 

hell yes, you will love again. they often say that the first love is the hardest, and quite often that is true. you have experienced a whole myriad of feelings you've never experienced before, which can be quite overwhelming for the first time. but as you get older, you get wiser to relationships and what you will and won't put up with. and you've learnt from this what you won't put up with, right? and that is a dishonest, untrustworthy, unfaithful twat. my bet is he'll keep cheating on girls for a while to come. he'll break someone elses heart and keep on doing it. at least he won't be able to break your heart again.

 

how do i meet someone else?

 

just continue to do the things you would normally have done if he wasn't in your life. but first, you need to get your confidence back on track before you can get involved with another guy. meeting someone now will not make you feel better because you have personal issues you have to get under wraps first. when you get this confidence back it will radiate and you will be noticed by many guys.

 

don't let this one guy destroy your self-esteem and your confidence. think that he's done you a favour - because what lies ahead now is bound to be 50 times better than him.