Under_The_Sea Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I recently posted a thread, asking if it was normal for someone to say nice things to me though we were only 'friends with benefits' or if it was him getting feelings for me. Apparently, it was him getting feelings for me. ****ing joy... Because now, he's told his PARTNER (a week before they go on holiday together for a week abroad...) that he has feelings for me and that we've done certain things, and has discussed breaking up or trying to make it work...and the only change I can see is that he says "She's going to message you at some point on FB". :/ They're 'trying to work on things', because he feels he owes it to her after four years together, so they haven't changed any...still as joyless and sexless as before...but now I am expecting a conversation with 'the missus'... WTF I don't understand why I've been put in this position, when I was the one quite happy to stay secret. I guess I'm being put in the position of hated woman, so that she can take out her anger on me? And he can relax? Or maybe he was rtoo cowardly to end things so he's hoping our conversation will end things for them? I don't know... All I know is that this **** is way more complicated than it should have been. Two months of no-strings-se has led to this bull****... Any advice on what to say to her when she finally sends the dreaded message? Any similar experiences? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I recently posted a thread, asking if it was normal for someone to say nice things to me though we were only 'friends with benefits' or if it was him getting feelings for me. Apparently, it was him getting feelings for me. ****ing joy... Because now, he's told his PARTNER (a week before they go on holiday together for a week abroad...) that he has feelings for me and that we've done certain things, and has discussed breaking up or trying to make it work...and the only change I can see is that he says "She's going to message you at some point on FB". :/ They're 'trying to work on things', because he feels he owes it to her after four years together, so they haven't changed any...still as joyless and sexless as before...but now I am expecting a conversation with 'the missus'... WTF I don't understand why I've been put in this position, when I was the one quite happy to stay secret. I guess I'm being put in the position of hated woman, so that she can take out her anger on me? And he can relax? Or maybe he was rtoo cowardly to end things so he's hoping our conversation will end things for them? I don't know... All I know is that this **** is way more complicated than it should have been. Two months of no-strings-se has led to this bull****... Any advice on what to say to her when she finally sends the dreaded message? Any similar experiences? You ask to speak to her by phone, don't do it by text or facebook messaging, you need to hear each others voices and talk. Be honest, tell her your side of things. Not sure if he threw you under the bus or not, but you'll find out soon enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Under_The_Sea Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 You ask to speak to her by phone, don't do it by text or facebook messaging, you need to hear each others voices and talk. Be honest, tell her your side of things. Not sure if he threw you under the bus or not, but you'll find out soon enough. Yeah I like that. I'd rather hear her properly than type unemotionally to each other. Thankyou. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 (edited) Only talk to her if you want to talk to her. There's no rule or law that says you have to. I do understand why she wants to talk to you though. It won't be very complimentary... If you want to be nice, be gone. Edited March 12, 2015 by Satu Link to post Share on other sites
Author Under_The_Sea Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 You misunderstand. I completely understand why she'd want to talk to me. I would. I'm angry at the fact he's got away with everything and uncovered his secret at my expense, when he was the one specificlly setting the rules and telling me not to get feelings for him, and surprised he would so casually inform me she would be contacting me. All I want to know is if anyone else has had similar experiences and what they did if so. Or if anyone has any advice on what to say to her. I'm not /completely/ heartless, I know she'll be hurting and I don't want to make it WORSE...but I know she deserves some answers so I wouldn't deny contact. Seems that although this is a place specifically for people in my situation, there's not much in the way of understanding lmao 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Don't take her calls and block her messages. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lovinDKT3 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 You misunderstand. I completely understand why she'd want to talk to me. I would. I'm angry at the fact he's got away with everything and uncovered his secret at my expense, when he was the one specificlly setting the rules and telling me not to get feelings for him, and surprised he would so casually inform me she would be contacting me. All I want to know is if anyone else has had similar experiences and what they did if so. Or if anyone has any advice on what to say to her. I'm not /completely/ heartless , I know she'll be hurting and I don't want to make it WORSE...but I know she deserves some answers so I wouldn't deny contact. Seems that although this is a place specifically for people in my situation, there's not much in the way of understanding lmao If you must talk to her, just anwser her questions. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Maybe he was/is looking for an exit affair? Read her message and decide if you want to arrange a call. Who knows what he told her. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Well he's one in a million.... putting all the responsibility on his partner and you. I would be hopping mad it I were you. What a cheek. Do not feel pressured to speak to her. It's up to HIM to work it out with her not you my Dear. Just step out of it until they work it out. Cheers Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Under_The_Sea Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Well he's one in a million.... putting all the responsibility on his partner and you. I would be hopping mad it I were you. What a cheek. Do not feel pressured to speak to her. It's up to HIM to work it out with her not you my Dear. Just step out of it until they work it out. Cheers Poppy. Yeah, I might.....I still might let her contact me and get answers, but not this soon after. It sucks since although I have been sleeping with him I've actively been trying to help him with his ****ty relationship lol Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Well, isn't he the drama queen. Talk to her. Be honest. Tell her the truth to any question she asks. Then stay away from him, he sounds like a user. Link to post Share on other sites
Riri90 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 You misunderstand. I completely understand why she'd want to talk to me. I would. I'm angry at the fact he's got away with everything and uncovered his secret at my expense, when he was the one specificlly setting the rules and telling me not to get feelings for him, and surprised he would so casually inform me she would be contacting me. All I want to know is if anyone else has had similar experiences and what they did if so. Or if anyone has any advice on what to say to her. I'm not /completely/ heartless, I know she'll be hurting and I don't want to make it WORSE...but I know she deserves some answers so I wouldn't deny contact. Seems that although this is a place specifically for people in my situation, there's not much in the way of understanding lmao Yes when ex separated man's wife contacted me on FB to talk, he told her to leave me alone and also told me to tell her to leave me alone. I felt like that was opening a door for a conversation to go sour from the start. He had to know his wife wanted to question me and that she would not be satisfied with "nothing happened leave me alone". He already told her he didn't want her reaching out to me. The tone of her messages to me reeked of wanting to know everything...Why he would suggest that I message her back is beyond me when he knows I won't lie for him. I ended up refusing to speak with her and telling him that was his business to handle. He acted all sad after I said I wouldn't speak to her and suggested he wanted to move away from all his problems...dramatic much? Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I recently posted a thread, asking if it was normal for someone to say nice things to me though we were only 'friends with benefits' or if it was him getting feelings for me. Apparently, it was him getting feelings for me. ****ing joy... Because now, he's told his PARTNER (a week before they go on holiday together for a week abroad...) that he has feelings for me and that we've done certain things, and has discussed breaking up or trying to make it work...and the only change I can see is that he says "She's going to message you at some point on FB". :/ They're 'trying to work on things', because he feels he owes it to her after four years together, so they haven't changed any...still as joyless and sexless as before...but now I am expecting a conversation with 'the missus'... WTF I don't understand why I've been put in this position, when I was the one quite happy to stay secret. I guess I'm being put in the position of hated woman, so that she can take out her anger on me? And he can relax? Or maybe he was rtoo cowardly to end things so he's hoping our conversation will end things for them? I don't know... All I know is that this **** is way more complicated than it should have been. Two months of no-strings-se has led to this bull****... Any advice on what to say to her when she finally sends the dreaded message? Any similar experiences? But there were strings....or a string. It was the GF. Keeping secrets? Involving other people against their will, always ends up messy and complicated. If it's no strings for you, then why not just walk away and end the "complications". No strings right? Link to post Share on other sites
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