SleekArchitecture Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 (edited) I will say in part a man being married is at an extent emotionally unavailable to varying degrees. I was in a relationship with a man who was not only married but also an emotionally unavailable man regardless. Since I have initiated NC, I have felt 100 lbs of weight burden being released. Take the weight off and I feel I can fly. My wings are no longer clipped. Affair or not, wasting time on an unemotional unavailable person is a waste of time. To hold inner value is no to ever succumb to such shortcomings. There is difference though of being partially unavailable as with myself, but also possessing the ability to warm up and open up in the right circumstance with the right man. I believe understanding this complex really helps with NC. Edited March 12, 2015 by SleekArchitecture Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Yes, definitely. But what I'm wondering is are they equally emotionally unavailable to their wives, who love them and show them that they love them, especially if they are oblivious to the fact that their husbands are having affairs? Or are these mm completely into the Ms and happy in their marriages, because they satisfy their needs? And if not, ie if they are emotionally unavailable to their WS, how do they camouflage it, so that the Ws can feel safe? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Yes, definitely. But what I'm wondering is are they equally emotionally unavailable to their wives, who love them and show them that they love them, especially if they are oblivious to the fact that their husbands are having affairs? Or are these mm completely into the Ms and happy in their marriages, because they satisfy their needs? And if not, ie if they are emotionally unavailable to their WS, how do they camouflage it, so that the Ws can feel safe? I do not know. He mentioned the relationship was stale, they were only like buddies,but who knows, it was probably just a bunch of crap. Hopefully if she feels it is a problem she can find a therapist, a similar board, and work it out. I cannot in my healing think of the what ifs and comparisons. The only comparison I need to look at is he is with her and not me, and bye bye. And if he is two completely different people, that is even worse and insulting, so the end remains, he is a burden, a weight. I believe I can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Yes, definitely. But what I'm wondering is are they equally emotionally unavailable to their wives, who love them and show them that they love them, especially if they are oblivious to the fact that their husbands are having affairs? Or are these mm completely into the Ms and happy in their marriages, because they satisfy their needs? And if not, ie if they are emotionally unavailable to their WS, how do they camouflage it, so that the Ws can feel safe? I can tell you that my DH's XOW told me that he was cold, distant and uncaring towards her which is the exact opposite of how he treats me. I was shocked at the way he treated her. I told him that he shouldn't treat any woman that way. He told me that she didn't care anything for herself so why should he care for her. Yes, he was a stupidhead at the time but that is so out of character for him and I have known him for 25 years. A lot of men secretly view the OW with little regard (not all) because of their willingness to sleep with a MM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 I can tell you that my DH's XOW told me that he was cold, distant and uncaring towards her which is the exact opposite of how he treats me. I was shocked at the way he treated her. I told him that he shouldn't treat any woman that way. He told me that she didn't care anything for herself so why should he care for her. Yes, he was a stupidhead at the time but that is so out of character for him and I have known him for 25 years. A lot of men secretly view the OW with little regard (not all) because of their willingness to sleep with a MM. Well, if so, so be it. I do not care and thinking about that does not help me to heal. She can have the turd. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Correction---- She can have the emotional turd. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 And not to cut you short, I think it is wonderful you have a giving and emotional man in your life, and if she does too, I feel the same for her. I cannot do comparisons because it is unhealthy and too painful to me. Link to post Share on other sites
snappytomcat Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 the best revenge you can have on this jerk,is to live a happy life take care of yourself,and move on. this is what I told my xws,xow unfortunately she went nuts,and he saw her true colors. you deserve better,and he deserves to wallow in the mud alone 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 the best revenge you can have on this jerk,is to live a happy life take care of yourself,and move on. this is what I told my xws,xow unfortunately she went nuts,and he saw her true colors. you deserve better,and he deserves to wallow in the mud alone Amen. Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I bet 95 percent of the men act exactly the same way with their wives. Link to post Share on other sites
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