acrosstheuniverse Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 My hierarchy of preferred communication methods: 1. Face to face. 2. Skype. 3. Phone. 4. Letter/email. 5. Morse Code. 6. Smoke signal. 7. Seance. 8. Shouting into a vacuum where there is no one to hear. 9. Quietly, hopelessly, whimpering alone in the dark. 10. Text. Mine would be face to face, text, phone, email, letter, skype. Not everyone hates texting. Actually if you want to get even more inane, the primary way my boyfriend and I communicate during our workdays (other than facebook message which is the equivalent of text) is Snapchat, we get to snap photos of our day to one another, it takes ten seconds and there's something about those photos which are important enough to end but not important enough to bother taking a real photo and messaging it that leads to all kinds of interesting little insights into your partner's day, as long as it's sent to THEM and not just a whole list of people that just happens to include them. But we live together so it's just a cute way of keeping in touch during the day, not our prime method of communication! I hate skyping. I find it really forced and awkward. With a text you can be doing other stuff, with a call you can be doing other stuff, when you're sat Skyping it's like all of your focus is on one another but you don't get any of the benefits of actually being in person. Even when my best friend lived in another continent we never Skyped, just whatsapped and facebook messaged. With a call there's no pressure to be on the ball because you can be absent mindedly doing other things too, but with Skype you have to sort of sit and stare at each other come what may lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I've had a reply from my BF and he says that he's bored and doesn't like the thought of me having a good time without him and that's why he messages me so much... Not sure what to think of that to be honest... You don't? You just spent two weeks in each other's company and I assume (perhaps incorrectly) you both had a lovely time. So, why wouldn't the guy be trying to communicate? You two were together. You no longer are. The poor bloke probably is lonely and misses you. I imagine he'd like to think you're feeling the same, but there you are taking showers, swabbing loos, taking naps, and whatever else, and better yet, getting annoyed he has the audacity to want to connect and talk to you. <shaking head> I dunno, Eevee. Why don't you do the guy a big favor and cut him loose? As others have noted, he's clearly not a top priority in your life. If I were him, I'd be wondering where I stood with you, too. Best, TMichaels 4 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I'm currently teaching English in France with my Uni program and just moved back after a 2 week break. So I assume you went back to UK (and spent time with him, as he lives there too) for two weeks and now you're back to France. The next day I pretty much slept in and didn't have any contact with him. So this seems to be Sunday. On a Sunday, your free day: zero contact. I have the impression that, after having him around, you need space. I read your threads talking about your boyfriend, and you don't talk positive about him, actually I found out you complain about many things he does. Maybe it's just me, but it all looks bad. Because when you're in love, you see a boyfriend with loving eyes. And positive things at least balance the negative ones. In your case, it's mainly negative ones, and such stupid things annoy you that I'm led to think you're not in love. You get bothered about the smallest things. Have you taken time to think about this? On the monday I'm at work until 6 and then was busy in the evening doing my chores and so it wasn't until around midnight that I noticed that he'd text me 1) So you get off work at 6 pm, but what time do you start working? You work 8 hours a day Monday to Friday? I decided I'd let it pass and message him the next day. You didn't say: what time did he text you? I end up not contacting him for another day due to being busy. He in the meantime has sent me several messages So, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday went by and no sign of life from you. Do you think it's normal in a relationship? Regardless of what you're used to with him. I replied saying I wasn't mad just been a bit busy the last few days and everything is fine. It's not clear if you replied Tuesday night or when. The next evening he messages me 'hows things' just before I jump in the shower so I don't reply right away. By the time I get out there's another 3 messages all asking me 'what's wrong?' 'hellllooooo' and 'have I upset you?' So I guess it's Wednesday evening. And he expects some kind of interaction in 4 days, other than "I've been busy". Do you think a boyfriend shouldn't be concerned? Did you ask yourself that? It's beginning to really annoy me that if I don't reply to him instantly he'll hound me with messages I think he's far away from pestering you. You keep him at a distance. Why? Well, it's clear many things about him annoy you, like: the way he holds your hand, how he wants to pay for you when you go out together, etc. I feel like asking him to just chill out and give me a break! Any thoughts? Yes. Just like others in here, I question whether you're truly in love with him. Because I can't see it. I don't feel that from your words about him. It's more about him getting on your nerves than being the best man ever. Link to post Share on other sites
okc85 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 My hierarchy of preferred communication methods: 1. Face to face. 2. Skype. 3. Phone. 4. Letter/email. 5. Morse Code. 6. Smoke signal. 7. Seance. 8. Shouting into a vacuum where there is no one to hear. 9. Quietly, hopelessly, whimpering alone in the dark. 10. Text. LOL. So true. I'm no luddite, but why don't people see how impersonal texting is? It's fine for making plans and exchanging quick bits of info, but how can couples carry on relationships with texts? Soooo much gets lost in translation because there's no body language, or facial expressions, no tone of voice, etc. OP is totally not into her boyfriend anymore (in my opinion) and should move on, anyway. LDRs are TOUGH. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 OP, I don't blame him for wondering what's up. The distance is clearly hard on him, but it seems like your interest level in him just isn't there anymore. Do you want to be in this relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Penguin_hugs Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I find texting quite a useful way to keep in contact (I'm also in an LDR) but personally I find it more of a "during the day" method. Me and my BF message usually once we are both on our way to work, having lunch, see how the afternoon is going, on the way home etc. I don't think it matters if the person isn't going to read the message instantly- it's more of a case of when they do look at their phone it's a little reminder that you care We work on different schedules- so it's not practical to reply instantly. OP- maybe you can suggest that to your BF- e.g. You appreciate his messages- but you aren't able to reply to them til you finish work- but make sure you do reply then- leaving it longer just makes the other person stew a bit. Maybe you can set aside separate times for actually speaking- like a scheduled date- it doesn't have to be every night- but it's good to actually hear the person too. My BF hates talking on the phone- he comes out in cold sweats whenever his mobile rings- but I've got him using skype now He prefers it because he can actually see my facial expressions and he hates not being able to see a person when he talks to them. If you are busy then you can have them in the background too- we've both been busy working recently- but we put skype on and just continue our working- exchanging a few words here and there- but at the end of the evening- you feel like you have been in their company the whole time Good luck OP if you want this LDR to work out Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I've had a reply from my BF and he says that he's bored and doesn't like the thought of me having a good time without him and that's why he messages me so much... Not sure what to think of that to be honest... he expects you to entertain him because he's too dull to think of something to do to occupy himself when you are busy. That is a bit like babysitting. How old is he? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Why don't you get on the phone and tell him you and he should agree to answer texts or calls within 24 hours and not to worry about it when it goes that long. I hate people pestering me like that for no reason with nothing to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Recently broke up due to communication failure and some other reasons. If after 1 whole year, you can't give him time for a few texts a day. I am sorry, that doesn't sound too good. I mean, think about it. If you hit a key every second, and you type "Can't talk right now. Love you" It takes about 30 seconds..... And then hitting send and the message actually going out... 1 minute? GIVE ME A BREAK! Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 (edited) What you are doing is disrespectful, and although you may THINK it's normal for you he is clearly not happy with it and will dump you eventually. maybe he just can't handle LD or someone so busy. Edited March 14, 2015 by Popsicle Link to post Share on other sites
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