What options do I have left for getting a gf?

[LookAtThisPOst]

- get a daily subscription to the primary newspaper (actually printed on paper) for your area and read it front to back every single day.

 

A lot of things on that list are quite laughable. I picked this one, because with the internet, this is completely utter BS.

[oldshirt]

I do have to wonder how difficult it would be for me to add that kind of muscle.

 

As of right now, I am currently paying for a personal trainer. I am working out a total of 10 times a month, alternating between 2-3 times a week.

 

This will be going on for the next 5 month. My first month is done in 2 days.

 

I am curious if this will be enough to add such muscle or do I need to take it a step further by going up to 4 times a week, every week. As of right now, I don't feel that I have changed much outside that I can handle the training a little bit easier from when I started.

 

Personal trainers are about cardio and agility and overall fitness and conditioning. If you are scrawny and need to pack on muscle mass You need an actual strength coach or bodybuilding coach.

 

 

If you aren't doing HEAVY squats, bench press, deadlifts, overhead presses, bent over rows etc with actual barbells and iron plates, you aren't going to put on muscle mass no matter how many curls you are doing with the pink dumbells while balancing on the rubber bouncy balls.

 

 

Get Starting Strength by Mark Riptoe or Strong Lifts 5 x5 to get started.

 

 

You are wasting your time and money with conventional personal trainer if your goal is muscle mass. Personal trainers are fine if you want to tone up your booty so you'll look good in skinny jeans for drag queen night down at the Blazing Saddles.

[MGX]

Adding 25 pounds of muscle will most certainly change your physical appearance and attraction. Have you ever seen an ugly, ripped, guy before? Your facial features along with your body will change, no doubt. And on top of that, your confidence changes along with your body, which in turn, changes your personality.

 

It takes some work, you know. You can't have a girl just handed to you without you putting in some effort as well. Struggling dudes always seem to have an excuse.

 

There are ugly ripped guys that women won't be attracted to. Maybe a man will lose his double chin, but a good looking body doesn't mean that his face becomes more handsome. You'd have a muscular Hulk than a fat Hulk.

 

No matter what a man does, if a woman doesn't find him attractive, that's it.

[oldshirt]

A lot of things on that list are quite laughable. I picked this one, because with the internet, this is completely utter BS.

 

Have you tried it???

 

 

The internet is great if you want to know what Kim Kardashian wore out to clubs last night.

 

 

The point is to devote himself a block of time each day to be aware of the pertinent issues going on around him. Reading an old school print newspaper while sitting there taking your morning dump is still the best way to do that.

[oldshirt]

There are ugly ripped guys that women won't be attracted to. Maybe a man will lose his double chin, but a good looking body doesn't mean that his face becomes more handsome. You'd have a muscular Hulk than a fat Hulk.

 

No matter what a man does, if a woman doesn't find him attractive, that's it.

 

 

 

Unless someone has some kind of actual deformity or disfigurement, a very fit, muscular person that is clean, well groomed and dressed in well fitting, stylish clothes is going to be attractive.

 

 

They may not have a model's perfect symmetry or features good enough to make the front page of a fashion magazine but they will be judged as attractive by the common person on the street.

[elaine567]

A lot of things on that list are quite laughable. I picked this one, because with the internet, this is completely utter BS.

 

The internet tends to be pretty superficial as regards local news.

 

It is possible on the internet to search for specific topics that merely confirm our own views. It is possible to skim, scan and scroll so much that the true meanings of serious news articles get completely lost.

It is also possible to miss large chunks of important news articles too in favour of the "popular" global news items. Everyone knows what Miley Cyrus is doing, but what about that huge local/national news story, that may impact YOU.

Few even read internet articles to the bottom of the page, most grab a few sentences and then scan for a few exciting key-words and then click on some hyperlink to take them somewhere else.

It is one of the issues of the digital age, we know about a huge number of different things, but little actual detail.

However in real life, you cannot have a decent conversation about a topic if all you know are buzzwords.

[MGX]

Unless someone has some kind of actual deformity or disfigurement, a very fit, muscular person that is clean, well groomed and dressed in well fitting, stylish clothes is going to be attractive.

 

They may not have a model's perfect symmetry or features good enough to make the front page of a fashion magazine but they will be judged as attractive by the common person on the street.

 

Just because you pump iron, doesn't make you automatically attractive. That just makes you visually appealing from the neck down -- IF the woman is into muscles in the first place. A gym rat could easily smell like sweat or have no sense of fashion.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Have you tried it???

 

Of course I tried it. Back when the internet was barely around or even before the internet existed. Now with print media companies laying off journalists by the droves, I just read the online version of the aforementioned newspaper.

 

The internet tends to be pretty superficial as regards local news.

 

Not sure I follow, I mean, now there's an internet version of the paper that used to lay in my driveway. I get a kick out of casually dressed salespeople that sit outside the grocery store pushing subscriptions of print media in our faces.

[oldshirt]

Just because you pump iron, doesn't make you automatically attractive. That just makes you visually appealing from the neck down -- IF the woman is into muscles in the first place. A gym rat could easily smell like sweat or have no sense of fashion.

 

All women are into muscles. The individual variation comes in when it comes to bodybuilders on stage flexing. Some dig it, some hate it but all women are attracted to lean, developed muscularity. Muscles are to women what boobs are to men. Some like them big, some like them small, but all like them there.

 

 

then go back and read what I said. I specifically said, "clean, well groomed, well dressed etc etc.

 

 

Poor hygiene and poor grooming and poor dress will make Adam Levine scare women away and make Heidi Klume dateless.

 

 

I am assuming people are at least putting in the baseline effort to take a shower, brush their teeth, comb their hair and put on clean, appropriate clothes every day.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I've seen attractive women with love-handled, though not grotesquely overweight, husbands/boyfriends all the time.

 

So there goes that theory. Though these ladies weren't rally great examples of fitness either, they had their own share of saddle bags that actually accentuated their curves.

 

 

 

 

All women are into muscles. The individual variation comes in when it comes to bodybuilders on stage flexing. Some dig it, some hate it but all women are attracted to lean, developed muscularity. Muscles are to women what boobs are to men. Some like them big, some like them small, but all like them there.

 

 

then go back and read what I said. I specifically said, "clean, well groomed, well dressed etc etc.

 

 

Poor hygiene and poor grooming and poor dress will make Adam Levine scare women away and make Heidi Klume dateless.

 

 

I am assuming people are at least putting in the baseline effort to take a shower, brush their teeth, comb their hair and put on clean, appropriate clothes every day.

[oldshirt]

I've seen attractive women with love-handled, though not grotesquely overweight, husbands/boyfriends all the time.

 

So there goes that theory. Though these ladies weren't rally great examples of fitness either, they had their own share of saddle bags that actually accentuated their curves.

 

 

 

And if those guys had been more fit and more muscular and less love-handled, they would've had even more attractive women with them or even had multiple women that they were dating.

 

 

more fit and attractive is always better than less.

[ltjg45]

Personal trainers are about cardio and agility and overall fitness and conditioning. If you are scrawny and need to pack on muscle mass You need an actual strength coach or bodybuilding coach.

 

 

If you aren't doing HEAVY squats, bench press, deadlifts, overhead presses, bent over rows etc with actual barbells and iron plates, you aren't going to put on muscle mass no matter how many curls you are doing with the pink dumbells while balancing on the rubber bouncy balls.

 

 

Get Starting Strength by Mark Riptoe or Strong Lifts 5 x5 to get started.

 

 

You are wasting your time and money with conventional personal trainer if your goal is muscle mass. Personal trainers are fine if you want to tone up your booty so you'll look good in skinny jeans for drag queen night down at the Blazing Saddles.

 

Great. $1800 and 6 months down the drain.

 

Yeah, no wonder I get so depressed so easily. Everything I want to do, I always do it the wrong way.

[LookAtThisPOst]

And if those guys had been more fit and more muscular and less love-handled, they would've had even more attractive women with them or even had multiple women that they were dating.

 

 

more fit and attractive is always better than less.

 

Well, these guys had a girlfriend regardless as the post is about "getting a g/f".

[Imported]

And if those guys had been more fit and more muscular and less love-handled, they would've had even more attractive women with them or even had multiple women that they were dating.

 

 

more fit and attractive is always better than less.

 

I agree. Be your best. Pretty simple stuff.

 

The nay sayers can keep doing what they believe. I guess it works for them right?

[Arieswoman]

kolleam,

This is a long thread, so did I miss the bit where you said how old you are?

 

Are you a student or in employment?

 

Just trying to get a bit of background before I give my 6 penneth/2$...

[LookAtThisPOst]

I agree. Be your best. Pretty simple stuff.

 

The nay sayers can keep doing what they believe. I guess it works for them right?

 

Like I just said, actually, we're talking about even GETTING a girlfriend, not getting "the best looking girlfriend"

[oldshirt]

Like I just said, actually, we're talking about even GETTING a girlfriend, not getting "the best looking girlfriend"

 

 

 

But everyone is going to want that gf/bf to be someone that they are attracted to and can relate to and get along with. What's the point of having a gf/bf if you can't stand to look at them, have nothing in common and no connection with them and don't have any respect or admiration for them?

 

 

The problem is a person has to be in at least the same league as the person they want to be involved with. If you aren't in the league as the people you want to date, then your options are go without, settle for less....... or get yourself up to their league.

 

 

And almost just as importantly, you want that person to like, admire, respect and desire you and treat you well.

 

 

There are lots of people that settle, just to have the companionship and to say that they have a bf/husband. And then we get all these guys on here whining that their gf/w hasn't had sex with them in a year and treat them like an errand boy around the house and then cheat on them and have nasty porn sex with guys they do find attractive and desirable.

 

 

Like I said in a previous post, I had some GFs and wasn't a virgin in my late teens/early 20s but the women weren't up to the level that I was wanting and they weren't treating me the way I wanted to be treated. We were both settling because we were all we could get.

 

 

It wasn't until I was in my mid 20s and had put on about 20s of lean mass and started dressing better and had a better job etc etc that women I was attracted to and were attracted to me started coming out of the woodwork (and by that term, I mean I went from basically living on a deserted island to wondering which woman was going to call me or show up at my house that day. I don't mean that I was any kind of super stud or anything)

 

 

Point being, in order to date in the league I wanted to date, I had to get myself up into that league.

[oldshirt]

....and I am assuming the OP isn't truly dateless. I am assuming he can get a date if he had to, but rather he isn't having any luck hooking up with the quality of girls he is interested in.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Okay, then, the person (the OP's) quandary is even about GETTING a g/f. Though, I am an advocate of dating those that fall within my "equal" in dating looks, am I to ascertain from the OP that he's flabby/out of shape guy trying to get a hard bodied women to date him?

 

I am not certain he has indicated as such as he's not even indicated how attractive these women are that hes' contacting. Of course, it's all subjective on what one finds attractive.

 

But with me, I've even contacted chubby women only to be viewed, I don't mind chubby even though I'm thinner than they are, for some reason it was their smile or something about where I had found them at least cute enough to contact, only to then be ignored. Some of them that I had quite a lot in common with which kind of took me aback when they ignored my message to them.

 

Average Janes not wanting Average Joes...what gives, right? So do average Joes have to get "ripped" to attract a woman who she herself can't stop from packing on the pounds?

 

Moy (no offense) is an example of a man who is buff yet doesn't attract women. Funny how no one seems to have addressed that here, at least in this post. I seen his avatar...he looks like a pretty buff dude *shrug* go figure.

 

Also, people within their own "leagues" still break up due to settling or superficial reasons regardless, so it's rather a moot point. Highly attractive have been to known to cheat on each other anyhow.

 

 

But everyone is going to want that gf/bf to be someone that they are attracted to and can relate to and get along with. What's the point of having a gf/bf if you can't stand to look at them, have nothing in common and no connection with them and don't have any respect or admiration for them?

 

 

The problem is a person has to be in at least the same league as the person they want to be involved with. If you aren't in the league as the people you want to date, then your options are go without, settle for less....... or get yourself up to their league.

 

 

And almost just as importantly, you want that person to like, admire, respect and desire you and treat you well.

 

 

There are lots of people that settle, just to have the companionship and to say that they have a bf/husband. And then we get all these guys on here whining that their gf/w hasn't had sex with them in a year and treat them like an errand boy around the house and then cheat on them and have nasty porn sex with guys they do find attractive and desirable.

 

 

Like I said in a previous post, I had some GFs and wasn't a virgin in my late teens/early 20s but the women weren't up to the level that I was wanting and they weren't treating me the way I wanted to be treated. We were both settling because we were all we could get.

 

 

It wasn't until I was in my mid 20s and had put on about 20s of lean mass and started dressing better and had a better job etc etc that women I was attracted to and were attracted to me started coming out of the woodwork (and by that term, I mean I went from basically living on a deserted island to wondering which woman was going to call me or show up at my house that day. I don't mean that I was any kind of super stud or anything)

 

 

Point being, in order to date in the league I wanted to date, I had to get myself up into that league.

Edited March 14, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[oldshirt]

Great. $1800 and 6 months down the drain.

 

Yeah, no wonder I get so depressed so easily. Everything I want to do, I always do it the wrong way.

 

 

 

It's about your goals. If you want to do burpies and hot yoga, your trainer is probably the ticket. there's nothing wrong with burpies and hot yoga, they are good for you and good exercise for general health and fitness but If your goal is putting on lean muscle mass you need a strength coach or bodybuiding coach to teach you how to do the basic barbell strength and mass producing exercises (ie squats, bench press, squats, over head press, squats, deadlift, squats, rows and squats)

 

 

see if your trainer can give you a referral to a good strength or BB coach.

[ltjg45]

It's about your goals. If you want to do burpies and hot yoga, your trainer is probably the ticket. there's nothing wrong with burpies and hot yoga, they are good for you and good exercise for general health and fitness but If your goal is putting on lean muscle mass you need a strength coach or bodybuiding coach to teach you how to do the basic barbell strength and mass producing exercises (ie squats, bench press, squats, over head press, squats, deadlift, squats, rows and squats)

 

 

see if your trainer can give you a referral to a good strength or BB coach.

 

Never heard of burpies and has little to no interest in yoga.

 

When I went to my gym's personal trainer section, I mentioned to them that I wanted to build muscle and, ever since I got started, I have been on the machines on every workout I have attended so far, trying to lift certain weight levels.

 

It sounds like I actually got a bodybuilding trainer but, in all honesty due to my general lack of knowledge in this area, I really can't tell. I know he doesn't have me doing any cardio during the workouts.

[oldshirt]

Okay, then, the person (the OP's) quandary is even about GETTING a g/f. Though, I am an advocate of dating those that fall within my "equal" in dating looks, am I to ascertain from the OP that he's flabby/out of shape guy trying to get a hard bodied women to date him?

 

I am not certain he has indicated as such as he's not even indicated how attractive these women are that hes' contacting. Of course, it's all subjective on what one finds attractive.

 

But with me, I've even contacted chubby women only to be viewed, I don't mind chubby even though I'm thinner than they are, for some reason it was their smile or something about where I had found them at least cute enough to contact, only to then be ignored. Some of them that I had quite a lot in common with which kind of took me aback when they ignored my message to them.

 

Average Janes not wanting Average Joes...what gives, right? So do average Joes have to get "ripped" to attract a woman who she herself can't stop from packing on the pounds?

 

Moy (no offense) is an example of a man who is buff yet doesn't attract women. Funny how no one seems to have addressed that here, at least in this post. I seen his avatar...he looks like a pretty buff dude *shrug* go figure.

 

Also, people within their own "leagues" still break up due to settling or superficial reasons regardless, so it's rather a moot point. Highly attractive have been to known to cheat on each other anyhow.

 

 

 

In some ways men and women are in the same boat when it comes to attractiveness. In both men and women the most beautiful have the world handed to them on a silver platter and all they have to do is be clean and not smell bad and people line up wanting to be with them.

 

 

And the most unattractive of both men and women have the same uphill challenges.

 

 

The biggest difference comes in the 'average' category. An 'average' woman will still get hit on, still asked out on dates and will still be able to have sex with just about any man including very attractive and desirable men (but whether he calls the next day or whether he wants a relationship with her is a whole other story but that is for another thread)

 

 

The 'average' man on the other hand is still pretty invisible and still has a lot of the uphill battle.

 

 

an average woman sits at the bar alone and within minutes men will be approaching her and buying her drinks and hitting on her etc.

 

 

An average man sits at the bar alone and he will sit there alone until he gets kicked out at closing time and there is a good possibility not a single person will even speak to him.

 

 

An average guy just simply has to work harder, strive more, take more risks, put himself out there more and get rejected more. That is just how it is.

 

 

Mother Nature only wants men willing and able to put in the work to breed a healthy, vigorous, fertile female. She wants the lazy and the weak lesser males to help out around village so the breeders can breed and she wants them to ultimately be food for other things.

 

 

Average women will eventually get by. Average males have to work for it.

 

 

The video game and porn industries are making billions off of young men giving up.

[oldshirt]

 

 

When I went to my gym's personal trainer section, I mentioned to them that I wanted to build muscle and, ever since I got started, I have been on the machines on every workout I have attended so far, trying to lift certain weight levels.

.

 

Fire your trainer.

 

 

Machines are for new suburban mothers to entertain themselves for an hour while the baby is in the gym daycare so they can get back into their old clothes before the baby. does your trainer at least offer you a strawberry smoothie after a good workout? Does he/she have any good Richard Simmons videos for you for motivation LOL

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK I'll stop messing with you. But seriously, You need to learn the basic barbell exercises and get off the machines if your goal is muscle mass.

 

 

Order the book "Starting Strength" by Mark Riptoe and read it cover to cover. Then once you have some background information and know what you are looking for, find an old-school, barbell-based, sweat gym where big beefy guys are wearing old nasty sweats and pit-stained tshirts and hire a strength coach to teach you how to put on lean mass.

 

 

(here's another hint, if you go to a gym and there is only one squat rack and there is skinny guy in it wearing an elastic headband doing curls in it and no one is kicking his ass - find another gym. Look for a gym that has multiple squat racks and all of them are in use by people doing actual squats with multiple weight plates on the bar. That is a gym that is teaching people to squat)

[kolleamm]

Okay, then, the person (the OP's) quandary is even about GETTING a g/f. Though, I am an advocate of dating those that fall within my "equal" in dating looks, am I to ascertain from the OP that he's flabby/out of shape guy trying to get a hard bodied women to date him?

 

I am not certain he has indicated as such as he's not even indicated how attractive these women are that hes' contacting. Of course, it's all subjective on what one finds attractive.

 

But with me, I've even contacted chubby women only to be viewed, I don't mind chubby even though I'm thinner than they are, for some reason it was their smile or something about where I had found them at least cute enough to contact, only to then be ignored. Some of them that I had quite a lot in common with which kind of took me aback when they ignored my message to them.

 

Average Janes not wanting Average Joes...what gives, right? So do average Joes have to get "ripped" to attract a woman who she herself can't stop from packing on the pounds?

 

Moy (no offense) is an example of a man who is buff yet doesn't attract women. Funny how no one seems to have addressed that here, at least in this post. I seen his avatar...he looks like a pretty buff dude *shrug* go figure.

 

Also, people within their own "leagues" still break up due to settling or superficial reasons regardless, so it's rather a moot point. Highly attractive have been to known to cheat on each other anyhow.

 

Actually if you look at Moy's post he mentions that when he was in his twenties and started hitting the gym for about two years he had finally begun seeing some action.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Actually if you look at Moy's post he mentions that when he was in his twenties and started hitting the gym for about two years he had finally begun seeing some action.

 

On the contrary, according to his post here--> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/512980-online-dating-being-5ft-8-man-repulsive-women

 

The past TWO years he's claimed he's been repulsing women and attempting to "find away out of this" situation. Perhaps you may have missed this one as it came and went a few pages ago but it had a good run.