What options do I have left for getting a gf?

[JuneJulySeptember]

Adding 25 pounds of muscle will most certainly change your physical appearance and attraction. Have you ever seen an ugly, ripped, guy before? Your facial features along with your body will change, no doubt. And on top of that, your confidence changes along with your body, which in turn, changes your personality.

 

It takes some work, you know. You can't have a girl just handed to you without you putting in some effort as well. Struggling dudes always seem to have an excuse.

 

Except I'm not a 'struggling' dude.

 

I'm a 'happy to be who I am, let life hand me whatever' dude.

 

And I'll keep it up as long as I can.

[elaine567]

re average Janes not impressed by average Joes.

That is because it isn't all about looks.

 

I was watching one of those game shows yesterday and there was this guy on there that I realised that I would never have dated in a million years.

 

Was it about looks? No pretty ordinary/above average guy.

Was it about intelligence, no he did really well in the game (general knowledge questions).

Was it about his job? No he said he had a reasonable job.

Was it about what he actually said? No I thought about that and it wasn't about what he said, that was OK, looking at it objectively.

BUT what it was about was, he just seemed really boring.

His personality just didn't come across well, he was just bland and uninteresting.

 

I think everyone blames looks for lack of success but I guess sometimes it is more about personality or how that personality comes across in the short period of time a person is given to attract another on OLD or IRL.

[oldshirt]

On the contrary, according to his post here--> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/512980-online-dating-being-5ft-8-man-repulsive-women

 

The past TWO years he's claimed he's been repulsing women and attempting to "find away out of this" situation. Perhaps you may have missed this one as it came and went a few pages ago but it had a good run.

 

 

 

He talks about the challenges of being 5'8" on OLD. most women set their selection settings at 6' on OLD.

 

 

He's also in his 40s. If he is shooting for 25 year olds, then yeah he is going to have some challenges regardless of how buff he is.

 

 

His point about his success increasing when he went from 140 lbs to 160lbs in his 20s is still valid.

 

 

I am assuming the OP is in his late teens/early 20s and is 138 lbs so Moy's historical perspective from when he was of similar stats is valid.

 

 

The dating challenges of any mid40s man is going to be different that a 20 year olds. I'm 51 so I can probably relate more to Moy's current perspective now, although if Moy's avatar is actually him, I would think that he'd have middle aged women lined up down the street.

 

 

If he is shooting for 20somethings, he'll eventually achieve it, but it may take a little time.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Of course, you cannot really go off what someone said about themselves on a game show, anyhow, "being interesting" is subjective.

 

Of course, I find it moreso is that the women tend to bore easily than it is about how a interesting a man is. I've even read it in profiles from women, "I tend to get bored easily." This is quite telling and puts pressure on the man to "Be interesting."

 

When people grow bored easily, they come from a background of having been spoiled too much.

 

 

re average Janes not impressed by average Joes.

That is because it isn't all about looks.

 

I was watching one of those game shows yesterday and there was this guy on there that I realised that I would never have dated in a million years.

 

Was it about looks? No pretty ordinary/above average guy.

Was it about intelligence, no he did really well in the game (general knowledge questions).

Was it about his job? No he said he had a reasonable job.

Was it about what he actually said? No I thought about that and it wasn't about what he said, that was OK, looking at it objectively.

BUT what it was about was, he just seemed really boring.

His personality just didn't come across well, he was just bland and uninteresting.

 

I think everyone blames looks for lack of success but I guess sometimes it is more about personality or how that personality comes across in the short period of time a person is given to attract another on OLD or IRL.

[LookAtThisPOst]

He's also in his 40s. If he is shooting for 25 year olds, then yeah he is going to have some challenges regardless of how buff he is.

 

Though that was an 11-page post about his inability to attract women on POF, I didn't read anything about him only shooting for 20-somethings as a 40-something year old man. Perhaps I missed a page where he stated what age range he's currently shooting for with online dating?

 

So I take it working out like he does, but he's short and he says women still don't want him regardless of him being ripped.

 

So the advice given is, "Get ripped, get buff to attract women...oh wait...you're short! Forget it you're screwed!" lol

 

Want to re-itereate what Moy had said in this earlier post

 

I've had my self worth completely obliterated by women on OLD sites and also in real life in the past two years that I've been single. I am still in shock at how generally cold, vapid, nasty and heartless they are compared to when I was last single in my early 30s. "Who cares if I'm 300lbs, with a mountain of debt, body odour, 12 kids by 12 fathers, a uni-brow and I still live with my parents? Brad Pitt but with Bill Gates' money or f*** off, loser!" is the common attitude these days.

 

There comes a point though, "a fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" epiphany where you realise that you are having to up your game to chase the approval of something that you actually aren't even interested in or attracted to. It's just a visceral need for validation in the form of 'being with somebody.'

 

I've had all of my love, affection, companionship, warmth, consideration and hope beaten out of me in the past couple of years. I'm actually not interested in women anymore and it has given me the most liberated feeling that I've felt in years.

 

There's nothing out there. Stop wasting your time looking for nothing. Just be the best you....for YOU, not the validation of others.

Edited March 14, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[Moy]

Oh to be in my 20s again haha!

 

My problem at this time is I've had the confidence trolled out of me via OLD to the point where I'm now a tiger who believes that he's a tabby cat! I don't have much luck as I hardly go out these days. I've only started going out again in the past few weeks. I shall keep you all posted of any developments.

 

Right now, it's important for me to become me again as two years of 'Ew! Why aren't you 6ft?' IS going to strip away your self worth after a while. As I said in earlier post, shame on me for continuing down the OLD path when I should have stepped aside to work on myself much earlier.

 

But yeah, going from 140 to 160 in my 20s changed everything for me back then. Dating in real life in your 20s is a LOT different to using OLD in your 40s. But - I was 5ft 8 back then, too and I've NEVER been rejected in real life because of my height. So what's different this time round? This is why I'm taking time out from the whole game as I have questions to answer.

 

Oh, and my age range is 5 years either side of my own, give or take.

Edited March 14, 2015 by Moy

[MGX]

Like I just said, actually, we're talking about even GETTING a girlfriend, not getting "the best looking girlfriend"

 

But everyone is going to want that gf/bf to be someone that they are attracted to and can relate to and get along with. What's the point of having a gf/bf if you can't stand to look at them, have nothing in common and no connection with them and don't have any respect or admiration for them?

 

The problem is a person has to be in at least the same league as the person they want to be involved with. If you aren't in the league as the people you want to date, then your options are go without, settle for less....... or get yourself up to their league.

 

And almost just as importantly, you want that person to like, admire, respect and desire you and treat you well.

 

There are lots of people that settle, just to have the companionship and to say that they have a bf/husband. And then we get all these guys on here whining that their gf/w hasn't had sex with them in a year and treat them like an errand boy around the house and then cheat on them and have nasty porn sex with guys they do find attractive and desirable.

 

Like I said in a previous post, I had some GFs and wasn't a virgin in my late teens/early 20s but the women weren't up to the level that I was wanting and they weren't treating me the way I wanted to be treated. We were both settling because we were all we could get.

 

It wasn't until I was in my mid 20s and had put on about 20s of lean mass and started dressing better and had a better job etc etc that women I was attracted to and were attracted to me started coming out of the woodwork (and by that term, I mean I went from basically living on a deserted island to wondering which woman was going to call me or show up at my house that day. I don't mean that I was any kind of super stud or anything)

 

Point being, in order to date in the league I wanted to date, I had to get myself up into that league.

 

See, that's a common misconception that some guys and a lot of women have about men: that you aren't attracted to someone who is less beautiful or more subdued than your highest standard -- that there's no attraction at all.

 

For example, the girl next door isn't Kim Kardashian, but she's nice and lovely enough that you wouldn't mind waking up everyday next to her. If I can't date Nicki Minaj, is Jordin Sparks such a bad choice? A 2015 car is better than a 2013 car, but the 2013 is still a good car!

 

Some guys aren't so picky and there are more acceptable numbers on the 1 to 10 scale than "10".

[MGX]

re average Janes not impressed by average Joes.

That is because it isn't all about looks.

 

I was watching one of those game shows yesterday and there was this guy on there that I realised that I would never have dated in a million years.

 

Was it about looks? No pretty ordinary/above average guy.

Was it about intelligence, no he did really well in the game (general knowledge questions).

Was it about his job? No he said he had a reasonable job.

Was it about what he actually said? No I thought about that and it wasn't about what he said, that was OK, looking at it objectively.

BUT what it was about was, he just seemed really boring.

His personality just didn't come across well, he was just bland and uninteresting.

 

I think everyone blames looks for lack of success but I guess sometimes it is more about personality or how that personality comes across in the short period of time a person is given to attract another on OLD or IRL.

 

Exactly. She gets it.

 

Like I've said before, sometimes there is nothing for a man to fix. The women simply aren't into him.

[kolleamm]

I've met some pretty ugly women in my life. The one thing that had set them apart from the rest was that they had really nice bodies. There was no way I could have disqualified them if their faces weren't great unless they were really bad which most were not.

 

That's really am I'm looking for, a woman with an acceptable face and a nice healthy body.

 

I've probably turned down more women in my life with out of shape bodies as opposed to the opposite and they really did have nice faces but come on body matters too.

 

As for having an amazing physique not giving you any kind of pluses in terms of attraction I call that bull. Even if you are still not successful in dating the pluses are still there.

 

Having a nice body is like having the money to pay off most of your debt but not all. That's where grooming and all the other work around approaches come in.

 

Never hurts to try.

[thefooloftheyear]

I've met some pretty ugly women in my life. The one thing that had set them apart from the rest was that they had really nice bodies. There was no way I could have disqualified them if their faces weren't great unless they were really bad which most were not.

 

That's really am I'm looking for, a woman with an acceptable face and a nice healthy body.

 

I've probably turned down more women in my life with out of shape bodies as opposed to the opposite and they really did have nice faces but come on body matters too.

 

As for having an amazing physique not giving you any kind of pluses in terms of attraction I call that bull. Even if you are still not successful in dating the pluses are still there.

 

Having a nice body is like having the money to pay off most of your debt but not all. That's where grooming and all the other work around approaches come in.

 

Never hurts to try.

 

 

Men are FAR more likely to be accepting of a woman that has a but-er face than a woman is to be accepting of a man with great bod and an ugly mug.....Men appreciate the female form and are immediately drawn to the ass and tits/torso...Its just more important than facial attractiveness..

 

Guys, on the other hand, can have fantastic physiques and homely facial looks and they will get passed up every time by a woman that will go for the guy with the average or even below average physique, but has a nice/attractive face...

 

Thats the funny thing about guys who think that going on the juice will result in more attention from women..The first thing that happens to most guys is that their face blows up and gets all puffy, losing any definition or structure, which immediately turns most women off..They'll never get past their ugly face, to notice the biceps and pecs....

 

TFY

[serial muse]

 

Thats the funny thing about guys who think that going on the juice will result in more attention from women..The first thing that happens to most guys is that their face blows up and gets all puffy, losing any definition or structure, which immediately turns most women off..They'll never get past their ugly face, to notice the biceps and pecs....

 

TFY

 

This is a very interesting point. I'd never thought of it that way before.

[kolleamm]

Men are FAR more likely to be accepting of a woman that has a but-er face than a woman is to be accepting of a man with great bod and an ugly mug.....Men appreciate the female form and are immediately drawn to the ass and tits/torso...Its just more important than facial attractiveness..

 

Guys, on the other hand, can have fantastic physiques and homely facial looks and they will get passed up every time by a woman that will go for the guy with the average or even below average physique, but has a nice/attractive face...

 

Thats the funny thing about guys who think that going on the juice will result in more attention from women..The first thing that happens to most guys is that their face blows up and gets all puffy, losing any definition or structure, which immediately turns most women off..They'll never get past their ugly face, to notice the biceps and pecs....

 

TFY

 

Then I'll just do it for myself because I think it looks good.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Exactly. She gets it.

 

Like I've said before, sometimes there is nothing for a man to fix. The women simply aren't into him.

 

I've seen these game shows and they aren't focused on the details of someone's life on there. They have a time constraint, so they are only able to give a brief rundown of the players.

 

Not sure why you're using a game show player as an example.

[xxoo]

I've seen these game shows and they aren't focused on the details of someone's life on there. They have a time constraint, so they are only able to give a brief rundown of the players.

 

Not sure why you're using a game show player as an example.

 

It's comparable to a first impression in a social setting. Most of us have seen dozens, if not hundreds, of game show contestants, so it's a relative thing. This guy was boring in a way that stood out as super boring.

 

Unless you are forced into proximity via work, class, or friends, a first impression may be all you get. Make the best of it, and show some life.

[organizedchaos]

Men are FAR more likely to be accepting of a woman that has a but-er face than a woman is to be accepting of a man with great bod and an ugly mug.....Men appreciate the female form and are immediately drawn to the ass and tits/torso...Its just more important than facial attractiveness..

 

Guys, on the other hand, can have fantastic physiques and homely facial looks and they will get passed up every time by a woman that will go for the guy with the average or even below average physique, but has a nice/attractive face...

 

Thats the funny thing about guys who think that going on the juice will result in more attention from women..The first thing that happens to most guys is that their face blows up and gets all puffy, losing any definition or structure, which immediately turns most women off..They'll never get past their ugly face, to notice the biceps and pecs....

 

TFY

 

No need to go on the "juice" to gain muscle. And still believe getting lean and muscular will help any guy. Not bodybuilder type, but clearly in shape. Can't recall ever seeing a chiseled guy who was ugly. Achieving those results changes you mentally as well as physically.

[LookAtThisPOst]

No need to go on the "juice" to gain muscle. And still believe getting lean and muscular will help any guy. Not bodybuilder type, but clearly in shape. Can't recall ever seeing a chiseled guy who was ugly. Achieving those results changes you mentally as well as physically.

 

Thing is, some men have to find a woman that doesn't bore easily. I have seen and bypassed profiles where women say, "I get bored pretty easily" and that means you'll get no loyalty from such a woman as the man has to constantly come up with an itinerary of things each time they get together.

 

Kind of a like a cruise ship activities director of sorts.

 

Believe it or not, some women prefer "boring" or however one may define such a term. I mean what IS "boring"? Define "boring"?

 

I know a married couple at work, probably the most boring couple I've ever known to exist as they hardly ever leave the house beyond work. They actually come to work together, go to lunch together, and then go home together.

 

I asked her, "So you and the husband got any plans for the weekend?" and she's like "Nah, we're not much for getting out anywhere, we'll probably just binge watch Game of Thrones all weekend, get some laundry done, etc."

 

By that, some would define that as COMPLETELY boring..I know a lot of couples like this and they are completely into each other regardless. I think it works, because it isn't one-sided, so there's no pressure to keep someone entertained.

[thefooloftheyear]

No need to go on the "juice" to gain muscle. And still believe getting lean and muscular will help any guy. Not bodybuilder type, but clearly in shape. Can't recall ever seeing a chiseled guy who was ugly. Achieving those results changes you mentally as well as physically.

 

 

While I agree with you that being fit helps you in most aspects of life...Heck, I have the type of physique, (big, hard powerful) that is the envy of most guys.(Notice I said guys)..Guys at the gym show much respect..So I live it...But I never viewed being fit/built with attracting women...Its just something I like to do and am fortunate enough to be genetically gifted to be good at...Some people like to game, some people bowl or hunt...I like to lift weights and strength train..Simple as that.

 

Women might prefer a built guy over a fat or out of shape guy, but its not a priority...I dont think I am ugly, so thats probably why women generally think I am an attractive guy...The physique is just a bonus, but not a necessity,..

 

But I disagree with your other comment...There are TONS of ugly, yet well built guys...In fact, Id bet that more than half arent facially attractive..So they know this and compensate by doing something with their life that they can control..Good for them, I suppose..

 

Just think about it this way...

 

Look at all the mega hot women....Take someone like J-Lo...Incredibly hot...Who does she date? What do they look like?? are they all ripped and jacked?.....nope..

 

Even the average women...Look at the guys they think are the hottest..Take a guy like Ryan Gosling...He has the type of physique that practically any idiot on the street could obtain by some hard dieting and pushups. He's certianly not in the same league physique wise with Dwayne Johnson, yet you never hear many women going as nuts about him...

 

TFY

[TouchedByViolet]

 

Even the average women...Look at the guys they think are the hottest..Take a guy like Ryan Gosling...He has the type of physique that practically any idiot on the street could obtain by some hard dieting and pushups. He's certianly not in the same league physique wise with Dwayne Johnson, yet you never hear many women going as nuts about him...

 

TFY

 

Ryan Gosling is near ideal and most guys cannot attain anything close to that. He is 6 feet tall, a mesomorph who works out and a handsome face. His body is incredible. Dwayne Johnson probably isn't as desirable but he is still tall, strong and handsome. Just maybe bigger than some women like.

[thefooloftheyear]

Ryan Gosling is near ideal and most guys cannot attain anything close to that. He is 6 feet tall, a mesomorph who works out and a handsome face. His body is incredible. Dwayne Johnson probably isn't as desirable but he is still tall, strong and handsome. Just maybe bigger than some women like.

 

 

Im talking physique..

 

His physique is far from "incredible"...Hes six feet tall and 170...For him to have any real legitimate muscle mass, hed have to weigh well over 200 at that height..There are homeless guys wit'h better physiques than he has, there are guys in prison with better physiques than he has...Id say if he was working at Home Depot no one would even give a shyt about him..There isnt much incredible about a guy with little muscle and little body fat..

 

But you made my point..

 

In clothes he looks like any other skinny guy..But he's handsome..So women find him attractive...If he had that same body with an ugly face, no one would talk about it...

 

TFY

[LookAtThisPOst]

Im talking physique..

 

His physique is far from "incredible"...Hes six feet tall and 170...For him to have any real legitimate muscle mass, hed have to weigh well over 200 at that height..There are homeless guys wit'h better physiques than he has, there are guys in prison with better physiques than he has...Id say if he was working at Home Depot no one would even give a shyt about him..There isnt much incredible about a guy with little muscle and little body fat..

 

But you made my point..

 

In clothes he looks like any other skinny guy..But he's handsome..So women find him attractive...If he had that same body with an ugly face, no one would talk about it...

 

TFY

 

Well, if you think about it Johnny Depp is a major heart throb, but from the looks of him, he couldn't' fight himself out of a wet paper bag.

[thefooloftheyear]

Well, if you think about it Johnny Depp is a major heart throb, but from the looks of him, he couldn't' fight himself out of a wet paper bag.

 

 

Yep...Neither could Marc Anthony...but that didnt stop him from getting it with J-Lo...

 

TFY

[serial muse]

Yep...Neither could Marc Anthony...but that didnt stop him from getting it with J-Lo...

 

TFY

 

Haha I was with you up until this point. I don't know anybody aside from JLo that thinks Marc Anthony is physically attractive face-wise. He may have some sort of personal magnetism though.

[thefooloftheyear]

Haha I was with you up until this point. I don't know anybody aside from JLo that thinks Marc Anthony is physically attractive face-wise. He may have some sort of personal magnetism though.

 

 

Agreed...

 

I guess I was still on the physique part...

 

TFY

[Imported]

Im talking physique..

 

TFY

 

 

There's average, there's better than average and there is worse than average. Veer too far from average in either direction and people have....preferences.

 

Some will be unattracted because of huge muscles, some be attracted because of it. It's shallow to say you're not attracted because someone is fat......but it's just as shallow to say you're not attracted because someone has huge muscles.

 

In my experience, it's better to be somewhat above average, but not too much above. You get all the benefits and none of the baggage....assumed or not. All the girls that are into muscles will probably find "somewhat above average" acceptable. All the girls that think huge muscles are gross will probably find "somewhat above average" accpetable.

 

Let me state that "average" to me is fit to most people out there. The ideal of "average". Not take the weight of everyone in the USA and see that 30lbs overweight is "average" now.

[thefooloftheyear]

There's average, there's better than average and there is worse than average. Veer too far from average in either direction and people have....preferences.

 

Some will be unattracted because of huge muscles, some be attracted because of it. It's shallow to say you're not attracted because someone is fat......but it's just as shallow to say you're not attracted because someone has huge muscles.

 

In my experience, it's better to be somewhat above average, but not too much above. You get all the benefits and none of the baggage....assumed or not. All the girls that are into muscles will probably find "somewhat above average" acceptable. All the girls that think huge muscles are gross will probably find "somewhat above average" accpetable.

 

Let me state that "average" to me is fit to most people out there. The ideal of "average". Not take the weight of everyone in the USA and see that 30lbs overweight is "average" now.

 

 

No argument...

 

I guess my whole point is that you cant take a guy with a great physique and make him into super stud if he's ugly...But a guy that has a good looking face is going to do well with women, pretty much regardless...

 

I have a cousin that is lucky to be 5'4"....He works out but his physique still sucks..Not fat or skinny, but Id be completely embarrassed to go shirtless if I were him.. Anyway, he has a very handsome face...Dark skinned, perfect teeth.good facial structure..Classic Italian looking..Seemingly all women think he is hot..

 

So not only is his face making up for the fact that his body sucks, its also crutching the fact that he is very short..I dont think women can do the same with just a pretty face alone...but I dunno...

 

All said, its a great idea to be the best you can....and that means in all areas of life..The better man you become, the more attractive you become with women..But ive seen many a guy think that the path to success with women resides in bulking up or trying to become ripped..If anything, getting ripped will probably attract more women not because of your body, but that because you are so lean, your face just looks better..

 

.02

 

TFY