maja Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 My boyfriend and I have been living together for about half a year. We live in a nice quite condo complex that has wooden area in a backyard. I love to open the blinds during the day to get the sunlight in and look at nice scenery. You can't see any neighbors as they are all on the other side. Once in a while someone walks by walking their dog and it's not by our wondow at all. Anyway, he hates me opening the blinds and gets very angry when i do. At first his reason was is that he likes privacy and he doesn't want anyone seeing us, now he's excuse is that we have expensive equipment in the house and he doesn't want anyone to see it so they don't steal it. oh my gosh, we live in a very nice exclusive neighbrohood no one will do that, plus no one walks by our windows at any time!!!! We got into a huge fight because I opened the blinds and he told me that if I keep doing this then i can move out as i don't repect his rules....he told me I can open blinds when we live on a higher level. Please help me understand what his issue is?!! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 if I keep doing this then i can move out as i don't repect his rules Apparently you're not living together - he considers you nothing more than a houseguest. What's his problem? He's paranoid and controlling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maja Posted April 9, 2005 Author Share Posted April 9, 2005 Merry, you said it - he's paranoid and controlling!!! We have a great realtionship and we love one another, we talk about the future, but when he acts this way, it means he doesn't care about loosing me over stupid blinds?!! This happened today and we are ignoring each other, which i hate, but i have nothing nice to say to him and I don't even know what to say to him. I just can't beleive this! I think he may feel as he has the upper hang and can set rules here as i moved in to his place and he pays all the bills as i am a student!! Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Well think about the future really good. Because if the both of you get into fights about blinds now. Then it may get worse later. He is very controling. I wonder if he is like that if you have friends that are guys or something. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 How long have you been dating total? This is very strange and might indicate more serious anger problems in the future. Have you seen any other signs of strange behavior like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maja Posted April 9, 2005 Author Share Posted April 9, 2005 We have been together for nearly 2 years. No i really haven't seen any other crazy behavior other then the blind situation and yes it is weird and yes it scares me. I really don't know what to do or to say to him. I'm hurt by the fact that he told me i can move out if i can't follow his rules.... Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Okay. Well if this is the only weird thing you need to talk to him about it. Choose a good time, when he is not stressed out and when you haven't just made him angry by doing it. Tell him it scares you and you don't understand his reasons and can he please explain it to you... I don't know, maybe someone else can give you more advice on this part. Also, it's probably not healthy for a relationship to have one person depend on the other for a place to live and utilities becuase you might feel you "owe" him. So think about getting your own place anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 but when he acts this way, it means he doesn't care about loosing me over stupid blinds The problem isn't with the blinds. The problem is his anger towards you for interfering with his space and not doing as you're told. I know you said there was no other crazy behaviour but does he get angry with you about any other things? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maja Posted April 9, 2005 Author Share Posted April 9, 2005 Meanon, you mean does he get mad at me with other things at home? If so, then he also likes all the lights on even during the day (that's why he wants the blinds close too so no one sees us), but the lights he compromises with me about. He tells me his mom always had the blinds open, windows open when he was a kid and he felt as thought he didn't have any privacy so now he wants them shut. The other thing is controlling my dog for it not to bark as we have neighbors. He gets mad at me that i don't teach her not to bark. She doesn't yap that much, she just gets protective over the house when she hears some kids running around or something. We are only alowed one dog, but we have two so if someone complains about the bark we'd have to move out...(so he says). He is very stubburn and set in his ways. Anything that he says has to be that way. Maybe we should consider some kind of counseling ..... Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 I meant does he get mad with you at all, at home or out of the home. Anything that he says has to be that way. Then this is nothing new, it's just that the blinds strikes you as particularly unreasonable so you feel worse about it. The other times you've thought his reasons were better so you didn't feel so bad about it. This sort of problem does not go away unless someone really wants to change. Counselling will help but will he want to do it? If he can't tolerate small things about the house not being the way he wants, he's unlikely to go through the stress of therapy unless he really feels he has to change. If he doesn't, then find yourself someone to whom love means wanting you to be happy, not wanting you to do as you're told. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 That was the type of thing I was talking about when I asked if he was strange in other ways. Hey, I don't know all the facts here, but based on what you've told me, I'd advise you to get the hell out of there. He's a control freak and you'll never make him happy. I mean, not being able to open the blinds, ever? That's crazy. You can't adapt to crazy behavior. If you agree NEVER to open the blinds, it will just be something else after that. Link to post Share on other sites
Kandy Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 I know exactly what you're dealing with here, because this is how my mental and physical abusive relationship with my ex started out...The best thing to do is get away from him. He's treating you like pure dirt and you don't deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Whose condo is it? Are you both on a lease. Or do you BOTH own it? If so,...there is no individuals RULES you live by. This is America,...not some third world country where women are thought of as 2nd class citizens. You dont need to live by his rules. I cant believe that HE doesnt see how his wanting to keep the blinds closed all the time is very weird. There is something else going on there. Is he hiding from someone? Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 What do you mean that some people walk their dogs but that no one passes through there? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 It sounds like he wants to be certain that you not think you have any control over him. It could be one of many small things that are simmering for him. I remember in an earlier post he was giving you some hassle over not wanting to be married. Is that still a source of tension? Maybe he is having some more serious issues and they are venting and being transferred to smaller events. Do you still go through his phone and stuff like that? I'm more inclined to think that its a lot more than blinds that he is having problems with. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Please help me understand what his issue is?!! His issue is control, just like others have said. And/Or something even more weird is going on. I thought the same thing as Scarlyjones . . . it sounds like he is hiding from someone. Do you know what his past is like? Frankly, I couldn't live with the sun shut out. I need the sun. I would get depressed looking at four walls and the backside of the blinds . . . I think his comment, "if I keep doing this then i can move out as i don't repect his rules...." put you on the same plane as a defective refrigerator . . . BTW, the exclusiveness of your neighborhood has nothing to do with being robbed. I would think that an exclusive neighborhood would actually offer more "promise" for a thief, since there would likely be more quality stuff to steal . . . However, if someone is looking to steal stuff, they are just going to break in and take what they can get. I can't imagine someone peering through the window of each condo and making a list of what to steal where . . . but I'm not a burglar so I wouldn't know. Link to post Share on other sites
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