guest569 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 How often do you meet and contact your friend/s with benefits? How much time do you spend together? Do you text each other much? Do you do date stuff or just friendship or sex or combo? Curious to hear what you think is the norm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 There is no "norm". When I had one, I saw him about once per week, sometimes twice. We would have very limited contact between, mostly just "are you coming over?" We'd have sex. I'd leave. If I was drinking, which was rare, sometimes I'd stay. Once I went with him to his company's holiday party because he didn't have a date & I like getting dressed up. We'd occasionally eat together but that was more about food / need for fuel. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 It varies, but we see each other three or four times a month - sometimes more, sometimes less depending on what else we have going on. It's lasted for over 3 years so far. We don't text much, but email to keep up to date. We do social and date stuff, with or without sex involved. We are definitely friends, and would be even if sex were to stop for whatever reason (for a while, she got into a serious relationship, so sex stopped, but resumed when she broke up with him). Our arrangement is a little unusual, as it's recently started moving towards a poly scenario. And my wife invites her over for some holidays, such at Xmas Eve and NYE, and birthdays, and the three of us will go out somewhere now and then. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 It really varies! A few examples of mine: Have one that's been going on for about 4 years. We only see each other once a year, though, as we live in opposite ends of the world. We touch base every now and then via email or skype. We tend to meet at hotels, so the most "date" we go on is having drinks at the bar. Usually sleep over. Another one that lasted about 4 years as well, we'd meet every time I went back home, every few months. No contact whatsoever in between meet ups and no dates. I'd go to his, we'd have sex, and I'd leave, unless I was too drunk to drive. Last one, at first we'd just booty call each other, no sleep overs. Contact was daily cause we worked together, but sexy time contact happened every few days, for a few weeks. After we stopped working together, we started going on dates and sleeping over. We'd see each other as often as schedules allowed, considering he was touring. Weekly contact or so. Current one we go on dates, have always slept over, see each other about once a week. First month contact was just to set up meeting. Now it we talk every day. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 It varies, but we see each other three or four times a month - sometimes more, sometimes less depending on what else we have going on. It's lasted for over 3 years so far. We don't text much, but email to keep up to date. We do social and date stuff, with or without sex involved. We are definitely friends, and would be even if sex were to stop for whatever reason (for a while, she got into a serious relationship, so sex stopped, but resumed when she broke up with him). Our arrangement is a little unusual, as it's recently started moving towards a poly scenario. And my wife invites her over for some holidays, such at Xmas Eve and NYE, and birthdays, and the three of us will go out somewhere now and then. ..Have you guys done a 3 way yet or intend to? Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 ..Have you guys done a 3 way yet or intend to? Once, as a special - and awesome! - treat for me, but I'm pretty sure it won't ever happen again. Neither of them are really into that scenario. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Hm...funny when I would try for the FWB thing I could never get a partner willing to do so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbi7 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I would see mine every week or every other week. Now, it's been 2 months since we've seen each other. Is this normal? Been with him for 2 years. Not sure if the sex died. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 When I had one, we saw each other once or twice a week. We'd talk on the phone occasionally - he actually planned ahead when we'd hang out - and texted just to text, too. Mostly we'd hang out at his, watching movies. Occasionally we'd go eat lunch or frozen yogurt. We had one date-like experience, but stopped seeing each other fairly soon after. Link to post Share on other sites
Price2Play Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 1-occasionaly 2x a week. Maybe 1x a month out for drinks or quick bite. Not often, no emotions involved, no cuddling or holding hands. Just friendly, flirting. Texting was mostly used for date & time to get down to business. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbi7 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Did any of you get a notification when your FWB ended? Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 This friends with benefits thing is not something I have seen personally. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Did any of you get a notification when your FWB ended? Mostly they just fade... Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbi7 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Mostly they just fade... Really? So, no explanations whatsoever? If the other person didn't want it anymore would they be obligated to tell them instead of ignoring? Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 We'd occasionally eat together but that was more about food / need for fuel. :laugh: Need for fuel. That's awesome. What you were describing though is a f-u-c-k buddy situation. Not FWB. Witha genuine FWB, you're actually friends, hang out outside the bedroom like friends do, etc.. You just always do dutch, don't communicate daily, and if either one meets somebody else they want to sleep with, you stop the benefits and remain friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Really? So, no explanations whatsoever? If the other person didn't want it anymore would they be obligated to tell them instead of ignoring? Well... no... In my experience, with my past FWBs that have finished, there was never a conversation... either one or the other stopped being as available and at some point you just take the hint. Sometimes it happens on boths sides equally, others not so much... With my last FWB, it was a quasi-relationship. And the last time we saw each other I think we both knew it was the end, due to forthcoming circumstances. We never really talked about it, but haven't really spoken much since. But also because of the nature of it, I would also expect him to tell me if it was just one sided, as I would tell him. With the one I have going on for 4 years, I do tell him whenever someone else comes into the picture and we stop the "benefits" (meaning we stop with the pics and videos over skype and email, since we don't really see each other often) :laugh: Need for fuel. That's awesome. What you were describing though is a f-u-c-k buddy situation. Not FWB. Witha genuine FWB, you're actually friends, hang out outside the bedroom like friends do, etc.. You just always do dutch, don't communicate daily, and if either one meets somebody else they want to sleep with, you stop the benefits and remain friends. My last FWB treated me to dinner quite a few times. My current one treats me everytime we go out, even drinks. He even looked surprised when we went to the movies the other day and I paid (as it was MY idea). And we communicate every day as well... But TBH, I call it a FWB because we haven't really talked about what we're doing... Other than that, I agree with what you said Link to post Share on other sites
Author guest569 Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 Well... no... In my experience, with my past FWBs that have finished, there was never a conversation... either one or the other stopped being as available and at some point you just take the hint. Yes, I think this is where I am at. I'm currently taking the hint and forgetting about him. It feels a bit like a breakup to me, I feel crappy and am losing a friend and doubting myself and wondering why he's no longer interested. Did I do or say something wrong, do I ask him, do I forget him and carry on. I am leaning towards the latter. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbi7 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Yes, I think this is where I am at. I'm currently taking the hint and forgetting about him. It feels a bit like a breakup to me, I feel crappy and am losing a friend and doubting myself and wondering why he's no longer interested. Did I do or say something wrong, do I ask him, do I forget him and carry on. I am leaning towards the latter. Well, I just don't understand why 2 people that are having causal sex NOT have a conversation if one of them wants to end it. It wouldn't make sense to just fade away... 2 people are sharing their bodies and fluids, yet one of them can't go face to face as to why they don't want to see them anymore? Whether its boredom, dating someone, tired of sex, etc. etc. It can't be that hard...its just not proper etiquette! And I'm kind of in the same boat. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 My last FWB treated me to dinner quite a few times. My current one treats me everytime we go out, even drinks. He even looked surprised when we went to the movies the other day and I paid (as it was MY idea). And we communicate every day as well... But TBH, I call it a FWB because we haven't really talked about what we're doing... Other than that, I agree with what you said I've got news for you. You're not FWB's. You're in a relationship with the guy. Him paying for you and communicating daily is what a BOYFRIEND does. You may want to talk to him about how he actually feels and be honest about your feelings too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author guest569 Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 Well, I just don't understand why 2 people that are having causal sex NOT have a conversation if one of them wants to end it. It wouldn't make sense to just fade away... 2 people are sharing their bodies and fluids, yet one of them can't go face to face as to why they don't want to see them anymore? Whether its boredom, dating someone, tired of sex, etc. etc. It can't be that hard...its just not proper etiquette! And I'm kind of in the same boat. I think a mutual fade is fine, but with one person feeling like they're in limbo its odd. It may not be an exclusive relationship but it is still hurtful to be rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I could never engage in a FWB situation. I just couldn't. I can't have sex with someone I don't care about or am not emotionally invested in. And if I had a genuine awesome friendship with a guy, I wouldn't jeopardize it by having sex with him. One of my friends has a FWB type of "relationship" and the way she seems so detached from her emotions when she talks about it is so...unsettling to me. I would rather masturbate than have sex with someone I don't love. . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author guest569 Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 There are a lot of very different experiences here, some purely about sex and others sound very much like romantic relationships. I guess the only way of differentiating these is by you and your FWB partner describing to each other what you think it should be, and what the boundaries are.. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 (edited) Believe or not I have never had an FWB..So I have always been curious about something. How is the sex? Is it intimate? Emotional? Intense? Kissing? Looking at each other each other, into each other's eyes while scewing? Cuddling afterrwards? Or is it just wham bam thank you m'aam... get each other's rocks off and then see ya later? Please do tell! Because for me, sex is such an intimate act, I can't imagine having it with a guy who is nothing less than absolutely crazy about me...and I him. But I'm different from most I realize that.... So if you could share your experience about that.... tnx! Edited March 14, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I could never engage in a FWB situation. I just couldn't. I can't have sex with someone I don't care about or am not emotionally invested in. And if I had a genuine awesome friendship with a guy, I wouldn't jeopardize it by having sex with him. One of my friends has a FWB type of "relationship" and the way she seems so detached from her emotions when she talks about it is so...unsettling to me. I would rather masturbate than have sex with someone I don't love. . Fully agreed. The only kind of people that would be able to engage in such a situation is those who are emotionally detached. Link to post Share on other sites
AbhorredBeard Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I could never engage in a FWB situation. I just couldn't. I can't have sex with someone I don't care about or am not emotionally invested in. And if I had a genuine awesome friendship with a guy, I wouldn't jeopardize it by having sex with him. One of my friends has a FWB type of "relationship" and the way she seems so detached from her emotions when she talks about it is so...unsettling to me. I would rather masturbate than have sex with someone I don't love. . Same same. People I know that have this type of thing going on are either emotionally detached or have had troubled pasts. Not to say that all people that engage in this type of thing are this way; I'm not trying to judge, just commenting based on my own observations. I'll never understand the whole FWB thing, but that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
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