Bobbi7 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I think a mutual fade is fine, but with one person feeling like they're in limbo its odd. It may not be an exclusive relationship but it is still hurtful to be rejected. I just think its immature for a fwb/no strings attached partner to ignore someone. Heck, I'm usually direct when it comes to dating, if I don't like a guy and get asked on a second date, I will tell them that I'm not interested, I don't play games like ignoring. Its simple. Yet, I've been swapping fluids with this guy for 2 years, he can't tell me why? Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Believe or not I have never had an FWB..So I have always been curious about something. How is the sex? Is it intimate? Emotional? Intense? Kissing? Looking at each other each other, into each other's eyes while scewing? Cuddling afterrwards? ! I've tried it 3x. In all three cases, the sex was HOT. Freaky, passionate, and intense. There are no deep emotions to inhibit anything. There was obvious kissing, but that's only because kissing is a turn on. The first two did end up catching feelings even though they knew where I stood before we started. So I ended it immediately because I don't string people along. The third was successful though. We were friends, she was moving away in a few months, and admitted she had always wanted me. So I felt flattered, and one thing lead to another. She texts me from time to time, saying that she still misses the sex. I'll admit, I do too. But the cool thing about it, was that it was only based on pleasure and friendship like it should be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author guest569 Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 I just think its immature for a fwb/no strings attached partner to ignore someone. Heck, I'm usually direct when it comes to dating, if I don't like a guy and get asked on a second date, I will tell them that I'm not interested, I don't play games like ignoring. Its simple. Yet, I've been swapping fluids with this guy for 2 years, he can't tell me why? Is he just completely ignoring you or did he say that he can't tell you either way? He should be able to tell you one way or another, how long since you heard from him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author guest569 Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 How is the sex? Is it intimate? Emotional? Intense? Kissing? Looking at each other each other, into each other's eyes while scewing? Cuddling afterrwards? Yes to all of those. But as you can see, every FWB is different. I think the main thing for me is that we find each other attractive, trust and respect each other, and some cuddling afterwards if not sleeping over, maintain a friendship. I agree with fitnessfan's summary- some were sex buddies and some were romantic relationships. If you were interested in FWB its up to you and your potential partner where on the spectrum you want to be. I've tried love and relationships and don't want that right now. I want social interaction I want friends and support and I want sex. Simple as that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I've got news for you. You're not FWB's. You're in a relationship with the guy. Him paying for you and communicating daily is what a BOYFRIEND does. You may want to talk to him about how he actually feels and be honest about your feelings too. Well... like I said... we haven't defined things, and as such, I take it as a FWB. The talk will happen next time I see him and then he'll either become a proper FWB, with no daily contact, or he'll become a BF. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Believe or not I have never had an FWB..So I have always been curious about something. How is the sex? Is it intimate? Emotional? Intense? Kissing? Looking at each other each other, into each other's eyes while scewing? Cuddling afterrwards? Or is it just wham bam thank you m'aam... get each other's rocks off and then see ya later? Mostly, with all my FWBs apart from the current and last one, it's been a case of intense, HOT sex, with kissing, but no staring into each others eyes and absolutely no cuddling. I would say strictly wham bam thank ma'am, but it wasn't too far off. Last one, as I said, was a quasi relationship. The reason it wasn't a proper one was due to distance. That was intimate and there was some looking into each others eyes. Until there wasn't and you could tell the connection was gone. And things faded not long after that. The current one... yeah, it's all those things. We cuddle, we look into each others eyes, its definitely intimate. And also powerfully HOT! Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 (edited) I've tried it 3x. In all three cases, the sex was HOT. Freaky, passionate, and intense. There are no deep emotions to inhibit anything. There was obvious kissing, but that's only because kissing is a turn on. The first two did end up catching feelings even though they knew where I stood before we started. So I ended it immediately because I don't string people along. The third was successful though. We were friends, she was moving away in a few months, and admitted she had always wanted me. So I felt flattered, and one thing lead to another. She texts me from time to time, saying that she still misses the sex. I'll admit, I do too. But the cool thing about it, was that it was only based on pleasure and friendship like it should be. No deep emotions to inhibit anything? For me, it's just the opposite. My emotions (and his) don't inhibit .... they enhance the experience! The deeper our emotions are, the more passionate and less inhibited I feel...and the hotter the sex!! Guess that's why I could never enjoy bring an FWB. But appreciate the response..thanks! Edited March 14, 2015 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Mostly, with all my FWBs apart from the current and last one, it's been a case of intense, HOT sex, with kissing, but no staring into each others eyes and absolutely no cuddling. I would say strictly wham bam thank ma'am, but it wasn't too far off. Last one, as I said, was a quasi relationship. The reason it wasn't a proper one was due to distance. That was intimate and there was some looking into each others eyes. Until there wasn't and you could tell the connection was gone. And things faded not long after that. The current one... yeah, it's all those things. We cuddle, we look into each others eyes, its definitely intimate. And also powerfully HOT! Just curious are you male or female? Interesting that you said with an ex FWB, once the connection was gone, things faded..and that with your current FWB, it IS deeply intimate (looking into each other's eyes, cuddling, etc). If that's the case, why is this person just an FWB? Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbi7 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Is he just completely ignoring you or did he say that he can't tell you either way? He should be able to tell you one way or another, how long since you heard from him? I haven't heard from him since mid February. I often initiated contact and he followed through, until he said that "he" will be text me when he's free. I've sent him many messages....no answer. I just find it odd he hasn't answered at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author guest569 Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 I haven't heard from him since mid February. I often initiated contact and he followed through, until he said that "he" will be text me when he's free. I've sent him many messages....no answer. I just find it odd he hasn't answered at all. Ah, yeah it sounds like 'Don't call us, we'll call you'. That's pretty lousy. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I'm trying to figure out how people can do this in such a cavalier manner and not worry about the risk of STDs, esp when FWB's tend to cut things off rather abruptly. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I haven't heard from him since mid February. I often initiated contact and he followed through, until he said that "he" will be text me when he's free. I've sent him many messages....no answer. I just find it odd he hasn't answered at all. Yes it is odd...AND lousy like smiley said. I mean, FWB means he was a "friend' with benefits. And friends are respectful of each other, and don't just disappear and ignore you when you reach out. That's just rude. I am so sorry, I can't even imagine. ((hugs)) Link to post Share on other sites
Author guest569 Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 Yes it is odd...AND lousy like smiley said. I mean, FWB means he was a "friend' with benefits. And friends are respectful of each other, and don't just disappear and ignore you when you reach out. That's just rude. I am so sorry, I can't even imagine. ((hugs)) Especially after 2 years.. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Just curious are you male or female? Interesting that you said with an ex FWB, once the connection was gone, things faded..and that with your current FWB, it IS deeply intimate (looking into each other's eyes, cuddling, etc). If that's the case, why is this person just an FWB? Female Well... he's a FWB because things started at the wrong time for us... and we haven't actually had a conversation about what's going on. It will happen soon. Then we'll see where we stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author guest569 Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 Female Well... he's a FWB because things started at the wrong time for us... and we haven't actually had a conversation about what's going on. It will happen soon. Then we'll see where we stand. It just sounds like the early stages of dating to me. If you haven't had "the talk". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 It just sounds like the early stages of dating to me. If you haven't had "the talk". Agree for the most part, except since they are already having hot, intimate sex...it's way past the early stages - I would say they're in a relationship... much more than FWB....even though they haven't talked about it or defined it. My boyfriends and I have never felt it necessary to have "the talk," or officially define our relationship. When it's right, it's right....you just sort of know and nothing has to be said about it...or discussed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author guest569 Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 Agree for the most part, except since they are already having hot, intimate sex...it's way past the early stages - I would say they're in a relationship... much more than FWB....even though they haven't talked about it or defined it. My boyfriends and I have never felt it necessary to have "the talk," or officially define our relationship. When it's right, it's right....you just sort of know and nothing has to be said about it...or discussed. Well I've never experienced a stage where its official without talking about it. I have certainly been in situations where I have jumped the gun. Judging by a lot of threads on these forums it would be unwise to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Well I've never experienced a stage where its official without talking about it. I have certainly been in situations where I have jumped the gun. Judging by a lot of threads on these forums it would be unwise to do that. Define "official." Sounds so formal! It's just a word...and means nothing without the actions to back it up.. If two people are both acting/behaving/treating each other like this is a relationship.... then it's a relationship...IMO of course. Talking about such things is highly overrated.....when it's obvious what's happening. I can't even imagine what I would say. So sweetie....just wondering. Are you *officially* my boyfriend now? Are we *officially* in a relationship? What does that even mean??? Other than what's obviously already happening, which I would hope you are both aware of! I dunno smiley...I hear what you're saying but I continue to struggle with the notion that a relationship must be "officially* defined before deeming it a real relationship. I know I am in the minority on that...and I will probably get ripped apart again on "this" thread. But as I have said previously, I have had three beautiful, healthy LTRs, including current, and I am being honest when I say we have never discussed or officially defined anything... we both just KNEW. But I do respect your need to do that...different strokes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Well... we've just had a talk and it's definitely a FWB situation. He doesn't see any future for a number of reasons, so I'm gonna believe him and move on to other things Link to post Share on other sites
Author guest569 Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Define "official." Sounds so formal! It's just a word...and means nothing without the actions to back it up.. If two people are both acting/behaving/treating each other like this is a relationship.... then it's a relationship...IMO of course. Talking about such things is highly overrated...... No, because in your definition I've been in "relationships" falling in love with a guy who, unbeknownst to me, was dating others. By "official" i mean having a simple talk with the person to see if you are on the same page, indeed boyfriend and girlfriend, and is there anyone else on the scene. Talking...communication.. Are NOT overrated, they are vital! Its a must when you have been through what I have. It would be nice to know what the other person is thinking. I dont. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 No, because in your definition I've been in "relationships" falling in love with a guy who, unbeknownst to me, was dating others. By "official" i mean having a simple talk with the person to see if you are on the same page, indeed boyfriend and girlfriend, and is there anyone else on the scene. Talking...communication.. Are NOT overrated, they are vital! Its a must when you have been through what I have. It would be nice to know what the other person is thinking. I dont. Okay fair enough.... Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 It just sounds like the early stages of dating to me. If you haven't had "the talk". Agree for the most part, except since they are already having hot, intimate sex...it's way past the early stages - I would say they're in a relationship... much more than FWB....even though they haven't talked about it or defined it. My boyfriends and I have never felt it necessary to have "the talk," or officially define our relationship. When it's right, it's right....you just sort of know and nothing has to be said about it...or discussed. Like I said... we did have "the talk" last night and it's not a relationship. He's still getting over his ex, and SHE was already a rebound and he's apparently still not over THAT one. He needs time to be alone and I have no reason to think things will change with time. To be honest, it "sounded" like early stages of dating, but this has been going on for about 4 months now. So not so early stages. I had a little bit of hope that he would be inclined to make it serious, but honestly, more so that I wouldn't have to keep looking... In many ways he's not right for me. But, the sex it out of this world. So I'm keeping THAT. I have told him, though, that we need to stop texting daily. That blurs the lines, and since we've now defined where we stand, we need to keep those lines clear. And start dating other people! Link to post Share on other sites
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