Family time

[Tayla]

Let me preface this by saying , I sincerely want happiness for my children.

 

Now onto the dilemma: My Adult sons are well mannered and socially likeable by many. My eldest son and I have thru out the years had our bumps in the road. When he and his wife had been blessed with a daughter ( she is so adorable!) Things came to light. These past two years have been a struggle on my end...trying to balance the grief of losing my mother and having to jump into celebrations when I had zero ambition to do so. Yet Persevered I did.

 

My son and my DIL are very good parents...I have zero qualms in that way. They are gracious and hospitable during any family gathering. So Where is my concern...? I am rarely included ( other then the holidays, or birthday gigs). They often share their time with her side of the family on day trips and family vacations. I Adore her parents as they are decent folks as well. They are caring and decent .

 

Yet being excluded has its sorrow.

I have offered to: babysit , planned family outings, invite them for dinners at my home ....only to have them give social reasons for the decline. There comes a point where a light bulb comes on and I have to wonder if I'll ever be welcomed in this family dynamic. I do not IMPOSE or even call that often because its such an unwelcoming vibe I get. My Granddaughter just turned two and I took it upon myself to call them to wish her a great day ....only to find out they were out celebrating with her side of the family....I wasn't invited....We all live about 30 mins from one another.....

 

How can I broach this topic with my son without coming off as the drama queen ...?

[hotgurl]

I don't see you as being a drama queen. Is it possible the wife makes all the plans and just doesn't think to invite you.

 

Was there some kind of issue that happened between you three? I would ask him to lunch and just bring the topic up.

 

Ask if you have done anything to offend/upset them.

[Tayla]

Thanks Hotgurl, Yes DIL makes the family plans.

 

I have offered lunch before to discuss and he finds other plans to deter such. Emails and phone calls seem so impersonal. I agree with you that a gentle talk would be best...Thank you for responding!!

[gaius]

It does seem like he may be holding a bit of a grudge about something if he won't even have lunch with you. If you can't get him to talk honestly about it when you do have a conversation just keep making effort. Showing him you care. He might come around eventually.

[Timshel]

I agree, something is amiss. Could you express to your son that there is something important that you would like to discuss in person? Would he be more responsive if there was some purpose or urgency for a get together? Maybe ask him for a time that would work for him. Left undone, circumstances may not change and this is hurtful and concerning for you.

Of course you are perfectly able to express your concerns with out drama. Asking for what you want is not at all aggressive or unreasonable. He is your son.

[Haydn]

Maybe something amiss on your DIL part? Your son should be able to listen to your concern's. Maybe just a misunderstanding. Be upfront. Your his mother. My mother is quite forthright with me about her grand kiddies. Good luck, sure it will all come out roses.

[Tayla]

Thank you each for some suggestions. yesterday during our family gathering It was definitely prevalent that I will need to step it up. A talk is in order. Luckily a gift of his is due to arrive and it will be a pleasant reason to meet up. My DIL is by far a civil and diplomatic person. I think sometimes She steps back and keeps her opinions private where my sons behavior /attitude is concerned. The loyal wife. Probably need to simmer down before The talk... small steps towards solutions... again thanks for each of your responses!