MessedupinMiami Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 My affair with a married man is over now and we are in NC. I miss him every day but that's another story. I realized I needed to make things right with my BH however the pain for him is too real. He knows about the affair ( not specific details however). I am afraid that I pushed him away too far and there is no going back at this point but I really want it to work. Is there any tips for trying to make it work with BH post affair? Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 My affair with a married man is over now and we are in NC. I miss him every day but that's another story. I realized I needed to make things right with my BH however the pain for him is too real. He knows about the affair ( not specific details however). I am afraid that I pushed him away too far and there is no going back at this point but I really want it to work. Is there any tips for trying to make it work with BH post affair? I can tell you that absolute no contact with your xap and being an open book to your DH is a good start. Also, really dig deep to find out if you really want to be M. If so, ask yourself why you risked your M by having an A. Therapy can help you to dig deep down and uncover the truth about what is really going on inside yourself. Rebuilding is very hard and it takes a long time but can be worth it in the end. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 How long was your affair and was it physical? How did your Husband discover it? If you really want to save your marriage your going to have to recommit your self to him. He has to feel it see it and hear it. Let me put it this way if he feels your even remotely still loyal to the OM then your chances of saving your marriage is slim to none. I know most cheaters think you should have a cooling off period so you can get over your feelings for the OM but BS's don't look at it that way. Its just insult to injury. Not only did you rob him of the most special part about you now that the man is out of the picture your still giving your love to him instead of your H. If your husband wants to know info about the OM then you had better give it to him without hesitation. If you even flinch he will likely take this as your still loyal to the OM (As in love with as well). Your going to have to be completely transparent. No texting other men at all. No going places where you can't be accountable for. No passwords no nothing. If you think your suffering now just wait. Its not picnic for either person. Another thing is get into counseling and push for marriage counseling. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
Confused48 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 You should read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/365269-things-every-wayward-spouse-needs-know Carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 My affair with a married man is over now and we are in NC. I miss him every day but that's another story That other story is a pretty important story, don't you think? You're not ready to be in ANY relationship. My advice is do everyone a favor, leave all of these men alone and begin to focus on figuring out what is lacking in you. Unless you fill that emptiness you're just going to keep dragging men into your maelstrom. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Leave your husband alone. Just a few days ago you were posting about a life with that other dude. In reading all your posts this is the first mention of a husband. That speaks volumes to your husbands importance in your life. Leave him alone. He is only now becoming an option since MM is out of reach. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Your married? everything you have posted is about other man and other man reaching out to you. You have only been No Contact with O/M for a little over a week. Just how do you suppose you will make things right with your betrayed husband when even this post says how much you miss MM? Work on yourself, get professional help, find out why you think it's ok to have a MM in your life as a married woman. Try honesty and that means no more secrets from your husband. Do you really want to be married? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 (edited) He will more than likely stay with you whether he's hurting or not. He's not going anywhere. Your M most likely won't improve though, even if you are NC with your xAP. I also recommend you post in the infidelity section. Edited March 13, 2015 by Popsicle Link to post Share on other sites
Eagle's-bargain Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 My affair with a married man is over now and we are in NC. I miss him every day but that's another story. I realized I needed to make things right with my BH h Emphasis mine You miss him everyday? Are you prepared to tell your betrayed husband (BH)? The BH ought to know such if you want to repair the relationship. But before you do that... Why do you want to repair the relationship? Is it because you love your husband? If so, why did you hurt him? Is it because you're ashamed? These are questions for which the answers do not belong to anyone outside of you. Let a swift heal come to you quickly, one of patience and experience, to guide you, rather than bruise you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 You should probably move this to Infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 He knows about the affair ( not specific details however). Meaning? He thinks your affair was an emotional one but not a physical one? You need to tell him anything and everything that he asks. If he wants to know details, tell him, even if it hurts to hear. Better the truth than more lies or denials. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Why did you have an affair and cheat on your husband? I read in your other thread (which btw there was no mention of the fact you were married as well) that your MM promised you a future with him. The thing is, were you planning on divorcing your husband? Fix what is broken inside of you, understand your reasons as to why you did what you did, just attempting to fix things at home with your husband won't work at all. Do counseling on your own as well as going to marriage counseling with your H (use the same counselor for both). You seemed jealous and hurt that MM was living life with his wife, continuing to do family outings etc.. Weren't you doing the exact same thing with your H? Doing things with him? Family gatherings, grocery shopping, having meals together, sleeping in the same bed? Link to post Share on other sites
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