Lilsad Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 He's never cheated on me. We live together. He had sex with a coworker before we met. They work together in the same department so they see each other all the time. It's not someone he hangs out with outside of work. But every once in a while she drives him home from work and I get a pang of jealousy in the pit if my stomach. He's said I have no reason to worry. But I can't help it. It's someone he was friends with, they got drunk one night and had a good time. We all have a past, and if I didn't know he had slept with her it wouldn't bother me that she was driving him home late at night after work. But the fact is, I do know they slept together, am I scared maybe old feelings or something, or that he's comparing me to her, or thinking about the great sex they had... What's wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? How can I deal with my feelings or are they justified? Can men and women really be just platonic after they have had sex together? I don't think he is cheating, but I'm jealous and insecure that he's alone with someone he's had sex with and putting himself in a position that something *could* happen. He's told me not to worry, that he loves me, that he wouldn't cheat on me, so how do I fix this for me, so that I can stop feeling like this? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 (edited) Think of it this way, when they shagged, they were drunk and single. They were both adults, no ties to anyone, so they were not breaking any boundaries. To add they never pursued anything after that, so I doubt very highly feelings were ever invloved. It's a fact, you don't have to have feelings for someone in order to have sex with them. They were drunk and filled a need, and after that there was nothing between them. Now he is in a committed relationship with you, so obviously he knows his boundaries morally, and is a stand up guy that doesn't have a reputation for fooling around or cheating on GF's, so why would this realtionship with you be any different right? They don't hang out after work, their relationship is strictly professional, and they both have moved on from that night. Remember alcohol not feelings were involved, there was nothing romantic about it. Does that make any sense to you??? There...now view it from this perspective and you will get over it. BTW when you are falling in love, jealousy and the sadness you feel knowing your partner was intimate with others is quite normal. Once this honeymoon period passes, you won't even bat an eye abou this. If you don't get past it, them you are not mentally mature enough to handle a committed relationship because everyone can't avoid all the people they had a pst with. Your jealousy will be the demise of your relationship with him. Edited March 13, 2015 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 If they wanted to be together, your BF would have not gotten past her to you. There was no long term future for them. It was something that happened but is now in the past. Try to hang on to that but do keep your eyes open because it is a bit odd to be able to maintain a professional relationship with somebody you have seen naked. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I am still friends with plenty of guys I hooked up with. I don't see them every day, but even if I did, it would be as if nothing ever happened. Like the previous posters have said, if there was a future there, you would not have come into the picture. So think that every time you feel that way. Hopefully you'll be able to relax and not get jealous! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Have you met her? Maybe going to lunch with her (with him there) might help ease your mind. You can get a feel of who she is and also if she is interested in him you'll pick up on it quickly. You'll be able to tell just by her overall energy, her comfort level with you etc.. Just a suggestion, hope you talk to your boyfriend and set up a time where you all can get together. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 But every once in a while she drives him home from work and I get a pang of jealousy in the pit if my stomach. He's said I have no reason to worry. But I can't help it. Many couples have boundaries against having opposite sex friends (OSF). Most couples that do allow for OSF have a firm rule against keeping opposite sex friends that you have had sex with. You have a right to be concerned as most people in your situation would. Tell him that you would appreciate it if he would observe a common boundary of no OSF that he has had sex with, which means no more rides home late at night with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 (edited) Like the previous posters have said, if there was a future there, you would not have come into the picture. This is a logical fallacy that is just not true. Do realize just how many affairs take place with ex's from the past? It is the second most common source of affair partners, just after co-workers. The fact that she is both an ex and a current co-worker, should concern the OP. Edited March 14, 2015 by Try Link to post Share on other sites
greaterdevil Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 actually, that would make me jealous, too. i kisses a coworker before dating my current girlfriend, and just out of respect for her i don't hang out with that chick anymore. not because it makes her jealous but because it would make me jealous if the tables were turned. maybe mention it to him, and if you're able to, let him know you're happy to... *ahem* give him a ride anytime. Link to post Share on other sites
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