8 Month relationship. 2 Month LDR. Break up!

[Karin2rinkashi]

So, long story short. (Still long) I met this girl when i was bored. I didn't care what she was and where she was going. We just liked the same shows and watched the same movies (Not really, i just watched movies she liked because i was BORED). That is back in June 2014. And because she didn't really fit my criteria, i didn't care about other things she was doing. There were some MAJOR red flags on the way (Like a mutual friend telling me that she is messing around with another mutual friend).... but i ignored them. Because i knew she wasn't anything TOO special and it was temporary. But as weeks turned into months, i just developed this attachment to her. Through out the relationship, i was the one who never gave a ****. And she saw me as something really special. She was just all over me. (Either it was just words, attraction, really meant it, lies.) I DON'T KNOW! But she really sounded like i was something special she had found. Even though she was a little cautious and secretive about our relationship, i DIDN'T care. I noticed all these things but so what? Not like i love her. There were some hiccups along the way, and a whole month of speed bumps (5th month) but we made it through. Anyways, as time passed i realized that she was getting me tangled in her words. She was sounding more and more sure about how she felt. And i got SETTLED. I let my criteria fall down for her, and decided that i ACTUALLY liked her. And she told me that she loves me and i told her that i THINK i love her too. (WTF was i thinking?) Anyways.... So she gets accepted to a school 10 hours away. In fact, to recall the exact moment when i first realized that she actually loves me.... Back story: I always use to joke with her that she can go find another guy who will do all that she complains to me about. (Whenever she did complain). She would get really upset about it. But then one day we were actually arguing and i said that. She just teared up like i never saw her tear up and said "You always say that go find another guy and he can do all that you want. I don't want another guy. I let myself like you when i was fine being single." And those tears man.... They got me.... I apologized and never ever said that to her again. I thought that i am actually really hurting her and that this relationship means a lot more to her than me. And she seemed like a very decent girl (FORGOT ALL ABOUT THOSE MOTHER TRUCKIN RED FLAGS) and so maybe i should take it more seriously. And seriously i took it, indeed!

I was more into her, but still she was the one who would pursue me. Always want to hang out while i am doing my own things (Work, gym, friends). But since i started taking it more seriously, when i was with her i was WITH HER! I would treat her like the best, and started getting her gifts. She really like it (DUH!).

 

So fast forward, she gets accepted into her program and moves. She settles in. She calls me and texts me all the time to tell me all about her environment... and i listen to her. She asks me about work and i tell her that work is good. The communication was on her part... i was usually silent. Honestly, i was busy with my stuff here and i did not really know when to call her and when not to call her. I did not want to hinder her graduate life. I trust her and i am fine with whatever she is doing. If she has something she will surely tell me. A few times she called me because she had no money (Some overcharge, some double charge). I work, she is a student. So i helped her out (She paid it all back. I trusted her).

 

Now, this is where things start going down... and i DID NOT SEE IT COMING.

Her finals week is approaching and i am giving her space.... more space than before. Feb 9, 2015. She is all good, she loves me, she wants me, she is sending me pictures of the houses in the area she is in. And how she imagines us having one there and how we can do so much in that city. She knows i want to do MBA from some high end school. So, i would remind her that i have many other things i would like to do before settling. But yeah, we can have a house there, why not? We can go to London too, and live there. (She said, she would love to live there). Point being, she had her plans, and i had my plans. But we were all excited about how we can fuse these plans together and can end up having so many adventures.

 

SO! That week i get a call from my dad that my grandmother isn't doing so good. My family lives on the other part of the world. I can't go, but i was thinking about it all the time. Then i try to call her to share with her. IN 8 months of a relationship, she called me and shared NUMEROUS things, i was always there. So many times she cried like babies while sharing her problems. I was ALWAYS THERE... and ONE TIME, ONE TIME, i need her she isn't there. But remember! It is her finals week so i let the week go by. But i am under SO MUCH mental stress. I just need to talk to someone. Feb 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. She has exams but she is also partying. I told her many times that i would like to talk to her once when she has time. She said she is busy, can't talk. I was like, ok. There was this big fest in her town during that week too. So she is enjoying life, she is studying for exams. She is going to parties too. But she can't give me 10 mins?

By the time Feb 14 comes in, i am frustrated, angry, upset, sad about my grandma. And i shoot her a few too many texts (SO UNLIKE ME). I told her that i just want to talk to her... and that all this ignoring is making me VERY nervous. I have this gut feeling that something is off and that the MERE fact that she can't get 5 minutes for me in a week is just something out of the ordinary.

So finally, she calls me on Feb 14. Drunk, but not totally... "What is going on? I just read all your texts. I don't understand." I told her " I am going through some ****, you can't take 5 minutes out of a WHOLE WEEK to talk to me?" "She said "i was busy with exams and i am surrounded by people all the time. I can't talk." I did not want to buy that ****..... I am not STUPID... then she said "I don't know what is going on. I don't know if i want this?"

Ahhh.. what? I was just upset that she couldn't take out 5 mins for me out of a whole week. I did not expect to have a talk of what sounds like a break up? I told her that i did not try to pressure her, or ruin her fun. I reminded her that i have NEVER overwhelmed her by micromanaging her. So can she take a second to think why i did it now? I told her how **** this past week was. And how i REALLY wanted to talk to her. "But she kept saying that she doesn't want this."

So, i just had to ask... "The way you have been ignoring me and not been able to take out 5 mins out of a whole week? Is there someone else?"

She said "Why are you asking that?" I replied "Because i am not stupid"

She said "I don't want to answer that" I replied "So there is!"

She said "Stop asking me that" I replied "You know you are breaking my heart!"

She said" There is no one competing against you. It is just that i can have something with someone here that i have with you... but you are not actually here...."

 

I ****ING LOST IT AT THIS POINT!

 

Then she made a few more excuses.... exams, C's, school too expensive, pressure, she misses me too much, bad roommates.... Yadi Yada... But i wasn't stupid....

 

But i thought that she might really be confused. So i decided to show her what we have... and how we are. The things we like about each other. I tried to REASON with her (NEVER WORKS!). She would agree with me but i sensed that she just wasn't the same person anymore. Next day, i tried to convince her again but she was stubborn about it. She asked for a pause but i said HELL NO. We are either staying or we are leaving. I sensed she loved me but there was definitely as sense of.... safety net behind her. As if she wasn't scared to lose this but would hold onto it if convinced. That night i told her that fine i am going to break up with her. I am done with this ****. I thought she would take it easily because she wants it but she started crying like babies. "Baby! please don't! please don't go. What changed? what happened"

I was really confused. So i tried to push her that i dont lover her or trust her anymore. And really wanted to break up, which i did. But she convinced me to come see her. (WHAT? When a day ago i told her that i bought ticket to come see her as a surprise. She flipped out, and told me not come.) Now she wants to. She didn't want me to come see me in her town. So we drove halfway. That weekend was amazing... first night, the emotions were high and we had a tough talk. But through out this ordeal, my intention had always been to FIX THIS ****. I just don't like giving up, i cling to even the slightest of the hopes. That is just how i am. I don't believe in plan Bs as long as plan A has a breadth of life left in it. I told her that i love her and that i know that i can go find someone else but why let this go down so easily? I told her that i feel deeply about her... that i see a future with her. I told her that we can be THE COUPLE when she is done with her Masters and i have an MBA from Harvard or Berkeley (ONE DAY!). I mean, i am that ambitious and driven man that she craved. Why is she going now? I have to accept that we both cried.... THAT **** HURTS! I am very strong, i don't cry easily. I never cried for her before. But that **** just made me tear up. Seeing her after 2 months, holding her, kissing her. She was a little awkward at first but by the end of the weekend, she was willing to commit.

 

As i come back to my town... she was good the first day... then second day she went into that cycle of being mean and silent again. I called her, asked her why she is upset. She told me the reason... i asked her why doesn't she tell me when she is upset anymore? She just didn't say much. IT JUST WASNT THE SAME. I tried to reason with her..... i tried to SHOW her all the GREAT things we can be. I never begged her, but i truly showed her that i was hurt! i guess i requested (i guess i begged, i dont know) her to not throw away things so rashly... I was very emotional for the first 10 days, we both were. But i am NOT like that. I have never been like that to her. It is just that my grandma's news and this just came OUT OF THE BLUE. I was VERY hurt. She said that no one has ever fought for her like this before (i guess that was a bad thing. IDK!) Anyways, after realizing that she is just back to her old self (and i was just tired of being like this) i called it off the next day... I broke up with her on a good note. And she wanted to keep me as a friend. I didn't want that but stuck around for a week. I even called her and told her that she forced me to break up with her. That i did not want this.. is it really over? She said yes it is.... (I was just so overthinking everthing... so depressed and so emotional throughout this past month). The problem was that i see a great future with her, and i TRIED, TRIED, TRIED MORE, to show her the same thing. I told her that yes there are people around her but who would do things i did for her? She used to call me the most reliable person she ever met. The most ambitious person she ever met. That i was hot as hell and that i treated her like NO ONE has ever. She would say that she loves the way i care about her and handle her.....

 

And all of a sudden... out of nowhere.... out of the blue.... the indifference???? I went on NC for a week, she sent me a letter in the mail saying how grateful she was for all the help i provided her.. how i was generous and it was a rare trait. But she loves her new routine and just want to concentrate. She hopes we cross paths again (Even if we do, i will not trust you again!).

 

Then i went NC again a week in.. she would ask me how i am doing. Treat me like a friend. I DONT WANT THAT ****! So i had enough and asked her if she was satisfied with her decision... she said "so far i am. I don't feel guilty of being happy anymore." (Guilty of being a double crossing bitch! Yeah, i bet you don't)

So i said, good this is it. I am not staying around as a friend. "I know that your friends can spend more time with you. But i can spend more heart for you"

 

"But i am not staying in this position. Good bye."

 

and she said... "I dont want to put you through this pain.... :(" (Ahhhh!!! Yeah... Sure. Are you still cuddling with him while typing this?)

And she said "Bye *Nickname she gave me when she actually loved me. She hasn't used that in a whole month*" (**** YOU! that is so cheap!)

 

I should also mention that in the past month she has moved to a new place, has a **** ton of more responsibilities, stress, her grandmother passed away (I was actually there to console her), and also has a whole new bunch of friends. So i guess i understand the confusion and doubts. But the indifference.... the indifference is real. Don't know how or when it happened.

 

This whole ordeal took 3 weeks and a few days. Where we went back and forth, and then i called an end to it ( I am sure she wanted it but too much of a wuss to say it herself). But then i went back and told her that it wasn't what i REALLY wanted. More like forced into it with her mean and nasty attitude.. But she was over it and was VERY mean about it.

 

Finally.... i sent her one email the day after i called NC to tell her what i really had in mind. No more nice person, no more begging or pleading (If that is what i did. But i think it was more reasoning that i tried)

I wrote somewhere along the lines

" I am not going to stay as your pet sheep while you find a bear to cuddle with. No happenining! I would also like you to know that i know about your messing around with our mutual friend. But i chose to ignore it and give you a chance. I tried to treat you really nice and hope that maybe you will change. Maybe you will see that attention is not everything and that real care from people who ACTUALLY love you is what is more worth it. I took a chance on you and i understood the risks. I love you (care for you still) but you are going down a messy path. In only 2 months of being in your new city, you have given up your life goal (She told me that she isnt going to do it anymore. I was very shocked but didn't say much), you gave up on a relationship, you passed out in a party (Which she has not done before.), you got a bloody eye because you got drunk out of your mind on another occasion. Look at where you are going? You don't let your circumstance shape your future, you shape your circumstance around your future. You need a reality check, and this is the reality. If i was like any of your other exes, i would have ended on a positive note but i am being honest with you. I don't know if i am more disappointed in you for giving up everything you stood for so easily or myself for failing to show you our great future together.

I will miss all the little things you used to do... but i think not talking is the only way out.

 

Bye"

 

I never got a reply, but i never expected it either.

 

 

My question is... did i beg or plead her too much? Did i really let myself down? Now i think about it... a person who can give up her life dream that they talked about 24/7, so easily. What is a 7 month relationship to them? I am just disappointed in myself for trying to save this. That is just how i am, that is how i was raised. I fix things, i don't like failures, Plan B, giving up. I like to make things work. I really liked her, loved her, cared for her. She said once "I wish i had not wasted my time with all the other men. If only i met you before...." That is a bold statement.....

 

I don't want her back.... but what do you guys think? Just an analysis....

[Karin2rinkashi]

This turned out to be a lot more than i thought... xD

[justwhoiam]

I don't want her back.... but what do you guys think?

I think she was keeping you around for the money. I know it's hard to accept, but in the end she knew she could count on you.

 

Learn from your own mistakes: you shouldn't support going out to bars and getting drunk till passing out when someone is broke and giving them money to pay the bills.

[Redhead14]

So, long story short. (Still long) I met this girl when i was bored. I didn't care what she was and where she was going. We just liked the same shows and watched the same movies (Not really, i just watched movies she liked because i was BORED). That is back in June 2014. And because she didn't really fit my criteria, i didn't care about other things she was doing. There were some MAJOR red flags on the way (Like a mutual friend telling me that she is messing around with another mutual friend).... but i ignored them. Because i knew she wasn't anything TOO special and it was temporary. But as weeks turned into months, i just developed this attachment to her. Through out the relationship, i was the one who never gave a ****. And she saw me as something really special. She was just all over me. (Either it was just words, attraction, really meant it, lies.) I DON'T KNOW! But she really sounded like i was something special she had found. Even though she was a little cautious and secretive about our relationship, i DIDN'T care. I noticed all these things but so what? Not like i love her. There were some hiccups along the way, and a whole month of speed bumps (5th month) but we made it through. Anyways, as time passed i realized that she was getting me tangled in her words. She was sounding more and more sure about how she felt. And i got SETTLED. I let my criteria fall down for her, and decided that i ACTUALLY liked her. And she told me that she loves me and i told her that i THINK i love her too. (WTF was i thinking?) Anyways.... So she gets accepted to a school 10 hours away. In fact, to recall the exact moment when i first realized that she actually loves me.... Back story: I always use to joke with her that she can go find another guy who will do all that she complains to me about. (Whenever she did complain). She would get really upset about it. But then one day we were actually arguing and i said that. She just teared up like i never saw her tear up and said "You always say that go find another guy and he can do all that you want. I don't want another guy. I let myself like you when i was fine being single." And those tears man.... They got me.... I apologized and never ever said that to her again. I thought that i am actually really hurting her and that this relationship means a lot more to her than me. And she seemed like a very decent girl (FORGOT ALL ABOUT THOSE MOTHER TRUCKIN RED FLAGS) and so maybe i should take it more seriously. And seriously i took it, indeed!

I was more into her, but still she was the one who would pursue me. Always want to hang out while i am doing my own things (Work, gym, friends). But since i started taking it more seriously, when i was with her i was WITH HER! I would treat her like the best, and started getting her gifts. She really like it (DUH!).

 

So fast forward, she gets accepted into her program and moves. She settles in. She calls me and texts me all the time to tell me all about her environment... and i listen to her. She asks me about work and i tell her that work is good. The communication was on her part... i was usually silent. Honestly, i was busy with my stuff here and i did not really know when to call her and when not to call her. I did not want to hinder her graduate life. I trust her and i am fine with whatever she is doing. If she has something she will surely tell me. A few times she called me because she had no money (Some overcharge, some double charge). I work, she is a student. So i helped her out (She paid it all back. I trusted her).

 

Now, this is where things start going down... and i DID NOT SEE IT COMING.

Her finals week is approaching and i am giving her space.... more space than before. Feb 9, 2015. She is all good, she loves me, she wants me, she is sending me pictures of the houses in the area she is in. And how she imagines us having one there and how we can do so much in that city. She knows i want to do MBA from some high end school. So, i would remind her that i have many other things i would like to do before settling. But yeah, we can have a house there, why not? We can go to London too, and live there. (She said, she would love to live there). Point being, she had her plans, and i had my plans. But we were all excited about how we can fuse these plans together and can end up having so many adventures.

 

SO! That week i get a call from my dad that my grandmother isn't doing so good. My family lives on the other part of the world. I can't go, but i was thinking about it all the time. Then i try to call her to share with her. IN 8 months of a relationship, she called me and shared NUMEROUS things, i was always there. So many times she cried like babies while sharing her problems. I was ALWAYS THERE... and ONE TIME, ONE TIME, i need her she isn't there. But remember! It is her finals week so i let the week go by. But i am under SO MUCH mental stress. I just need to talk to someone. Feb 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. She has exams but she is also partying. I told her many times that i would like to talk to her once when she has time. She said she is busy, can't talk. I was like, ok. There was this big fest in her town during that week too. So she is enjoying life, she is studying for exams. She is going to parties too. But she can't give me 10 mins?

By the time Feb 14 comes in, i am frustrated, angry, upset, sad about my grandma. And i shoot her a few too many texts (SO UNLIKE ME). I told her that i just want to talk to her... and that all this ignoring is making me VERY nervous. I have this gut feeling that something is off and that the MERE fact that she can't get 5 minutes for me in a week is just something out of the ordinary.

So finally, she calls me on Feb 14. Drunk, but not totally... "What is going on? I just read all your texts. I don't understand." I told her " I am going through some ****, you can't take 5 minutes out of a WHOLE WEEK to talk to me?" "She said "i was busy with exams and i am surrounded by people all the time. I can't talk." I did not want to buy that ****..... I am not STUPID... then she said "I don't know what is going on. I don't know if i want this?"

Ahhh.. what? I was just upset that she couldn't take out 5 mins for me out of a whole week. I did not expect to have a talk of what sounds like a break up? I told her that i did not try to pressure her, or ruin her fun. I reminded her that i have NEVER overwhelmed her by micromanaging her. So can she take a second to think why i did it now? I told her how **** this past week was. And how i REALLY wanted to talk to her. "But she kept saying that she doesn't want this."

So, i just had to ask... "The way you have been ignoring me and not been able to take out 5 mins out of a whole week? Is there someone else?"

She said "Why are you asking that?" I replied "Because i am not stupid"

She said "I don't want to answer that" I replied "So there is!"

She said "Stop asking me that" I replied "You know you are breaking my heart!"

She said" There is no one competing against you. It is just that i can have something with someone here that i have with you... but you are not actually here...."

 

I ****ING LOST IT AT THIS POINT!

 

Then she made a few more excuses.... exams, C's, school too expensive, pressure, she misses me too much, bad roommates.... Yadi Yada... But i wasn't stupid....

 

But i thought that she might really be confused. So i decided to show her what we have... and how we are. The things we like about each other. I tried to REASON with her (NEVER WORKS!). She would agree with me but i sensed that she just wasn't the same person anymore. Next day, i tried to convince her again but she was stubborn about it. She asked for a pause but i said HELL NO. We are either staying or we are leaving. I sensed she loved me but there was definitely as sense of.... safety net behind her. As if she wasn't scared to lose this but would hold onto it if convinced. That night i told her that fine i am going to break up with her. I am done with this ****. I thought she would take it easily because she wants it but she started crying like babies. "Baby! please don't! please don't go. What changed? what happened"

I was really confused. So i tried to push her that i dont lover her or trust her anymore. And really wanted to break up, which i did. But she convinced me to come see her. (WHAT? When a day ago i told her that i bought ticket to come see her as a surprise. She flipped out, and told me not come.) Now she wants to. She didn't want me to come see me in her town. So we drove halfway. That weekend was amazing... first night, the emotions were high and we had a tough talk. But through out this ordeal, my intention had always been to FIX THIS ****. I just don't like giving up, i cling to even the slightest of the hopes. That is just how i am. I don't believe in plan Bs as long as plan A has a breadth of life left in it. I told her that i love her and that i know that i can go find someone else but why let this go down so easily? I told her that i feel deeply about her... that i see a future with her. I told her that we can be THE COUPLE when she is done with her Masters and i have an MBA from Harvard or Berkeley (ONE DAY!). I mean, i am that ambitious and driven man that she craved. Why is she going now? I have to accept that we both cried.... THAT **** HURTS! I am very strong, i don't cry easily. I never cried for her before. But that **** just made me tear up. Seeing her after 2 months, holding her, kissing her. She was a little awkward at first but by the end of the weekend, she was willing to commit.

 

As i come back to my town... she was good the first day... then second day she went into that cycle of being mean and silent again. I called her, asked her why she is upset. She told me the reason... i asked her why doesn't she tell me when she is upset anymore? She just didn't say much. IT JUST WASNT THE SAME. I tried to reason with her..... i tried to SHOW her all the GREAT things we can be. I never begged her, but i truly showed her that i was hurt! i guess i requested (i guess i begged, i dont know) her to not throw away things so rashly... I was very emotional for the first 10 days, we both were. But i am NOT like that. I have never been like that to her. It is just that my grandma's news and this just came OUT OF THE BLUE. I was VERY hurt. She said that no one has ever fought for her like this before (i guess that was a bad thing. IDK!) Anyways, after realizing that she is just back to her old self (and i was just tired of being like this) i called it off the next day... I broke up with her on a good note. And she wanted to keep me as a friend. I didn't want that but stuck around for a week. I even called her and told her that she forced me to break up with her. That i did not want this.. is it really over? She said yes it is.... (I was just so overthinking everthing... so depressed and so emotional throughout this past month). The problem was that i see a great future with her, and i TRIED, TRIED, TRIED MORE, to show her the same thing. I told her that yes there are people around her but who would do things i did for her? She used to call me the most reliable person she ever met. The most ambitious person she ever met. That i was hot as hell and that i treated her like NO ONE has ever. She would say that she loves the way i care about her and handle her.....

 

And all of a sudden... out of nowhere.... out of the blue.... the indifference???? I went on NC for a week, she sent me a letter in the mail saying how grateful she was for all the help i provided her.. how i was generous and it was a rare trait. But she loves her new routine and just want to concentrate. She hopes we cross paths again (Even if we do, i will not trust you again!).

 

Then i went NC again a week in.. she would ask me how i am doing. Treat me like a friend. I DONT WANT THAT ****! So i had enough and asked her if she was satisfied with her decision... she said "so far i am. I don't feel guilty of being happy anymore." (Guilty of being a double crossing bitch! Yeah, i bet you don't)

So i said, good this is it. I am not staying around as a friend. "I know that your friends can spend more time with you. But i can spend more heart for you"

 

"But i am not staying in this position. Good bye."

 

and she said... "I dont want to put you through this pain.... :(" (Ahhhh!!! Yeah... Sure. Are you still cuddling with him while typing this?)

And she said "Bye *Nickname she gave me when she actually loved me. She hasn't used that in a whole month*" (**** YOU! that is so cheap!)

 

I should also mention that in the past month she has moved to a new place, has a **** ton of more responsibilities, stress, her grandmother passed away (I was actually there to console her), and also has a whole new bunch of friends. So i guess i understand the confusion and doubts. But the indifference.... the indifference is real. Don't know how or when it happened.

 

This whole ordeal took 3 weeks and a few days. Where we went back and forth, and then i called an end to it ( I am sure she wanted it but too much of a wuss to say it herself). But then i went back and told her that it wasn't what i REALLY wanted. More like forced into it with her mean and nasty attitude.. But she was over it and was VERY mean about it.

 

Finally.... i sent her one email the day after i called NC to tell her what i really had in mind. No more nice person, no more begging or pleading (If that is what i did. But i think it was more reasoning that i tried)

I wrote somewhere along the lines

" I am not going to stay as your pet sheep while you find a bear to cuddle with. No happenining! I would also like you to know that i know about your messing around with our mutual friend. But i chose to ignore it and give you a chance. I tried to treat you really nice and hope that maybe you will change. Maybe you will see that attention is not everything and that real care from people who ACTUALLY love you is what is more worth it. I took a chance on you and i understood the risks. I love you (care for you still) but you are going down a messy path. In only 2 months of being in your new city, you have given up your life goal (She told me that she isnt going to do it anymore. I was very shocked but didn't say much), you gave up on a relationship, you passed out in a party (Which she has not done before.), you got a bloody eye because you got drunk out of your mind on another occasion. Look at where you are going? You don't let your circumstance shape your future, you shape your circumstance around your future. You need a reality check, and this is the reality. If i was like any of your other exes, i would have ended on a positive note but i am being honest with you. I don't know if i am more disappointed in you for giving up everything you stood for so easily or myself for failing to show you our great future together.

I will miss all the little things you used to do... but i think not talking is the only way out.

 

Bye"

 

I never got a reply, but i never expected it either.

 

 

My question is... did i beg or plead her too much? Did i really let myself down? Now i think about it... a person who can give up her life dream that they talked about 24/7, so easily. What is a 7 month relationship to them? I am just disappointed in myself for trying to save this. That is just how i am, that is how i was raised. I fix things, i don't like failures, Plan B, giving up. I like to make things work. I really liked her, loved her, cared for her. She said once "I wish i had not wasted my time with all the other men. If only i met you before...." That is a bold statement.....

 

I don't want her back.... but what do you guys think? Just an analysis....

 

"But she really sounded like i was something special she had found". You saw several things about her that were off putting to you in the very beginning, but you continued to allow a relationship to develop because SHE sounded like you were something special she had found? She did find someone special, someone who was willing to go along with everything she wanted and would be a doormat. A doormat is something that is always there to wipe your feet on no matter how many times a person goes in and out that door. You compromised your own wants, needs and expectations and ignored them. You did let yourself down.

 

"I wish i had not wasted my time with all the other men. If only i met you before....". That is not a bold statement, it is a condescending statement. Of course, she wishes she'd met you before, it was probably difficult for her to have a relationship with someone who had boundaries, knew what they wanted and needed in a relationship and expected her to respect that.

 

I don't mean to be harsh or mean. I'm just being realistic and pragmatic for the sake of making it clear that this relationship was not a relationship. It was something you were working hard at keeping when it wasn't worth keeping.

Edited March 20, 2015 by Redhead14

[Karin2rinkashi]

Are you guys sure? There was not even a bit of truth in what she said? I would like to think, No, it was all a lie.. because for some reason it makes me feel better.. maybe temporary...

She is already in a relationship now...

 

I just can't believe it.... I am smart, i am ambitious. I am street smart, intelligent. How can i fall for something like this? I am so disappointed in myself..

 

I don't think i can trust anyone anymore... But i treated her like queens... one day she will realize it.

 

It is ok! I forgive her...

[justwhoiam]

i treated her like queens

You treated the wrong girl like a queen.

[Karin2rinkashi]

Do i keep my humanity and still treat girls nicely until they break my heart...

Or do i just treat all of them like untrustworthy human beings... until they break my heart...

 

This was my first real relationship.. i am 24. I am late to the game because of my circumstances....

 

I just believe in being transparent, straight forward, i believe in trusting people. But the heart break! I don't want to go through that ever again.

 

I don't like games.... i don't have time for them. And all i see is games everywhere.... WTH, you know....

[Redhead14]

Are you guys sure? There was not even a bit of truth in what she said? I would like to think, No, it was all a lie.. because for some reason it makes me feel better.. maybe temporary...

She is already in a relationship now...

 

I just can't believe it.... I am smart, i am ambitious. I am street smart, intelligent. How can i fall for something like this? I am so disappointed in myself..

 

I don't think i can trust anyone anymore... But i treated her like queens... one day she will realize it.

 

It is ok! I forgive her...

 

It happens to just about everyone at some point and it's usually about being too invested too early in a new relationship and being blinded by endorphins -- the high you get when you first meet someone you like a lot. Usually, that period when endorphins are high starts to fade somewhat and you begin to see the person for who they really are on a deeper level. Sometimes though a person tells themselves that that endorphin high is "love" and do everything they can to hold onto that feeling and usually at their own expense. Once they get further down into the relationship, they are basically addicted to the "relationship" and not in love with the person.

 

Take time in the very beginning. Manage your emotions and expectations and simply get to know the person before you "commit" yourself entirely.