Girl's night outs. Are they a problem for you?

[sandylee1]

I didn't want to t/j from a post I'm infidelity, but I noticed blame being placed on GNO'S for cheating. My view is that if the opportunity presented itself anywhere, a woman who's cheating arose from a GNO, would likely cheat in any situation if the opportunity presented itself.

 

I go on many GNO's. There is absolutely nothing wrong with them. I need a break from the kids and to get out now and then. I think blaming them for women cheating, is shifting the focus from the actual problem. If I'm out with my girlfriends and guys approach us, we politely let them know we are married. End of story. It goes no further if you know your boundaries.

 

In fact once, one of the single ladies who came out with us one time, said she'd have no chance of finding a guy when she came out with us. For me a GNO is just that. Time with the girls to chill, have fun and the only talk of men, is when we're speaking of our hubbies.

 

When you're in a committed relationship you don't cross that line, because once you start interacting with people of the opposite sex in a social setting like this, especially when alcohol is involved you could be tempting fate and playing with fire. If you know your boundaries, then it doesn't come close to that.

 

So, are GNO'S are problem for you? If so why?

[d0nnivain]

I don't do a lot of them but I do belong to women's business groups, to my sorority alumnae association & I have several friends.

 

 

I do a few girls' only things a year. They are no big deal because they aren't about sex. The waiter may be the only male present. There is not a great deal of drinking.

 

 

Even last weekend when I went to a bachelorette party, DH drove me & several friends for safety.

 

 

If they were every week & the woman was ignoring her man in favor of her friends that could be a problem.

 

 

I agree with you though. Cheaters will find a way & don't need a GNO to do that.

[mammasita]

Not at all. Cheaters will cheat. I don't go out often either, but you can tell if a GNO is an excuse or an "event", you know!?

 

For me it would be an event and my man would be keeping the bed warm for me.

[NJ123]

It really depends on what type of women she's friends with. Do most of them have boyfriends & have good morals? Or do a lot of them not care about their boyfriends & kiss other guys when out or even sleep with others without any care in the world?

[mrs rubble]

All male's are banned from our girl's nights out! The last one we held at my friend's place who is a solo mum, her 16yo son was sent to stay at a friends place and even the male cat was banished to the bedroom.

[MissBee]

I think it's absurd to blame cheating on a girls' night out .

 

If you're not of the mind to cheat then simply going out with friends won't all of a sudden see you hopping in the sack with a new man...I mean come on.

 

If the only reason your SO isn't cheating is because they never go anywhere and never do anything, suffice it to say this isn't a relationship of free will and being faithful because you want to be but simply because you have no other choice.

 

Most people who cheat tend to cheat with people they already know in some context anyway, like a coworker they've gotten close to, family friend, etc...and not one night stands from going out. I don't do one night stands as a single woman, never have. I've never gone out and met a man and went to bed with him that night/same day personally, so even more so in a relationship I wouldn't all of a sudden do that.

 

Nope...girls' or boys' nights out are not a problem for me and hasn't ever been a problem in a relationship.

[Gloria25]

My fav podcaster had a call which related to this point - which is, we all have choices and it boils down to a character issue...

 

The call was about a woman who felt guilty one of her children died from drug cuz she was a bad mother to all of them. Me, coming from a dysfunctional family where my siblings and I chose different paths in life, IMO, also proves it boils down to character and choices.

 

Now, humans, for some reason are often compelled to do things we normally wouldn't do when under group pressure, but then, that speaks to what company a woman keeps.

 

And, IMO, I sorta believe that while it boils down to character and choices, you shouldn't put yourself in situations that can influence you to do certain things...and face it, a girls nite out is NOT gonna always be the same for single vs married/committed women.

 

A nice drinks, meal, catching a good show is cool....but night clubs, strippers and some stuff you gotta just watch yourself on. I mean, while single women are out, they may "mingle" with guys and married and/or committed women aren't gonna jive with that scene.

[todreaminblue]

I am part of a women's relief society and we have girl days and girls nights...and they are fun...never liked the whole pick up scene on girls nights out nor the alcohol...i do like the dancing though.......i like to have a good sense of reasoning when i meet a guy and when i am drunk...nah reason isnt there...i dont think you can really get to know know someone well with a head and ears full of bass and a stomach full of vodka....

 

but to go out and dance...girls nights out are good for that..I have been left at clubs a lot on girls nights out when they disappear with other guys......its a bit disappointing......deb

[Woggle]

Not at all. They are no more to blame for cheating than a boy's night out. Cheating is a character issue and a cheater will find a way no matter what.

[Tayla]

I Must concur that much has to do with the persons behavior compass.

 

Not a problem with the Ladies I associate with, Class Acts and well put together in their ways....Luckily they know how to roll up their sleeves and enjoy some fun adventures! We went midnight sledding ....Now that was a Hoot!

Came back to Hot cocoa and some old time movies....

[toolforgrowth]

I divorced my xWW, but a GNO would never be an issue for me. She had her affair with a co-worker.

 

Besides, as a guy, sometimes I need a Guys Night Out. I need to drink scotch at the bar with some buddies, or go hang with an old college buddy in another city about 75 miles from mine.

 

If a person wants to cheat, they would find a way. A GNO is by no means the only avenue.

[thefooloftheyear]

As a guy that worked in clubs for years, I can tell you this much....

 

I dont think I ever saw a gathering of girls/women clustered together for a "GNO" that were actually seeking or looking for attention from men..Yeah, they might make a salty comment or two, but in just about all of the cases that I could remember, it was basically a henfest....Laugh, complain, listen to music/dance..drink a bit...and go home..

 

I agree with the others...If you cant trust them in that type of scenario, then you have problems....its not the event itself, IMO

 

TFY

[amaysngrace]

We have Girls Weekend. Most of them are married so they don't care but one of the best things I love is when the cops show up to tell us we're being loud. Especially if it's Bill.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Maybe I'm just a really boring chick but I totally don't see the need for separate girls and boys nights...at least not at clubs.

 

I'm not really a big clubber or drinker though.

 

IMO clubbing is a single persons activity; you're scouting for new meat. Some people go to dance, drink, socialise...that's all good, but still quite a lethal recipe for cheating. I would never stop a bf going to one, but I still believe they are largely for singles.

 

I don't get why, when in a relationship, you just wouldn't go to clubs together (include your SO) and go to a restaurant, cinema, etc for girls or boys night or day.

 

But that's just my 2 cents

[Nikki Sahagin]

It really depends on what type of women she's friends with. Do most of them have boyfriends & have good morals? Or do a lot of them not care about their boyfriends & kiss other guys when out or even sleep with others without any care in the world?

 

Fully agreed; what bar or club and what kind of group.

Not every GNO or BNO is innocent if your friends are shady.

[d0nnivain]

Every once in a while we'll do a GNO at a club type place but not because anybody wants to get picked up but because we (the ladies) like to dance but most of our guys don't. The guys don't like the music. They complain about the cover charges & the drink prices so it's more peaceful to leave them behind. In over 25 years of doing this I can't think of a single instance where any one of my friends did anything to violate the sanctity of her relationship.

[oldshirt]

you are the average of the people you associate with.

 

 

If you go out with married people who have healthy marriages and maintain healthy boundaries and are going out to gossip about the neighbors and coworkers and hang with your buddies for a couple hours then go home to your family - no foul.

 

 

But not all GNOs are created equal and people have their own agendas.

 

 

If people are bored and generally discontented in their marriages and do not respect and desire their husbands and they are drawn to going out with the girls that are also looking for some action and they go out to get attention and get their egos stroked and the alcohol is flowing and they putting out the "come-do-me" vibes and flirting and dirty dancing etc and all of them are either implicitly or explicitly indicating that they will cover for each other and 'what happens on GNO, stays on GNO' then sure, it's a perfect recipe for something inappropriate to happen.

 

 

The thing with GNO is every single last breathing one of the women that banged some dude in the restroom or out in the parking lot or went home with some guy or ended up hooking up with some guy afterwards, all said they were just going out with friends and weren't looking for any hook ups and it was all just innocent fun..... every last one of them.

 

 

so there really is no credibility of people just saying they are going to be appropriate on a GNO.

 

 

As with all things, it's a matter of context. If a couple has a healthy relationship and an active sexlife and they have good boundaries and their friends are friends of the marriage and everyone is responsible and appropriate, should people have a problem with their W going out on a GNO periodically??? Of course not. It's good to get out no and then.

 

 

But if some guy's wife hasn't had the least bit of interest in having sex with him in the last year and treats him dismissively and is spending 5 hours getting all dressed up in her tightest, sluttiest club clothes and heading off to meat-market clubs with single women or other married women who getting it on with other guys on a regular and ongoing basis and coming home drunk all hours of the night and giving him excuses of "I'm just going out with friends" and "stop trying to control me!" Should that guy be concerned????? HELL YES!!!!

 

 

At that point, it is inevitable and just a matter of time.

[toolforgrowth]

you are the average of the people you associate with.

 

 

If you go out with married people who have healthy marriages and maintain healthy boundaries and are going out to gossip about the neighbors and coworkers and hang with your buddies for a couple hours then go home to your family - no foul.

 

 

But not all GNOs are created equal and people have their own agendas.

 

Totally this right here.

 

It all bears down to the intent of the individual. A GNO, in and of itself, doesn't lead to infidelity. It's the motive behind the person(s) attending.

 

And I kind of think that would apply to just about any situation a person could find themselves in, be it grocery shopping, going to work, volunteering, or going out with friends.

[autumnnight]

I had a wild GNO last week. We went to this crazy restaurant. It was called Cracker Barrell. Then we went to one of our friends' houses who couldn't make it because she just had surgery, and we played cards and talked and had dessert. But that isn't nearly as wild as the last one. For that one, we went to Panera Bread Company and ate soup for 3 hours!!

 

We're outta control man

[Friskyone4u]

Sandy Lee,

 

This is a great topic, as well as MensNightOut.

There is a big difference in this general topic of GIRLS NIGHT OUT. there is absolutely no reason a wife or girlfriend should not go out with her friends, but i think the term GirlsNight Out has been used to be a stereotype for something totally different than what you are describing.

As a man, GNO should be encouraged If the activity involves the following

(1) dinner and conversation with friends

(2) social activity or concert

(3) movie

(4) get together at someones house

All of the above, and i am sure there are more, involve an opportunity to talk to your friends, have a drink if you want to, get something to eat, etc, and catch up on each others lives. No man should object to that.

 

Now for the but:

All of the above are totally different than getting dressed in your sexiest and most revealing outfit, going to a club where you cannot hear each other talk surrounded by men hitting on you and flirting all night with friends who want to act like they are on Spring Break or friends who are looking for men to date because they are divorced or single.

Why is it OK to make statements to husbands like

"We're going to work the bar"

Why is it OK for some (notice i said some) of the same women who would be appalled to have their husband sitting in a strip club being approached by women for sex to sit in a club at a table full of strange men who sit down to talk to one of your friends and who have nothing in mind but to see if they can get in your pants or get your cell phone number to start to get to know you.

 

if you do this second scenerio, you are telling your husband that you need attention from other men and he should sit home and watch the kids while you go have fun. And thel ine about spending quality time with your girlfriends is crap if you are in a place where you cannot even hear yourself talk.

 

so, girls night out are fine if that is what they are. if they are just an excuse to immerse yourself in an environment for external ego kibbles from other men they are not all right for a married woman.

 

I believe the overwhelming data on infidelity comes to the following conclusions

(1) over 90% of people who cheat DO NOT leave the house with the intention of doing that

(2) NO ONE is immune to either cheating or becoming the betrayed

 

All it takes it the right circumstances and opportunity and ONE mistake and the more times you put yourself in that situation the more times the opportunity is there.

 

Most Wayward forums and threads started by women start out

"I never thought i would be here"

 

GIRLS NIGHT OUT IS GREAT if it is girls night out and not in what becomes girls night out mingling all night with strange men with alcohol involved.

[Raines]

So, are GNO'S are problem for you? If so why?

 

 

 

They use to be back in the day when in committed relationsihps.

 

 

Nothing ever good came from them. Always boundaries being pushed and sometimes walked right over.

 

 

I realize that cheating can happen anywhere and it doesn't take a GNO. But in my experience a GNO has always been "no men allowed"....well, no husbands or boyfriends that is. Men are allowed, just not the ones to whom they are committed.

 

 

Depends on the nature of the GNO. The only ones I ever had a problem with were going to nightclubs or weekend getaways where partying was going to be the main theme.

[autumnnight]

The only ones I ever had a problem with were going to nightclubs or weekend getaways where partying was going to be the main theme.

 

This is probably snobby, but women my age who still do this....well, I just kind of shake my head and get embarrassed for them. Grow up, it's not a college sorority anymore.