Flirting: Should I avoid pursuing women if I don’t want a relationship?

[Swan89]

Hi everyone, I’ve been single for around 10 months now and I’m getting over my last relationship well considering how much it hurt my confidence.

 

I have an issue that I would like you guys to give me your advice on…

 

Simply put, I’m nowhere near ready for a relationship and I’m really enjoying my time alone to heal and 'discover myself’. I owe it to myself to stay alone for a year or two at least but I do sometimes feel a bit isolated being single.

 

I tend to get looks from women sometimes and part of me feels bad because my first instinct is to look away within a second of our eyes meeting.

Now just because I do this, doesn’t mean I don’t find the person attractive. Its a combination of being shy due to having a confidence knocked around all my life and also not wanting to signal the woman that I am interested because I don’t want to be put on the spot to make a move when I’m not interested in dating anyone right now.

However, when I go clubbing with my friends I will then get a little dutch courage in me but I’ll only pursue them with the intent of a hookup.

 

The last thing I want to do is show a woman I’m interested in her, say in the daytime, and ask her out in order to simply lead her on in order to get sex. I don’t want to hurt anyone.

Is this a morally correct way to go about getting what I want?

I don’t fancy getting rejected and wasting all that time trying to seduce them when I tell them I don’t want a relationship; but at the same time, I feel as though I could potentially miss out if I limit it to the club environment.

 

I hope I didn’t come across as a pig, I’m really just a guy with needs looking to go about fulfilling them without causing anyone pain. What would you suggest?

[drifter777]

There is nothing wrong with a 15-minute relationship.

[Swan89]

There is nothing wrong with a 15-minute relationship.

 

I suppose, but wouldn’t that involve me calling it off with that person and them make them feel used?

[smackie9]

Tom Leykus: look up his talk radio dating tips on youtube. He will tell you the most direct way to get what you want.

 

BTW if you say you are only interested in casual, and not a serious relationship, and they end up sleeping with you anyways, you are not using them.

[No Limit]

Just be open about it beforehand. Believe it or not, there are women out there who don't look for relationships either.

[d0nnivain]

As long as you are upfront about what you want & don't want, it's fine.

 

 

The problem is if you lead someone to believe you want an exclusive LTR when you only want a physical encounter.

[Raines]

Flirting: Should I avoid pursuing women if I don’t want a relationship?

 

 

No, but you let the women know up front that you aren't looking for a relationship. Nothing wrong with not wanting a commitment. I'll be that way for the rest of my life.

 

 

But it is wrong to keep seeing them and not letting them know that you are not interested in a relationship, or dating others behind their back.

[kendahke]

Not only tell them upfront that you don't want a relationship, but let them know that them trying to persuade you to be in one will terminate your interest in that moment. Some women find the declaration that you're not interested in a relationship to be a challenge to win you over and change your mind.

[JohnsonBaby]

Just be open about it beforehand. Believe it or not, there are women out there who don't look for relationships either.

 

That hardly works . Oftentimes someone ends up catching feelings ,usually the woman. Been there and tried to get a relationship out of it cuz I crushed hard on the man.it was a painful experience.

[No Limit]

That hardly works . Oftentimes someone ends up catching feelings ,usually the woman. Been there and tried to get a relationship out of it cuz I crushed hard on the man.it was a painful experience.

 

It doesn't matter if there's feelings later on; the one looking for sex only has been open about what they want, and if the other person doesn't (want to) believe it it's their problem. Needless to say it's best to split up when you notice that your significant other is starting to get attached but until that happens you're good to go. You can't change other people's feelings but you can play with open cards instead of pretending to want a relationship and lead someone on.