insert_name Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 (edited) Sorry, this isnt what you are thinking... There is no apology from me on my outlook of the dating scene which I must admit is entirely negative, its an apology from a friend to me in respect of how his view of dating was proved (thus far) to be wrong and mine was viewed to be right. For me, it feels like being told that hell exists whilst heaven is a figment of my imagination so I take a slight "I told you so" satisfaction but its a pyhrric victory as it changes nothing about my situation. The backstory for all this concerns the fact that i have been single for 10 years+ and in recent times (amongst others) I met a couple of girls through a particular friend from work . The first girl expressed an interest but later backed down as she already had a boyfriend and didnt want to split, fair enough. The second girl took quite a shine to me, problem was she was just in the process of getting divorced and wasnt ready for a relationship. Fair enough. Fast forward a few months and my friend organises a house party. The girl with the divorce is a guest. She admits to her friend (my friends gf) that she is interested in me and if I am at that party she will take me back to hers and screw me. My friend tells me this and when I baulk and react like its a load of old nonsense, he starts telling me thats why I dont succeed in dating- because I always look on the negative side and thats what shows through. He always gives me grief because I feel I have learned from experience and am right to expect the worst as I am always proved right. Anyway, long story short, I go to the party dressed up in my best clothes that I bought recently to make an impression........turns out the girl was ill, had a cold or summat and couldnt make it. Once again, my cynicism is well rewarded. For me this isnt a one off, I have a catalog of near circumstantial misses like this in recent years that I can refer to. I get the feeling I am destined to always be nothing more than the right guy in the right place at the wrong time. So is it any wonder I am cynical? This sums up my negative attitude and why I have become the way I am over the years. I always seem to be gee'd up by circumstance and then the pay off never materialises. I am sure for anybody else by now they would have had that one instance where they meet the girl and fall head over heels in love. For me, its always a case of: 'shes ill and couldnt make it', 'shes got a boyfriend', 'her dog just died' etc. There is always some circumstantial reason why it never happens. I can totally understand this might happen for some people who just arent meant to meet someone, but why be so hard on them and dispute their position when they can back it up with cold hard facts when the optimist cant? Edited March 14, 2015 by insert_name Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I am going to focus the girl you mentioned who did not attend the party. Did you ask for a contact number? Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I agree that you should get her number and find out regardless if her interest is genuine. I know that I'm in no place to give advice to others as you can see from my other thread I'm in a pretty big rut myself, but I'm gonna quote what you said to me in my thread recently "That sort of bulking is seriously hard work, I tried it briefly and if thats what it takes to earn the 'privilege' of dating an average girl then no thanks, I'll stay single." I know hard work, time consuming money, but the question is what's harder, accepting misery, or working hard with hope in mind? I'm by no means saying that getting yourself in better shape will solve all your problems but heck isn't it worth a try? It might just finally put the odds in your favor. Forget the cost benefit analysis because I guarantee you that no matter the out come it will be worth it. Try the workout thing, and if you don't see results try another routine or diet etc...but don't give up. The problem is no longer where to meet women its how to better ourselves to attract them. You're also 6'1", you got half the guys beat. Play every card in the deck. Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Why NOT give up? Seriously, if this happens to you time and time again, maybe it's time for you to stop pursuing women? Take that passion toward the opposite sex and focus it elsewhere...to some more obtainable and realistic goal. If you're a loser in hockey, then try basketball. Tired of the emotional rollercoaster? Then get off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Why NOT give up? Seriously, if this happens to you time and time again, maybe it's time for you to stop pursuing women? Take that passion toward the opposite sex and focus it elsewhere...to some more obtainable and realistic goal. If you're a loser in hockey, then try basketball. Tired of the emotional rollercoaster? Then get off. That's the thing though, you think you can just give up and turn off all emotions for the opposite sex but you can't. Living in this sort of "I give up" lifestyle only increases the depression and misery you experience and it will make you highly jaded and hateful of others. Even if you realistically can't suceeed don't give up. If you think dating is an emotional roller coaster...being hopeless is much worse trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Dear God IN. All you have done is agree that you are negative and prove what the rest of us are saying... Negativity isn't attractive or conductive to finding a relationship that is fulfilling and happy. Dude - quit sabotaging yourself. So she couldn't make it this time. Hell get her number and ask her out. What is the worst that will happen? She says say no - does it matter if she does? No! You have lost nothing. Whats the best that can happen? She says yes and you go out, have a fantastic time, start feeling good about yourself and get laid! Ergo there is no "bad" ending in this. Its about time you got happy. Sod all the relationship stuff, you really have been over thinking it. You need some joy in your life. Get out have fun and quit procrastinating. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 sounds like you've got a self-fulfilling prophecy going on. The more you put this vibe out into the universe, the more the universe will deliver on that vibe. What I see is in your post is that you didn't make any move to get the girl's number when you found out that she was sick. At some point in this, you have to break the cycle or it's going to be 10 more lonely years and your friend getting even more blunt in his assessment of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 sounds like you've got a self-fulfilling prophecy going on. The more you put this vibe out into the universe, the more the universe will deliver on that vibe. What I see is in your post is that you didn't make any move to get the girl's number when you found out that she was sick. At some point in this, you have to break the cycle or it's going to be 10 more lonely years and your friend getting even more blunt in his assessment of you. Get that womans number and ring her... kendake is right. Next post I read from you - well it would be great if it were really up beat and positive and happy. Your not a bad bloke just bloody miserable... Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 That's the thing though, you think you can just give up and turn off all emotions for the opposite sex but you can't. Living in this sort of "I give up" lifestyle only increases the depression and misery you experience and it will make you highly jaded and hateful of others. Even if you realistically can't suceeed don't give up. If you think dating is an emotional roller coaster...being hopeless is much worse trust me. "Hopeless"? More like "indifference" or "apathy". Emotions can be fought. Men learn to live without women, they won't be depressed. Any men who quit going after the opposite sex don't have to be hateful of women and resent them. They just accepted the way things are and stopped trying to swim upstream. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Its about time you got happy. Sod all the relationship stuff, you really have been over thinking it. You need some joy in your life. Get out have fun and quit procrastinating. Indeed. Forget about the ladies and do some things for yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 I can totally understand this might happen for some people who just arent meant to meet someone, but why be so hard on them and dispute their position when they can back it up with cold hard facts when the optimist cant? Find different friends, ones who balance support with busting your chops. That can be difficult in the blood-sport that is male relationships, but it is doable. Regarding the other stuff, women do what they do. Once you learn to experience it as noise and not relevant to who you are, life gets better. There may come a day when you even relish the silence. You're still young though, so continue building the bower. An interested female may stop by one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 IN did you ring her in the end? Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 The second girl took quite a shine to me, problem was she was just in the process of getting divorced and wasnt ready for a relationship. She admits to her friend (my friends gf) that she is interested in me and if I am at that party she will take me back to hers and screw me. turns out the girl was ill, had a cold or summat and couldnt make it. If you are looking for a relationship out of this girl, then you're looking at it the wrong way. You dodged a bullet because she was just looking for a fun time. She's recently divorced, so it is highly unlikely you would get anything else but some sex. Now if that's all you care about, then by all means get her number as others suggested, and stop being so negative. You can mope around after sex. Link to post Share on other sites
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