Meeting people out at public festivals

[todreaminblue]

I think its fine not to wait for obvious cues....and just speak when you want to speak to someone...you will know soon enough fi they want to continue the conversation or not....

 

i find it a little unsettling at times like when i am shopping and a guy approaches and starts talking to me.....but i am never not friendly....and i wouldnt be in any social situation

 

a guy came up to me today while shopping .and i was doing my usual trying to remember what i wanted from the aisle just staring at the food......what i noticed most about him was his open friendly face.....and he was actually a bit shy.....he had a sense of humor......and we talked for a little while....he didnt have a problem looking me in the eyes....i think those sort of things are important when approaching a woman...a friendly smile and a polite and courteous nature goes far....not many women when approached by a friendly open and courteous guy would be cold i feel.....well i wouldnt anyway....this guy by the way didnt come onto me or ask for my number.....and i didnt get that impression from him....he was just an affable man....his approach was respectful and friendly and that is how i think any approach should be.....deb

[Radu]

Hmmm ... let me give an example.

 

Last yr i was around an area where there are many college students.

I'm walking down the street ... very casual and i see this guy about 6 feet tall ... neck length dark hair ... white skin [slightly chalky] ... no make-up ... dressed in black with good accesories.

His coat was clear of high quality and i could swear i smelled perfume.

His appearance was ... otherworldly.

It even seemed that he had a slight wind in front of him that blew the coat and his hair ... to let it gain volume.

The guy didn't even walk on the sidewalk with us mortals ... but on street [it was a side street ... slightly unusual but not unseen].

 

Need i say that every girl there [on the busy street] who did not have a guy on her arm was looking at this guy ... fixated even.

I was looking like that ... and i'm full straight.

 

If you look like that and you approach a woman of your age group ... chances are a cold approach will be forgiven and the chances of her being interested will be pretty high.

[LookAtThisPOst]

That wasn't amnexample of the worst that could happen when approaching a woman cold turkey.

 

 

Hmmm ... let me give an example.

 

Last yr i was around an area where there are many college students.

I'm walking down the street ... very casual and i see this guy about 6 feet tall ... neck length dark hair ... white skin [slightly chalky] ... no make-up ... dressed in black with good accesories.

His coat was clear of high quality and i could swear i smelled perfume.

His appearance was ... otherworldly.

It even seemed that he had a slight wind in front of him that blew the coat and his hair ... to let it gain volume.

The guy didn't even walk on the sidewalk with us mortals ... but on street [it was a side street ... slightly unusual but not unseen].

 

Need i say that every girl there [on the busy street] who did not have a guy on her arm was looking at this guy ... fixated even.

I was looking like that ... and i'm full straight.

 

If you look like that and you approach a woman of your age group ... chances are a cold approach will be forgiven and the chances of her being interested will be pretty high.

[MidwestUSA]

See...Carhill knows what I'm talking about..

 

Perhaps you missed the part where his interactions are not a means to an end. Yours are clearly meant to be, and we can tell the difference a mile away.

[Imajerk17]

<off-topic editorial remarks redacted>

 

Look, there's nothing wrong with starting a conversation with someone. Even if that means a "direct approach" where you told someone you saw them and that you had to meet them. I've done that before. BUT, you need to be respectful of the other person's space--physical and psychological. If someone is giving you one-word answers, then leave it be. The woman doesn't "owe" you a conversation or anything.

 

 

 

 

With my experience, at least where I live, usually if a woman doesn't know who you are...even an attempt at trying to chat them up is met with some kind of barrier or coldness. There's this, "Why is this person I don't know trying to talk to me?"

 

Even if you have an excuse to talk, like waiting in line for food being served.

I recall during the Christmas holidays trying to strike up a conversation with a woman at a coffee portion of a bookstore as we both placed orders and were both waiting on our coffees.

 

My attempt was met with her being short, and not so polite. Not even a "It was nice meeting you." to end the encounter.

 

uncles, siblings, etc. The idea of going outside that is quite alien to themThis is why I prefer social gatherings like Meetup events where everyone there is there for a purpose...to meet new people. Out in about in public, some people aren't willing to make new friends or whatever.

 

Classic example, a friend , who lives local, of mine that was once active in Meetup (he's now married and was married at the time this situation occurred), me and him used to carpool to Meetups an hour away, but this time he brought two single women with him to an event, they spent the entire time talking to only each other and not mingling. I chatted with them initially of course because my friend introduced me to them, but I went about mingling as they wouldn't budge nor even people approached them. When I came back to talk to them, I asked them, "So, get to know anyone, do any mingling?" Their response, "No, we're not here to meet people."

 

But, see, they came from a fish bowl community where their social circles revolve around people they grew up with, their lives are mostly focused on their numerous nieces and nephews, aunts,.

Edited March 18, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[carhill]

Perhaps you missed the part where his interactions are not a means to an end. Yours are clearly meant to be, and we can tell the difference a mile away.

Now they aren't but when I was looking for a wife and mother for my children, they certainly were. I simply compared the differing life times relevant to my own perspective on interactions and shared the consistency. In evidence, the results have remained relatively static; only my feeling about the whole interaction has changed.

 

That stated, one choice the OP can make is to consciously lessen expectations and live more in the moment and, if the moment is all there is, that's OK. This can help two-fold: One, it's more enjoyable, for him. Two, it can, as you alluded to, affect perceptions of his aura and body language and other factors women sense when in a man's presence.

 

While some men are very fortunate and get the perfect mix quickly and early, others keep throwing stuff at the wall until something sticks. Nothing wrong with that; it's one aspect of success, learning from failure.

 

OP, while it might sound redundant, I'll strongly suggest watching what successful men do and learn from them. Pay less attention to surfaces and watch actions. IME it really helps. Good luck!

[Radu]

That wasn't amnexample of the worst that could happen when approaching a woman cold turkey.

 

It wasn't supposed to be ... read it again.

[GemmaUK]

See...Carhill knows what I'm talking about...I don't get there are certain women here on the forums that seem to be rather put off by such an approach in public. It's likely a personality thing, perhaps they are introverts.

 

To be offended by being approached has something to do with the individual themselves.

 

Some women may not be aware of what's going on around them or actually notice men checking them out...perhaps even oblivious to it..that's why men need to give them a little nudge with the cold approach. But it seems some women prefer to fault men for doing this.

 

He's talking about an entirely different situation and result.

It served him well in his younger days but not now he is older.

 

 

I lay no blame on a man approaching when things don't work out but signals have been exchanged but I do think it's odd when a guy comes out of nowhere on the street saying he feels like we are close friends when all that happened before that is that he has driven past me for a year while I was walking home. This happened and this guy told me this.

He read no initial body language I gave and tried to block me and get into my personal space.

I made my excuses and got away from him. It was dark, I was walking alone and he freaked me out.

[carhill]

Over-simplified example but relevant - At a festival where the music is playing everyone is having a good time and we're dancing around just having fun, ever simply bump into someone and have a whole bunch of communication occur before anyone said a word? Eye contact, body posture, body language, aura, etc, etc.

 

That was the kind of stuff I was alluding to. I might just as likely bump into someone accidentally whilst looking at a trinket or piece of art or other festival object. You know, you're looking down then all of a sudden you feel a presence and look up and all the rest happens? Stuff like that.

 

How those two individuals ended up in the same space at the same time could be complete coincidence. Then again, perhaps not

[LookAtThisPOst]

At a festival where the music is playing everyone is having a good time and we're dancing around just having fun, ever simply bump into someone and have a whole bunch of communication occur before anyone said a word? Eye contact, body posture, body language, aura, etc, etc.

 

Exactly the point of my post. A festival, public event, a place where people are gathering for the same reason. I think this is what I was talking about, but somehow others derailed the post a bit.

[LookAtThisPOst]

It wasn't supposed to be ... read it again.

 

Well, it was suppose to be...you deflected and went on some long winded diatribe that had nothing to do with what I had asked.

[xxoo]

Exactly the point of my post. A festival, public event, a place where people are gathering for the same reason. I think this is what I was talking about, but somehow others derailed the post a bit.

 

The point is the nonverbal communication that happens in that moment. Her eye contact (or lack of it), posture, body language, etc are either giving a green or a red light. If you approach after a red light, don't expect it to go well. You ignored her expressed signs of disinterest.

[GemmaUK]

Exactly the point of my post. A festival, public event, a place where people are gathering for the same reason. I think this is what I was talking about, but somehow others derailed the post a bit.

 

In the post you quoted and responded to here Carhill said 'have a whole bunch of communication before anyone said a word' - which means cues - he went on to say 'eye contact, body posture, body language, aura etc'

 

 

All that Carhill is saying is the same as I am saying.

[LookAtThisPOst]

In the post you quoted and responded to here Carhill said 'have a whole bunch of communication before anyone said a word' - which means cues - he went on to say 'eye contact, body posture, body language, aura etc'

 

 

All that Carhill is saying is the same as I am saying.

 

No he's not, you're reading into incorrectly. This thread has been beaten to death, you're only hearing what you want to hear.

[preraph]

I don't think you go up quite cold in the middle of the street, but at, for example, a street fair or art festival or concert outdoors, you can always "end up" standing nearby and just casually comment on whatever you're looking at. "Oh, these are really cool" or just something that simple and see ifs he ignores or responds back in a friendly way. If she doesn't, then move on. If she just agrees politely, you might follow up asking "Did you come last year?" or "Did you see the guy making balloon toys?" Just see if she keeps talking. If so, introduce yourself and ask if she's there with anyone. If not, tell her you'd love to buy her a coffee or beer.

[carhill]

In the post you quoted and responded to here Carhill said 'have a whole bunch of communication before anyone said a word' - which means cues - he went on to say 'eye contact, body posture, body language, aura etc'

 

 

All that Carhill is saying is the same as I am saying.

The male version though, at least in my case, was alluded to by the emoticon I used at the end of my post talking about the coincidence, or not, of the two people ending up in the same place at the same time.

 

For myself, it was generally, though not always, purposeful. As a male, I saw, I coveted, I moved to engage. I generally never saw or experienced contact of any sort from the lady in question. I will admit that, with women of my age now, sometimes they do make eye contact but that's still pretty rare and, wait for it, those generally turn out to be married!

 

Anyway, the point is to have fun and, hey, if something happens, something happens. Perhaps that's the gift which age and life experience brings: peace

[GemmaUK]

The male version though, at least in my case, was alluded to by the emoticon I used at the end of my post talking about the coincidence, or not, of the two people ending up in the same place at the same time.

 

For myself, it was generally, though not always, purposeful. As a male, I saw, I coveted, I moved to engage. I generally never saw or experienced contact of any sort from the lady in question. I will admit that, with women of my age now, sometimes they do make eye contact but that's still pretty rare and, wait for it, those generally turn out to be married!

 

Anyway, the point is to have fun and, hey, if something happens, something happens. Perhaps that's the gift which age and life experience brings: peace

 

 

Exactly! Both need to participate in non-verbals and yes it's got to be right time right place.

The thing is now that you're older I don't expect your end goal in all cases would be a night of fun in a tent. It's more likely that you want to meet a good woman to date.

The non-verbals don't change as we get older, what we want does (usually).

[MidwestUSA]

This thread has been beaten to death

 

Now there's something I agree with!