Side affects from the affair

[Eagle's-bargain]

Anyone develop anything?

Binge eating? Binge drinking? Anti-social behavior?

Unusual sleeping patterns etc?

 

Have these conditions persisted since ending an affair or while in a current affair?

Persisted during NC?

 

For myself if I have severe memories or feelings from my A, currently no exchange of dialog between the MW and I (3 years going), I might need a drink to numb my nerves up.

 

Now, my mind is still sharp as hell and tends to ruminate, but the booze at least stops the tremors (and no I don't drink excessively enough to cause tremors without it).

I've never had tremors for anything else, outside of being heartbroken or experiencing severe heartache (and no it's not acid reflux).

Does the booze help? Sure. Am I addicted. Yes I am.

Is it a problem? No. And I'm not a quitter.

[SleekArchitecture]

Anyone develop anything?

Binge eating? Binge drinking? Anti-social behavior?

Unusual sleeping patterns etc?

 

Have these conditions persisted since ending an affair or while in a current affair?

Persisted during NC?

 

For myself if I have severe memories or feelings from my A, currently no exchange of dialog between the MW and I (3 years going), I might need a drink to numb my nerves up.

 

Now, my mind is still sharp as hell and tends to ruminate, but the booze at least stops the tremors (and no I don't drink excessively enough to cause tremors without it).

I've never had tremors for anything else, outside of being heartbroken or experiencing severe heartache (and no it's not acid reflux).

Does the booze help? Sure. Am I addicted. Yes I am.

Is it a problem? No. And I'm not a quitter.

 

I want to break that booze bottle over your head. You need to start doing healthy activities. Once you begin finding small improvements that booze will never offer, you will gain so much confidence which leads to more power.

 

This power will allow you to move on, but not only move on, but be a better you.

 

Is it a problem you ask[/i, you bet. Not only is it numbing you, but think of the headaches, bloat, general malaise. Add a broken heart, it is a road block to your success.

[Josmatjes]

It's been 3 years since you've spoken to her? And you still feel this way??

 

The stress of ending an affair and being in one does crazy things to your body. I gained 14 lbs during my affair...I just wasn't eating right..after the affair I've finally started losing it because I started putting myself first. Drinking is fine once in awhile but it also lowers my defenses and makes me want to reach out.

 

Don't drink to numb the feelings, go for a walk or to the gym...do something healthy for yourself. You are worth it!

[Eagle's-bargain]

I want to break that booze bottle over your head. You need to start doing healthy activities. Once you begin finding small improvements that booze will never offer, you will gain so much confidence which leads to more power.

 

This power will allow you to move on, but not only move on, but be a better you.

 

Is it a problem you ask, you bet. Not only is it numbing you, but think of the headaches, bloat, general malaise. Add a broken heart, it is a road block to your success.

 

Been drinking long before the affair. Drinking is part of my culture.

Drinking is like fire, if you don't respect it: it burns you.

 

My drinking was much more before the affair, with ups and downs. I've managed it, but when I have a severe heartache I need just a bit to sleep. Beyond that, drinking is an addiction to me (no different than TV, facebook, jogging/running, or smokes). It has NOT made life unmanageable, but my affair did.

[Eagle's-bargain]

Been drinking long before the affair. Drinking is part of my culture.

Drinking is like fire, if you don't respect it: it burns you.

 

My drinking was much more before the affair, with ups and downs. I've managed it, but when I have a severe heartache I need just a bit to sleep. Beyond that, drinking is an addiction to me (no different than TV, facebook, jogging/running, or smokes).

 

It has NOT made life unmanageable, but my affair did.

 

It's been 3 years since you've spoken to her? And you still feel this way??

Yep. See the above comment.

 

I rarely have tremors from my aforementioned feelings.

No more than twice within the last year.

But when it happens I go for a long walk (to the store and buy a few beers and go home) and listen to anything by Bach with headphones on (not ear buds).

Works for me, and cheaper than a gym membership.

[SleekArchitecture]

Yep. See the above comment.

 

I rarely have tremors from my aforementioned feelings.

No more than twice within the last year.

But when it happens I go for a long walk (to the store and buy a few beers and go home) and listen to anything by Bach with headphones on (not ear buds).

Works for me, and cheaper than a gym membership.

 

These are excuses culture and cheaper. You can workout at home. Booze lowers exhibitions and will deepen and flower memories, keeping you stuck between 2 semis.

 

I enjoy, myself a good wine, and the temporary feeling of all is good, but that high becomes a terrible low.

 

Your avatar has a gun to the head. Are you okay? You do not sound okay, to be quite frank, you sound like you need help, not help as in crazy, but genuine help.

[Eagle's-bargain]

Your avatar has a gun to the head. Are you okay?

At the time I made my profile I thought,

"Jesus Christ, I'm crazy for going online making a profile to admit I'm such a scumbag, low-life, POS, and I should have probably off'd myself well before this (making an account)."

 

Now I think,

"Why not embrace my mistakes? They're a part of me, BUT THEY ARE NOT ME."

 

The gun to the head reminds me I had a choice to have an affair, even though I slightly feel duped. I very well could have waited until she had a divorce, but I didn't. Just like suicide people have a choice? Am I suicidal now?

 

Hell no.

People I know call me, and want to do things with me. And I want to be in their life too. I know if I were gone, I'd fill a void. I had about 3+ months without booze, Full on cold turkey. I knew military service would interfere with it, but after working with my unit and disciplining myself I drank only after I got off base (and I didn't binge drink).

 

These are excuses culture and cheaper. You can workout at home. Booze lowers exhibitions and will deepen and flower memories, keeping you stuck between 2 semis.

 

I have a pretty high tolerance. I had a beer today for lunch at work, while watching people on the street. It was a nice feeling, and didn't do anything to me. This is a normal routine for me. Some people exercise. To me exercising doesn't cure the problem: it's treatment, because if you quit exercising the problem comes back. I'm not looking for a cure or continuous treatment. I drank before the affair, and do after.

 

Only a few times during the affair and right after did I drink until I was unhappy or miserable. But I don't drink because, "OH GOD I NEED A DRINK NOW." Drinking can wait, usually.

 

You do not sound okay, to be quite frank, you sound like you need help, not help as in crazy, but genuine help.

 

Anyone who has signed up to make an account on this forum needs help, in one way or another. Some need to shower themselves with the opinions of others, some people like myself need to remind themselves of the pain. The first time I went on this forum,

 

I read about infidelity and it broke my heart that I was a contributor to that (it really bothered me). Now I can read it, though I don't like it, and it doesn't break my heart anymore (but I does make me a little sad).

 

Learning to overcome these emotions have helped me to remind myself I made the right decision to get out, and to tell others (when appropriate) why adultery is wrong and painful.

 

"The use of this awful subject may be for awakening unconverted persons in this congregation." -

Jonathan Edwards, 1741

[SleekArchitecture]

At the time I made my profile I thought,

 

 

Now I think,

 

 

The gun to the head reminds me I had a choice to have an affair, even though I slightly feel duped. I very well could have waited until she had a divorce, but I didn't. Just like suicide people have a choice? Am I suicidal now?

 

Hell no.

People I know call me, and want to do things with me. And I want to be in their life too. I know if I were gone, I'd fill a void. I had about 3+ months without booze, Full on cold turkey. I knew military service would interfere with it, but after working with my unit and disciplining myself I drank only after I got off base (and I didn't binge drink).

 

 

 

I have a pretty high tolerance. I had a beer today for lunch at work, while watching people on the street. It was a nice feeling, and didn't do anything to me. This is a normal routine for me. Some people exercise. To me exercising doesn't cure the problem: it's treatment, because if you quit exercising the problem comes back. I'm not looking for a cure or continuous treatment. I drank before the affair, and do after.

 

Only a few times during the affair and right after did I drink until I was unhappy or miserable. But I don't drink because, "OH GOD I NEED A DRINK NOW." Drinking can wait, usually.

 

 

 

Anyone who has signed up to make an account on this forum needs help, in one way or another. Some need to shower themselves with the opinions of others, some people like myself need to remind themselves of the pain. The first time I went on this forum,

 

I read about infidelity and it broke my heart that I was a contributor to that (it really bothered me). Now I can read it, though I don't like it, and it doesn't break my heart anymore (but I does make me a little sad).

 

Learning to overcome these emotions have helped me to remind myself I made the right decision to get out, and to tell others (when appropriate) why adultery is wrong and painful.

 

Well okay, you are doing okay. I was afraid you may have been on the verge of a break.

[Eagle's-bargain]

Well okay, you are doing okay. I was afraid you may have been on the verge of a break.

 

I'm on a salary so I can break when I want, which is why I'm going to get more coffee now.

[Majormisstep]

EB, it is easy to succumb to self-destructive behaviour, it is a monumental task to climb out of it.

 

We have all done some pretty crappy things in our lifetime, whether it was having an affair, teasing (bullying) a classmate in school, stealing etc. but fortunately most of us get a chance to learn from these mistakes and are afforded opportunities to set new courses and right those wrongs.

 

In a previous post to you I suggested volunteering. It won't wipe away the sins of the past but it sure could make a difference in someone's future -yours included.

 

Your demons seem to be haunting you. Don't you think it is time to address them head on? The alcohol is only a (poor) band-aid. Don't get me wrong, I do like my red wine but there is a time and a place for this

 

Good things await you. You just need to do some mental housekeeping first.

[Eagle's-bargain]

Good things await you. You just need to do some mental housekeeping first.

 

Did the volunteering, and it was the same as the drinking.

 

I have learned that the demons need to be treated the same way as love: it's an unending battle. I have to constantly work on these feelings like a garden. The resolution is not a destination, it IS a constant effort and nothing more. And it is worth it.

 

I agree band-aids like working out, drinking, volunteering, don't address the real issue.

 

Nonetheless, I have done things to make sure I have a positive impact if I use band-aids (for example, I do beer reviews for my friends when I'm drinking and I email them the youtube links. Most of them enjoy it. Don't ask me for the URLs these videos are private)

[Toots]

Anyone develop anything?

Binge eating? Binge drinking? Anti-social behavior?

Unusual sleeping patterns etc?

 

Have these conditions persisted since ending an affair or while in a current affair?

Persisted during NC?

 

For myself if I have severe memories or feelings from my A, currently no exchange of dialog between the MW and I (3 years going), I might need a drink to numb my nerves up.

 

Now, my mind is still sharp as hell and tends to ruminate, but the booze at least stops the tremors (and no I don't drink excessively enough to cause tremors without it).

I've never had tremors for anything else, outside of being heartbroken or experiencing severe heartache (and no it's not acid reflux).

Does the booze help? Sure. Am I addicted. Yes I am.

Is it a problem? No. And I'm not a quitter.

 

I had no side-effects because I walked away when I tired of the relationship. He had side-effects though. He would come to work looking as though he hadn't slept, and I know he was drinking at one point because he would leave drunk messages for me on my ansaphone. I think the one who breaks up is usually OK and the one who is broken up with is the one that carries the heartbreak. If you are still struggling years later perhaps you should speak to someone.