lemon cordial Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 Alright, I am very disappointed in myself and feel that I cant really talk to any of my friends about this, so I figured I would take this route, I hope it helps... I'm a student, with a girlfriend back home, now I truthfully really love my girlfriend, and I love her enough to marry her. We have been seeing each other for a little over 3 years, and she is absolutely in love with me as I am with her, but I made some terrible mistakes while I’ve been at school: (1) I cheated on her with a girl I have no feelings for. She was watching a movie with me. We both fell asleep during the movie and when we woke up it happened, and of course the famous words I didn’t mean for it to happen but it didn’t, and it’s killing me. (2) and, their is this girl here that I do like a little but I definitely don’t feel anywhere the same for her as I do for my girlfriend back home, it happened with her like three times... Now after saying all this, I must sound a huge a-hole but I feel this overwhelming since of guilt and fear. Guilt because I really love my girlfriend more then anyone else, and fear is because I don’t want to bring anything back with me even though I used protection that fear is still there. I know I should come clean with her, but I had serious plans of asking her to marry me after my return, we talked about marriage and she would definitely say yes. I can’t really say why I did what I did because back home I have no interest in other girls at all. I really feel like garbage and needed to get this off my chest, I hope I could get some advice and minimal to no vulgar comments, because I feel like crap as it is and I don’t want to feel any worse. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
bubblygrl5 Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 My bf did the EXACT same thing...he was in Europe for the summer, and he cheated. Said the same thing...they meant nothing...I'm the one he wants to marry, blah blah blah. I also read his emails, and he had some deep infatuation with some girl there. Anyway, the moment he hopped off the plane, he called me. Now, I wonder how you can TRULY say you LOVE her, yet you had sex, and like some other girl. Sex is one thing, cheating is another. Cheating is a lack of respect for her. And just think to yourself, that while you were out banging some girl, your gf was at home probably thinking of you. I'm sure you already feel like crap, and while I would like to tell you how shi**y you are, I won't. Definitely come clean with her. The choice to cheat was yours, the decision to stay or go, is ultimately now hers. Please do the right thing. I foudn out WAY later...and my one resentment was that he didn't tell me right away. Bubbly Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemon cordial Posted April 10, 2005 Author Share Posted April 10, 2005 bubbly thanks for the reply are you and your b/f still together?? Link to post Share on other sites
bubblygrl5 Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 Originally posted by lemon cordial bubbly thanks for the reply are you and your b/f still together?? Whether or not we made it, shouldnt decide if you tell her or not. It's a case by case basis. My bf and I are together right now...but am I super happy? NO. Do I think about breaking up? YES. DO I want that innocence back, ALL THE TIME. He and I are slowly realizing that I personally can not overcome that. I've tried to...but I don't seem to be that person that can accept it and grow from it. Depends on her, depends on the relationship. If she has cheated in the past, maybe she is more inclined to understand...but understanding how "it just happened" is beyond me. As if your boxers magically fell off and she fell on top of you, right? Good luck dude, you're gonna need it. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 you had opportunities, so you took them. i personally don't think you are ready for marriage, but i guess that's not for me to say. my assumption is that your girlfriend would agree with me. she should, however, be given the opportunity to decide for herself. you did several extremely selfish and immature things. don't do another one by hiding it for your own advantage. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 well, you pretty much have to tell her, especially if you want to marry her, otherwise it sounds as if the guilt will eat away at you. who is to say she has been faithful whilst you were gone anyways...... get tested too. Link to post Share on other sites
Stylin22 Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 You can't look at what she may have or may not have done...That's irrelevant until she brings it up. Dude, I do hope you feel like crap. It wasn't a one time thing here, you did some girl 3 times! One time, yeah learning experience, okay move on (if you can) but you almost need a 2nd hand to count here... You aren't in love, cause love demands respect, commitment...And, you'll be the luckiest guy ever if this girl keeps you. Don't sit there and keep the vulgar to the minimum, that's what cowards do. You do any action, you stand up and admit to it as a man would. You stand on your own to feet, whether it's good or bad. And, if that means people say negative things, you take it, cause you've earned it... I would hope that you tell her...She thinks you are a man that she loves. Right now you do that man thing, say I messed up and made 4 mistakes, I love you and I'll pay for them. Or you lie to her and not tell her. But you wouldn't be lying about not telling her, you'd be lying cause you are still a little boy when she thinks you are a man... Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 The board is being kind of harsh on you, but is completely correct. From one man to another, I also have to say that I think you are DOUBLY culpable simply because you are a man. Men are supposed to be in control of themselves at all times (except maybe if your dog dies), and men DEFINATELY cannot plead that they got taken advantage of or were "confused" -- that's like pleading that you're not really that manly. You can either tell her and live with what reaction she has (because if this relationship is going forward for even 10 seconds, marriage or not, people have a right to know who they are going out with), or you can walk away from the relationship if you want to spare her feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius The board is being kind of harsh on you, but is completely correct. From one man to another, I also have to say that I think you are DOUBLY culpable simply because you are a man. Men are supposed to be in control of themselves at all times (except maybe if your dog dies), and men DEFINATELY cannot plead that they got taken advantage of or were "confused" -- that's like pleading that you're not really that manly. You can either tell her and live with what reaction she has (because if this relationship is going forward for even 10 seconds, marriage or not, people have a right to know who they are going out with), or you can walk away from the relationship if you want to spare her feelings. it's nice to hear this from a man's perspective. well-said. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 I really feel like garbage oh you poor poor baby...I feel so bad for you Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Well, at least you didn't look at porn! *poking fun at myself...suddenly being married to a porn addict doesn't seem so bad* Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 *hit's self in foot with hammer for being so freaking insensitive* I'm sorry lemon...it's just HARD to feel bad for someone who cheated on someone else. You liked and you sneaked to get what YOU want with no regard for anyone else...until it was all said and done. If it happened once and you felt like this, I think it could be forgiven...BUT FOUR TIMES!?!? I don't know how you're going to tell her. She'll be FURIOUS. She'll be devistated. She'll never let you go out of town without her again! So as far as advice for you goes, I have none. I know you "love" her, but I think you've gone too far. You need to tell her and beg for her forgiveness, but don't get your hopes up...I doubt that if she has ANY self esteem she'll be keeping you around, when there are millions of HONEST men who can keep their penis to themselves out there. If you were already married, I'd say you had a chance...but...you're not even engaged! Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by Monday there are millions of HONEST men who can keep their penis to themselves out there. If you were already married, I'd say you had a chance...but...you're not even engaged! i think it's better that they aren't married, so his girlfriend has a chance to find one of those millions of honest men. i wonder why lemon hasn't come back. maybe he told her and...she bludgeoned him. Link to post Share on other sites
bubblygrl5 Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 I'm glad you used condoms and all - but this JUST HAPPENED, but you had rubbers and everything??? Man, I remember being told about my bf's cheating, and it crushed me. I feel horrible for her right now. I can predict how she is going to feel - and when you see her face, you are goign to wish to god you could take it back. But you can't. Bubbly (well, not so bubbly after reading this. More annoyed with LEMON than anything.) Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by GirlDown i wonder why lemon hasn't come back. maybe he told her and...she bludgeoned him. This leads to a GREAT idea! If she cuts off his wang dang, then she can keep him, because he won't be ABLE to cheat Or whack to porn Link to post Share on other sites
alicia24 Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 You should feel lower than crap about what you did. Imagine if she did this to YOU. How would that make you feel? Findng out a partner cheatd is literally one of the worse feelings in the world. It is almost breath taking. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by alicia24 You should feel lower than crap about what you did. Imagine if she did this to YOU. How would that make you feel? Findng out a partner cheatd is literally one of the worse feelings in the world. It is almost breath taking. Yeah, she'll lose her breath all right...and probably her lunch Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by Monday Yeah, she'll lose her breath all right...and probably her lunch not to mention any respect she may have had for him. Link to post Share on other sites
bubblygrl5 Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 She could always sell his stuff on eBay while he's away and make a couple bucks out of it... Just a thought. Bubbly Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Ok, hope this doesn't sound to harsh. But I think you don't really love her. And you are not ready for marriage. I could understand, if you were drunk and you only kissed a girl once who was throwing herself at you. But in this case, it was a lot more than that. This was quite pre-meditated sex several times over.. Anyway, you have to tell your gf. She gets to choose whether to forgive you or not. You're young right, still in high school? Maybe you can learn from this. If you are feeling the temptation to cheat, than you must get out of the situtation. I love my bf, that's why I wouldn't hang out alone with someone I was attracted to. Not that I think temptation will overwhelm me, but there's no reason to put myself in that situation. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 I agree with some posters. You say you love her and feel so horrible. Yeah but you didn't feel horrible when you the other women were making you cum did ya? I agree if it was once and then OMG you realized you loved your gf and it was a mistake then MAYBE it could be forgivable..but you did it WAYYYYYYY more than once and with different women! I mean c'mon! I think you should tell her, so that she can break up with you! Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by EC I agree with some posters. You say you love her and feel so horrible. Yeah but you didn't feel horrible when you the other women were making you cum did ya? I agree if it was once and then OMG you realized you loved your gf and it was a mistake then MAYBE it could be forgivable..but you did it WAYYYYYYY more than once and with different women! I mean c'mon! I think you should tell her, so that she can break up with you! yeah, what EC said... so there. Link to post Share on other sites
moon Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 I think more men need to chime in on this conversation. I don't think long distance relationships work for men. Sex is too much a part of their regular needs. I think women are better at staying physically faithful in long distance relationships. Yes, women might make a new "best friend" (platonic) but I think if they really love they can stay faithful....that's just my opinion, though. I've seen some men, who claim to be in love with their girlfriends, cheat if they are away from them for a long period of time. I have seem more faithful women in LDR's---if they think that relationship will lead to marriage.. So therefore, I think more men need to respond here. I believe you that you probably love your girlfriend. If you are studying abroad you are probably pretty young. You are probably too young for marriage. The minute you tell your girfriend you cheated she'll NEVER trust you again. So think about it like that. It would be different if you had said something like I might date other people but I'll come back to you (a bull****, mean thing to do anyway), but seriously you are supposed to be committed to this girl. Can't you hold out for a few months while you're out of the country??? No, you can't apparently. Sadly, I think you've probably doomed your relationship. You probably won't tell your girlfriend right away, but then you might like the week before your wedding or something like that and she'll call the whole thing off most likely. Or you'll come back to her and she'll maybe be able to tell you feel guilty about something....and she'll suspect it and drive you and herself crazy with it until the relationship ends. Yes, I think you alone have doomed your relationship. The only way you might be able to save it......is if you call her right now and break up with her. Or tell her you need a break or something. If she is sooo in love with you, when you return you'll probably rekindle your relationship, then you can tell her that you had a few flings while away and maybe she won't look at you as such a cheater for the rest of your life. I think you should do something ASAP to rectify this situation. I think you should tell her that you want to be alone for a while, or any of the other bull sh*t excuses men use to gain some distance from her. Because if you carry on like you love her more than anything and tell her you are being faithful, you are telling her bold face lies that will come back to haunt you big time!! Shame on you for cheating on your girlfriend that you love. I sense a big life lesson will be learned from this, though. Sadly it will probably be losing your girlfriend.....And you'll be the one who suffers in the end. DON'T CHEAT.....particularly if you are with the "love of your life." I mean come on!! Link to post Share on other sites
liswil Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 If you were already married, I'd say you had a chance...but...you're not even engaged! Why would being married give him a chance??????? Link to post Share on other sites
liswil Posted April 13, 2005 Share Posted April 13, 2005 Originally posted by moon I think more men need to chime in on this conversation. I don't think long distance relationships work for men. Sex is too much a part of their regular needs. I think women are better at staying physically faithful in long distance relationships. Yes, women might make a new "best friend" (platonic) but I think if they really love they can stay faithful....that's just my opinion, though. I've seen some men, who claim to be in love with their girlfriends, cheat if they are away from them for a long period of time. I have seem more faithful women in LDR's---if they think that relationship will lead to marriage.. Uh...they have a hand, don't they? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts